Dating sucks. Or am I just overly sensitive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been on 3 dates with someone that I met a month ago. Lately he’s been calling me on FaceTime blowing kisses, repeatedly telling me he’s thinking of me, and even told me he missed me a few days ago.

Anyways, he went to CA to visit his brother a week ago and will be back on Tuesday. Today he asked me if I had anything planned on Tuesday night. I told him I’m going to go spend time with my niece for her birthday. He replied back and said, “That sounds nice. I’d like you to make some time soon so we can see each other”. For some reason this REALLY turned me off. Am I just being overly sensitive due to my disdain for dating or was that really off putting?

I have dated a guy 4x and he’s not making time for me, which sucks more, but I admit this serm d an off way to put it..

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why that turned you off.

+1 He was basically saying he likes you and is hoping you can fit him into your schedule in the near future. I don't think anything else was intended.

+1. I think you are reading too much into it. This is why texting leads to a lot of miscommunication.

This isn’t a texting miscommunication issue. OP said she had to tell him to kind of ease up and he follows up with her needing to make time for him. It’s been 3 weeks and it seems like he’s not really respecting her boundaries.

I mean, he just said what he’d like. He didn’t say she needed to do anything. I’m not sure what he’s done that made it seem like he wasn’t respecting boundaries but if OP read this as demanding or entititled when many wouldn’t, then maybe she’s misinterpreting. If she doesn’t like him, fine, but he didn’t demand anything. He wanted to know if sis was free on Tuesday and when he wasn’t, he said he’d like her to make time for him soon.

I think I see why so many people have trouble going from meeting to relationships when every word is parsed like this and one wrong move (that is arguably just a miscommunication) and that’s it….next!

He got upset because she was going to spend time with her family. He didn’t ask when she’d be free again. He didn’t say “hey I’m getting back this week. I’ll be free xyz. Would you like to get together”. No, instead he said that she needed to make time for him as if she’s been dodging him and like he’s the one who hasn’t been traveling. Again, it’s comes off as needy and entitled. Only three dates in and he’s telling her he misses her and she needs to make time for him? This is all after she told him to slow down; not respecting boundaries. It’s too much to soon. Three dates in one month is not a lot of time spent with someone new. Again, too much too soon.

NP here. He didn't get upset at all you are making stuf so you can demonize him because you hate men. Stop it

I’m not demonizing him. Multiple have said that his text was a red flag. There’s a reason why we’re saying that.

I’m not the person saying you hate men or are demonizing him. But I am another person saying it didn’t sound to me like he was upset. If there are multiple people saying his text is a problem, and multiple saying it’s not, can we at least agree that it’s not clear what he meant?

Regardless, it’s OP’s right to blow him off; I just genuinely don’t see an issue with his text.

On its own the text isn’t that bad - still off putting but not relationship/situationship ending. I think the issue is that OP had to tell him to slow down and it seems like he isn’t listening to her. This text just confirms that he’s not respecting her wishes.

So the issue is he's not doing exactly what OP wants. OP wants to determine the entirety of the relationship. That's not how relationships work. IT's fine to want to go slow, it' not fine to basically keep a person on a shelf and pull them out when you want to have some attention in play time. There's nothing wrong or pushy about saying he wants to see her. Nothing.

Wrong. I told him from the very beginning that I wanted to go really slow. After the last date he started to talk about “our wedding” and how he wanted me to go on trips with him. He started planning a trip that same week. I said no. While he was on his trip visiting his brother he kept putting me on FT with him and telling his brother how I was going to go on this trip that he had planned for us. Then he started telling me he was missing me. That’s when I had to tell him again that I wanted to go slow. This isn’t about when I want attention and putting him on the shelf when I want.

So why are you still dating him? It's clear you aren't interested in him like that. and you don't want the same things? So why are you wasting time?

How is wanting to go slow and not wanting to go on a trip with someone you just met indicative of a lack of interest? I would reacted the same way as OP even I liked him.

Well then you're an idiot too. They aren't on the same page and aren't going to be on the same page so cut your losses and move on, but some people are addicted to the drama.

Not an idiot. It’s not safe to travel with someone that you barely know.

Why are you harping on the travel? This has nothing to do with going on a trip or not? I think you have comprehension and communication problems like op. She said she didn't want to gon on a trip fine. She says she wants to go slow fine, but she keeps responding to his face times and messages. It's clear they aren't on the same page and aren't going to be. Why the drama. Just stop seeing him.
But I guess it makes more sense to huff and puff about how hard dating is, dating is only as hard as you make. Drop the drama and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why that turned you off.

Because he’s ordering her to find some time for them to do something. And this is the first time he’s brought it up since back.

There are a million polite ways to ask for another date. Being snarky, controlling and commanding is not one of them.

I’d call it Strike 1. Be in watch for the above attitude, if a pattern think hard about this staying w a guy like that. If a fluke, no worries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why that turned you off.

Because he’s ordering her to find some time for them to do something. And this is the first time he’s brought it up since back.

There are a million polite ways to ask for another date. Being snarky, controlling and commanding is not one of them.

I’d call it Strike 1. Be in watch for the above attitude, if a pattern think hard about this staying w a guy like that. If a fluke, no worries.

IT wasn't an order, or snarky. You are projecting.

[Anonymous]

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He got upset because she was going to spend time with her family. He didn’t ask when she’d be free again. He didn’t say “hey I’m getting back this week. I’ll be free xyz. Would you like to get together”. No, instead he said that she needed to make time for him as if she’s been dodging him and like he’s the one who hasn’t been traveling. Again, it’s comes off as needy and entitled. Only three dates in and he’s telling her he misses her and she needs to make time for him? This is all after she told him to slow down; not respecting boundaries. It’s too much to soon. Three dates in one month is not a lot of time spent with someone new. Again, too much too soon.

NP here. He didn't get upset at all you are making stuf so you can demonize him because you hate men. Stop it

I’m not demonizing him. Multiple have said that his text was a red flag. There’s a reason why we’re saying that.

I’m not the person saying you hate men or are demonizing him. But I am another person saying it didn’t sound to me like he was upset. If there are multiple people saying his text is a problem, and multiple saying it’s not, can we at least agree that it’s not clear what he meant?

Regardless, it’s OP’s right to blow him off; I just genuinely don’t see an issue with his text.

On its own the text isn’t that bad - still off putting but not relationship/situationship ending. I think the issue is that OP had to tell him to slow down and it seems like he isn’t listening to her. This text just confirms that he’s not respecting her wishes.

So the issue is he's not doing exactly what OP wants. OP wants to determine the entirety of the relationship. That's not how relationships work. IT's fine to want to go slow, it' not fine to basically keep a person on a shelf and pull them out when you want to have some attention in play time. There's nothing wrong or pushy about saying he wants to see her. Nothing.

Wrong. I told him from the very beginning that I wanted to go really slow. After the last date he started to talk about “our wedding” and how he wanted me to go on trips with him. He started planning a trip that same week. I said no. While he was on his trip visiting his brother he kept putting me on FT with him and telling his brother how I was going to go on this trip that he had planned for us. Then he started telling me he was missing me. That’s when I had to tell him again that I wanted to go slow. This isn’t about when I want attention and putting him on the shelf when I want.

Yikes.

He doesn’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why that turned you off.

Because he’s ordering her to find some time for them to do something. And this is the first time he’s brought it up since back.

There are a million polite ways to ask for another date. Being snarky, controlling and commanding is not one of them.

I’d call it Strike 1. Be in watch for the above attitude, if a pattern think hard about this staying w a guy like that. If a fluke, no worries.

THIS. It was a very odd and off way to ask.

[Anonymous]

I'm not into this level of clinginess.

In my experience, men don't have the kinds of social connections that women do, so as soon as they meet a woman, even it's been one date, and often even in the pre-dating phase if you've met online, they're texting all the time, nattering on about what they had for lunch, what they're doing at the gym, etc. I've had guys I literally just met texting me good morning, sending me photos of their dinner, sending me videos of them at the gym, asking me what I'm doing all the time, texting me good night. It's not flattering and not a sign that they're interested. It's a sign that they have no one to talk to and/or can't bear silence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hell no! I wouldn’t see him again. He sounds creepy and controlling. Not appropriate behavior for three dates.

Total creep! How dare he express interest in wanting to see someone he's dating. Much better he is aloof and ignores her for several days at a time.

Believe it or not, there is a huge range of behavior in between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why that turned you off.

+1 He was basically saying he likes you and is hoping you can fit him into your schedule in the near future. I don't think anything else was intended.

Yea, but it’s the entitlement that’s the issue.

Where's the entitlement? He ASKED her to make time for him. Isn't that what you're supposed to do if you want something from a potential romantic interest?

[Anonymous]

Red flag starting with asking you what you were doing on a Tuesday night (NOT a day you take a woman you’ve only seen for a month that you really want to pursue—his Friday/Saturday night is already taken by the woman he really wants). Then he doesn’t even ask you when you are free and declare his intentions ie I want to take you to dinner/a show/whatever!!

Normally I’d say don’t make it too hard on a guy, but yes he is entitled and not that into you.

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. I went on a date with someone new and he started to text me too much, and emphasized that he is looking for a long term relationship. I had to tell him that I need to go slow. Now he has given me space, which I think is hot, and he often waits for me to text him first.

[Anonymous]

Way too needy for me. I dated someone like this and also like 3 dates and so much texting from him. I was overwhelmed. I dont/didnt text during the day etc. stopped seeing him. Ended up marrying someone who is much more my level of communication frequency and less clinginess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why that turned you off.

+1 He was basically saying he likes you and is hoping you can fit him into your schedule in the near future. I don't think anything else was intended.

Yea, but it’s the entitlement that’s the issue.

JFC, what entitlement? he likes the OP and just is asking to spend time with her? isn't that what you're supposed to do while dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It"S not dating and you are not overly sensitive. You are just a prickly pain in the ass.

You are not the unique and special oh-so-cool princess you think you are.

Please stop seeing this guy so you can be miserable on your own.

Uh huh. And you are just a ray of sunshine.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why that turned you off.

+1 He was basically saying he likes you and is hoping you can fit him into your schedule in the near future. I don't think anything else was intended.

+1. I think you are reading too much into it. This is why texting leads to a lot of miscommunication.

This isn’t a texting miscommunication issue. OP said she had to tell him to kind of ease up and he follows up with her needing to make time for him. It’s been 3 weeks and it seems like he’s not really respecting her boundaries.

I mean, he just said what he’d like. He didn’t say she needed to do anything. I’m not sure what he’s done that made it seem like he wasn’t respecting boundaries but if OP read this as demanding or entititled when many wouldn’t, then maybe she’s misinterpreting. If she doesn’t like him, fine, but he didn’t demand anything. He wanted to know if sis was free on Tuesday and when he wasn’t, he said he’d like her to make time for him soon.

I think I see why so many people have trouble going from meeting to relationships when every word is parsed like this and one wrong move (that is arguably just a miscommunication) and that’s it….next!

He got upset because she was going to spend time with her family. He didn’t ask when she’d be free again. He didn’t say “hey I’m getting back this week. I’ll be free xyz. Would you like to get together”. No, instead he said that she needed to make time for him as if she’s been dodging him and like he’s the one who hasn’t been traveling. Again, it’s comes off as needy and entitled. Only three dates in and he’s telling her he misses her and she needs to make time for him? This is all after she told him to slow down; not respecting boundaries. It’s too much to soon. Three dates in one month is not a lot of time spent with someone new. Again, too much too soon.

NP here. He didn't get upset at all you are making stuf so you can demonize him because you hate men. Stop it

I’m not demonizing him. Multiple have said that his text was a red flag. There’s a reason why we’re saying that.

And you and those other people have issues that you are projecting onto him because of your own effed u lives, common here on DCUM something is always wrong with the guy. It's pathetic. It's tired.
Nothing was wrong with the text.
The issue is OP doesn't like the guy, but can't get anyone she does like to date her, so she hates dating, but instead of not dating she takes her issues out on the guys she doesn't like.
She just shouldn't date this guy anymore, but it's not because he's doing anything wrong.

Incel alert.

Not an incel just tired of the BS the women on this forum spew that something is wrong with all guys, and all guys are just sneaky and abusive. There is absolutely nothing in OP's post that says there's anything wrong with the guy. The issue OP isn't into him, but she's too immature to own up to that and move on. Worse that she sets herself up like she's some victim of the dating world. NO one is forcing her to date at all or this guy. So why the drama? This post is stupid and OP is freaking immature.
- a woman sick of the misandry on this forum and the constant coddling of women ont his forum for their self inflicted drama.

Ok Aunt Lydia