Spouse works odd hours
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Anonymous
| My wife recently started working at a high-end apartment high rise. She works at the front desk. It's mainly retirement folks. She loves it because she says it's not stressful. The issue I have is her hours are on the weekend. She works Friday night until 10 pm. Eight hours on Saturday during the day and another 5.5 hours starting at 4:30 pm Sunday. The pay is terrible. My wife says she doesn't care because it's helping her mental health. I have asked her to find a job during the week so that we can use daycare. She doesn't want our two-year-old going to daycare. My salary is high enough for us to afford her not to work. She used to teach before becoming a stay-at-home mom. She has no interest in teaching anymore. I want to support her, but the pay is terrible. |
Anonymous
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You say you have enough money that you can afford daycare and that it doesn't matter if your wife works. But you are concerned that the pay is terrible at this particular job that your wife LIKES doing.
She likes this job. She doesn't NEED to work, but she likes it. You aren't hurting for money. AND The issue isn't really the pay. I think you miss your wife. And I think you are tired of being a FT single parent while your wife is at work. Right? If you are saying no, then you have to identify a real problem, because she likes this job, she wants this job, your child is safe and taken care of. |
Anonymous
| So her mental health and happiness are not important to you? |
Anonymous
| She's not working all weekend. She doesn't work Saturday evening or Sunday during the day. You still have time to spend with her. |
Anonymous
Please. He doesn't miss his wife. He doesn't want to have to parent. She just wants a break from being a full-time parent and from OP. Sounds like a smart move to me. Show her some appreciation OP and eventually she'll get tired of these hours, too. |
Anonymous
| If my spouse opted to do something all weekend save for Saturday night and Sunday night (by which time, I'm back to mentally prepping for the workweek), for almost no economic upside, then yeah, I would be very annoyed too. They're effectively making you a solo parent all weekend, when that's something you presumably didn't choose to do, plus you have no downtime with your spouse. |
Anonymous
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Did you already post but reframe the issue? This post seems similar to this one: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1052092.page
If so, with the additional context provided in this thread, I think you need to support your wife and her mental health. She wants to work and enjoys the job. |
Anonymous
I knew it sounded familiar, but couldn’t remember the post, thanks PP. I wasn’t sympathetic to OP then, and I’m not now. |
Anonymous
| Can set do weekday evenings? Would you be home in time for her to be able to reliably make it to work on time? There can be a compromise but it might look different than what is convenient for you. She clearly want to work now and not once child is in preschool/kinder. |
Anonymous
Well, she’s a solo parent all week, so there’s that. OP referred to her, and pretty much here, as a SAH, which she isn’t if she has a part time job. Also, kid is two, so solo parenting on Friday and Sunday evening should be pretty easy for them. |
Anonymous
| Can you change your hours so that you work Saturdays and have another day off during the week, then hire a sitter? A sitter one day a week will be cheaper than daycare. |
Anonymous
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I work Friday evenings (until 1-2am) and occasional weekends. My husband kind of resented it at first as well. But I have been doing this for two years now, and he has really gotten into a good routine with the kids. They go out for dinner every Friday night, then come home and watch a movie. After the kids go to sleep, DH plays video games online with his brother, and it has really rekindled their relationship.
I love that my husband has a relationship with our kids outside of me. And I love my job. I also like that he understands that being home with kids isn’t as easy as it seems. I’m an ER doc, and work still feels like a break sometimes. |
Anonymous
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I think it’s odd that so many men never spend significant amounts of time solo with their children. Being on your own with your kids is so different from being with your spouse and your kids.
Can you set up a routine? Like maybe every Friday night you have pizza for dinner and FaceTime with your parents? Or sign up your two year old for a swim class on Saturday mornings, then have lunch at the playground afterward? Or to the library every Sunday afternoon? Or Saturday you do man stuff like yardwork, making minor household repairs, and going to the hardware store, and your 2 y/o accompanies you? |
Anonymous
| You're selfish. |
Anonymous
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Are you this poster:
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1052092.page If so you lied about your ability to afford to outsource housework in your last post, and came across as a pretty garbage partner. |