Boyfriend: “no one’s in love”, while laughing

[Anonymous]

OP, don't say a word. Just pull back and see what he does. That will give you the answer you need.

[Anonymous]

How old are you and bf?
Did either of you express love before before his father died?
I understand that he was devastated by his father’s death, but to the level that he had to move away?
What transpired during the years you were apart?
Did you stay connected in a deep or superficial way?
During the time apart were you in a long term relationship? Was he?

[Anonymous]

Just ask him what he meant! You’ve known each other for years and have dated for 4 months (most recently). Just say it kind of bothered you because you are developing feelings for him and honestly wonder if that comment meant he feels more casually about it - also admit you are probably just being overly sensitive and silly but talk about it like adults!

[Anonymous]

A lot of guys like having a “soft landing” with a woman they already have history with when they relocate. It’s an easy way to get the company of a woman (and laid) without having to try too hard in his new surroundings.

My suggestion to OP is to not over-commit yourself all the way to the idea of one guy until you’re 100% comfortable knowing he loves you. I think your instincts are telling you something here for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, he wasn't laughing because the idea of being in love with you is laughable to him. He was laughing because he felt awkward in the moment ("I'm not there yet - don't put that idea in her head!" "Those are private thoughts, don't make them public!" "[Some toxic masculinity garbage]!") and didn't know how to respond, so he tried to paper over the moment by laughing. Which was dumb, but I just don't think he meant "This bridge troll? Please, as if."

+1 awkward unplanned response

[Anonymous]

My 35 year old partner did something similiar earlier in our relationship... occasionally he'd slip up, saying something like, "oh I love my dog more than you...(awkward pause)... not that I love you yet!" I just laughed it off, and since then, he has professed his love/we're doing fine.

All this to say... you never know. It might not be bad, it might be bad. We can't say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Why are you so amazing?” Ugh, that line just turns my stomach.

A man calls the woman he’s with amazing and somehow he’s still wrong. Now that’s amazing.

The “why” is stomach-turning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and bf?
Did either of you express love before before his father died?
I understand that he was devastated by his father’s death, but to the level that he had to move away?
What transpired during the years you were apart?
Did you stay connected in a deep or superficial way?
During the time apart were you in a long term relationship? Was he?

All of these are important context.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, he wasn't laughing because the idea of being in love with you is laughable to him. He was laughing because he felt awkward in the moment ("I'm not there yet - don't put that idea in her head!" "Those are private thoughts, don't make them public!" "[Some toxic masculinity garbage]!") and didn't know how to respond, so he tried to paper over the moment by laughing. Which was dumb, but I just don't think he meant "This bridge troll? Please, as if."

This. It's been a few months. Except I don't think it's toxic masculinity garbage; it's reasonable. No one SHOULD be talking about love yet. Stupid friend should know better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. He’s not that into you. If he was, and was just embarrassed, he would have laughed and said nothing. But that’s not what happened. Better to know now. Sorry, OP.

+1. Or really, it sounds like OP is way more into him than he is into her, which is functionally the same thing.

Wrong. I did something similar with my husband when we first started dating. I knew I loved him but I didn’t think he felt the same. My sister, in front of him, and said, “oo you’ve got the love bug for sure”. I rolled my eyes, waved my hand, and said “love bug my arse”. I was mortified that I was put on the spot and didn’t want him, or anyone for that matter, to know how she was right because how humiliating would it have been if he didn’t feel the same or this scared him away because it was too soon.

You are a woman and that was a good way to handle that. This guy is a man. Not the same sorry!!

I don't see why a man shouldn't have handled it in exactly the same way for the exact same reasons - don't want to be put on the spot in public, don't want to be humiliated if she doesn't feel the same way.

Frankly her BFs friend was a real dick to say that to them at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surprised no one has asked this yet but how was he/your relationship years ago? Was he a jerk who played games? Did he seem insecure?

A jerk? no. Insecure? I’d say so. Before we got together years ago after a drunk night out together he kind of spilled his feelings in a very clumsy way. He kept asking me if I was seeing other men but again in a very clumsy way. The next day he just disappeared for about 2 weeks. He came back and apologized and explained how he felt embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and bf?
Did either of you express love before before his father died?
I understand that he was devastated by his father’s death, but to the level that he had to move away?
What transpired during the years you were apart?
Did you stay connected in a deep or superficial way?
During the time apart were you in a long term relationship? Was he?

I’m 30 and he’s 34.
No, we didn’t express love before his dad died but I knew that were getting there.

As far as his dad dying, there’s a little more to the story. He found out a few years prior that his mother wasn’t really his mom and his real mom is just a state away, and his 3 sisters are his half siblings. He was/is still pretty messed up about it (he’s in therapy). So, when his father left he moved and was living off the grid for a while. So, we didn’t speak after he left. A few months later I got in a serious relationship. He got in a serious relationship too during the 4 years. Two years ago he added me on social media again (removed him to get over him). He moved back (didn’t know this at the time) and commented on a post and it took off from there. When we saw each other again for the first time he apologized for how he handled things when we had first started dating and said how it had nothing to do with me and how he was just going through a lot mentally and emotionally.

Sorry for the bad writing. I’m typing this quickly on my cell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give him a break, he can't say he loves you for the first time right in front of his friend who was teasing him about it.

x a 1000

the only sensible post thus far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. He’s not that into you. If he was, and was just embarrassed, he would have laughed and said nothing. But that’s not what happened. Better to know now. Sorry, OP.

+1. Or really, it sounds like OP is way more into him than he is into her, which is functionally the same thing.

Wrong. I did something similar with my husband when we first started dating. I knew I loved him but I didn’t think he felt the same. My sister, in front of him, and said, “oo you’ve got the love bug for sure”. I rolled my eyes, waved my hand, and said “love bug my arse”. I was mortified that I was put on the spot and didn’t want him, or anyone for that matter, to know how she was right because how humiliating would it have been if he didn’t feel the same or this scared him away because it was too soon.

You are a woman and that was a good way to handle that. This guy is a man. Not the same sorry!!

your blatant hypocrisy is really getting just too much. please get help, or at least just stop day drinking.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is weird. Cool it down a bit with out breaking it off, for your sake, not as a game. He might just be having fun, and you don't want to get hurt again.