Job offer overseas vs 50% child custody

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could take the job, but presumably you'd need to leave the kids behind.

I can't imagine doing that as a parent, but other people feel differently.

Oh no - I’m not leaving them behind.

You wouldn’t have a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grateful if someone has an answer to the following.
Suppose I’m divorced with 50% custody of children.
Does that mean I’m forever tied to the location job-wise where my husband is also located?
That is, I can’t accept overseas job offers as that would effectively prevent his 50% custody?

You’d have to renegotiate things. Perhaps you’d take the kids and he would have summers or other breaks. Or vice versa. Or you find a different job entirely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had this problem, what was the resolution?
Talk your spouse into letting you pursue your career somehow?
My DH was not that much into being family mane anyway… so I am hoping he won’t mind if we agree on visit-travel schedules several times a year…

If your ex-husband has 50% custody, he is an involved Dad and it would be terrible to take them from him. A few visits a year isn't enough for the kids to have a relationship with their Dad.

You leave the kids with Dad and move. You get visitations and/or travel to see them. Problem solved.

I can’t do that… he is an absentee dad and goes nuts if he babysits too much.

Well then a case can be made you can better provide for them with this new better paying job and perks (private school, ex pay package) and you are the primary parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had this problem, what was the resolution?
Talk your spouse into letting you pursue your career somehow?
My DH was not that much into being family mane anyway… so I am hoping he won’t mind if we agree on visit-travel schedules several times a year…

If your ex-husband has 50% custody, he is an involved Dad and it would be terrible to take them from him. A few visits a year isn't enough for the kids to have a relationship with their Dad.

You leave the kids with Dad and move. You get visitations and/or travel to see them. Problem solved.

I can’t do that… he is an absentee dad and goes nuts if he babysits too much.

Then maybe he would be happy to have the kids live with you and see them. If they come back for Xmas and summers and he goes several times a year to visit you, there can be a fair amount of contact. If he’s as disinterested a father as you say, he’ll be interested in working out a deal as long as it saves him face, i.e. still makes him look like a good dad.

The problem is, if you get the job, and you aren’t able to take it, you will look foolish professionally.

[Anonymous]

We hired a senior level guy that never brought up his divorce or kids until he had the offer. He then brought it up as if the kids were juniors in Hs and this was all temporary..
Anyhow.
This was before Covid and he had his wife keep the kids since they actually had 6-8 more years of schooling to graduate and flew back and forth 5 hours once or twice a month to spend weekend time plus some vacations.
I assume he must like remote working since he can see them more easily now. He always brought a different online date to the company or coworker parties. Prob had bicoastal girlfriends too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grateful if someone has an answer to the following.
Suppose I’m divorced with 50% custody of children.
Does that mean I’m forever tied to the location job-wise where my husband is also located?
That is, I can’t accept overseas job offers as that would effectively prevent his 50% custody?

I think as long as your ex is ok with it you can do whatever you want. But he can make your life hell too - if he so chooses.
Is he the type to want to take care of his kids in a real 50/50 situation? Mine isn’t, but he claims he would be against us moving (we aren’t, but still), though child is with me all weekdays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We hired a senior level guy that never brought up his divorce or kids until he had the offer. He then brought it up as if the kids were juniors in Hs and this was all temporary..
Anyhow.
This was before Covid and he had his wife keep the kids since they actually had 6-8 more years of schooling to graduate and flew back and forth 5 hours once or twice a month to spend weekend time plus some vacations.
I assume he must like remote working since he can see them more easily now. He always brought a different online date to the company or coworker parties. Prob had bicoastal girlfriends too.

Why are you implying he should have brought up his family situation before the offer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you had this problem, what was the resolution?
Talk your spouse into letting you pursue your career somehow?
My DH was not that much into being family mane anyway… so I am hoping he won’t mind if we agree on visit-travel schedules several times a year…

My ex is a weekend dad, but when I once brought up possibly moving for work he went nuts. We haven’t worked out an agreement yet then; now he may be more agreeable but the point is they always want to try and make your life difficult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grateful if someone has an answer to the following.
Suppose I’m divorced with 50% custody of children.
Does that mean I’m forever tied to the location job-wise where my husband is also located?
That is, I can’t accept overseas job offers as that would effectively prevent his 50% custody?

Neither of you can move. Unless you are willing to give up a lot of custody, or the way it is scheduled is drastically rearranged (which also sucks for the kids). It has to do with where the children's lives are based and how established they are at this point in their community and location. How old are your kids? I'm assuming they are not babies/toddlers and they are in school? Would they want to be uprooted to go live overseas? I'm assuming no.

Having a judge approve a relocation that includes taking the kids with you in a divorce/split custody situation is not common. The bar is very high to prove how/why that would be beneficial to the children. You also have to show that you absolutely cannot find other suitable employment where you currently live.

You can accept overseas job offers without ramifications when your children are grown and living on their own.

[Anonymous]

In the state of VA you have no chance in hell of bringing a child with 50/50 custody with you.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all the replies - they came so quick!
Appreciate it.
Many times he said he did not care if i left with kids and went after overseas career but I am a bit nervous he may back out once things get real.
Thanks for helping me learn about how this works. Don’t know - somehow I like it here more than googling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the replies - they came so quick!
Appreciate it.
Many times he said he did not care if i left with kids and went after overseas career but I am a bit nervous he may back out once things get real.
Thanks for helping me learn about how this works. Don’t know - somehow I like it here more than googling.

but how do your kids feel about this? their opinion is just as important as his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the replies - they came so quick!
Appreciate it.
Many times he said he did not care if i left with kids and went after overseas career but I am a bit nervous he may back out once things get real.
Thanks for helping me learn about how this works. Don’t know - somehow I like it here more than googling.

but how do your kids feel about this? their opinion is just as important as his.

They hate the idea…
But I was hoping to talk them into it or bribe them… I mean - no kid likes a change. This would be academically good for them…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the replies - they came so quick!
Appreciate it.
Many times he said he did not care if i left with kids and went after overseas career but I am a bit nervous he may back out once things get real.
Thanks for helping me learn about how this works. Don’t know - somehow I like it here more than googling.

but how do your kids feel about this? their opinion is just as important as his.

They hate the idea…
But I was hoping to talk them into it or bribe them… I mean - no kid likes a change. This would be academically good for them…

God! I can't stand self-centered parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We hired a senior level guy that never brought up his divorce or kids until he had the offer. He then brought it up as if the kids were juniors in Hs and this was all temporary..
Anyhow.
This was before Covid and he had his wife keep the kids since they actually had 6-8 more years of schooling to graduate and flew back and forth 5 hours once or twice a month to spend weekend time plus some vacations.
I assume he must like remote working since he can see them more easily now. He always brought a different online date to the company or coworker parties. Prob had bicoastal girlfriends too.

Why are you implying he should have brought up his family situation before the offer?

No one has to.

But we all know that when he finally did he lied about his kids ages, and the reality of it is they redid the custody agreement to the ex wife and he relocated.

So OP can pitch it to her Ex as she’s so all the hard work and childcare plus make more money for the kiddos.