Boyfriend: “no one’s in love”, while laughing

[Anonymous]

Are you sleeping with him?

This may be another heartbreak coming. He's just letting you know now. Give him some space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geez people are being hard on this guy.

I'm 45 years old, super successful in my career, and have been very happily together with DH for 22 years. This sounds totally like something I would have said. Now. Or 22 years ago. There are a million reasons for why he deflected like this that don't mean he's not in love with OP. By the same coin toss, he may have said it because he's not in love with her.

Basically, this one interaction sheds zero light on whether he is in love with her or not.

44 year old woman here and I agree with you. People are being too hard on the guy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and bf?
Did either of you express love before before his father died?
I understand that he was devastated by his father’s death, but to the level that he had to move away?
What transpired during the years you were apart?
Did you stay connected in a deep or superficial way?
During the time apart were you in a long term relationship? Was he?

I’m 30 and he’s 34.
No, we didn’t express love before his dad died but I knew that were getting there.

As far as his dad dying, there’s a little more to the story. He found out a few years prior that his mother wasn’t really his mom and his real mom is just a state away, and his 3 sisters are his half siblings. He was/is still pretty messed up about it (he’s in therapy). So, when his father left he moved and was living off the grid for a while. So, we didn’t speak after he left. A few months later I got in a serious relationship. He got in a serious relationship too during the 4 years. Two years ago he added me on social media again (removed him to get over him). He moved back (didn’t know this at the time) and commented on a post and it took off from there. When we saw each other again for the first time he apologized for how he handled things when we had first started dating and said how it had nothing to do with me and how he was just going through a lot mentally and emotionally.

Sorry for the bad writing. I’m typing this quickly on my cell.

This is PP and wow. Bio dad or was he adopted? That tough. Does he still have a relationship with non bio mom? Has he reconciled with his bio mom? None of my business, I’m not being intentionally nosy. He found his way back to you! Maybe give him a break on the weird bro exchange. Why complicate things at the moment. I’m sure you’re ready to find the one, but you can give it a few more months. I imagine he has some trust issues. That would be a bigger concern than not professing love on a whim in front of friends. Enjoy the reconnect! The love will come. In time I’d talk about trust issues before love.

[Anonymous]

That was a jerk move on his friend’s part, putting you guys on the spot like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That was a jerk move on his friend’s part, putting you guys on the spot like that.

How? He was just teasing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was a jerk move on his friend’s part, putting you guys on the spot like that.

How? He was just teasing.

He put his buddy in a lose-lose situation, and he knew it.

[Anonymous]

Read up on love-bombing and see if it fits.

It could’ve been an awkward answer when he was put on the spot, but he was willing to throw your feelings under the bus to save face in front of his friend. I think it’s worth having a conversation about this with him — ask him what he meant and see how he reacts and answers.

Pay attention to what he does, don’t be too quick to fall for what he says. His actions and his words should be aligned.

[Anonymous]

Who says that and expects to get laid that night? I would dump him just for the dumb factor. He sounds insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read up on love-bombing and see if it fits.

It could’ve been an awkward answer when he was put on the spot, but he was willing to throw your feelings under the bus to save face in front of his friend. I think it’s worth having a conversation about this with him — ask him what he meant and see how he reacts and answers.

Pay attention to what he does, don’t be too quick to fall for what he says. His actions and his words should be aligned.

He’s not a love bomber. Based on her background story on him and he’s just insecure, not a manipulative love bomber.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he said what he meant and meant what he said. Just saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he said what he meant and meant what he said. Just saying.

Did you reads the OP? She isn’t trying to figure out if he loves or not.

[Anonymous]

I think he was trying to protect you. Like, giving you space in case you weren't ready for the L word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he was trying to protect you. Like, giving you space in case you weren't ready for the L word.

Why do you think that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give him a break, he can't say he loves you for the first time right in front of his friend who was teasing him about it.

Yeah this is my take too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give him a break, he can't say he loves you for the first time right in front of his friend who was teasing him about it.

It's not the fact that he deflected the comment. It's how he did it. There would have been other ways of doing it without outright denying that he was in love. He could have just laughed and thrown a barb back at his friend, or said something generic like "don't you have anything better to do than bother other people who are happy?" Going out of your way to deny any strong feelings is a pretty extreme move, unwarranted by the friend's stupid/casual remark.