3rd date tomorrow and now have a cold sore- what to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to the doctor and get a script for valeted. Game changer. If you catch it early enough they don’t even develop.

*valtrex*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 3rd date tomorrow night with a guy I really like. I was away on vacation last week and didn't pack my medication and now I have a cold sore- ugh.

I was thinking of saying I'm sick and trying to reschedule for next week. Thoughts? It's probably too soon to tell him, right?

Just go and tell him you have a cold sore if he tries to kiss you. He'll know you have Herpes.

This is the right answer. It's nothing to be ashamed of ,OP. You're giving him a choice and learning a lot about him depending on how he responds.

[Anonymous]

DCUM is so weird about HSV-1 . I would bet my entire life savings that everyone in this thread has it. Not having cold sores does not mean you don't have it

[Anonymous]

No one should have to disclose that they have an incredibly common (like super, incredibly common), not-even-remotely-dangerous virus, by the 3rd date. And the reason people don't disclose is because cold sores are a mood killer. Like I would not be remotely bothered to date someone who gets cold sores, but I don't want to hear about it early in knowing them.

I have gotten cold sores since I was a child. HPV-1 is not sexually transmitted. And I only get one ever few years, usually if I'm sick with something else or under really intense stress. It's really not a big deal. If this is something that matters to you, I personally think it's up to you to take extra precautions. This isn't AIDS or even genital herpes. I think the people being super freaked out about it are uninformed with a touch of hypochondria.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is so weird about HSV-1 . I would bet my entire life savings that everyone in this thread has it. Not having cold sores does not mean you don't have it

+1

My doctor told me that they just assume every single person over 30 have it. So many people get it as kids, and even assuming you don't, if you kiss more than 10 people, odds are good you'll get it. So unless no one in your family has it AND you married your high school sweetheart or never date, you probably have it.

You can be 30 year old virgin and have it. You can be super religious and hyper vigilant about hygiene and have it. You can never get a cold sore and have it.

[Anonymous]

^^true: but some people don’t have it. My husband and I dated quite a bit prior to marriage and we both tested negative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have herpes. You need to disclose that to him. I hope you have not kissed him without telling him you have herpes.

Bingo… Cold sore, cold schmore. Face it, you have herpes. Don’t give him the gift that keeps on giving. If you don’t tell him, you’re a C…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^true: but some people don’t have it. My husband and I dated quite a bit prior to marriage and we both tested negative.

Congrats. But some of the people you dated did, I guarantee. And it all worked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is so weird about HSV-1 . I would bet my entire life savings that everyone in this thread has it. Not having cold sores does not mean you don't have it

I think it's one of those things where people thinks it's a mark of virtue when it's really just luck, and therefore people who don't have HSV-1 use it as an excuse to act/feel superior. Like being tall or naturally thin or having rich parents. They think it separates them or distinguishes them in some way.

Also, if you've never had a cold sore I guess it sounds like the worst thing ever? It's really not. It's like having an inconvenient pimple, basically. Which is another thing people act like is a mark of the devil or something but is actually just a normal and common occurrence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is so weird about HSV-1 . I would bet my entire life savings that everyone in this thread has it. Not having cold sores does not mean you don't have it

I think it's one of those things where people thinks it's a mark of virtue when it's really just luck, and therefore people who don't have HSV-1 use it as an excuse to act/feel superior. Like being tall or naturally thin or having rich parents. They think it separates them or distinguishes them in some way.

Also, if you've never had a cold sore I guess it sounds like the worst thing ever? It's really not. It's like having an inconvenient pimple, basically. Which is another thing people act like is a mark of the devil or something but is actually just a normal and common occurrence.

Lol even little kids get cold sores - are we to think less of their virtue if they get a cold sore!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is so weird about HSV-1 . I would bet my entire life savings that everyone in this thread has it. Not having cold sores does not mean you don't have it

I don’t. I got checked for hsv 1 & 2 because my doctor thought I did. I have neither. Not everybody has it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is so weird about HSV-1 . I would bet my entire life savings that everyone in this thread has it. Not having cold sores does not mean you don't have it

I don’t. I got checked for hsv 1 & 2 because my doctor thought I did. I have neither. Not everybody has it.

No one said everyone has it. But lots and lots of people have it. If you don't have it, odds are good that someone you've dated or kissed has had it, probably multiple someones unless you haven't dated or kissed very many people. You should assume about 50% of adults over 30 have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is so weird about HSV-1 . I would bet my entire life savings that everyone in this thread has it. Not having cold sores does not mean you don't have it

I don’t. I got checked for hsv 1 & 2 because my doctor thought I did. I have neither. Not everybody has it.

If your doctor thought you might have genital herpes (HSV-2), I'm guessing you have stuff going on that means you should probably not be looking down your nose at people who get cold sores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say I was sick and reschedule. I would not even consider this a lie because when I get a cold sore it usually means my immune system is shot and I need to rest. Just tell him you are excited to see him but feeling really run down and wouldn't be fun to hang out with right now.

I can usually get rid of a cold sore in 4 days but if I try to rush it, it gets so much worse. And with a 3rd date... I wouldn't want to foreclose the possibility of intimacy but I would not want to be intimate with someone while I had a cold sore. And while I don't think a cold sore is anything to be ashamed of (like 80% of adults get them), I would also not want to mention it this early in knowing someone because it's definitely a vibe killer!

80% of Americans do not get cold sores. It’s more like 30%, and that’s not until you’re at age 50. People who get cold sores need to disclose that to people before they kiss them. You can pass herpes even when you have no sores. It is good that the original poster seems to take meds, because if you take them every day, it lowers your viral load and makes you less likely to be able to pass them on. But you really need to disclose this. You could spread this to your partner if you kiss them or if you perform oral sex. They get to decide whether or not they want to expose themselves to this, not you.

No, the point is that 50-80% of American adults have HSV-1. They may get cold sores or not, people display the virus in different ways and you can have HSV-1 and never get a cold sore. Since as you point out, you can transmit it to someone even if you have sores, this is why it's absurd to expect everyone to disclose this up front. Unless you are advocating for people to go get tested for HSV-1 before they ever start dating and then disclose even if they've never had a cold sore. Which you aren't.

If you are super worried about this, you can ask partners to screen for it and be very selective about who you date. But especially if you are over the age of 30 and dating people in your same age bracket, it's basically impossible to screen for it.

Also, you obviously don't understand the difference between HSV-1 and HSV-2. HSV-1 only causes cold sores on the mouth and is the very common one. You cannot get genital herpes from someone with HSV-1. If you don't understand this you need to educate yourself.

That’s actually not true. You can get an infection of oral herpes in your genital region.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have herpes. You need to disclose that to him. I hope you have not kissed him without telling him you have herpes.

They likely have HSV-1. Somewhere between half and 80% of American adults have it. It's incredibly common and does not require some kind of special disclosure. But you shouldn't kiss someone when you have an active flare up because of course you don't want to spread it.

If you don't want to date anyone who might have HSV-1, then best of luck to you because you will eliminate a lot of potential dates this way.

You still must disclose. I got hsv1 on my genitals from an ex. Then I had to be extremely cautious when I gave birth. Not fun. People are too casual with cold sores.