Will your kid make a big deal about "revealing" their college choice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you all seen the college "bed party" posts?

https://www.instagram.com/explore/tags/bedparty/

https://www.instagram.com/p/CbavSzmOqxs/

https://www.instagram.com/p/CP3LJwsj3SF/

https://www.instagram.com/p/Cbhz-tZOvlN/

Oh crap. This must be what my kid was describing. Ok. I am not a fan but will have to see how this goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid hates any fuss, so we won’t be doing a reveal. However, the college application process is a long and arduous ordeal. Lots of kids don’t get into their top choices. I think having some fun and getting your kid excited about wherever they’re going is totally fine. I’m a little mystified about why so many people on here are so anti-celebration. Life is tough, let’s take the wins and celebrate them!

I'm not anti-celebration. I'm against turning everything into Instagram-worthy fodder, because apparently your life only matters if it's documented on social media with sufficient production value. It's so materialistic and performative. Have a nice dinner or call Grandma and Grandpa to tell them the exciting news! Buy a sweatshirt! But it's like gender reveals, promposals, smash cakes, etc. Everything is about generating the right photos to get likes. It's gross.

You can’t possibly have high schoolers!

Sorry your kids aren't close to their grandparents.

It has nothing to do with them not being close.
It’s developmentally normal for high school kids to want to celebrate with their friends, not their grandparents. Again, it seems like you don’t have high schoolers.

NP, I have an only kid with one set of local grandparents and one set in the Midwest. He is exceptionally close to both sets and absolutely celebrates life events with the local ones via dinners. He calls the Midwest ones all the time when he has great news, and also just to chat - no prompting.

He ALSO is relentlessly social and stays out until 3 in the morning sometimes and also has a girlfriend and also is the friend group organizer of adventures.

I'm sorry if your teens blow off grandma with your misguided blessing. I'm also sorry if their grandparents are dead and they never got the chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh dear god! I hope not.

Oh my, yes I did!

They earned it, and others do it, so why not?

The reason would be that ....

why share an abundance of admits with kids that may have an abundance of rejections...maybe from some of the same schools. Just share the final selection and off you go.

Doing something just because other people do it is rarely a great reason.

I don't agree with you there. All kids are probably doing the college thing. They pretty much know early on where other students rank in their class. A lot of this should not be a surprise. Rejections happen, unfortunately, but that is all part of this.

There are many parents on this site that share their rejections and congratulate those that got accepted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh dear god! I hope not.

Oh my, yes I did!

They earned it, and others do it, so why not?

The reason would be that ....

why share an abundance of admits with kids that may have an abundance of rejections...maybe from some of the same schools. Just share the final selection and off you go.

Doing something just because other people do it is rarely a great reason.

I don't agree with you there. All kids are probably doing the college thing. They pretty much know early on where other students rank in their class. A lot of this should not be a surprise. Rejections happen, unfortunately, but that is all part of this.

There are many parents on this site that share their rejections and congratulate those that got accepted.

Suit yourself. One if DDs friends was rejected from her dream school and another in the group was accepted but will probably not attend. Ouch. I see no reason at all to run that in but it you must, you must.

[Anonymous]

No reason to rub that in*

[Anonymous]

It's exceptionally tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's exceptionally tacky.

Thanks for keeping us in line, Mr. Blackwell.

[Anonymous]

My kid was admitted to a very top university that makes everyone in our social circles blanch because they've written off the entire southern US as confederate Proud Boys with assault rifles and no dental care.

DH and I (lifelong Dems fwiw) have never even slapped a school sticker on our cars but by god, I am going to buy the biggest school flag I can find on the internet and fly it from our porch. Probably every Saturday in perpetuity

[Anonymous]

I've seen kids do this on TikTok for their friends, but not for family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've seen kids do this on TikTok for their friends, but not for family.

I just asked my DD about this and she said "I thought that was only for southerners and kids who want to go greek."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son did not do a reveal. He just told us when he got accepted to the school that he really wanted to go that was where he wanted to go. Some seniors at his high school set up a Instagram page for seniors to post their college choices. He posted his choice there. That’s where other parents found out where my kid was going. Their kids saw my kids college choice.

This is the current standard as far as I know.

Something else was mentioned by my DD where a group of friends have a little celebration for their friend and put college themed gifts in friends bedroom. But I don't believe that is an event meant to be publically consumed.

OP here
I've heard this referred to as a "bed party." One blog I read about it said that it is initiated by the parent of the student and that the friends are expected to contribute money towards it! I guess there are variations (like your daughter's friends bringing gifts instead of contributing money.) So does everyone just buy gifts from each other's school? That's gotta sting when a student doesn't get into a school but their friend does--and now they have to go buy a t shirt or hat or whatever from the school they got rejected from and put it in their friends bedroom?

That’s life. No one is forcing them to go to the party. Part of being an adult (which is where these kids are headed) is being gracious and able to celebrate your friends’ triumphs and realize it has nothing to do with you.

Also part of being an adult is mommy no longer inviting your friends to parties in your bedroom. Can’t have it both ways.

Mostly they’re planned by friends. Are adults no longer allowed to have friends and parties?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son did not do a reveal. He just told us when he got accepted to the school that he really wanted to go that was where he wanted to go. Some seniors at his high school set up a Instagram page for seniors to post their college choices. He posted his choice there. That’s where other parents found out where my kid was going. Their kids saw my kids college choice.

This is the current standard as far as I know.

Something else was mentioned by my DD where a group of friends have a little celebration for their friend and put college themed gifts in friends bedroom. But I don't believe that is an event meant to be publically consumed.

OP here
I've heard this referred to as a "bed party." One blog I read about it said that it is initiated by the parent of the student and that the friends are expected to contribute money towards it! I guess there are variations (like your daughter's friends bringing gifts instead of contributing money.) So does everyone just buy gifts from each other's school? That's gotta sting when a student doesn't get into a school but their friend does--and now they have to go buy a t shirt or hat or whatever from the school they got rejected from and put it in their friends bedroom?

That’s life. No one is forcing them to go to the party. Part of being an adult (which is where these kids are headed) is being gracious and able to celebrate your friends’ triumphs and realize it has nothing to do with you.

Also part of being an adult is mommy no longer inviting your friends to parties in your bedroom. Can’t have it both ways.

Mostly they’re planned by friends. Are adults no longer allowed to have friends and parties?

“it is initiated by the parent of the student and that the friends are expected to contribute money towards it! I guess there are variations (like your daughter's friends bringing gifts instead of contributing money.)”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son did not do a reveal. He just told us when he got accepted to the school that he really wanted to go that was where he wanted to go. Some seniors at his high school set up a Instagram page for seniors to post their college choices. He posted his choice there. That’s where other parents found out where my kid was going. Their kids saw my kids college choice.

This is the current standard as far as I know.

Something else was mentioned by my DD where a group of friends have a little celebration for their friend and put college themed gifts in friends bedroom. But I don't believe that is an event meant to be publically consumed.

OP here
I've heard this referred to as a "bed party." One blog I read about it said that it is initiated by the parent of the student and that the friends are expected to contribute money towards it! I guess there are variations (like your daughter's friends bringing gifts instead of contributing money.) So does everyone just buy gifts from each other's school? That's gotta sting when a student doesn't get into a school but their friend does--and now they have to go buy a t shirt or hat or whatever from the school they got rejected from and put it in their friends bedroom?

That’s life. No one is forcing them to go to the party. Part of being an adult (which is where these kids are headed) is being gracious and able to celebrate your friends’ triumphs and realize it has nothing to do with you.

Also part of being an adult is mommy no longer inviting your friends to parties in your bedroom. Can’t have it both ways.

Mostly they’re planned by friends. Are adults no longer allowed to have friends and parties?

“it is initiated by the parent of the student and that the friends are expected to contribute money towards it! I guess there are variations (like your daughter's friends bringing gifts instead of contributing money.)”

And from right above that:
Something else was mentioned by my DD where a group of friends have a little celebration for their friend and put college themed gifts in friends bedroom.

There isn’t one way to do it, Karen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the precedent is the gender reveal thing. It’s more the recruited athletes at the high school and other levels who reveal where they’ve signed to play sports, and just extending that to other kids. As long as it’s not over the top, why not let other kids enjoy an announcement of sorts?

Yep.
I’m sure people are totally ok with it if it’s about athletics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid hates any fuss, so we won’t be doing a reveal. However, the college application process is a long and arduous ordeal. Lots of kids don’t get into their top choices. I think having some fun and getting your kid excited about wherever they’re going is totally fine. I’m a little mystified about why so many people on here are so anti-celebration. Life is tough, let’s take the wins and celebrate them!

x1000000

It is the DC-area way - misery loves company!

+100
A bunch of crabby people complaining on an anonymous Internet forum about attention seeking high schoolers. At least they attach their name to their social media!