husband and daughter missing christening due to sports

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.
Subject line should say son. I also have a daughter but she is going to baptism. Baptism was scheduled months ago so my parents can purchase flights. Plus, baptisms are a big deal in my culture and it is traditional to host a luncheon afterwards so we had to book restaurant and send invitations. This was all scheduled well before we knew about tournament.
Son is 15. Husband is of the same faith as me and his entire family will be there.

You had to have known the tournament was a possibility and that there was a chance your husband and son would not be available. You played the odds and lost. I get the logistics - I have a kid in travel sports and I had baptisms for all of my kids. But you prioritized your baby and parents over your son and husband and now are upset that they called you on it. And clearly when you realized there was a conflict instead of looking into the possibility of changing the dates, you dug in your heels decided to continue prioritizing baby and parents.

I would be upset to miss my baby’s baptism. But I’m not so sure I’d make a different choice. Either way I’m going to have to pick which kid to support.

And even a few weeks out you can still change it. Your parents can change their arrangements and you can move the date.

OP here. The son we are baptizing is also my husband's son and just as important. He was involved with choosing the date. The fact that you are making this all about me is just plain weird.
Also, all kids are biological kids.
No way to change the date this late in the game. Read my earlier comment. Church reserved and booked solid. Restaurant reserved. Guests are attending. Flights booked.

Your husband and son's priorities are so wildly off that it's hard not to believe you arent a troll. Of course, the entire family attends the baby's baptism. And I say this as a non-Christian, non-religious person.

I'm also a non-Christian, non-religious person, and honestly I would say it's no big deal for the older son and DH to miss the christening (because obviously I don't care about such things myself). If this were just a church ceremony, no big deal IMO. (Obviously OP's parents and the clergyperson can disagree, as is their right.)

What I would not tolerate is my DH skipping out on a big family party that he and I are hosting. Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.
Subject line should say son. I also have a daughter but she is going to baptism. Baptism was scheduled months ago so my parents can purchase flights. Plus, baptisms are a big deal in my culture and it is traditional to host a luncheon afterwards so we had to book restaurant and send invitations. This was all scheduled well before we knew about tournament.
Son is 15. Husband is of the same faith as me and his entire family will be there.

You had to have known the tournament was a possibility and that there was a chance your husband and son would not be available. You played the odds and lost. I get the logistics - I have a kid in travel sports and I had baptisms for all of my kids. But you prioritized your baby and parents over your son and husband and now are upset that they called you on it. And clearly when you realized there was a conflict instead of looking into the possibility of changing the dates, you dug in your heels decided to continue prioritizing baby and parents.

I would be upset to miss my baby’s baptism. But I’m not so sure I’d make a different choice. Either way I’m going to have to pick which kid to support.

And even a few weeks out you can still change it. Your parents can change their arrangements and you can move the date.

OP here. The son we are baptizing is also my husband's son and just as important. He was involved with choosing the date. The fact that you are making this all about me is just plain weird.
Also, all kids are biological kids.
No way to change the date this late in the game. Read my earlier comment. Church reserved and booked solid. Restaurant reserved. Guests are attending. Flights booked.

Your husband and son's priorities are so wildly off that it's hard not to believe you arent a troll. Of course, the entire family attends the baby's baptism. And I say this as a non-Christian, non-religious person.

I'm also a non-Christian, non-religious person, and honestly I would say it's no big deal for the older son and DH to miss the christening (because obviously I don't care about such things myself). If this were just a church ceremony, no big deal IMO. (Obviously OP's parents and the clergyperson can disagree, as is their right.)

What I would not tolerate is my DH skipping out on a big family party that he and I are hosting. Nope.

A christening is a Big Deal. It's akin to a wedding in the eyes of the church. It's a really meaningful and important part of Christian life. To me this would be like my husband missing my kids wedding.

[Anonymous]

Looked at another way, OP, you are prioritizing your parents' attendance over your husband and son's. If it's that important to you that he be there, reschedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't the church require the parents to present the child? How is that going to work?

Surely the church has baptized children of single parents before.

[Anonymous]

The baby won't know dad wasn't there.
Sometimes parents have to divide and conquer.

It's unfortunate but, I agree with your husband here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.
Subject line should say son. I also have a daughter but she is going to baptism. Baptism was scheduled months ago so my parents can purchase flights. Plus, baptisms are a big deal in my culture and it is traditional to host a luncheon afterwards so we had to book restaurant and send invitations. This was all scheduled well before we knew about tournament.
Son is 15. Husband is of the same faith as me and his entire family will be there.

You had to have known the tournament was a possibility and that there was a chance your husband and son would not be available. You played the odds and lost. I get the logistics - I have a kid in travel sports and I had baptisms for all of my kids. But you prioritized your baby and parents over your son and husband and now are upset that they called you on it. And clearly when you realized there was a conflict instead of looking into the possibility of changing the dates, you dug in your heels decided to continue prioritizing baby and parents.

I would be upset to miss my baby’s baptism. But I’m not so sure I’d make a different choice. Either way I’m going to have to pick which kid to support.

And even a few weeks out you can still change it. Your parents can change their arrangements and you can move the date.

OP here. The son we are baptizing is also my husband's son and just as important. He was involved with choosing the date. The fact that you are making this all about me is just plain weird.
Also, all kids are biological kids.
No way to change the date this late in the game. Read my earlier comment. Church reserved and booked solid. Restaurant reserved. Guests are attending. Flights booked.

Your husband and son's priorities are so wildly off that it's hard not to believe you arent a troll. Of course, the entire family attends the baby's baptism. And I say this as a non-Christian, non-religious person.

I'm also a non-Christian, non-religious person, and honestly I would say it's no big deal for the older son and DH to miss the christening (because obviously I don't care about such things myself). If this were just a church ceremony, no big deal IMO. (Obviously OP's parents and the clergyperson can disagree, as is their right.)

What I would not tolerate is my DH skipping out on a big family party that he and I are hosting. Nope.

A christening is a Big Deal. It's akin to a wedding in the eyes of the church. It's a really meaningful and important part of Christian life. To me this would be like my husband missing my kids wedding.

I get that it is a big deal for some people, including OP's parents/culture. It's obviously not a big deal for OP's DH. I'm not even sure it's that big a deal for OP (she's talking mostly about how upset her parents are).

So, as I said, if I were having a christening because it was a Big Deal for my family, but not for me particularly and not for DH, then I can imagine excusing my DH/son from attending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The baby won't know dad wasn't there.
Sometimes parents have to divide and conquer.

It's unfortunate but, I agree with your husband here.

Baptisms aren't like birthday parties. The parents role is as important as the baby's. The parents are an important part of the service and also take vows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.
Subject line should say son. I also have a daughter but she is going to baptism. Baptism was scheduled months ago so my parents can purchase flights. Plus, baptisms are a big deal in my culture and it is traditional to host a luncheon afterwards so we had to book restaurant and send invitations. This was all scheduled well before we knew about tournament.
Son is 15. Husband is of the same faith as me and his entire family will be there.

You had to have known the tournament was a possibility and that there was a chance your husband and son would not be available. You played the odds and lost. I get the logistics - I have a kid in travel sports and I had baptisms for all of my kids. But you prioritized your baby and parents over your son and husband and now are upset that they called you on it. And clearly when you realized there was a conflict instead of looking into the possibility of changing the dates, you dug in your heels decided to continue prioritizing baby and parents.

I would be upset to miss my baby’s baptism. But I’m not so sure I’d make a different choice. Either way I’m going to have to pick which kid to support.

And even a few weeks out you can still change it. Your parents can change their arrangements and you can move the date.

OP here. The son we are baptizing is also my husband's son and just as important. He was involved with choosing the date. The fact that you are making this all about me is just plain weird.
Also, all kids are biological kids.
No way to change the date this late in the game. Read my earlier comment. Church reserved and booked solid. Restaurant reserved. Guests are attending. Flights booked.

Your husband and son's priorities are so wildly off that it's hard not to believe you arent a troll. Of course, the entire family attends the baby's baptism. And I say this as a non-Christian, non-religious person.

I'm also a non-Christian, non-religious person, and honestly I would say it's no big deal for the older son and DH to miss the christening (because obviously I don't care about such things myself). If this were just a church ceremony, no big deal IMO. (Obviously OP's parents and the clergyperson can disagree, as is their right.)

What I would not tolerate is my DH skipping out on a big family party that he and I are hosting. Nope.

I’m not religious, but clearly this is a family milestone, whether I consider it so or not.

OP, this situation is totally messed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The baby won't know dad wasn't there.
Sometimes parents have to divide and conquer.

It's unfortunate but, I agree with your husband here.

It sets the stage for those awkward later conversations when the youngest child notes Dad’s absence from
the event photos, “So, wait, Dad, you couldn’t bother to be there for MY milestone event because you went to Brother’s game?”

Dad is already setting up a bad dynamic. Given that he wants the child baptized and previously agreed to the date, this is insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The baby won't know dad wasn't there.
Sometimes parents have to divide and conquer.

It's unfortunate but, I agree with your husband here.

There is zero need to divide and conquer here. The 15 year old does not need his dad to accompany him to the tournament.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't the church require the parents to present the child? How is that going to work?

Surely the church has baptized children of single parents before.

Yes, and in that case ~all~ the baby's parents are in attendance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since he’s 15, your son can and should go with another family to the tournament. Your DH is absolutely wrong here. He can miss one day.

This. Absolutely this. It is insane that your husband is skipping a baptism to chauffeur a teen.

[Anonymous]

I feel like other posters feel it too...OP what aren't you telling us?

...your marriage is on the rocks?
...your husband comes from a culture that prioritizes sports / boys over all else?
...your husband finds excuses not to spend time with the family?
...your husband is having an affair with another soccer parent?
...your husband hates your family?
...why did you intentionally have kids with such a large age gap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't the church require the parents to present the child? How is that going to work?

Surely the church has baptized children of single parents before.

So now OP is a is single parent?

[Anonymous]

OP, I have been in similar shoes - our kids played travel soccer and were extremely invested, and since we had two kids on the same team we felt like we could never miss. When we had a family wedding, kids went to tournament with another family and DH and I stayed home. Your DH does NOT need to be at the tournament and he knows it. His priorities are very screwed up. FWIW, my kids both ended up playing college soccer - even though we were not at that tournament.