Any moms do it all on their own?

[Anonymous]

Just so you know, single mother’s by choice does not accept women who get pregnant by accident. It’s only for women who purposely become single mothers by choice. I looked into it way back when. What a disappointment!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just so you know, single mother’s by choice does not accept women who get pregnant by accident. It’s only for women who purposely become single mothers by choice. I looked into it way back when. What a disappointment!

Well apparently that is exactly how they feel about you too. Reread the name of the group. It is a "CHOICE." Not an accident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just so you know, single mother’s by choice does not accept women who get pregnant by accident. It’s only for women who purposely become single mothers by choice. I looked into it way back when. What a disappointment!

Well apparently that is exactly how they feel about you too. Reread the name of the group. It is a "CHOICE." Not an accident.

Wow - you really are a piece of cake. Please don’t speak for us, okay?

PP, I’m sorry you found a bad group. Not every group is like that. While there are different challenges for thinkers and triers (like discussions of sperm banks, artificial insemination, etc) once you are pregnant, no one cares. You will have the same challenges. My advice is to offer him a one shot “in or out” and if he’s out, you don’t put him on the birth certificate, and you tell no one who he is. It’s not worth it for child support he will probably never pay. Make this kid yours, where you get to call the shots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just so you know, single mother’s by choice does not accept women who get pregnant by accident. It’s only for women who purposely become single mothers by choice. I looked into it way back when. What a disappointment!

Well apparently that is exactly how they feel about you too. Reread the name of the group. It is a "CHOICE." Not an accident.

If you want to get real picky about it, a woman may get pregnant by accident, but becomes a mother by choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just so you know, single mother’s by choice does not accept women who get pregnant by accident. It’s only for women who purposely become single mothers by choice. I looked into it way back when. What a disappointment!

Well apparently that is exactly how they feel about you too. Reread the name of the group. It is a "CHOICE." Not an accident.

If you want to get real picky about it, a woman may get pregnant by accident, but becomes a mother by choice.

That is kind of true, but if you were raised religiously, abortion does not feel like a choice you can make so being a mom in an accidental pregancy does not feel like a choice. It is a consequence of an accident. Not a choice.

[Anonymous]

I would not get him to sign away rights. That seems really foolish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not get him to sign away rights. That seems really foolish.

Couldn’t disagree more, from experience. Very important to do this and very smart. Avoids potentially a tremendous amount of pain and conflict in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am doing it alone with an abusive ex who only shows up when he wants. He makes a lot of money but child support is very minimal bc I also work. The child is wonderful but if I could go back in time I would probably make different choices. If you want a child on your own I would do it with a donor rather than bringing a child into the world with the knowledge that at least one of his parents did not want him and/or is a total jerk. OP no matter how much help you think you will have it is NOT the same as a partner; children also seriously adversely affect your ability to work and earn especially if alone; and if you are young enough I would seriously think about terminating and starting over after getting help for whatever issues have been preventing you from pursuing or finding partnership. Having a child is very likely to foreclose that potentially very rewarding opportunity.

+1. How old are you? Why have a kid with a jerk when you don't have to. This is not your last chance to have a baby, but it is your last chance to get rid of this guy forever.

My guess is 30's something. It's always an "accident" then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just so you know, single mother’s by choice does not accept women who get pregnant by accident. It’s only for women who purposely become single mothers by choice. I looked into it way back when. What a disappointment!

Well apparently that is exactly how they feel about you too. Reread the name of the group. It is a "CHOICE." Not an accident.

Wow - you really are a piece of cake. Please don’t speak for us, okay?

PP, I’m sorry you found a bad group. Not every group is like that. While there are different challenges for thinkers and triers (like discussions of sperm banks, artificial insemination, etc) once you are pregnant, no one cares. You will have the same challenges. My advice is to offer him a one shot “in or out” and if he’s out, you don’t put him on the birth certificate, and you tell no one who he is. It’s not worth it for child support he will probably never pay. Make this kid yours, where you get to call the shots.

That's just not true. I am a single mom by choice, and the group I was in before I moved away from the DMV actually kicked out some women in OP's situation. It's not the same thing if your kid actually has a dad, but he sucks (because you can send kid to dad if you want to go on vacation alone or something. We can't do that, ever). And no one in our group wanted to listen to women complaining about their sh*tty ex who is a terrible father, because it's just not relevant to us. Likewise, you are going to have zero helpful advice for us on things like, should I meet my kids' donor siblings and their families? Should I pick an open donor, or completely anonymous? Which fertility clinic is best? It's not a good fit, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not get him to sign away rights. That seems really foolish.

Couldn’t disagree more, from experience. Very important to do this and very smart. Avoids potentially a tremendous amount of pain and conflict in the future.

He cannot sign his rights away. This is all made up.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am a parent with full custody 20 years down the road from where you are. I know you don’t want to hear this, but I look back now and realize that choosing to have a baby (and it was a “choice” even though initially it was an “accident”) was a very selfish act. Over the last 20 years my kids have been through a lot of pain due to their crappy unreliable Dad. They are great kids but sometimes make some not so great choices that are driven in part by their difficult family situation. I love them but I wish I had done better by them by not birthing them into such a crappy situation. IMO, judging myself, it would have been a more adult decision to terminate the accidental pregnancy and either work to find a stable, healthy partner or set myself up to be a single mom w/ a donor father. Either of thise situations would have been more fair to kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just so you know, single mother’s by choice does not accept women who get pregnant by accident. It’s only for women who purposely become single mothers by choice. I looked into it way back when. What a disappointment!

Well apparently that is exactly how they feel about you too. Reread the name of the group. It is a "CHOICE." Not an accident.

Wow - you really are a piece of cake. Please don’t speak for us, okay?

PP, I’m sorry you found a bad group. Not every group is like that. While there are different challenges for thinkers and triers (like discussions of sperm banks, artificial insemination, etc) once you are pregnant, no one cares. You will have the same challenges. My advice is to offer him a one shot “in or out” and if he’s out, you don’t put him on the birth certificate, and you tell no one who he is. It’s not worth it for child support he will probably never pay. Make this kid yours, where you get to call the shots.

That's just not true. I am a single mom by choice, and the group I was in before I moved away from the DMV actually kicked out some women in OP's situation. It's not the same thing if your kid actually has a dad, but he sucks (because you can send kid to dad if you want to go on vacation alone or something. We can't do that, ever). And no one in our group wanted to listen to women complaining about their sh*tty ex who is a terrible father, because it's just not relevant to us. Likewise, you are going to have zero helpful advice for us on things like, should I meet my kids' donor siblings and their families? Should I pick an open donor, or completely anonymous? Which fertility clinic is best? It's not a good fit, OP.

This is so unkind. No wonder you had to become a mother by yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just so you know, single mother’s by choice does not accept women who get pregnant by accident. It’s only for women who purposely become single mothers by choice. I looked into it way back when. What a disappointment!

Well apparently that is exactly how they feel about you too. Reread the name of the group. It is a "CHOICE." Not an accident.

Wow - you really are a piece of cake. Please don’t speak for us, okay?

PP, I’m sorry you found a bad group. Not every group is like that. While there are different challenges for thinkers and triers (like discussions of sperm banks, artificial insemination, etc) once you are pregnant, no one cares. You will have the same challenges. My advice is to offer him a one shot “in or out” and if he’s out, you don’t put him on the birth certificate, and you tell no one who he is. It’s not worth it for child support he will probably never pay. Make this kid yours, where you get to call the shots.

That's just not true. I am a single mom by choice, and the group I was in before I moved away from the DMV actually kicked out some women in OP's situation. It's not the same thing if your kid actually has a dad, but he sucks (because you can send kid to dad if you want to go on vacation alone or something. We can't do that, ever). And no one in our group wanted to listen to women complaining about their sh*tty ex who is a terrible father, because it's just not relevant to us. Likewise, you are going to have zero helpful advice for us on things like, should I meet my kids' donor siblings and their families? Should I pick an open donor, or completely anonymous? Which fertility clinic is best? It's not a good fit, OP.

This is so unkind. No wonder you had to become a mother by yourself!

So funny that you call her unkind, and then finish off your post with such an unkind characterization.

I guess we don't see ourselves as we really are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC seemed okay with not having a dad...but now she (a young adult) seems to have no interest in dating/romance/etc.

I worry that her seeing me do it all by myself, made menseem optional. (She is not gay)

I believe her life will be easier, if it is shared with a good partner. That just did not work out for me.

My oldest (female) is the same - no interest in having a relationship with a man and no interest in kids having grown up with a dad who doesn’t parent and a mom who does everything. DD doesn’t want such an uneven relationship for herself.

DS, by contrast, is desperate to have a relationship and the family he didn’t grow up with. This has lead him to get and stay in a very emotionally overwhelming and claustrophobic relationship at a very young age. He will do anything to maintain it.

I thought I was doing a great job raising them, but it all came unglued in adolescence when their family of origin issues really impacted them during the time they are building romantic relationships. The bottom line is that they feel the loss of a dad and don’t have a good example of romantic love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC seemed okay with not having a dad...but now she (a young adult) seems to have no interest in dating/romance/etc.

I worry that her seeing me do it all by myself, made menseem optional. (She is not gay)

I believe her life will be easier, if it is shared with a good partner. That just did not work out for me.

My oldest (female) is the same - no interest in having a relationship with a man and no interest in kids having grown up with a dad who doesn’t parent and a mom who does everything. DD doesn’t want such an uneven relationship for herself.

DS, by contrast, is desperate to have a relationship and the family he didn’t grow up with. This has lead him to get and stay in a very emotionally overwhelming and claustrophobic relationship at a very young age. He will do anything to maintain it.

I thought I was doing a great job raising them, but it all came unglued in adolescence when their family of origin issues really impacted them during the time they are building romantic relationships. The bottom line is that they feel the loss of a dad and don’t have a good example of romantic love.

Maybe you should look at your attitude and behavior and what example you set regarding men. She isn't you and you constantly projecting your hate to her Dad and men clearly hurt her just as much as his behavior did. All of my husband's kids have relationship issues. Their mom was truly hateful to my husband and her AP's ex-wife and damaged all the kids.