Job offer overseas vs 50% child custody

[Anonymous]

Because image! Status symbol! Because parents rights! Because I seeded a child! Because I can! Because I hate her! Because how can I get more dates if people know I never really parented my children! Because kids are easy peasyc right!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can go to court and fight for full custody but that would be pretty terrible for him and the kids. Or, just leave the kids with him and take the job. You can have visits on holidays and summers.

Sounds like I have to persuade him to let me go…

You mean and take the kids with you?

I mean, speaking as a father, my answer to you would be I support you going and will work with you to give you as much opportunity to see the children as possible, but I would go to the mat in court to prevent you from taking my kids with you. Your choices are to not take the job and remain close to the kids or take the jobs and see the kids sometimes. Those are quite literally the only two choices. The other one where you take your children with you? It's not happening. And that IS a hill I would die on.

And WHY would you do that?

Why is that in the best interest of the children?

It is not in the kids best interest to move them away from their home and dad. Mom can go and have visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can go to court and fight for full custody but that would be pretty terrible for him and the kids. Or, just leave the kids with him and take the job. You can have visits on holidays and summers.

Sounds like I have to persuade him to let me go…

You mean and take the kids with you?

I mean, speaking as a father, my answer to you would be I support you going and will work with you to give you as much opportunity to see the children as possible, but I would go to the mat in court to prevent you from taking my kids with you. Your choices are to not take the job and remain close to the kids or take the jobs and see the kids sometimes. Those are quite literally the only two choices. The other one where you take your children with you? It's not happening. And that IS a hill I would die on.

And WHY would you do that?

Why is that in the best interest of the children?

It is not in the kids best interest to move them away from their home and dad. Mom can go and have visits.

Prove its in their best interest to not be with their mother. Prove what kind of parent you were and are.

[Anonymous]

You’d kids probably know more honestly that you.

[Anonymous]

Hi all,
This is OP. I was surprised to see so many more replies. Some even sound like it was me who replied.
Some clarifications - this was indeed a hypothetical question; our marriage is falling apart, so I’m researching this question.
This discussion was helpful - thanks for your diverse perspectives and sharing your experiences or what you know.
Kids are in elementary and overseas exposure is an opportunity to pick up at least one foreign language and travel around and expand outlook.
DH makes me feel we are a burden… he does some pickups and drop offs but generally, we are not a source of his happiness and joy. I could not make him happy… to me he is still a bachelor mentality who tries to fit in and look like a father but he can’t… it’s just not his thing… my heart hurts for my kids…

I’m not sure what is going to happen but I will try to talk and get his agreement for more custody on my end - we are yet to have mediator appointment and hammer out in house separation agreement … get his ok in writing maybe that he does not object that I leave with kids in case of a job offer.

You know, after so much verbal abuse and neglect, I do not think staying married is an option. “You better be alone rather than with whoever.”

This person blamed me that I spent too much money on my father’s funeral overseas because I flew out for the funeral. This person has no heart.

[Anonymous]

Still op. Another option is to land that offer fast and leave and that will be out one year separation as grounds for divorce.
I just really don’t know how he is going to act. I think public opinion is important to him and that’s why he might try to make it hard. He looks like a perfect dad in the eyes of the community and immediate family, but it’s a sham.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can go to court and fight for full custody but that would be pretty terrible for him and the kids. Or, just leave the kids with him and take the job. You can have visits on holidays and summers.

Sounds like I have to persuade him to let me go…

You mean and take the kids with you?

I mean, speaking as a father, my answer to you would be I support you going and will work with you to give you as much opportunity to see the children as possible, but I would go to the mat in court to prevent you from taking my kids with you. Your choices are to not take the job and remain close to the kids or take the jobs and see the kids sometimes. Those are quite literally the only two choices. The other one where you take your children with you? It's not happening. And that IS a hill I would die on.

And WHY would you do that?

Why is that in the best interest of the children?

It is not in the kids best interest to move them away from their home and dad. Mom can go and have visits.

Prove its in their best interest to not be with their mother. Prove what kind of parent you were and are.

Folks here complain Dad's aren't involved and completely dismiss Dad's role in the kids life.

Mom's priority is her career, not kids. She doesn't have to move/military. She is choosing to move. If she chooses to move, kids should stay at their home, their school, their activities, and with their Dad who is an equal parent.

When Dad wants to visit, many say those are all more important than visits, so which is it?

Some kids do far better and have a stronger relationship with Dad. Surprise. Some Dads are better parents than Mom's. Surprise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi all,
This is OP. I was surprised to see so many more replies. Some even sound like it was me who replied.
Some clarifications - this was indeed a hypothetical question; our marriage is falling apart, so I’m researching this question.
This discussion was helpful - thanks for your diverse perspectives and sharing your experiences or what you know.
Kids are in elementary and overseas exposure is an opportunity to pick up at least one foreign language and travel around and expand outlook.
DH makes me feel we are a burden… he does some pickups and drop offs but generally, we are not a source of his happiness and joy. I could not make him happy… to me he is still a bachelor mentality who tries to fit in and look like a father but he can’t… it’s just not his thing… my heart hurts for my kids…

I’m not sure what is going to happen but I will try to talk and get his agreement for more custody on my end - we are yet to have mediator appointment and hammer out in house separation agreement … get his ok in writing maybe that he does not object that I leave with kids in case of a job offer.

You know, after so much verbal abuse and neglect, I do not think staying married is an option. “You better be alone rather than with whoever.”

This person blamed me that I spent too much money on my father’s funeral overseas because I flew out for the funeral. This person has no heart.

If you want a divorce, get one. You can get an apartment/house nearby and share custody. That is in the kids best interests. But, you don't need to move to the other side of the world as an excuse. If you want to go, go. But, clearly Dad is involved and has a relationship with the kids and you will hurt your kids by severing that relationship.

There is zero reason your kids cannot learn a foreign language living here. There is zero reason you cannot travel living here. Those excuses don't TRUMP losing a relationship with their Dad.

How do you think your kids will feel moving to a foreign country where they don't speak the language? Are you going to pay for an American school? What would your custody agreement be? Would you give Dad all summer (then how would you travel)? Holidays? Who pays for the plane tickets? Who flies back and forth with the kids?

We don't know your full situation but maybe you couldn't afford the trip and maybe your finances are an issue? Maybe you could work on your finances or address the issues in your marriage. It takes two to fix a marriage. If you don't want to, leave. If you want to fix the marriage, you have to be part of the solution. He sounds like he tries and you minimize what he does do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Still op. Another option is to land that offer fast and leave and that will be out one year separation as grounds for divorce.
I just really don’t know how he is going to act. I think public opinion is important to him and that’s why he might try to make it hard. He looks like a perfect dad in the eyes of the community and immediate family, but it’s a sham.

You are going to deeply hurt your kids with your behavior and attitude.

[Anonymous]

But this dad is faking it. He told me — these kids ruined our marriage. And that’s because it’s just too much for him to handle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can go to court and fight for full custody but that would be pretty terrible for him and the kids. Or, just leave the kids with him and take the job. You can have visits on holidays and summers.

Sounds like I have to persuade him to let me go…

You mean and take the kids with you?

I mean, speaking as a father, my answer to you would be I support you going and will work with you to give you as much opportunity to see the children as possible, but I would go to the mat in court to prevent you from taking my kids with you. Your choices are to not take the job and remain close to the kids or take the jobs and see the kids sometimes. Those are quite literally the only two choices. The other one where you take your children with you? It's not happening. And that IS a hill I would die on.

And WHY would you do that?

Why is that in the best interest of the children?

It is not in the kids best interest to move them away from their home and dad. Mom can go and have visits.

Prove its in their best interest to not be with their mother. Prove what kind of parent you were and are.

Folks here complain Dad's aren't involved and completely dismiss Dad's role in the kids life.

Mom's priority is her career, not kids. She doesn't have to move/military. She is choosing to move. If she chooses to move, kids should stay at their home, their school, their activities, and with their Dad who is an equal parent.

When Dad wants to visit, many say those are all more important than visits, so which is it?

Some kids do far better and have a stronger relationship with Dad. Surprise. Some Dads are better parents than Mom's. Surprise.

Great, then his list should make it easy to prove he’s the default parent and on top of everything and providing his kids the emotional support they need to thrive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi all,
This is OP. I was surprised to see so many more replies. Some even sound like it was me who replied.
Some clarifications - this was indeed a hypothetical question; our marriage is falling apart, so I’m researching this question.
This discussion was helpful - thanks for your diverse perspectives and sharing your experiences or what you know.
Kids are in elementary and overseas exposure is an opportunity to pick up at least one foreign language and travel around and expand outlook.
DH makes me feel we are a burden… he does some pickups and drop offs but generally, we are not a source of his happiness and joy. I could not make him happy… to me he is still a bachelor mentality who tries to fit in and look like a father but he can’t… it’s just not his thing… my heart hurts for my kids…

I’m not sure what is going to happen but I will try to talk and get his agreement for more custody on my end - we are yet to have mediator appointment and hammer out in house separation agreement … get his ok in writing maybe that he does not object that I leave with kids in case of a job offer.

You know, after so much verbal abuse and neglect, I do not think staying married is an option. “You better be alone rather than with whoever.”

This person blamed me that I spent too much money on my father’s funeral overseas because I flew out for the funeral. This person has no heart.

If you want a divorce, get one. You can get an apartment/house nearby and share custody. That is in the kids best interests. But, you don't need to move to the other side of the world as an excuse. If you want to go, go. But, clearly Dad is involved and has a relationship with the kids and you will hurt your kids by severing that relationship.

There is zero reason your kids cannot learn a foreign language living here. There is zero reason you cannot travel living here. Those excuses don't TRUMP losing a relationship with their Dad.

How do you think your kids will feel moving to a foreign country where they don't speak the language? Are you going to pay for an American school? What would your custody agreement be? Would you give Dad all summer (then how would you travel)? Holidays? Who pays for the plane tickets? Who flies back and forth with the kids?

We don't know your full situation but maybe you couldn't afford the trip and maybe your finances are an issue? Maybe you could work on your finances or address the issues in your marriage. It takes two to fix a marriage. If you don't want to, leave. If you want to fix the marriage, you have to be part of the solution. He sounds like he tries and you minimize what he does do.

It’s not clear dad is involved in anything.
It doesn’t sound like he tries anything.
Where are you getting these cliches from? She actually said he does very little and is verbally abusive to her and negligent to all of them. And tries to live like a bachelor.

[Anonymous]

If he’s image focused and abusive then make the break up about him and what’s good for him and how much more fun he’ll have visiting or doing a summer trip with the kids, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he’s image focused and abusive then make the break up about him and what’s good for him and how much more fun he’ll have visiting or doing a summer trip with the kids, etc.

Yes, that’s the plan. I am scared he can blow up and I know I have to be very careful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But this dad is faking it. He told me — these kids ruined our marriage. And that’s because it’s just too much for him to handle.

Really, and how did he tell you?