Dating sucks. Or am I just overly sensitive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why that turned you off.

+1 He was basically saying he likes you and is hoping you can fit him into your schedule in the near future. I don't think anything else was intended.

Yea, but it’s the entitlement that’s the issue.

Where's the entitlement? He ASKED her to make time for him. Isn't that what you're supposed to do if you want something from a potential romantic interest?

No, he didn’t ask. There wasn’t a question mark at the end of that sentence. It was a directive. If your boss says “I’d like you to make some time for me this week”, is that a question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not into this level of clinginess.

In my experience, men don't have the kinds of social connections that women do, so as soon as they meet a woman, even it's been one date, and often even in the pre-dating phase if you've met online, they're texting all the time, nattering on about what they had for lunch, what they're doing at the gym, etc. I've had guys I literally just met texting me good morning, sending me photos of their dinner, sending me videos of them at the gym, asking me what I'm doing all the time, texting me good night. It's not flattering and not a sign that they're interested. It's a sign that they have no one to talk to and/or can't bear silence.

The reason men do this is because they're carrying 95% of the load of the interaction. It's totally on them to entertain you. You just sit back and expect to be entertained. Your responses to him don't give him much to work with, so he's reduced to nattering on about mundane stuff. He also thinks, rightly or wrongly, that you are getting spammed with texts from lots of other guys, and if he doesn't stay on your radar screen the other guys will drown him out.

If you, as a guy, don't keep sending texts because you don't want to "look clingy" then the conversation will die. Guaranteed. Good luck expecting her to say anything spontaneously to you, because she won't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why that turned you off.

+1 He was basically saying he likes you and is hoping you can fit him into your schedule in the near future. I don't think anything else was intended.

Yea, but it’s the entitlement that’s the issue.

Where's the entitlement? He ASKED her to make time for him. Isn't that what you're supposed to do if you want something from a potential romantic interest?

No, he didn’t ask. There wasn’t a question mark at the end of that sentence. It was a directive. If your boss says “I’d like you to make some time for me this week”, is that a question?

I would like us not an order it's a request that can be fulfilled or declined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not into this level of clinginess.

In my experience, men don't have the kinds of social connections that women do, so as soon as they meet a woman, even it's been one date, and often even in the pre-dating phase if you've met online, they're texting all the time, nattering on about what they had for lunch, what they're doing at the gym, etc. I've had guys I literally just met texting me good morning, sending me photos of their dinner, sending me videos of them at the gym, asking me what I'm doing all the time, texting me good night. It's not flattering and not a sign that they're interested. It's a sign that they have no one to talk to and/or can't bear silence.

The reason men do this is because they're carrying 95% of the load of the interaction. It's totally on them to entertain you. You just sit back and expect to be entertained. Your responses to him don't give him much to work with, so he's reduced to nattering on about mundane stuff. He also thinks, rightly or wrongly, that you are getting spammed with texts from lots of other guys, and if he doesn't stay on your radar screen the other guys will drown him out.

If you, as a guy, don't keep sending texts because you don't want to "look clingy" then the conversation will die. Guaranteed. Good luck expecting her to say anything spontaneously to you, because she won't.

And op would be here wondering why he wasn't showing interest had she been ghosted

[Anonymous]

It's totally fine if you want to go slow.

Here's how you do that you don't respond to all his texts or face time requests.

You do go back and forth with him .

It's one thing to not want to go on a trip with him it's entirely different to expect him not to mention seeing you again.

It really just seems like you are not into this guy.which is fine, just do yourself a favor and end it completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not into this level of clinginess.

In my experience, men don't have the kinds of social connections that women do, so as soon as they meet a woman, even it's been one date, and often even in the pre-dating phase if you've met online, they're texting all the time, nattering on about what they had for lunch, what they're doing at the gym, etc. I've had guys I literally just met texting me good morning, sending me photos of their dinner, sending me videos of them at the gym, asking me what I'm doing all the time, texting me good night. It's not flattering and not a sign that they're interested. It's a sign that they have no one to talk to and/or can't bear silence.

I have a different viewpoint on this - also a woman and always confused when a guy, who I may not even have met yet or only talked to on the phone starts sending daily good morning texts, photos of his kids, the status of his home improvement, pooh bear greeting cards (yes, had those, not my thing).
Like we are in a relationship already?!? But they make no efforts to create a relationship with me ... I am just a stand-in, a fantasy. Usually, they are not over the ex-wife etc. and are not emotionally available. So not clingy but not ready to date either. But your point is good too, PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Red flag starting with asking you what you were doing on a Tuesday night (NOT a day you take a woman you’ve only seen for a month that you really want to pursue—his Friday/Saturday night is already taken by the woman he really wants). Then he doesn’t even ask you when you are free and declare his intentions ie I want to take you to dinner/a show/whatever!!

OP stated he was out of town and returning on Tuesday, so sounds like he wanted to see her as soon as he got back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not into this level of clinginess.

In my experience, men don't have the kinds of social connections that women do, so as soon as they meet a woman, even it's been one date, and often even in the pre-dating phase if you've met online, they're texting all the time, nattering on about what they had for lunch, what they're doing at the gym, etc. I've had guys I literally just met texting me good morning, sending me photos of their dinner, sending me videos of them at the gym, asking me what I'm doing all the time, texting me good night. It's not flattering and not a sign that they're interested. It's a sign that they have no one to talk to and/or can't bear silence.

The reason men do this is because they're carrying 95% of the load of the interaction. It's totally on them to entertain you. You just sit back and expect to be entertained. Your responses to him don't give him much to work with, so he's reduced to nattering on about mundane stuff. He also thinks, rightly or wrongly, that you are getting spammed with texts from lots of other guys, and if he doesn't stay on your radar screen the other guys will drown him out.

If you, as a guy, don't keep sending texts because you don't want to "look clingy" then the conversation will die. Guaranteed. Good luck expecting her to say anything spontaneously to you, because she won't.

And op would be here wondering why he wasn't showing interest had she been ghosted

Do men really think that there's nothing in between annoying the crap out of women and ignoring them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not into this level of clinginess.

In my experience, men don't have the kinds of social connections that women do, so as soon as they meet a woman, even it's been one date, and often even in the pre-dating phase if you've met online, they're texting all the time, nattering on about what they had for lunch, what they're doing at the gym, etc. I've had guys I literally just met texting me good morning, sending me photos of their dinner, sending me videos of them at the gym, asking me what I'm doing all the time, texting me good night. It's not flattering and not a sign that they're interested. It's a sign that they have no one to talk to and/or can't bear silence.

I have a different viewpoint on this - also a woman and always confused when a guy, who I may not even have met yet or only talked to on the phone starts sending daily good morning texts, photos of his kids, the status of his home improvement, pooh bear greeting cards (yes, had those, not my thing).
Like we are in a relationship already?!? But they make no efforts to create a relationship with me ... I am just a stand-in, a fantasy. Usually, they are not over the ex-wife etc. and are not emotionally available. So not clingy but not ready to date either. But your point is good too, PP

What did YOU do to build rapport with him? Why is it all on him to "create a relationship" with you? Did you provide nothing but terse replies to his texts? Did you offer him anything about yourself that he didn't directly ask for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not into this level of clinginess.

In my experience, men don't have the kinds of social connections that women do, so as soon as they meet a woman, even it's been one date, and often even in the pre-dating phase if you've met online, they're texting all the time, nattering on about what they had for lunch, what they're doing at the gym, etc. I've had guys I literally just met texting me good morning, sending me photos of their dinner, sending me videos of them at the gym, asking me what I'm doing all the time, texting me good night. It's not flattering and not a sign that they're interested. It's a sign that they have no one to talk to and/or can't bear silence.

+1000

It's a HUGE turn-off. I didn't realize it was a social connection thing, because I've seen guys with lots of friends do it, too. It's sooo weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why that turned you off.

Same.

You are definitely oversensitive.

He tried to make plans with you on this first night back.

When you had plans he was polite.

Just chill or you will lose whatever you are working towards with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why that turned you off.

+1 He was basically saying he likes you and is hoping you can fit him into your schedule in the near future. I don't think anything else was intended.

+1. I think you are reading too much into it. This is why texting leads to a lot of miscommunication.

This isn’t a texting miscommunication issue. OP said she had to tell him to kind of ease up and he follows up with her needing to make time for him. It’s been 3 weeks and it seems like he’s not really respecting her boundaries.

I mean, he just said what he’d like. He didn’t say she needed to do anything. I’m not sure what he’s done that made it seem like he wasn’t respecting boundaries but if OP read this as demanding or entititled when many wouldn’t, then maybe she’s misinterpreting. If she doesn’t like him, fine, but he didn’t demand anything. He wanted to know if sis was free on Tuesday and when he wasn’t, he said he’d like her to make time for him soon.

I think I see why so many people have trouble going from meeting to relationships when every word is parsed like this and one wrong move (that is arguably just a miscommunication) and that’s it….next!

He got upset because she was going to spend time with her family. He didn’t ask when she’d be free again. He didn’t say “hey I’m getting back this week. I’ll be free xyz. Would you like to get together”. No, instead he said that she needed to make time for him as if she’s been dodging him and like he’s the one who hasn’t been traveling. Again, it’s comes off as needy and entitled. Only three dates in and he’s telling her he misses her and she needs to make time for him? This is all after she told him to slow down; not respecting boundaries. It’s too much to soon. Three dates in one month is not a lot of time spent with someone new. Again, too much too soon.

NP here. He didn't get upset at all you are making stuf so you can demonize him because you hate men. Stop it

I’m not demonizing him. Multiple have said that his text was a red flag. There’s a reason why we’re saying that.

I’m not the person saying you hate men or are demonizing him. But I am another person saying it didn’t sound to me like he was upset. If there are multiple people saying his text is a problem, and multiple saying it’s not, can we at least agree that it’s not clear what he meant?

Regardless, it’s OP’s right to blow him off; I just genuinely don’t see an issue with his text.

On its own the text isn’t that bad - still off putting but not relationship/situationship ending. I think the issue is that OP had to tell him to slow down and it seems like he isn’t listening to her. This text just confirms that he’s not respecting her wishes.

So the issue is he's not doing exactly what OP wants. OP wants to determine the entirety of the relationship. That's not how relationships work. IT's fine to want to go slow, it' not fine to basically keep a person on a shelf and pull them out when you want to have some attention in play time. There's nothing wrong or pushy about saying he wants to see her. Nothing.

Wrong. I told him from the very beginning that I wanted to go really slow. After the last date he started to talk about “our wedding” and how he wanted me to go on trips with him. He started planning a trip that same week. I said no. While he was on his trip visiting his brother he kept putting me on FT with him and telling his brother how I was going to go on this trip that he had planned for us. Then he started telling me he was missing me. That’s when I had to tell him again that I wanted to go slow. This isn’t about when I want attention and putting him on the shelf when I want.

So why are you still dating him? It's clear you aren't interested in him like that. and you don't want the same things? So why are you wasting time?

+1000!