Boyfriend: “no one’s in love”, while laughing

[Anonymous]

I’ve been with boyfriend for 4 months now. We dated 4 years ago for about 4 months and we were crazy about each other. Unfortunately, his father suddenly died and he was just emotionally and mentally destroyed, so he crumbled. We broke up quickly after. He moved not long after his father’s passing to California. He moved back to the area in November, we reconnected, and it was like how it was 4 years ago - still crazy about each other.

Anyways, this past weekend we were at one of his oldest friend’s house for a barbecue because the weather was so nice. This was also my first time meeting this friend. My boyfriend and I stepped outside for a bit and he started to kiss me. He stopped, pulled back, looked at and me and said, “why are you so amazing? You’re smart, funny, and beautiful”, and went back to kissing me. We went back inside and sat on a stool. He wrapped his arms around my neck from behind to embrace me while kissing my forehead. My boyfriend’s friend saw this and said to him it looks like he’s in love. My boyfriend laughed and said, “Love? Who said anything about love? No one’s in love”. At first I brushed it off. Now that time has passed and I’ve thought about it more, it’s bothering me. Him not being in love with me isn’t the issue so much as him laughing at the idea of it. You don’t love me, fine, but it’s funny to you? Almost like the idea of being in love with me is laughable.

On one hand I know I’m being a tad over sensitive here, but on the other hand him laughing at it just really threw me off. I do plan on talking to him about it just so that I can get this off my mind and move on from it but I wanted to come here first to get some thoughts on why he thought being in love was funny.

[Anonymous]

Let go of being upset that he laughed it off. Maybe he just wasn't prepared to talk about that with his friend, or in public, or before he'd talked to you.

But you confronting him about why he thought being in love was funny would be a recipe for disaster. Do NOT do that.

[Anonymous]

That would bug me too OP. You have history, and are older, and the idea that someone would laugh that off at that stage is a bad sign IMO.

[Anonymous]

Were they not just joking around?

[Anonymous]

How old are you and boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let go of being upset that he laughed it off. Maybe he just wasn't prepared to talk about that with his friend, or in public, or before he'd talked to you.

But you confronting him about why he thought being in love was funny would be a recipe for disaster. Do NOT do that.

Or maybe he thinks/knows he isn’t serious about OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, he wasn't laughing because the idea of being in love with you is laughable to him. He was laughing because he felt awkward in the moment ("I'm not there yet - don't put that idea in her head!" "Those are private thoughts, don't make them public!" "[Some toxic masculinity garbage]!") and didn't know how to respond, so he tried to paper over the moment by laughing. Which was dumb, but I just don't think he meant "This bridge troll? Please, as if."

[Anonymous]

I would want a "come to Jesus" talk about whether we were on the same page about what we were doing in this relationship.

[Anonymous]

I would think he is playing it cool in front of his friend, so not a big deal. From his other actions you mentioned, it seems like he definitely is into you. go with his actions, not his words!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would think he is playing it cool in front of his friend, so not a big deal. From his other actions you mentioned, it seems like he definitely is into you. go with his actions, not his words!

Maybe so, but why “play it cool”? I’m assuming she’s too old for play it cool types.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would bug me too OP. You have history, and are older, and the idea that someone would laugh that off at that stage is a bad sign IMO.

+1. On the chance that he just got caught off guard and handled it horribly, I would talk to him about it immediately and find out where you stand. No dancing around, just tell him this bothered you and find out how he feels about you and where he sees this relationship going. I'm surprised you didn't bring it up as soon as you left his friend's place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would bug me too OP. You have history, and are older, and the idea that someone would laugh that off at that stage is a bad sign IMO.

+1. On the chance that he just got caught off guard and handled it horribly, I would talk to him about it immediately and find out where you stand. No dancing around, just tell him this bothered you and find out how he feels about you and where he sees this relationship going. I'm surprised you didn't bring it up as soon as you left his friend's place.

How is it a bad sign? He’s obviously into her and he hasn’t told her loved her yet I think he may have been put in an awkward position. Who wants to let their partner know that they’re in love so publicly for the first time like that?

[Anonymous]

That “why are you so amazing” speech combined with him laughing about being in love would make me wary. He sounds shallow and self-absorbed.

[Anonymous]

If you want to know where you stand with him, ask him.

But my read on the situation you described is: you guys have a fairly serious history and have been in love in the past, but are in a new relationship. Neither of you has said "I love you" this time yet, and his friend saying "looks like you're in love" was very awkward for him because he didn't want to 1) say it for the first time in that setting, 2) put you on the spot to say it back, or 3) have any milder version of those scenarios play out in public when he wasn't prepared. So he got awkward and laughed it off.

[Anonymous]

Give him a break, he can't say he loves you for the first time right in front of his friend who was teasing him about it.