Spouse works odd hours

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a jerk, but I do agree with the sentiment that this job is not a great idea.

Poor pay, plus poor hours. I wouldn’t want to always have my weekend tied up with work when I have a young child (even if she does happen to not like you). With her hours, it means no date nights, no weekend trips, even no all day trips. Seems like a huge PIA to me. It seems like what she really wants/needs is to get away from you and the child for a while and this is the only avenue she has found.

She does not work every evening. They have 5 nights they could choose from for date night.

Having one parent pick up a job that requires various hours Friday, Saturday and Sunday, every weekend, as their new hobby would be a no for me. Weekends are family time. Her schedule limits what they can do as a family and really puts a damper on weekend plans. If my DH took an every weekend hobby job I’d have a problem with it. She can find a weeknight job or hobby.

This seems rigid. Why can’t family time be Tuesday, and OP shift some of his work to Saturday?

Having weekends available for family time isn’t rigid- it is normal. Week night family isn’t the same. Sometimes parents work late, kids have afternoon activities, and young kids early bedtimes. Having an every weekend job isn’t reasonable IMO when it is purely optional and the income not needed. She is a SAHM and should easily be able to work some time in during the week for her mental health- either on evenings when DH is home, preschool, or a babysitter.

Why can’t Tuesday during the day be family time? Did OP even look into working some of the same hours as his spouse?
Maybe his employer would welcome having someone in the office every Saturday to be available for emergencies. Maybe he has a lot of flexibility in his schedule and could shift some of his work to Saturday.

Their child is two. He doesn’t have school or after school activities. There is no reason to decree that the day that his wife is working “family day,” and then be passed that she is missing it.

Are you suggesting OP just take every Tuesday off of work? WTH. That isn’t reasonable

Why? I don’t know what he does for a living. It might be perfectly reasonable. If he is a pediatrician, he can have a Saturday clinic and not schedule anyone on Tuesdays. If he is in IT, he can be available on Saturdays, but take Tuesdays off. Or maybe with her working, they can work it out in their budget that he can just cut his hours to 80%.

At any rate, someone who is working full time at a job that they have been working at for years is going to have a lot more say over his schedule than a part time receptionist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a jerk, but I do agree with the sentiment that this job is not a great idea.

Poor pay, plus poor hours. I wouldn’t want to always have my weekend tied up with work when I have a young child (even if she does happen to not like you). With her hours, it means no date nights, no weekend trips, even no all day trips. Seems like a huge PIA to me. It seems like what she really wants/needs is to get away from you and the child for a while and this is the only avenue she has found.

She does not work every evening. They have 5 nights they could choose from for date night.

Having one parent pick up a job that requires various hours Friday, Saturday and Sunday, every weekend, as their new hobby would be a no for me. Weekends are family time. Her schedule limits what they can do as a family and really puts a damper on weekend plans. If my DH took an every weekend hobby job I’d have a problem with it. She can find a weeknight job or hobby.

This seems rigid. Why can’t family time be Tuesday, and OP shift some of his work to Saturday?

Having weekends available for family time isn’t rigid- it is normal. Week night family isn’t the same. Sometimes
parents work late, kids have afternoon activities, and young kids early bedtimes. Having an every weekend job isn’t reasonable IMO when it is purely optional and the income not needed. She is a SAHM and should easily be able to work some time in during the week for her mental health- either on evenings when DH is home, preschool, or a babysitter.

Why can’t Tuesday during the day be family time? Did OP even look into working some of the same hours as his spouse?
Maybe his employer would welcome having someone in the office every Saturday to be available for emergencies. Maybe he has a lot of flexibility in his schedule and could shift some of his work to Saturday.

Their child is two. He doesn’t have school or after school activities. There is no reason to decree that the day that his wife is working “family day,” and then be passed that she is missing it.

Are you suggesting OP just take every Tuesday off of work? WTH. That isn’t reasonable

Why? I don’t know what he does for a living. It might be perfectly reasonable. If he is a pediatrician, he can have a Saturday clinic and not schedule anyone on Tuesdays. If he is in IT, he can be available on Saturdays, but take Tuesdays off. Or maybe with her working, they can work it out in their budget that he can just cut his hours to 80%.

At any rate, someone who is working full time at a job that they have been working at for years is going to have a lot more say over his schedule than a part time receptionist.

Not really...and most companies operate M-F

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The gymnastics this forum does to support whatever decision a stay at home mom makes is insane.

I don’t think so. If this had been a SAHM complaining that her husband worked weekends, she would be roasted.

Especially if he worked weekends “just because he liked his job” and didn’t need the money. Or had some hobby that did all weekend

She would probably be told that she didn’t understand what it was like to do his job or why he needed to be available on weekends, that she didn’t understand their finances well enough to know if they needed the money or not, or that she should just use the extra money to hire help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The gymnastics this forum does to support whatever decision a stay at home mom makes is insane.

I don’t think so. If this had been a SAHM complaining that her husband worked weekends, she would be roasted.

Especially if he worked weekends “just because he liked his job” and didn’t need the money. Or had some hobby that did all weekend

She would probably be told that she didn’t understand what it was like to do his job or why he needed to be available on weekends, that she didn’t understand their finances well enough to know if they needed the money or not, or that she should just use the extra money to hire help.

Are you all insane? That narrative would never happen on DCUM. If a guy was working a ton and worked all weekend too, 99% of the responses on this forum would be to divorce him because he's a good-for-nothing manchild, and btw make sure you don't get a job first so you can milk him for all of that extra money he's earning. I have NEVER seen this forum defend a guy who works too much. Hence, the nut response above that the OP should just take Tuesdays off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The gymnastics this forum does to support whatever decision a stay at home mom makes is insane.

I don’t think so. If this had been a SAHM complaining that her husband worked weekends, she would be roasted.

Especially if he worked weekends “just because he liked his job” and didn’t need the money. Or had some hobby that did all weekend

She would probably be told that she didn’t understand what it was like to do his job or why he needed to be available on weekends, that she didn’t understand their finances well enough to know if they needed the money or not, or that she should just use the extra money to hire help.

Are you all insane? That narrative would never happen on DCUM. If a guy was working a ton and worked all weekend too, 99% of the responses on this forum would be to divorce him because he's a good-for-nothing manchild, and btw make sure you don't get a job first so you can milk him for all of that extra money he's earning. I have NEVER seen this forum defend a guy who works too much. Hence, the nut response above that the OP should just take Tuesdays off.

I’m not insane. Go look it up.
They won’t defend him if his wife also works, but this forum is pretty anti-SAHM.

[Anonymous]

The whiplash some folks have when they discover not all jobs are 9-5. Guess what? Your waitress Friday night prob is a wife/mum as well. As is your grocery cashier Sunday. Or your trainer any weekend or early/late shift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The gymnastics this forum does to support whatever decision a stay at home mom makes is insane.

I don’t think so. If this had been a SAHM complaining that her husband worked weekends, she would be roasted.

Especially if he worked weekends “just because he liked his job” and didn’t need the money. Or had some hobby that did all weekend

She would probably be told that she didn’t understand what it was like to do his job or why he needed to be available on weekends, that she didn’t understand their finances well enough to know if they needed the money or not, or that she should just use the extra money to hire help.

Are you all insane? That narrative would never happen on DCUM. If a guy was working a ton and worked all weekend too, 99% of the responses on this forum would be to divorce him because he's a good-for-nothing manchild, and btw make sure you don't get a job first so you can milk him for all of that extra money he's earning. I have NEVER seen this forum defend a guy who works too much. Hence, the nut response above that the OP should just take Tuesdays off.

You’re being silly. If a man was a SAHD during the week and took a job on weekends for his own sanity and to help out financially people would say he was a saint. I don’t know a single man willing to sacrifice his career for the kids who didn’t feel like that entitled him to a ton of personal time off in the form of gaming or what have you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The gymnastics this forum does to support whatever decision a stay at home mom makes is insane.

I don’t think so. If this had been a SAHM complaining that her husband worked weekends, she would be roasted.

Especially if he worked weekends “just because he liked his job” and didn’t need the money. Or had some hobby that did all weekend

She would probably be told that she didn’t understand what it was like to do his job or why he needed to be available on weekends, that she didn’t understand their finances well enough to know if they needed the money or not, or that she should just use the extra money to hire help.

Are you all insane? That narrative would never happen on DCUM. If a guy was working a ton and worked all weekend too, 99% of the responses on this forum would be to divorce him because he's a good-for-nothing manchild, and btw make sure you don't get a job first so you can milk him for all of that extra money he's earning. I have NEVER seen this forum defend a guy who works too much. Hence, the nut response above that the OP should just take Tuesdays off.

You’re being silly. If a man was a SAHD during the week and took a job on weekends for his own sanity and to help out financially people would say he was a saint. I don’t know a single man willing to sacrifice his career for the kids who didn’t feel like that entitled him to a ton of personal time off in the form of gaming or what have you.

Hahaha SPOT ON. It's sounds like she's doing things with her life..maybe something else will come out of volunteering in hospice, apartment concierge. At least you have a happy wife!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The gymnastics this forum does to support whatever decision a stay at home mom makes is insane.

I don’t think so. If this had been a SAHM complaining that her husband worked weekends, she would be roasted.

Especially if he worked weekends “just because he liked his job” and didn’t need the money. Or had some hobby that did all weekend

She would probably be told that she didn’t understand what it was like to do his job or why he needed to be available on weekends, that she didn’t understand their finances well enough to know if they needed the money or not, or that she should just use the extra money to hire help.

Are you all insane? That narrative would never happen on DCUM. If a guy was working a ton and worked all weekend too, 99% of the responses on this forum would be to divorce him because he's a good-for-nothing manchild, and btw make sure you don't get a job first so you can milk him for all of that extra money he's earning. I have NEVER seen this forum defend a guy who works too much. Hence, the nut response above that the OP should just take Tuesdays off.

You’re being silly. If a man was a SAHD during the week and took a job on weekends for his own sanity and to help out financially people would say he was a saint. I don’t know a single man willing to sacrifice his career for the kids who didn’t feel like that entitled him to a ton of personal time off in the form of gaming or what have you.

Hahaha SPOT ON. It's sounds like she's doing things with her life..maybe something else will come out of volunteering in hospice, apartment concierge. At least you have a happy wife!

Again, you are all insane. If a man posted on this forum who was a sahd who wanted to spend his weekends working 25 hours for $10/hour, and left his wife - who made $150k working 60 hours a week M-F- to be home alone much of the weekend to handle the kids...... This forum would go nuts and eat that guy alive for being a terrible dad leaving everything on his wife who "needs a break" on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The gymnastics this forum does to support whatever decision a stay at home mom makes is insane.

I don’t think so. If this had been a SAHM complaining that her husband worked weekends, she would be roasted.

Especially if he worked weekends “just because he liked his job” and didn’t need the money. Or had some hobby that did all weekend

She would probably be told that she didn’t understand what it was like to do his job or why he needed to be available on weekends, that she didn’t understand their finances well enough to know if they needed the money or not, or that she should just use the extra money to hire help.

Are you all insane? That narrative would never happen on DCUM. If a guy was working a ton and worked all weekend too, 99% of the responses on this forum would be to divorce him because he's a good-for-nothing manchild, and btw make sure you don't get a job first so you can milk him for all of that extra money he's earning. I have NEVER seen this forum defend a guy who works too much. Hence, the nut response above that the OP should just take Tuesdays off.

You’re being silly. If a man was a SAHD during the week and took a job on weekends for his own sanity and to help out financially people would say he was a saint. I don’t know a single man willing to sacrifice his career for the kids who didn’t feel like that entitled him to a ton of personal time off in the form of gaming or what have you.

Hahaha SPOT ON. It's sounds like she's doing things with her life..maybe something else will come out of volunteering in hospice, apartment concierge. At least you have a happy wife!

Again, you are all insane. If a man posted on this forum who was a sahd who wanted to spend his weekends working 25 hours for $10/hour, and left his wife - who made $150k working 60 hours a week M-F- to be home alone much of the weekend to handle the kids...... This forum would go nuts and eat that guy alive for being a terrible dad leaving everything on his wife who "needs a break" on the weekends.

Wrong. If he spends 60 hours a week taking care of the kids, people would not begrudge him 25 hours -- much of which is after the kids are asleep, and hence require no caregiving -- to do whatever he wanted. You don't remember this thread?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1035260.page

She works these hours because she wants to be available for her child. DCUM is always ranting about how terrible daycare is for children.

[Anonymous]

Her job is her decision, not yours.

I think you are controlling and do not want the responsibility for watching your child alone any day of the week.
If I am right, that is sad for your whole family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The gymnastics this forum does to support whatever decision a stay at home mom makes is insane.

I don’t think so. If this had been a SAHM complaining that her husband worked weekends, she would be roasted.

Especially if he worked weekends “just because he liked his job” and didn’t need the money. Or had some hobby that did all weekend

She would probably be told that she didn’t understand what it was like to do his job or why he needed to be available on weekends, that she didn’t understand their finances well enough to know if they needed the money or not, or that she should just use the extra money to hire help.

Are you all insane? That narrative would never happen on DCUM. If a guy was working a ton and worked all weekend too, 99% of the responses on this forum would be to divorce him because he's a good-for-nothing manchild, and btw make sure you don't get a job first so you can milk him for all of that extra money he's earning. I have NEVER seen this forum defend a guy who works too much. Hence, the nut response above that the OP should just take Tuesdays off.

You’re being silly. If a man was a SAHD during the week and took a job on weekends for his own sanity and to help out financially people would say he was a saint. I don’t know a single man willing to sacrifice his career for the kids who didn’t feel like that entitled him to a ton of personal time off in the form of gaming or what have you.

Hahaha SPOT ON. It's sounds like she's doing things with her life..maybe something else will come out of volunteering in hospice, apartment concierge. At least you have a happy wife!

Again, you are all insane. If a man posted on this forum who was a sahd who wanted to spend his weekends working 25 hours for $10/hour, and left his wife - who made $150k working 60 hours a week M-F- to be home alone much of the weekend to handle the kids...... This forum would go nuts and eat that guy alive for being a terrible dad leaving everything on his wife who "needs a break" on the weekends.

Wrong. If he spends 60 hours a week taking care of the kids, people would not begrudge him 25 hours -- much of which is after the kids are asleep, and hence require no caregiving -- to do whatever he wanted. You don't remember this thread?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1035260.page

She works these hours because she wants to be available for her child. DCUM is always ranting about how terrible daycare is for children.

Her husband didn't mention working 60 hours. He said he works from home at least part of the time. If anyone works 60 hours a week, they need childcare in addition to the parent who stays home.

[Anonymous]

Is she cute? I would worry other men are hitting on her. Might perk her up, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you just don’t want to take care of your kid. She takes care of the kid all week. You can take care of the kid some on the weekend

Note that OP has responded more than once and continues to dodge this issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a jerk, but I do agree with the sentiment that this job is not a great idea.

Poor pay, plus poor hours. I wouldn’t want to always have my weekend tied up with work when I have a young child (even if she does happen to not like you). With her hours, it means no date nights, no weekend trips, even no all day trips. Seems like a huge PIA to me. It seems like what she really wants/needs is to get away from you and the child for a while and this is the only avenue she has found.

She does not work every evening. They have 5 nights they could choose from for date night.

Having one parent pick up a job that requires various hours Friday, Saturday and Sunday, every weekend, as their new hobby would be a no for me. Weekends are family time. Her schedule limits what they can do as a family and really puts a damper on weekend plans. If my DH took an every weekend hobby job I’d have a problem with it. She can find a weeknight job or hobby.

Says who? Millions of people with children are at work every weekend.