husband and daughter missing christening due to sports

[Anonymous]

You kid sports people are officially crazy. My sister was a state champion swimmer and she occasionally missed big meets for big family stuff.

Like, your kid isn't the second coming of Cristiano Ronaldo, get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my son is U14 MLS next level. I would have my son skip the tournament and him attend the baptism. We are in a highly competitive program, but our coach would certainly understand this and if he found out our DS and DH skipped a major life event for a sibling in which out of country relatives attended he would be upset with us.

I get the logistics of baptisms. Our church only does it on certain days of the year. My in-laws live in Europe, so we had to had to schedule ours months ahead of time. Life happens in between, sure, but your son’s U16 soccer isn’t more important.

My son has missed tournaments this year for an injury, a funeral, and a family vacation. We are upfront with our coach about conflicts and we do not abuse it. My son is still a starter, he has not been punished in any way.

You know what to do.

Ohhh OP this is such a good perspective to have!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why was it scheduled at the same time?
I think it’s super weird he isn’t there. But why are you prioritizing scheduling around your parents and not him? It can be rescheduled. You just don’t want to.

It sounds like the event was scheduled, probably long before the soccer schedule was out, and the parents bought plane tickets. If I bought international tickets for an event and it got rescheduled, I'd be annoyed too.

Right. Then when the soccer schedule comes out, you tell the coach you will be missing that game because of a previously scheduled family event.

People's priorities are so out of whack. And I am not religious at all. But this isn't a difficult decision.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like Dad didn’t want this younger child and this is a punishment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your son being potentially recruited to play by college or professional recruiters? If not, he can skip a tournament.

And certainly the father doesn't need to be there.

How is this even a question?

Yes, I think this is right question. If son is being recruited or has realistic odds of recruitment, and this is an important showcase tournament, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to skip the christening, and I’d send him with another family. Unlike the PP’s example with her grandmother’s birthday, this event is not likely to be one that would have been incredibly meaningful to the older son. If going to the tournament means he won’t see the grandparents/extended family at all, my answer might change, depending how often he typically sees them.

There is no excuse for your DH to skip the christening. None at all. That’s really selfish and hurtful to everyone involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.
Subject line should say son. I also have a daughter but she is going to baptism. Baptism was scheduled months ago so my parents can purchase flights. Plus, baptisms are a big deal in my culture and it is traditional to host a luncheon afterwards so we had to book restaurant and send invitations. This was all scheduled well before we knew about tournament.
Son is 15. Husband is of the same faith as me and his entire family will be there.

You had to have known the tournament was a possibility and that there was a chance your husband and son would not be available. You played the odds and lost. I get the logistics - I have a kid in travel sports and I had baptisms for all of my kids. But you prioritized your baby and parents over your son and husband and now are upset that they called you on it. And clearly when you realized there was a conflict instead of looking into the possibility of changing the dates, you dug in your heels decided to continue prioritizing baby and parents.

I would be upset to miss my baby’s baptism. But I’m not so sure I’d make a different choice. Either way I’m going to have to pick which kid to support.

And even a few weeks out you can still change it. Your parents can change their arrangements and you can move the date.

[Anonymous]

Relatives are flying in from another country, this is a son/brother being baptized, and your kid's priority is sports, and your husband's priority is sports?

Something is wrong with your household, OP, and it's much bigger than this baptism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.
Subject line should say son. I also have a daughter but she is going to baptism. Baptism was scheduled months ago so my parents can purchase flights. Plus, baptisms are a big deal in my culture and it is traditional to host a luncheon afterwards so we had to book restaurant and send invitations. This was all scheduled well before we knew about tournament.
Son is 15. Husband is of the same faith as me and his entire family will be there.

You had to have known the tournament was a possibility and that there was a chance your husband and son would not be available. You played the odds and lost. I get the logistics - I have a kid in travel sports and I had baptisms for all of my kids. But you prioritized your baby and parents over your son and husband and now are upset that they called you on it. And clearly when you realized there was a conflict instead of looking into the possibility of changing the dates, you dug in your heels decided to continue prioritizing baby and parents.

I would be upset to miss my baby’s baptism. But I’m not so sure I’d make a different choice. Either way I’m going to have to pick which kid to support.

And even a few weeks out you can still change it. Your parents can change their arrangements and you can move the date.

This is so weird.

You're not picking which kid to support. It's not like each member of the family is an autonomous being. It's the family unit, which includes every member of the family, that needs to sometimes be prioritized.

I know you'll disagree but you're the odd one out and there is a reason for that.

[Anonymous]

I live in the Bible belt and I see kids out on Sunday mornings playing baseball. Travel sports are eclipsing church attendance all over, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.
Subject line should say son. I also have a daughter but she is going to baptism. Baptism was scheduled months ago so my parents can purchase flights. Plus, baptisms are a big deal in my culture and it is traditional to host a luncheon afterwards so we had to book restaurant and send invitations. This was all scheduled well before we knew about tournament.
Son is 15. Husband is of the same faith as me and his entire family will be there.

You had to have known the tournament was a possibility and that there was a chance your husband and son would not be available. You played the odds and lost. I get the logistics - I have a kid in travel sports and I had baptisms for all of my kids. But you prioritized your baby and parents over your son and husband and now are upset that they called you on it. And clearly when you realized there was a conflict instead of looking into the possibility of changing the dates, you dug in your heels decided to continue prioritizing baby and parents.

I would be upset to miss my baby’s baptism. But I’m not so sure I’d make a different choice. Either way I’m going to have to pick which kid to support.

And even a few weeks out you can still change it. Your parents can change their arrangements and you can move the date.

This is so weird.

You're not picking which kid to support. It's not like each member of the family is an autonomous being. It's the family unit, which includes every member of the family, that needs to sometimes be prioritized.

I know you'll disagree but you're the odd one out and there is a reason for that.

I agree that a family is a unit. But why then would you schedule a date optional family event for a date when there is a likelihood that significant members of the unit might not be available. I never said what I’d do - except that I’d schedule better. But i do think there’s a problem when you ignore 40% of your family’s priorities when scheduling and then choosing outsiders (yes they’re grandparents, but not part of the family unit) needs and desires over your husband’s and son’s when deciding not to reschedule.

[Anonymous]

Did your husband not want this newest baby, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.
Subject line should say son. I also have a daughter but she is going to baptism. Baptism was scheduled months ago so my parents can purchase flights. Plus, baptisms are a big deal in my culture and it is traditional to host a luncheon afterwards so we had to book restaurant and send invitations. This was all scheduled well before we knew about tournament.
Son is 15. Husband is of the same faith as me and his entire family will be there.

You had to have known the tournament was a possibility and that there was a chance your husband and son would not be available. You played the odds and lost. I get the logistics - I have a kid in travel sports and I had baptisms for all of my kids. But you prioritized your baby and parents over your son and husband and now are upset that they called you on it. And clearly when you realized there was a conflict instead of looking into the possibility of changing the dates, you dug in your heels decided to continue prioritizing baby and parents.

I would be upset to miss my baby’s baptism. But I’m not so sure I’d make a different choice. Either way I’m going to have to pick which kid to support.

And even a few weeks out you can still change it. Your parents can change their arrangements and you can move the date.

This is so weird.

You're not picking which kid to support. It's not like each member of the family is an autonomous being. It's the family unit, which includes every member of the family, that needs to sometimes be prioritized.

I know you'll disagree but you're the odd one out and there is a reason for that.

I agree that a family is a unit. But why then would you schedule a date optional family event for a date when there is a likelihood that significant members of the unit might not be available. I never said what I’d do - except that I’d schedule better. But i do think there’s a problem when you ignore 40% of your family’s priorities when scheduling and then choosing outsiders (yes they’re grandparents, but not part of the family unit) needs and desires over your husband’s and son’s when deciding not to reschedule.

As a parent of kids who play sports, I can't figure out how I'm supposed to schedule an event that needs to happen on a weekend on a day that doesn't have a likelihood of sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in the Bible belt and I see kids out on Sunday mornings playing baseball. Travel sports are eclipsing church attendance all over, I guess.

I attend a church that has services at 8, 10, 12 and 6:30. Stay out of people’s business.

OP - tell your parents to back off. You have a husband issue. My son plays travel sports and the coach and his son missed a game for his sister’s confirmation. How old is your son? If he is not in high school, there is no reason he shouldn’t skip this tourney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.
Subject line should say son. I also have a daughter but she is going to baptism. Baptism was scheduled months ago so my parents can purchase flights. Plus, baptisms are a big deal in my culture and it is traditional to host a luncheon afterwards so we had to book restaurant and send invitations. This was all scheduled well before we knew about tournament.
Son is 15. Husband is of the same faith as me and his entire family will be there.

You had to have known the tournament was a possibility and that there was a chance your husband and son would not be available. You played the odds and lost. I get the logistics - I have a kid in travel sports and I had baptisms for all of my kids. But you prioritized your baby and parents over your son and husband and now are upset that they called you on it. And clearly when you realized there was a conflict instead of looking into the possibility of changing the dates, you dug in your heels decided to continue prioritizing baby and parents.

I would be upset to miss my baby’s baptism. But I’m not so sure I’d make a different choice. Either way I’m going to have to pick which kid to support.

And even a few weeks out you can still change it. Your parents can change their arrangements and you can move the date.

OP here. The son we are baptizing is also my husband's son and just as important. He was involved with choosing the date. The fact that you are making this all about me is just plain weird.
Also, all kids are biological kids.
No way to change the date this late in the game. Read my earlier comment. Church reserved and booked solid. Restaurant reserved. Guests are attending. Flights booked.

[Anonymous]

Can your 15 year old go to the tournament with another family?