3rd date tomorrow and now have a cold sore- what to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all do realize that many kids contract HSV1 from daycare, preschool, playgrounds, Kindergarten, etc, right? Are you requesting testing of every child with whom yours might come into contact?
I get not wanting to have cold sores, but some of this discussion is ridiculous.

Well I hope those kids aren't kissing mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 86 year old Mom gets cold sores and has for decades.
She was married to the same guy for 66 years (until he passed.) She goes to church every Sunday of her life.

I remember her getting them in her 30's. My guess is she picked HSV1 up somehow as a child.

Wholesome people get cold sores.

Is she catholic? She probably got it from the communal
Communion cup. The rate of her per among Latinos is way higher than among white, non Latino Americans. I think it’s because of communion.

Interesting! The people I know with obvious herpes (regular cold sores) are Catholics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say I was sick and reschedule. I would not even consider this a lie because when I get a cold sore it usually means my immune system is shot and I need to rest. Just tell him you are excited to see him but feeling really run down and wouldn't be fun to hang out with right now.

I can usually get rid of a cold sore in 4 days but if I try to rush it, it gets so much worse. And with a 3rd date... I wouldn't want to foreclose the possibility of intimacy but I would not want to be intimate with someone while I had a cold sore. And while I don't think a cold sore is anything to be ashamed of (like 80% of adults get them), I would also not want to mention it this early in knowing someone because it's definitely a vibe killer!

How do you get rid of it in 4 days?

At first sign of the cold sore (like the second I feel a tingle) I liberally apply Abreva not just to the site but all around. I do this every 3-4 hours for the first day and that usually keeps it from getting too large. After that I just apply Abreva to the site of the cold sore when I wake up in the morning and before I go to bed. I keep it very moisturized at first but by day 3 I allow it to dry out a little bit as this will shrink it. By day 4 usually all that is left is a slight redness and maybe a tiny scab. I keep up with the Abreva at night until it's totally gone.

I would not kiss anyone until it had been gone for several days though. But by Day 4 I can get it to the point where someone I'm talking to would not be able to see it.

Thank you.

I do this and I also have a prescription for antiviral medication that I take the second I feel the tingle (I forget the name of it). I was told to NOT take it daily as antiviral medication can have long term affects on organs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all do realize that many kids contract HSV1 from daycare, preschool, playgrounds, Kindergarten, etc, right? Are you requesting testing of every child with whom yours might come into contact?
I get not wanting to have cold sores, but some of this discussion is ridiculous.

Well I hope those kids aren't kissing mine.

They probably are!

And those kids likely have no idea that they have an infectious virus. This is also why referring to it as an STD is not quite right. While it can be transmitted via sex, that's not the usual way it's transmitted. Most people get it through either kissing (including a kiss on the cheek or even a hug where you press your faces together) or by touching your face or mouth after touching something that has the virus on it (cup, hand towel, etc.).

You should assume that anyone you kiss *could* have it and make your choices accordingly. Since it can be transmitted even if someone doesn't have an outbreak, and since some people who have it never or rarely get outbreaks, and since you can get it at any age very easily, it really is up to the individual as to how conservative they want to be. Most people literally never get tested for it, and testing for HSV-1 is very rarely done because it is totally harmless (inconvenient if you get a cold sore, but otherwise harmless) and not really a priority. If that freaks you out, then you should be very choosy about who you kiss. That's up to you. You can't expect people who don't even know they have this virus to disclose it to you (and given how judgmental and obsessive people on this thread are, I also don't think you can expect even someone who knows to disclose because they probably rightly fear being shunned).

Maybe the people who are extremely upset and fearful of HSV-1 should get together with the people who think we should all wear masks forever to get rid of the common cold and have some kind of very chaste, socially distanced party where they talk about how gross and sick the rest of us are? Would that help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all do realize that many kids contract HSV1 from daycare, preschool, playgrounds, Kindergarten, etc, right? Are you requesting testing of every child with whom yours might come into contact?
I get not wanting to have cold sores, but some of this discussion is ridiculous.

Well I hope those kids aren't kissing mine.

They probably are!

And those kids likely have no idea that they have an infectious virus. This is also why referring to it as an STD is not quite right. While it can be transmitted via sex, that's not the usual way it's transmitted. Most people get it through either kissing (including a kiss on the cheek or even a hug where you press your faces together) or by touching your face or mouth after touching something that has the virus on it (cup, hand towel, etc.).

You should assume that anyone you kiss *could* have it and make your choices accordingly. Since it can be transmitted even if someone doesn't have an outbreak, and since some people who have it never or rarely get outbreaks, and since you can get it at any age very easily, it really is up to the individual as to how conservative they want to be. Most people literally never get tested for it, and testing for HSV-1 is very rarely done because it is totally harmless (inconvenient if you get a cold sore, but otherwise harmless) and not really a priority. If that freaks you out, then you should be very choosy about who you kiss. That's up to you. You can't expect people who don't even know they have this virus to disclose it to you (and given how judgmental and obsessive people on this thread are, I also don't think you can expect even someone who knows to disclose because they probably rightly fear being shunned).

Maybe the people who are extremely upset and fearful of HSV-1 should get together with the people who think we should all wear masks forever to get rid of the common cold and have some kind of very chaste, socially distanced party where they talk about how gross and sick the rest of us are? Would that help?

I don't understand how it's so common yet no one in my family of origin, their families (kids, spouse) or my kids, spouse have ever had a cold sore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have herpes. You need to disclose that to him. I hope you have not kissed him without telling him you have herpes.

THIS! Be honest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say I was sick and reschedule. I would not even consider this a lie because when I get a cold sore it usually means my immune system is shot and I need to rest. Just tell him you are excited to see him but feeling really run down and wouldn't be fun to hang out with right now.

I can usually get rid of a cold sore in 4 days but if I try to rush it, it gets so much worse. And with a 3rd date... I wouldn't want to foreclose the possibility of intimacy but I would not want to be intimate with someone while I had a cold sore. And while I don't think a cold sore is anything to be ashamed of (like 80% of adults get them), I would also not want to mention it this early in knowing someone because it's definitely a vibe killer!

How do you get rid of it in 4 days?

At first sign of the cold sore (like the second I feel a tingle) I liberally apply Abreva not just to the site but all around. I do this every 3-4 hours for the first day and that usually keeps it from getting too large. After that I just apply Abreva to the site of the cold sore when I wake up in the morning and before I go to bed. I keep it very moisturized at first but by day 3 I allow it to dry out a little bit as this will shrink it. By day 4 usually all that is left is a slight redness and maybe a tiny scab. I keep up with the Abreva at night until it's totally gone.

I would not kiss anyone until it had been gone for several days though. But by Day 4 I can get it to the point where someone I'm talking to would not be able to see it.

Thank you.

I do this and I also have a prescription for antiviral medication that I take the second I feel the tingle (I forget the name of it). I was told to NOT take it daily as antiviral medication can have long term affects on organs.

+1

I was told by a doctor that the daily anti-viral should really only be prescribed for people who get cold sores a lot (like more than twice a year) and even then she sounded skeptical. My cold sores are always linked to either being sick with something else or being very stressed, or both. So if I want to I can take an anti-viral when I get a cold or during an intensely stressful time at work as a preventative. But I've had one cold-sore in the last 5 years so I honestly don't even think about it much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say I was sick and reschedule. I would not even consider this a lie because when I get a cold sore it usually means my immune system is shot and I need to rest. Just tell him you are excited to see him but feeling really run down and wouldn't be fun to hang out with right now.

I can usually get rid of a cold sore in 4 days but if I try to rush it, it gets so much worse. And with a 3rd date... I wouldn't want to foreclose the possibility of intimacy but I would not want to be intimate with someone while I had a cold sore. And while I don't think a cold sore is anything to be ashamed of (like 80% of adults get them), I would also not want to mention it this early in knowing someone because it's definitely a vibe killer!

How do you get rid of it in 4 days?

At first sign of the cold sore (like the second I feel a tingle) I liberally apply Abreva not just to the site but all around. I do this every 3-4 hours for the first day and that usually keeps it from getting too large. After that I just apply Abreva to the site of the cold sore when I wake up in the morning and before I go to bed. I keep it very moisturized at first but by day 3 I allow it to dry out a little bit as this will shrink it. By day 4 usually all that is left is a slight redness and maybe a tiny scab. I keep up with the Abreva at night until it's totally gone.

I would not kiss anyone until it had been gone for several days though. But by Day 4 I can get it to the point where someone I'm talking to would not be able to see it.

Thank you.

I do this and I also have a prescription for antiviral medication that I take the second I feel the tingle (I forget the name of it). I was told to NOT take it daily as antiviral medication can have long term affects on organs.

Valtrex. It works really well. I used to get a cold sore every few months - it was very painful. Now I take a pill if I feel some tingling and I almost never blossom to the full sore. I get terrible headaches whenever I take it though so I try to be judicious about using that option - maybe the headaches are caused by the same thing causing the tingle, is another possibility...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all do realize that many kids contract HSV1 from daycare, preschool, playgrounds, Kindergarten, etc, right? Are you requesting testing of every child with whom yours might come into contact?
I get not wanting to have cold sores, but some of this discussion is ridiculous.

Well I hope those kids aren't kissing mine.

They probably are!

And those kids likely have no idea that they have an infectious virus. This is also why referring to it as an STD is not quite right. While it can be transmitted via sex, that's not the usual way it's transmitted. Most people get it through either kissing (including a kiss on the cheek or even a hug where you press your faces together) or by touching your face or mouth after touching something that has the virus on it (cup, hand towel, etc.).

You should assume that anyone you kiss *could* have it and make your choices accordingly. Since it can be transmitted even if someone doesn't have an outbreak, and since some people who have it never or rarely get outbreaks, and since you can get it at any age very easily, it really is up to the individual as to how conservative they want to be. Most people literally never get tested for it, and testing for HSV-1 is very rarely done because it is totally harmless (inconvenient if you get a cold sore, but otherwise harmless) and not really a priority. If that freaks you out, then you should be very choosy about who you kiss. That's up to you. You can't expect people who don't even know they have this virus to disclose it to you (and given how judgmental and obsessive people on this thread are, I also don't think you can expect even someone who knows to disclose because they probably rightly fear being shunned).

Maybe the people who are extremely upset and fearful of HSV-1 should get together with the people who think we should all wear masks forever to get rid of the common cold and have some kind of very chaste, socially distanced party where they talk about how gross and sick the rest of us are? Would that help?

I don't understand how it's so common yet no one in my family of origin, their families (kids, spouse) or my kids, spouse have ever had a cold sore.

It's like most viruses -- people don't all have the same symptoms. Some people can get it and have a strong response and get cold sores regularly. Some might never get one. It probably depends on how well your immune system works in general, and also how good it is at fighting this virus in particular. Think about how there are some people who get Covid and wind up in the hospital, and some who get it and never even know or might just have a sniffle for a few days. It's the exact same concept.

In my immediate family, my mom, brother, and I all get cold sores. My dad and sister never have. The odds that they don't have HSV-1 are actually pretty slim. It's entirely possible my mom got it from my dad originally. But their immune systems work differently than ours. They are lucky! So are you.

It's also possible you've never had it. The things that make it more likely are: having an immediate family member who has it, or kissing a lot of people (especially after the age of 30 since the older someone is the more likely they have it since they've had more opportunities to catch it). If your parents didn't have it and you either got married somewhat young or didn't kiss many people before you got married, your odds of getting it are lower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all do realize that many kids contract HSV1 from daycare, preschool, playgrounds, Kindergarten, etc, right? Are you requesting testing of every child with whom yours might come into contact?
I get not wanting to have cold sores, but some of this discussion is ridiculous.

Well I hope those kids aren't kissing mine.

They don't have to kiss your kids. Sharing toys, accidentally grabbing another kid's sippy cup or pacifier (for the younger toddlers in daycare), touching their mouths then another common item...etc.
This isn't an STD, people. Yes, it could be spread through oral sex, but some of you seem to be equating it with other STDs, and that isn't how this works.
My grandmother got them. She had 8 kids. Two of her DDs got them. One of those was my mother, and I likely got it from her. My dad has been married to her for over 40 years and never had one. Neither my DH nor my kids have ever gotten one, even though I had cold sores during pregnancy both times. I get one any time I am very stressed or sick. My PCP doesn't see the point in providing me with valtrex since I only get maybe 2 or 3 a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all do realize that many kids contract HSV1 from daycare, preschool, playgrounds, Kindergarten, etc, right? Are you requesting testing of every child with whom yours might come into contact?
I get not wanting to have cold sores, but some of this discussion is ridiculous.

Well I hope those kids aren't kissing mine.

They probably are!

And those kids likely have no idea that they have an infectious virus. This is also why referring to it as an STD is not quite right. While it can be transmitted via sex, that's not the usual way it's transmitted. Most people get it through either kissing (including a kiss on the cheek or even a hug where you press your faces together) or by touching your face or mouth after touching something that has the virus on it (cup, hand towel, etc.).

You should assume that anyone you kiss *could* have it and make your choices accordingly. Since it can be transmitted even if someone doesn't have an outbreak, and since some people who have it never or rarely get outbreaks, and since you can get it at any age very easily, it really is up to the individual as to how conservative they want to be. Most people literally never get tested for it, and testing for HSV-1 is very rarely done because it is totally harmless (inconvenient if you get a cold sore, but otherwise harmless) and not really a priority. If that freaks you out, then you should be very choosy about who you kiss. That's up to you. You can't expect people who don't even know they have this virus to disclose it to you (and given how judgmental and obsessive people on this thread are, I also don't think you can expect even someone who knows to disclose because they probably rightly fear being shunned).

Maybe the people who are extremely upset and fearful of HSV-1 should get together with the people who think we should all wear masks forever to get rid of the common cold and have some kind of very chaste, socially distanced party where they talk about how gross and sick the rest of us are? Would that help?

I don't understand how it's so common yet no one in my family of origin, their families (kids, spouse) or my kids, spouse have ever had a cold sore.

Not everyone who has it gets cold sores. It's very likely someone in your family has it even multiple people.ThT aunt who had a blemish likely had a cold sore. . It's spreads easily. It's a fairly common human virus. It's not a moral failing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say I was sick and reschedule. I would not even consider this a lie because when I get a cold sore it usually means my immune system is shot and I need to rest. Just tell him you are excited to see him but feeling really run down and wouldn't be fun to hang out with right now.

I can usually get rid of a cold sore in 4 days but if I try to rush it, it gets so much worse. And with a 3rd date... I wouldn't want to foreclose the possibility of intimacy but I would not want to be intimate with someone while I had a cold sore. And while I don't think a cold sore is anything to be ashamed of (like 80% of adults get them), I would also not want to mention it this early in knowing someone because it's definitely a vibe killer!

80% of Americans do not get cold sores. It’s more like 30%, and that’s not until you’re at age 50. People who get cold sores need to disclose that to people before they kiss them. You can pass herpes even when you have no sores. It is good that the original poster seems to take meds, because if you take them every day, it lowers your viral load and makes you less likely to be able to pass them on. But you really need to disclose this. You could spread this to your partner if you kiss them or if you perform oral sex. They get to decide whether or not they want to expose themselves to this, not you.

No, the point is that 50-80% of American adults have HSV-1. They may get cold sores or not, people display the virus in different ways and you can have HSV-1 and never get a cold sore. Since as you point out, you can transmit it to someone even if you have sores, this is why it's absurd to expect everyone to disclose this up front. Unless you are advocating for people to go get tested for HSV-1 before they ever start dating and then disclose even if they've never had a cold sore. Which you aren't.

If you are super worried about this, you can ask partners to screen for it and be very selective about who you date. But especially if you are over the age of 30 and dating people in your same age bracket, it's basically impossible to screen for it.

Also, you obviously don't understand the difference between HSV-1 and HSV-2. HSV-1 only causes cold sores on the mouth and is the very common one. You cannot get genital herpes from someone with HSV-1. If you don't understand this you need to educate yourself.

Nope. Lots if misinformation here. Only 30% of American fifty year olds have herpes 1. A lot of Americans do not have the virus. And yes, you can spread herpes one from your mouth to someone else’s genitals. People should disclose if they have cold sores. She shouldn’t hide it from this guy, which is what it seems she’s trying to do if she cancels the date.

Johns Hopkins disagrees with you. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/herpes-hsv1-and-hsv2

WHO estimates that 67% of the World population under 50 has HSV-1 (https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus)

And HSV-1 is not an STD, but HSV-2 is. Most people how have HSV-1 most likely acquired it from a parent or other relative (maybe parents and grand-parents should stop kissing their kids).

HSV 1 on the lips can spread to the genitalia via oral sex.

This. I have a friend with it and she does have outbreaks. Relatively mild but still… who would want that? I’d be pissed off if my partner gave me that.

Well, good luck then! Hope you're not dating.

I’m not. My partner and I both tested negative before we got exclusive. Married for 15 years. If I dated again I would ask for STD test before sex.

Have -1 isn't an STD or a standard test so I'm curious as to how you and your partner got tested.

You can request herpes on and herpes two as part of an std panel. I’ve done it.

You requested it therefore it's not standard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is so weird about HSV-1 . I would bet my entire life savings that everyone in this thread has it. Not having cold sores does not mean you don't have it

I don’t. I got checked for hsv 1 & 2 because my doctor thought I did. I have neither. Not everybody has it.

If your doctor thought you might have genital herpes (HSV-2), I'm guessing you have stuff going on that means you should probably not be looking down your nose at people who get cold sores.

1. The person I responded to said “I’ll bet my life savings everybody on this thread has hsv” to which I replied, I don’t. So yes, somebody did say everybody had it.
2. I don’t look down my nose at folks who have stds. And I do my best to not say anything mean on DCUM.
3. I’ve never had an STD myself.
4. What I did have was not HSV or any other std. It wasn’t infectious. It was more like a rash. A horrible rash, but still rash.

It can lie dormant for years and not show on any test.

And unless you were tested yesterday it's entirely possible you contracted it.between the time you tested and mounted your high horse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is so weird about HSV-1 . I would bet my entire life savings that everyone in this thread has it. Not having cold sores does not mean you don't have it

I don’t. I got checked for hsv 1 & 2 because my doctor thought I did. I have neither. Not everybody has it.

If your doctor thought you might have genital herpes (HSV-2), I'm guessing you have stuff going on that means you should probably not be looking down your nose at people who get cold sores.

1. The person I responded to said “I’ll bet my life savings everybody on this thread has hsv” to which I replied, I don’t. So yes, somebody did say everybody had it.
2. I don’t look down my nose at folks who have stds. And I do my best to not say anything mean on DCUM.
3. I’ve never had an STD myself.
4. What I did have was not HSV or any other std. It wasn’t infectious. It was more like a rash. A horrible rash, but still rash.

It can lie dormant for years and not show on any test.

And unless you were tested yesterday it's entirely possible you contracted it.between the time you tested and mounted your high horse

I love you too. Where is my high horse? I'd like to get on!

[Anonymous]

People on here are bizarre. I've gotten cold sores a couple times a year since I was a kid. I am careful to use separate towels and not kiss anyone when I have one. My husband and kids have never had a cold sore. I had no problem telling people about it when I was single. If they didn't want to date me because of it, so be it. It's hilarious people think they've never dated anyone with the virus given how common it is.