3rd date tomorrow and now have a cold sore- what to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say I was sick and reschedule. I would not even consider this a lie because when I get a cold sore it usually means my immune system is shot and I need to rest. Just tell him you are excited to see him but feeling really run down and wouldn't be fun to hang out with right now.

I can usually get rid of a cold sore in 4 days but if I try to rush it, it gets so much worse. And with a 3rd date... I wouldn't want to foreclose the possibility of intimacy but I would not want to be intimate with someone while I had a cold sore. And while I don't think a cold sore is anything to be ashamed of (like 80% of adults get them), I would also not want to mention it this early in knowing someone because it's definitely a vibe killer!

80% of Americans do not get cold sores. It’s more like 30%, and that’s not until you’re at age 50. People who get cold sores need to disclose that to people before they kiss them. You can pass herpes even when you have no sores. It is good that the original poster seems to take meds, because if you take them every day, it lowers your viral load and makes you less likely to be able to pass them on. But you really need to disclose this. You could spread this to your partner if you kiss them or if you perform oral sex. They get to decide whether or not they want to expose themselves to this, not you.

No, the point is that 50-80% of American adults have HSV-1. They may get cold sores or not, people display the virus in different ways and you can have HSV-1 and never get a cold sore. Since as you point out, you can transmit it to someone even if you have sores, this is why it's absurd to expect everyone to disclose this up front. Unless you are advocating for people to go get tested for HSV-1 before they ever start dating and then disclose even if they've never had a cold sore. Which you aren't.

If you are super worried about this, you can ask partners to screen for it and be very selective about who you date. But especially if you are over the age of 30 and dating people in your same age bracket, it's basically impossible to screen for it.

Also, you obviously don't understand the difference between HSV-1 and HSV-2. HSV-1 only causes cold sores on the mouth and is the very common one. You cannot get genital herpes from someone with HSV-1. If you don't understand this you need to educate yourself.

Nope. Lots if misinformation here. Only 30% of American fifty year olds have herpes 1. A lot of Americans do not have the virus. And yes, you can spread herpes one from your mouth to someone else’s genitals. People should disclose if they have cold sores. She shouldn’t hide it from this guy, which is what it seems she’s trying to do if she cancels the date.

Johns Hopkins disagrees with you. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/herpes-hsv1-and-hsv2

WHO estimates that 67% of the World population under 50 has HSV-1 (https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus)

And HSV-1 is not an STD, but HSV-2 is. Most people how have HSV-1 most likely acquired it from a parent or other relative (maybe parents and grand-parents should stop kissing their kids).

HSV 1 on the lips can spread to the genitalia via oral sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say I was sick and reschedule. I would not even consider this a lie because when I get a cold sore it usually means my immune system is shot and I need to rest. Just tell him you are excited to see him but feeling really run down and wouldn't be fun to hang out with right now.

I can usually get rid of a cold sore in 4 days but if I try to rush it, it gets so much worse. And with a 3rd date... I wouldn't want to foreclose the possibility of intimacy but I would not want to be intimate with someone while I had a cold sore. And while I don't think a cold sore is anything to be ashamed of (like 80% of adults get them), I would also not want to mention it this early in knowing someone because it's definitely a vibe killer!

80% of Americans do not get cold sores. It’s more like 30%, and that’s not until you’re at age 50. People who get cold sores need to disclose that to people before they kiss them. You can pass herpes even when you have no sores. It is good that the original poster seems to take meds, because if you take them every day, it lowers your viral load and makes you less likely to be able to pass them on. But you really need to disclose this. You could spread this to your partner if you kiss them or if you perform oral sex. They get to decide whether or not they want to expose themselves to this, not you.

No, the point is that 50-80% of American adults have HSV-1. They may get cold sores or not, people display the virus in different ways and you can have HSV-1 and never get a cold sore. Since as you point out, you can transmit it to someone even if you have sores, this is why it's absurd to expect everyone to disclose this up front. Unless you are advocating for people to go get tested for HSV-1 before they ever start dating and then disclose even if they've never had a cold sore. Which you aren't.

If you are super worried about this, you can ask partners to screen for it and be very selective about who you date. But especially if you are over the age of 30 and dating people in your same age bracket, it's basically impossible to screen for it.

Also, you obviously don't understand the difference between HSV-1 and HSV-2. HSV-1 only causes cold sores on the mouth and is the very common one. You cannot get genital herpes from someone with HSV-1. If you don't understand this you need to educate yourself.

Nope. Lots if misinformation here. Only 30% of American fifty year olds have herpes 1. A lot of Americans do not have the virus. And yes, you can spread herpes one from your mouth to someone else’s genitals. People should disclose if they have cold sores. She shouldn’t hide it from this guy, which is what it seems she’s trying to do if she cancels the date.

Johns Hopkins disagrees with you. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/herpes-hsv1-and-hsv2

WHO estimates that 67% of the World population under 50 has HSV-1 (https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus)

And HSV-1 is not an STD, but HSV-2 is. Most people how have HSV-1 most likely acquired it from a parent or other relative (maybe parents and grand-parents should stop kissing their kids).

HSV 1 on the lips can spread to the genitalia via oral sex.

Correct, but someone who has oral HSV-1 does not have an STD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say I was sick and reschedule. I would not even consider this a lie because when I get a cold sore it usually means my immune system is shot and I need to rest. Just tell him you are excited to see him but feeling really run down and wouldn't be fun to hang out with right now.

I can usually get rid of a cold sore in 4 days but if I try to rush it, it gets so much worse. And with a 3rd date... I wouldn't want to foreclose the possibility of intimacy but I would not want to be intimate with someone while I had a cold sore. And while I don't think a cold sore is anything to be ashamed of (like 80% of adults get them), I would also not want to mention it this early in knowing someone because it's definitely a vibe killer!

80% of Americans do not get cold sores. It’s more like 30%, and that’s not until you’re at age 50. People who get cold sores need to disclose that to people before they kiss them. You can pass herpes even when you have no sores. It is good that the original poster seems to take meds, because if you take them every day, it lowers your viral load and makes you less likely to be able to pass them on. But you really need to disclose this. You could spread this to your partner if you kiss them or if you perform oral sex. They get to decide whether or not they want to expose themselves to this, not you.

No, the point is that 50-80% of American adults have HSV-1. They may get cold sores or not, people display the virus in different ways and you can have HSV-1 and never get a cold sore. Since as you point out, you can transmit it to someone even if you have sores, this is why it's absurd to expect everyone to disclose this up front. Unless you are advocating for people to go get tested for HSV-1 before they ever start dating and then disclose even if they've never had a cold sore. Which you aren't.

If you are super worried about this, you can ask partners to screen for it and be very selective about who you date. But especially if you are over the age of 30 and dating people in your same age bracket, it's basically impossible to screen for it.

Also, you obviously don't understand the difference between HSV-1 and HSV-2. HSV-1 only causes cold sores on the mouth and is the very common one. You cannot get genital herpes from someone with HSV-1. If you don't understand this you need to educate yourself.

Nope. Lots if misinformation here. Only 30% of American fifty year olds have herpes 1. A lot of Americans do not have the virus. And yes, you can spread herpes one from your mouth to someone else’s genitals. People should disclose if they have cold sores. She shouldn’t hide it from this guy, which is what it seems she’s trying to do if she cancels the date.

Johns Hopkins disagrees with you. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/herpes-hsv1-and-hsv2

WHO estimates that 67% of the World population under 50 has HSV-1 (https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus)

And HSV-1 is not an STD, but HSV-2 is. Most people how have HSV-1 most likely acquired it from a parent or other relative (maybe parents and grand-parents should stop kissing their kids).

HSV 1 on the lips can spread to the genitalia via oral sex.

Correct, but someone who has oral HSV-1 does not have an STD.

No one wants Herpes however you define it. OP why didn't you tell this guy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 3rd date tomorrow night with a guy I really like. I was away on vacation last week and didn't pack my medication and now I have a cold sore- ugh.

I was thinking of saying I'm sick and trying to reschedule for next week. Thoughts? It's probably too soon to tell him, right?

Just go and tell him you have a cold sore if he tries to kiss you. He'll know you have Herpes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say I was sick and reschedule. I would not even consider this a lie because when I get a cold sore it usually means my immune system is shot and I need to rest. Just tell him you are excited to see him but feeling really run down and wouldn't be fun to hang out with right now.

I can usually get rid of a cold sore in 4 days but if I try to rush it, it gets so much worse. And with a 3rd date... I wouldn't want to foreclose the possibility of intimacy but I would not want to be intimate with someone while I had a cold sore. And while I don't think a cold sore is anything to be ashamed of (like 80% of adults get them), I would also not want to mention it this early in knowing someone because it's definitely a vibe killer!

80% of Americans do not get cold sores. It’s more like 30%, and that’s not until you’re at age 50. People who get cold sores need to disclose that to people before they kiss them. You can pass herpes even when you have no sores. It is good that the original poster seems to take meds, because if you take them every day, it lowers your viral load and makes you less likely to be able to pass them on. But you really need to disclose this. You could spread this to your partner if you kiss them or if you perform oral sex. They get to decide whether or not they want to expose themselves to this, not you.

No, the point is that 50-80% of American adults have HSV-1. They may get cold sores or not, people display the virus in different ways and you can have HSV-1 and never get a cold sore. Since as you point out, you can transmit it to someone even if you have sores, this is why it's absurd to expect everyone to disclose this up front. Unless you are advocating for people to go get tested for HSV-1 before they ever start dating and then disclose even if they've never had a cold sore. Which you aren't.

If you are super worried about this, you can ask partners to screen for it and be very selective about who you date. But especially if you are over the age of 30 and dating people in your same age bracket, it's basically impossible to screen for it.

Also, you obviously don't understand the difference between HSV-1 and HSV-2. HSV-1 only causes cold sores on the mouth and is the very common one. You cannot get genital herpes from someone with HSV-1. If you don't understand this you need to educate yourself.

Nope. Lots if misinformation here. Only 30% of American fifty year olds have herpes 1. A lot of Americans do not have the virus. And yes, you can spread herpes one from your mouth to someone else’s genitals. People should disclose if they have cold sores. She shouldn’t hide it from this guy, which is what it seems she’s trying to do if she cancels the date.

Johns Hopkins disagrees with you. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/herpes-hsv1-and-hsv2

WHO estimates that 67% of the World population under 50 has HSV-1 (https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus)

And HSV-1 is not an STD, but HSV-2 is. Most people how have HSV-1 most likely acquired it from a parent or other relative (maybe parents and grand-parents should stop kissing their kids).

HSV 1 on the lips can spread to the genitalia via oral sex.

Correct, but someone who has oral HSV-1 does not have an STD.

No one wants Herpes however you define it. OP why didn't you tell this guy?

Nobody tells their dates that they have Herpes 1, especially since like PP's have pointed out, anywhere from 30-80% of adults have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say I was sick and reschedule. I would not even consider this a lie because when I get a cold sore it usually means my immune system is shot and I need to rest. Just tell him you are excited to see him but feeling really run down and wouldn't be fun to hang out with right now.

I can usually get rid of a cold sore in 4 days but if I try to rush it, it gets so much worse. And with a 3rd date... I wouldn't want to foreclose the possibility of intimacy but I would not want to be intimate with someone while I had a cold sore. And while I don't think a cold sore is anything to be ashamed of (like 80% of adults get them), I would also not want to mention it this early in knowing someone because it's definitely a vibe killer!

80% of Americans do not get cold sores. It’s more like 30%, and that’s not until you’re at age 50. People who get cold sores need to disclose that to people before they kiss them. You can pass herpes even when you have no sores. It is good that the original poster seems to take meds, because if you take them every day, it lowers your viral load and makes you less likely to be able to pass them on. But you really need to disclose this. You could spread this to your partner if you kiss them or if you perform oral sex. They get to decide whether or not they want to expose themselves to this, not you.

+1

Well said, thank you. Geesus.

[Anonymous]

Most people do not know that they have HSV-1.

“The U.S. Preventative Services Task Force has recommended against the screening asymptomatic adolescents and adults for HSV infections. The rationale is that there is no health benefits that has been proven and there [are] a couple of risks. One is a false positive test, and the second is a risk of anxiety… [Herpes] is not associated with serious health outcomes, and yet it’s still feared.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say I was sick and reschedule. I would not even consider this a lie because when I get a cold sore it usually means my immune system is shot and I need to rest. Just tell him you are excited to see him but feeling really run down and wouldn't be fun to hang out with right now.

I can usually get rid of a cold sore in 4 days but if I try to rush it, it gets so much worse. And with a 3rd date... I wouldn't want to foreclose the possibility of intimacy but I would not want to be intimate with someone while I had a cold sore. And while I don't think a cold sore is anything to be ashamed of (like 80% of adults get them), I would also not want to mention it this early in knowing someone because it's definitely a vibe killer!

80% of Americans do not get cold sores. It’s more like 30%, and that’s not until you’re at age 50. People who get cold sores need to disclose that to people before they kiss them. You can pass herpes even when you have no sores. It is good that the original poster seems to take meds, because if you take them every day, it lowers your viral load and makes you less likely to be able to pass them on. But you really need to disclose this. You could spread this to your partner if you kiss them or if you perform oral sex. They get to decide whether or not they want to expose themselves to this, not you.

No, the point is that 50-80% of American adults have HSV-1. They may get cold sores or not, people display the virus in different ways and you can have HSV-1 and never get a cold sore. Since as you point out, you can transmit it to someone even if you have sores, this is why it's absurd to expect everyone to disclose this up front. Unless you are advocating for people to go get tested for HSV-1 before they ever start dating and then disclose even if they've never had a cold sore. Which you aren't.

If you are super worried about this, you can ask partners to screen for it and be very selective about who you date. But especially if you are over the age of 30 and dating people in your same age bracket, it's basically impossible to screen for it.

Also, you obviously don't understand the difference between HSV-1 and HSV-2. HSV-1 only causes cold sores on the mouth and is the very common one. You cannot get genital herpes from someone with HSV-1. If you don't understand this you need to educate yourself.

Nope. Lots if misinformation here. Only 30% of American fifty year olds have herpes 1. A lot of Americans do not have the virus. And yes, you can spread herpes one from your mouth to someone else’s genitals. People should disclose if they have cold sores. She shouldn’t hide it from this guy, which is what it seems she’s trying to do if she cancels the date.

Johns Hopkins disagrees with you. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/herpes-hsv1-and-hsv2

WHO estimates that 67% of the World population under 50 has HSV-1 (https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus)

And HSV-1 is not an STD, but HSV-2 is. Most people how have HSV-1 most likely acquired it from a parent or other relative (maybe parents and grand-parents should stop kissing their kids).

HSV 1 on the lips can spread to the genitalia via oral sex.

Correct, but someone who has oral HSV-1 does not have an STD.

No one wants Herpes however you define it. OP why didn't you tell this guy?

Nobody tells their dates that they have Herpes 1, especially since like PP's have pointed out, anywhere from 30-80% of adults have it.

I guess your dishonesty doesn't mean everyone is dishonest. However it does bring up a good point. This is the question to ask before the date. STDs and Herpes should be on the check list.

[Anonymous]

What if OP simply said “Bob, can we postpone our date until Friday? I had a cold sore pop up and probably best to wait until later in the week when it’s gone.”

[Anonymous]

No that sounds like she's shallow. No suck it up and be authentic, go on the date. It will be a good test either way.

Once you start making up lies, or hiding things you aren't ready for maturity or dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No that sounds like she's shallow. No suck it up and be authentic, go on the date. It will be a good test either way.

Once you start making up lies, or hiding things you aren't ready for maturity or dating.

But if she says she’s got a cold sore she’s telling the truth, and she’s postponing the date so he doesn’t risk catching it.

[Anonymous]

Pretty much everyone I know has had one. I’d be honest and say, “I’m excited to see you but I have a cold sore! Should we reschedule?” He will probably say something nice snd you can hang out without kissing. NBD.

[Anonymous]

Go to the doctor and get a script for valeted. Game changer. If you catch it early enough they don’t even develop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pretty much everyone I know has had one. I’d be honest and say, “I’m excited to see you but I have a cold sore! Should we reschedule?” He will probably say something nice snd you can hang out without kissing. NBD.

Yea, as someone who doesn’t get cold sores, this relationship would be over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say I was sick and reschedule. I would not even consider this a lie because when I get a cold sore it usually means my immune system is shot and I need to rest. Just tell him you are excited to see him but feeling really run down and wouldn't be fun to hang out with right now.

I can usually get rid of a cold sore in 4 days but if I try to rush it, it gets so much worse. And with a 3rd date... I wouldn't want to foreclose the possibility of intimacy but I would not want to be intimate with someone while I had a cold sore. And while I don't think a cold sore is anything to be ashamed of (like 80% of adults get them), I would also not want to mention it this early in knowing someone because it's definitely a vibe killer!

80% of Americans do not get cold sores. It’s more like 30%, and that’s not until you’re at age 50. People who get cold sores need to disclose that to people before they kiss them. You can pass herpes even when you have no sores. It is good that the original poster seems to take meds, because if you take them every day, it lowers your viral load and makes you less likely to be able to pass them on. But you really need to disclose this. You could spread this to your partner if you kiss them or if you perform oral sex. They get to decide whether or not they want to expose themselves to this, not you.

No, the point is that 50-80% of American adults have HSV-1. They may get cold sores or not, people display the virus in different ways and you can have HSV-1 and never get a cold sore. Since as you point out, you can transmit it to someone even if you have sores, this is why it's absurd to expect everyone to disclose this up front. Unless you are advocating for people to go get tested for HSV-1 before they ever start dating and then disclose even if they've never had a cold sore. Which you aren't.

If you are super worried about this, you can ask partners to screen for it and be very selective about who you date. But especially if you are over the age of 30 and dating people in your same age bracket, it's basically impossible to screen for it.

Also, you obviously don't understand the difference between HSV-1 and HSV-2. HSV-1 only causes cold sores on the mouth and is the very common one. You cannot get genital herpes from someone with HSV-1. If you don't understand this you need to educate yourself.

Nope. Lots if misinformation here. Only 30% of American fifty year olds have herpes 1. A lot of Americans do not have the virus. And yes, you can spread herpes one from your mouth to someone else’s genitals. People should disclose if they have cold sores. She shouldn’t hide it from this guy, which is what it seems she’s trying to do if she cancels the date.

Johns Hopkins disagrees with you. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/herpes-hsv1-and-hsv2

WHO estimates that 67% of the World population under 50 has HSV-1 (https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus)

And HSV-1 is not an STD, but HSV-2 is. Most people how have HSV-1 most likely acquired it from a parent or other relative (maybe parents and grand-parents should stop kissing their kids).

HSV 1 on the lips can spread to the genitalia via oral sex.

Correct, but someone who has oral HSV-1 does not have an STD.

No one wants Herpes however you define it. OP why didn't you tell this guy?

Nobody tells their dates that they have Herpes 1, especially since like PP's have pointed out, anywhere from 30-80% of adults have it.

Ethical people disclose.

If it’s not a big deal, then why hide it?