Dating sucks. Or am I just overly sensitive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It might just be that you are mismatched in terms of your communication styles. Like what you view as over the top, he sees as romantic. If he is promising for a LTR in other respects I’d give it one more in person to see how you feel. Long distance is always a bit weird.

Maybe so. After he told me he missed me (week 3 of knowing each other) I had to remind him that I wanted to go slow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been on 3 dates with someone that I met a month ago. Lately he’s been calling me on FaceTime blowing kisses, repeatedly telling me he’s thinking of me, and even told me he missed me a few days ago.

Anyways, he went to CA to visit his brother a week ago and will be back on Tuesday. Today he asked me if I had anything planned on Tuesday night. I told him I’m going to go spend time with my niece for her birthday. He replied back and said, “That sounds nice. I’d like you to make some time soon so we can see each other”. For some reason this REALLY turned me off. Am I just being overly sensitive due to my disdain for dating or was that really off putting?

Tell him he needs to stop using the imperative form without softening such as "Let's get together soon!", "Please hit me up if you get time for us to see each other", "I was hoping later some time we can see each other." Otherwise it springs rebellion of being ordered around by a unearned authority figure sibling bossing one around "Big brother is watching you". Tell him his communication style of ordering you around isn't compatible with yours and it is in his court whether he can instantly change his lifetime vernacular overnight. Here's a link for him:https://english-at-home.com/speaking/giving-orders-and-instructions/. I see how you were turned off and you'd be justified in dumping him, but if this is the worst thing he's ever done and he is really trying to improve his poor phrasing, marry him.

[Anonymous]

Yuck. I’d be turned off too.

[Anonymous]

So do you want to sleep with him, or not? That is what he wants to know, that is why he is still asking. If you don't want to sleep with him, end it. Don't lead him on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why that turned you off.

+1 He was basically saying he likes you and is hoping you can fit him into your schedule in the near future. I don't think anything else was intended.

+1. I think you are reading too much into it. This is why texting leads to a lot of miscommunication.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's just a bit clumsy with words. It does sound annoying, especially that he was away and had some family obligations.
If you'd nix him just based on this, maybe you don't like him that much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It might just be that you are mismatched in terms of your communication styles. Like what you view as over the top, he sees as romantic. If he is promising for a LTR in other respects I’d give it one more in person to see how you feel. Long distance is always a bit weird.

Maybe so. After he told me he missed me (week 3 of knowing each other) I had to remind him that I wanted to go slow.

PP here. I’ve had this. It does often indicate mismatch in communication and pace. He may be someone who goes hot and heavy at first and you are more pragmatic and down to earth. The real question is whether there’s enough there to overlook this and work on it.

My DH was pretty intense at first, mix of personality and culture. He has mellowed and I have come out of my shell, so now it’s great. I really think this depends on your overall gut feeling of whether he’s worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why that turned you off.

+1 He was basically saying he likes you and is hoping you can fit him into your schedule in the near future. I don't think anything else was intended.

+1. I think you are reading too much into it. This is why texting leads to a lot of miscommunication.

+1 These people saying he’s ordering her to do things need to take a reading comprehension class. If he didn’t ask to spend time with her, the people would say he’s disinterested and to dump him for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why that turned you off.

+1 He was basically saying he likes you and is hoping you can fit him into your schedule in the near future. I don't think anything else was intended.

+1. I think you are reading too much into it. This is why texting leads to a lot of miscommunication.

This isn’t a texting miscommunication issue. OP said she had to tell him to kind of ease up and he follows up with her needing to make time for him. It’s been 3 weeks and it seems like he’s not really respecting her boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s a double timer - didn’t go to visit brother but spent the weekend with other woman. Let it go find someone else

Insecure much? He kept calling her with video while away, so I doubt he’s a “double timer”.

My cheating exH called me each day on Zoom from his hotel. His mistress must have went to bathroom or sucked under the blanket

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s a double timer - didn’t go to visit brother but spent the weekend with other woman. Let it go find someone else

Insecure much? He kept calling her with video while away, so I doubt he’s a “double timer”.

My cheating exH called me each day on Zoom from his hotel. His mistress must have went to bathroom or sucked under the blanket

Okay? Still doesn’t change that this a very insecure thing to tell OP. Not everyone cheats.

[Anonymous]

It"S not dating and you are not overly sensitive. You are just a prickly pain in the ass.

You are not the unique and special oh-so-cool princess you think you are.

Please stop seeing this guy so you can be miserable on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why that turned you off.

+1 He was basically saying he likes you and is hoping you can fit him into your schedule in the near future. I don't think anything else was intended.

+1. I think you are reading too much into it. This is why texting leads to a lot of miscommunication.

This isn’t a texting miscommunication issue. OP said she had to tell him to kind of ease up and he follows up with her needing to make time for him. It’s been 3 weeks and it seems like he’s not really respecting her boundaries.

I mean, he just said what he’d like. He didn’t say she needed to do anything. I’m not sure what he’s done that made it seem like he wasn’t respecting boundaries but if OP read this as demanding or entititled when many wouldn’t, then maybe she’s misinterpreting. If she doesn’t like him, fine, but he didn’t demand anything. He wanted to know if sis was free on Tuesday and when he wasn’t, he said he’d like her to make time for him soon.

I think I see why so many people have trouble going from meeting to relationships when every word is parsed like this and one wrong move (that is arguably just a miscommunication) and that’s it….next!

[Anonymous]

He didn't do anything wrong other than expressing interest in OP when she doesn't like him at all. She's just pissed that the guys she does want aren't into her, probably because her bad attitude has turned them off so she's taking it out on this guy..

He'd probably be better off treating her like crap because OP sounds immature enough to think that would be awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It"S not dating and you are not overly sensitive. You are just a prickly pain in the ass.

You are not the unique and special oh-so-cool princess you think you are.

Please stop seeing this guy so you can be miserable on your own.

PP,

He’s emotionally needy and entitled.

You must be an incel.