Boyfriend: “no one’s in love”, while laughing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give him a break, he can't say he loves you for the first time right in front of his friend who was teasing him about it.

It's not the fact that he deflected the comment. It's how he did it. There would have been other ways of doing it without outright denying that he was in love. He could have just laughed and thrown a barb back at his friend, or said something generic like "don't you have anything better to do than bother other people who are happy?" Going out of your way to deny any strong feelings is a pretty extreme move, unwarranted by the friend's stupid/casual remark.

Did you read what OP said about him being insecure? This is exactly what an insecure person would do/say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give him a break, he can't say he loves you for the first time right in front of his friend who was teasing him about it.

It's not the fact that he deflected the comment. It's how he did it. There would have been other ways of doing it without outright denying that he was in love. He could have just laughed and thrown a barb back at his friend, or said something generic like "don't you have anything better to do than bother other people who are happy?" Going out of your way to deny any strong feelings is a pretty extreme move, unwarranted by the friend's stupid/casual remark.

Did you read what OP said about him being insecure? This is exactly what an insecure person would do/say.

Obviously he's insecure. That's really hard to deal with in a guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give him a break, he can't say he loves you for the first time right in front of his friend who was teasing him about it.

It's not the fact that he deflected the comment. It's how he did it. There would have been other ways of doing it without outright denying that he was in love. He could have just laughed and thrown a barb back at his friend, or said something generic like "don't you have anything better to do than bother other people who are happy?" Going out of your way to deny any strong feelings is a pretty extreme move, unwarranted by the friend's stupid/casual remark.

Did you read what OP said about him being insecure? This is exactly what an insecure person would do/say.

Obviously he's insecure. That's really hard to deal with in a guy.

NP, what’s really hard to deal with exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give him a break, he can't say he loves you for the first time right in front of his friend who was teasing him about it.

It's not the fact that he deflected the comment. It's how he did it. There would have been other ways of doing it without outright denying that he was in love. He could have just laughed and thrown a barb back at his friend, or said something generic like "don't you have anything better to do than bother other people who are happy?" Going out of your way to deny any strong feelings is a pretty extreme move, unwarranted by the friend's stupid/casual remark.

Did you read what OP said about him being insecure? This is exactly what an insecure person would do/say.

Obviously he's insecure. That's really hard to deal with in a guy.

I think the bigger problem is that they both seem really insecure. He handled it very awkwardly (but in character, now that we have backstory on him) and OP went from top-of-the-world to DCUM based on one off comment. The whole interaction seems very mid-twenties, not early thirties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give him a break, he can't say he loves you for the first time right in front of his friend who was teasing him about it.

It's not the fact that he deflected the comment. It's how he did it. There would have been other ways of doing it without outright denying that he was in love. He could have just laughed and thrown a barb back at his friend, or said something generic like "don't you have anything better to do than bother other people who are happy?" Going out of your way to deny any strong feelings is a pretty extreme move, unwarranted by the friend's stupid/casual remark.

Did you read what OP said about him being insecure? This is exactly what an insecure person would do/say.

Obviously he's insecure. That's really hard to deal with in a guy.

I think the bigger problem is that they both seem really insecure. He handled it very awkwardly (but in character, now that we have backstory on him) and OP went from top-of-the-world to DCUM based on one off comment. The whole interaction seems very mid-twenties, not early thirties.

I don’t see how OP overreacted. She recognizes that she’s being overly sensitive, even though she has a right to be, but simply wants to communicate with her partner. If you are confused about something in your relationship you talk about it and hopefully move on from it. This is how mature adults handle issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give him a break, he can't say he loves you for the first time right in front of his friend who was teasing him about it.

It's not the fact that he deflected the comment. It's how he did it. There would have been other ways of doing it without outright denying that he was in love. He could have just laughed and thrown a barb back at his friend, or said something generic like "don't you have anything better to do than bother other people who are happy?" Going out of your way to deny any strong feelings is a pretty extreme move, unwarranted by the friend's stupid/casual remark.

Did you read what OP said about him being insecure? This is exactly what an insecure person would do/say.

Obviously he's insecure. That's really hard to deal with in a guy.

I think the bigger problem is that they both seem really insecure. He handled it very awkwardly (but in character, now that we have backstory on him) and OP went from top-of-the-world to DCUM based on one off comment. The whole interaction seems very mid-twenties, not early thirties.

I don’t see how OP overreacted. She recognizes that she’s being overly sensitive, even though she has a right to be, but simply wants to communicate with her partner. If you are confused about something in your relationship you talk about it and hopefully move on from it. This is how mature adults handle issues.

I couldn't agree more. But that's not what she's doing. She's challenging everyone who says this isn't a big deal and getting spun up by everyone who says it is, and most importantly: talking to random weirdos on the internet and not to him. You can tell by the way that she's interacting on this thread that she's getting something out of the idea that this was A Most Grievous Offense By Which She Was Humiliated. Which, fine. Dump a guy for being awkward. But her thirst to feel slighted is not necessarily fair and it's certainly not mature. Based on her backstory, neither his he. They're either the worst pair in history or soul mates.

[Anonymous]

He was caught off guard and handled it with humor to end conversation with friend. He was embarrassed that friend called him out in public. Let it go and move on with what sounds like a nice relationship. You are way overthinking comment. Be cool and you will soon you will both see that your on same page. Give it time and love and relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give him a break, he can't say he loves you for the first time right in front of his friend who was teasing him about it.

It's not the fact that he deflected the comment. It's how he did it. There would have been other ways of doing it without outright denying that he was in love. He could have just laughed and thrown a barb back at his friend, or said something generic like "don't you have anything better to do than bother other people who are happy?" Going out of your way to deny any strong feelings is a pretty extreme move, unwarranted by the friend's stupid/casual remark.

Did you read what OP said about him being insecure? This is exactly what an insecure person would do/say.

Obviously he's insecure. That's really hard to deal with in a guy.

NP, what’s really hard to deal with exactly?

Insecure guys are the worst. Never go for someone insecure, they will make your life difficult on so many levels. Thin skin about comments that could be construed as criticism. Conflict averse and not being sure of what they want/ expressing it for fear of offending someone. How can you get close to someone who isn’t comfortable with who they are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give him a break, he can't say he loves you for the first time right in front of his friend who was teasing him about it.

It's not the fact that he deflected the comment. It's how he did it. There would have been other ways of doing it without outright denying that he was in love. He could have just laughed and thrown a barb back at his friend, or said something generic like "don't you have anything better to do than bother other people who are happy?" Going out of your way to deny any strong feelings is a pretty extreme move, unwarranted by the friend's stupid/casual remark.

Did you read what OP said about him being insecure? This is exactly what an insecure person would do/say.

Obviously he's insecure. That's really hard to deal with in a guy.

I think the bigger problem is that they both seem really insecure. He handled it very awkwardly (but in character, now that we have backstory on him) and OP went from top-of-the-world to DCUM based on one off comment. The whole interaction seems very mid-twenties, not early thirties.

I don’t see how OP overreacted. She recognizes that she’s being overly sensitive, even though she has a right to be, but simply wants to communicate with her partner. If you are confused about something in your relationship you talk about it and hopefully move on from it. This is how mature adults handle issues.

I couldn't agree more. But that's not what she's doing. She's challenging everyone who says this isn't a big deal and getting spun up by everyone who says it is, and most importantly: talking to random weirdos on the internet and not to him. You can tell by the way that she's interacting on this thread that she's getting something out of the idea that this was A Most Grievous Offense By Which She Was Humiliated. Which, fine. Dump a guy for being awkward. But her thirst to feel slighted is not necessarily fair and it's certainly not mature. Based on her backstory, neither his he. They're either the worst pair in history or soul mates.

PP,

Huh? I’ve only seen OP respond 2 or 3 times when we’ve asked for more info on their relationship and she mentioned his family dynamic and previous insecurity. I’m pretty sure you’re confusing others who have replied with OP’s responses….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read up on love-bombing and see if it fits.

It could’ve been an awkward answer when he was put on the spot, but he was willing to throw your feelings under the bus to save face in front of his friend. I think it’s worth having a conversation about this with him — ask him what he meant and see how he reacts and answers.

Pay attention to what he does, don’t be too quick to fall for what he says. His actions and his words should be aligned.

If this was love bombing he would've already told her he loved her 100x, promised her the sun moon and the stars by now and she wouldn't be here questioning his "love" for her. This is exactly NOT how love bombing works. Love bombing happens fast and furiously. This is not it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give him a break, he can't say he loves you for the first time right in front of his friend who was teasing him about it.

Why don’t you think it’s because he isn’t in love with her?

No

I asked why

I believe it was a defense mechanism from being put on the spot. I’d be willing to be he actually DOES love you.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give him a break, he can't say he loves you for the first time right in front of his friend who was teasing him about it.

It's not the fact that he deflected the comment. It's how he did it. There would have been other ways of doing it without outright denying that he was in love. He could have just laughed and thrown a barb back at his friend, or said something generic like "don't you have anything better to do than bother other people who are happy?" Going out of your way to deny any strong feelings is a pretty extreme move, unwarranted by the friend's stupid/casual remark.

Did you read what OP said about him being insecure? This is exactly what an insecure person would do/say.

Obviously he's insecure. That's really hard to deal with in a guy.

I think the bigger problem is that they both seem really insecure. He handled it very awkwardly (but in character, now that we have backstory on him) and OP went from top-of-the-world to DCUM based on one off comment. The whole interaction seems very mid-twenties, not early thirties.

I don’t see how OP overreacted. She recognizes that she’s being overly sensitive, even though she has a right to be, but simply wants to communicate with her partner. If you are confused about something in your relationship you talk about it and hopefully move on from it. This is how mature adults handle issues.

I couldn't agree more. But that's not what she's doing. She's challenging everyone who says this isn't a big deal and getting spun up by everyone who says it is, and most importantly: talking to random weirdos on the internet and not to him. You can tell by the way that she's interacting on this thread that she's getting something out of the idea that this was A Most Grievous Offense By Which She Was Humiliated. Which, fine. Dump a guy for being awkward. But her thirst to feel slighted is not necessarily fair and it's certainly not mature. Based on her backstory, neither his he. They're either the worst pair in history or soul mates.

Wow, that's what you got out of her responses?? You must be tons of fun to live with.