Boyfriend and I Don’t Agree On Wedding

[Anonymous]

I had a dad and stepdad, and finally decided to have my brother walk me down the aisle.

But unlike in your situation, both my dad and stepdad were nice. This is your day--you do not need to have your dad there. So tell him he's not walking you down the aisle, then he won't come, and the other folks won't come because he won't come. So that takes care of it.

Re potentially unruly relatives, ahead of the ceremony, we showed DH's best man and friends a picture of two people in my extended family who "might need to be escorted out" of the reception. They did a bit of guard duty that night.

Also, don't have anyone give speeches at the reception. (Tangent--this rule is extremely helpful at memorial services when someone might get up to b*tch about the deceased)

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why is your family ghetto? If you’re white, that’s racist.

No it’s not.

Racist or not, it’s a distasteful adjective that should be excised from the vocabulary of anyone aspiring to sensitivity and/or refinement.

OP here. I don’t care about being sensitive.

And we don't care about your wedding.

OP here. Then don’t reply.

I can see why you are having trouble coming to an agreement with your boyfriend you don't want to hear any opinion but your own, and when other's suggest something you don't like you either get nasty or have a million and one excuses as to why you can't do a reasonable thing. .

It's pretty easy not to use the term ghetto which is offensive, instead, you just doubled down.

But let's be real here, you don't actually want to talk about planning your wedding or get advice on that you want to gossip about your cousin being molested.

OP here. I said I don’t care about being sensitive. PP can decide not to come on here all she wants. I’m not going to be sensitive because her feelings might get hurt.

It's not just me who told you ghetto was inappropriate. SEveral posters did and you doubled down on your ignorance. Your BF should run you are as toxic as the family you don't want to come to your wedding.

OP here. Cry more. Take your work white savior nonsense somewhere else.

Does your boyfriend know you're a racist? YOur family drama is the least of your issues.

Using the term ghetto does not make you a racist. The word racist has lost its true meaning that’s to idiots like you.

Ok so I can use the term White Trash freely then?

OP sounds like White Trash from a WV trailer park. That'd not be offensive, right???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your family ghetto? If you’re white, that’s racist.

No it’s not.

Racist or not, it’s a distasteful adjective that should be excised from the vocabulary of anyone aspiring to sensitivity and/or refinement.

OP here. I don’t care about being sensitive.

And we don't care about your wedding.

OP here. Then don’t reply.

I can see why you are having trouble coming to an agreement with your boyfriend you don't want to hear any opinion but your own, and when other's suggest something you don't like you either get nasty or have a million and one excuses as to why you can't do a reasonable thing. .

It's pretty easy not to use the term ghetto which is offensive, instead, you just doubled down.

But let's be real here, you don't actually want to talk about planning your wedding or get advice on that you want to gossip about your cousin being molested.

OP here. I said I don’t care about being sensitive. PP can decide not to come on here all she wants. I’m not going to be sensitive because her feelings might get hurt.

It's not just me who told you ghetto was inappropriate. SEveral posters did and you doubled down on your ignorance. Your BF should run you are as toxic as the family you don't want to come to your wedding.

OP here. Cry more. Take your work white savior nonsense somewhere else.

Does your boyfriend know you're a racist? YOur family drama is the least of your issues.

Using the term ghetto does not make you a racist. The word racist has lost its true meaning that’s to idiots like you.

This. Thank you! And the fact that these PC-speaking brigade is focused more on this word, then how to help OP avoid a truly reprehensible (rapist/pedophile) bunch at her wedding says a lot about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a black person, I can’t figure out why you guys think the word ghetto is racist. OP isn’t referring to low income black people, is she? Or do you think the word should be reserved for black people? I do t get it. I think it’s pretty commonly known to mean low class. Stop focusing on this; it’s silly.

Ghetto as a noun is not used for low SES white community spaces, but minority community spaces, so it is not just about “low class”. Historically not just Black Americans, but Jews in other times in history, etc.

Ghetto as an adjective has become a pejorative way to point out characteristics of something or someone — characteristics that are stereotypically associated with Black culture or are racist tropes about Black culture and people.

Please STOP with the whitesplaination. As a PoC, I find the self-described white liberal tendency to explain our situation/issues through your lens, and then waving the flag of righteous anger over every body else, tiresome/condescending and self serving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your family ghetto? If you’re white, that’s racist.

No it’s not.

Racist or not, it’s a distasteful adjective that should be excised from the vocabulary of anyone aspiring to sensitivity and/or refinement.

OP here. I don’t care about being sensitive.

And we don't care about your wedding.

OP here. Then don’t reply.

I can see why you are having trouble coming to an agreement with your boyfriend you don't want to hear any opinion but your own, and when other's suggest something you don't like you either get nasty or have a million and one excuses as to why you can't do a reasonable thing. .

It's pretty easy not to use the term ghetto which is offensive, instead, you just doubled down.

But let's be real here, you don't actually want to talk about planning your wedding or get advice on that you want to gossip about your cousin being molested.

OP here. I said I don’t care about being sensitive. PP can decide not to come on here all she wants. I’m not going to be sensitive because her feelings might get hurt.

It's not just me who told you ghetto was inappropriate. SEveral posters did and you doubled down on your ignorance. Your BF should run you are as toxic as the family you don't want to come to your wedding.

OP here. Cry more. Take your work white savior nonsense somewhere else.

Does your boyfriend know you're a racist? YOur family drama is the least of your issues.

Using the term ghetto does not make you a racist. The word racist has lost its true meaning that’s to idiots like you.

Ok so I can use the term White Trash freely then?

OP sounds like White Trash from a WV trailer park. That'd not be offensive, right???

See how quickly you went from denouncing a stranger for using the word ‘Ghetto’ to calling her ‘White Trash’? This is reflective of your own character, and woefully short you fall of the standards you are trying to impose on others. Cure yourself first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your family ghetto? If you’re white, that’s racist.

No it’s not.

Racist or not, it’s a distasteful adjective that should be excised from the vocabulary of anyone aspiring to sensitivity and/or refinement.

OP here. My cousin married her sisters rapist. That’s ghetto.

What? That is crazy.

OP here. He is also raising the kid with my cousin who was a result of the rape. My cousin ( who was raped at 14) is now protecting my cousins ( her sisters) 15 daughter because the husband had made passes at her. My cousin refuses to believe it.

How is he raising the kid with the other cousin? I think you're making shit up.

OP here. I’m not. You clearly can’t comprehend what I’m saying.

My cousins ( sisters) are who I’m taking about. While my older cousin was dating the man who is now her husband, he raped her 14 year old sister and got her pregnant. They broke up ( not because of this) and later reconnected and got married. He fully acknowledges it’s his son and is now raising with my older cousin because my younger cousin couldn’t control and handle him ( two armed robbery charges at 17). My oldest cousins 15 year old daughter went to live with my younger cousin because my oldest cousins husband has been making passes at her. My oldest cousin doesn’t believe it.

OP, I can believe you. My SIL's sister has experienced some horrifying things in her life, things that impacted her children and her marriages. People thought she had to be making it all up, but it was all true (and ultimately there were criminal convictions to prove it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I are planning on getting engaged and we have been discussing weddings. He wants to get married in a big ceremony, but I want a small ceremony with just immediate family and some friends. I do not want to invite extended family because they’re drama and ghetto. He thinks I should make an exception this one time and invite everyone. I don’t want to and have been thinking of just getting married at the courthouse with no wedding. How can we come to a compromise?

First put things in perspective, wedding is one day and marriage is long term. A happy marriage is what you two should be focusing on and not letting one day take over you real plan. Second, assign a realistic dollar amount for wedding day, something you can easily afford in cash. Third, work as a team and find how this can be a happy day for both of you, do some give and take to find a good solution. If something is too important for one person then other let’s them have that and other person should do the same for something else. Use wedding as a fun project to learn to work together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I are planning on getting engaged and we have been discussing weddings. He wants to get married in a big ceremony, but I want a small ceremony with just immediate family and some friends. I do not want to invite extended family because they’re drama and ghetto. He thinks I should make an exception this one time and invite everyone. I don’t want to and have been thinking of just getting married at the courthouse with no wedding. How can we come to a compromise?

It doesn’t matter if extended family is drama and ghetto or aloof and wealthy snob, what matters is your emotional connection with them. If you want your extended family there then invite, if not then don’t. It’s a day to promise to love and honor each other in presence of people who are important in your life, if someone isn’t then you aren’t obliged to include them. Are they from his side of the family and important to him? If so then you may want to be gracious and let him invite them. It’s his wedding too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your family ghetto? If you’re white, that’s racist.

No it’s not.

Racist or not, it’s a distasteful adjective that should be excised from the vocabulary of anyone aspiring to sensitivity and/or refinement.

OP here. My cousin married her sisters rapist. That’s ghetto.

What? That is crazy.

OP here. He is also raising the kid with my cousin who was a result of the rape. My cousin ( who was raped at 14) is now protecting my cousins ( her sisters) 15 daughter because the husband had made passes at her. My cousin refuses to believe it.

No. You don’t have to invite them. Ask him to pick guests from his side of the family and friends and let you decide who you want to invite from your side. It’s an easy solution.

How is he raising the kid with the other cousin? I think you're making shit up.

OP here. I’m not. You clearly can’t comprehend what I’m saying.

My cousins ( sisters) are who I’m taking about. While my older cousin was dating the man who is now her husband, he raped her 14 year old sister and got her pregnant. They broke up ( not because of this) and later reconnected and got married. He fully acknowledges it’s his son and is now raising with my older cousin because my younger cousin couldn’t control and handle him ( two armed robbery charges at 17). My oldest cousins 15 year old daughter went to live with my younger cousin because my oldest cousins husband has been making passes at her. My oldest cousin doesn’t believe it.

[Anonymous]

No. You don’t have to invite them. Ask him to pick guests from his side of the family and friends and let you decide who you want to invite from your side. It’s an easy solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your family ghetto? If you’re white, that’s racist.

No it’s not.

Racist or not, it’s a distasteful adjective that should be excised from the vocabulary of anyone aspiring to sensitivity and/or refinement.

OP here. I don’t care about being sensitive.

And we don't care about your wedding.

OP here. Then don’t reply.

I can see why you are having trouble coming to an agreement with your boyfriend you don't want to hear any opinion but your own, and when other's suggest something you don't like you either get nasty or have a million and one excuses as to why you can't do a reasonable thing. .

It's pretty easy not to use the term ghetto which is offensive, instead, you just doubled down.

But let's be real here, you don't actually want to talk about planning your wedding or get advice on that you want to gossip about your cousin being molested.

OP here. I said I don’t care about being sensitive. PP can decide not to come on here all she wants. I’m not going to be sensitive because her feelings might get hurt.

It's not just me who told you ghetto was inappropriate. SEveral posters did and you doubled down on your ignorance. Your BF should run you are as toxic as the family you don't want to come to your wedding.

OP here. Cry more. Take your work white savior nonsense somewhere else.

Does your boyfriend know you're a racist? YOur family drama is the least of your issues.

Using the term ghetto does not make you a racist. The word racist has lost its true meaning that’s to idiots like you.

Ok so I can use the term White Trash freely then?

OP sounds like White Trash from a WV trailer park. That'd not be offensive, right???

See how quickly you went from denouncing a stranger for using the word ‘Ghetto’ to calling her ‘White Trash’? This is reflective of your own character, and woefully short you fall of the standards you are trying to impose on others. Cure yourself first.

I was trying to make a rhetorical point. I'm not calling anyone anything. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a black person, I can’t figure out why you guys think the word ghetto is racist. OP isn’t referring to low income black people, is she? Or do you think the word should be reserved for black people? I do t get it. I think it’s pretty commonly known to mean low class. Stop focusing on this; it’s silly.

Ghetto as a noun is not used for low SES white community spaces, but minority community spaces, so it is not just about “low class”. Historically not just Black Americans, but Jews in other times in history, etc.

Ghetto as an adjective has become a pejorative way to point out characteristics of something or someone — characteristics that are stereotypically associated with Black culture or are racist tropes about Black culture and people.

Please STOP with the whitesplaination. As a PoC, I find the self-described white liberal tendency to explain our situation/issues through your lens, and then waving the flag of righteous anger over every body else, tiresome/condescending and self serving.

+1. White liberals in blackface. They love to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your family ghetto? If you’re white, that’s racist.

No it’s not.

Racist or not, it’s a distasteful adjective that should be excised from the vocabulary of anyone aspiring to sensitivity and/or refinement.

OP here. I don’t care about being sensitive.

And we don't care about your wedding.

OP here. Then don’t reply.

I can see why you are having trouble coming to an agreement with your boyfriend you don't want to hear any opinion but your own, and when other's suggest something you don't like you either get nasty or have a million and one excuses as to why you can't do a reasonable thing. .

It's pretty easy not to use the term ghetto which is offensive, instead, you just doubled down.

But let's be real here, you don't actually want to talk about planning your wedding or get advice on that you want to gossip about your cousin being molested.

OP here. I said I don’t care about being sensitive. PP can decide not to come on here all she wants. I’m not going to be sensitive because her feelings might get hurt.

It's not just me who told you ghetto was inappropriate. SEveral posters did and you doubled down on your ignorance. Your BF should run you are as toxic as the family you don't want to come to your wedding.

OP here. Cry more. Take your work white savior nonsense somewhere else.

Does your boyfriend know you're a racist? YOur family drama is the least of your issues.

Using the term ghetto does not make you a racist. The word racist has lost its true meaning that’s to idiots like you.

Ok so I can use the term White Trash freely then?

OP sounds like White Trash from a WV trailer park. That'd not be offensive, right???

The actual term is "poor white trash". Real white people know this. Is PP a Slav or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your family ghetto? If you’re white, that’s racist.

No it’s not.

Racist or not, it’s a distasteful adjective that should be excised from the vocabulary of anyone aspiring to sensitivity and/or refinement.

OP here. I don’t care about being sensitive.

And we don't care about your wedding.

OP here. Then don’t reply.

I can see why you are having trouble coming to an agreement with your boyfriend you don't want to hear any opinion but your own, and when other's suggest something you don't like you either get nasty or have a million and one excuses as to why you can't do a reasonable thing. .

It's pretty easy not to use the term ghetto which is offensive, instead, you just doubled down.

But let's be real here, you don't actually want to talk about planning your wedding or get advice on that you want to gossip about your cousin being molested.

OP here. I said I don’t care about being sensitive. PP can decide not to come on here all she wants. I’m not going to be sensitive because her feelings might get hurt.

It's not just me who told you ghetto was inappropriate. SEveral posters did and you doubled down on your ignorance. Your BF should run you are as toxic as the family you don't want to come to your wedding.

OP here. Cry more. Take your work white savior nonsense somewhere else.

Does your boyfriend know you're a racist? YOur family drama is the least of your issues.

Using the term ghetto does not make you a racist. The word racist has lost its true meaning that’s to idiots like you.

Ok so I can use the term White Trash freely then?

OP sounds like White Trash from a WV trailer park. That'd not be offensive, right???

The actual term is "poor white trash". Real white people know this. Is PP a Slav or something?

It's both, dear. Do a quick Google.https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_trash
https://www.npr.org/2015/12/28/456350609/6-words-yes-im-tobacco-pickin-white-trash

[Anonymous]

From my understanding, your family dynamic stresses you out and you don’t seem particular close to them. So it would make zero sense to have them at your wedding. Your boyfriend should be able to understand that and not mind if you invite (a lot) less people from your side. It isn’t a matching game. You don’t have to have equal sides of wedding guests coming. It should matter to him as long as the people you want there get invited