Any moms do it all on their own?

[Anonymous]

God OP. My husband left me with a 1 YO and a 5 YO. It was SO hard. And it still is. The daycare years are the worst. It's just not affordable.

He made it clear he wasn't interested in parenting #2 but I didn't want an abortion which he asked me to have. Abortion is not for me. I encourage you to think about aborting rather than tying yourself to this man for life. And condemning your kid to being raised by a single mother.

Or give it up for adoption.

Or move in with your mom for the first 5 years of the baby's life.

It is almost impossible to BOTH parent and work without a partner. I don't know how I did it. Sometimes it amazes me we are all still alive.

I sometimes regret ever having married and ever having children at all. And I love my kids. But I chose a rocky road for ALL of us. Kids deserve better.

But I still wouldn't have that abortion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God OP. My husband left me with a 1 YO and a 5 YO. It was SO hard. And it still is. The daycare years are the worst. It's just not affordable.

He made it clear he wasn't interested in parenting #2 but I didn't want an abortion which he asked me to have. Abortion is not for me. I encourage you to think about aborting rather than tying yourself to this man for life. And condemning your kid to being raised by a single mother.

Or give it up for adoption.

Or move in with your mom for the first 5 years of the baby's life.

It is almost impossible to BOTH parent and work without a partner. I don't know how I did it. Sometimes it amazes me we are all still alive.

I sometimes regret ever having married and ever having children at all. And I love my kids. But I chose a rocky road for ALL of us. Kids deserve better.

But I still wouldn't have that abortion.

PP, you sound like a real piece of... work. You wouldn't have an abortion, but OP should consider it? "Condemning" her kid to be raised by a single mother, so she should put her child up for adoption instead? Are you writing from 1950? You know that the majority of births in this country are to unmarried women, right? We're not all miserable as single parents. Sounds like you were counting on your husband's money to pay for raising your kids. That's what happens when you have a man instead of a plan.

-PP who is a single mom, raised by a single mom, and doesn't feel "condemned" to anything, because I planned for this financially

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God OP. My husband left me with a 1 YO and a 5 YO. It was SO hard. And it still is. The daycare years are the worst. It's just not affordable.

He made it clear he wasn't interested in parenting #2 but I didn't want an abortion which he asked me to have. Abortion is not for me. I encourage you to think about aborting rather than tying yourself to this man for life. And condemning your kid to being raised by a single mother.

Or give it up for adoption.

Or move in with your mom for the first 5 years of the baby's life.

It is almost impossible to BOTH parent and work without a partner. I don't know how I did it. Sometimes it amazes me we are all still alive.

I sometimes regret ever having married and ever having children at all. And I love my kids. But I chose a rocky road for ALL of us. Kids deserve better.

But I still wouldn't have that abortion.

Better than an abortion, use contraception and have a planned baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God OP. My husband left me with a 1 YO and a 5 YO. It was SO hard. And it still is. The daycare years are the worst. It's just not affordable.

He made it clear he wasn't interested in parenting #2 but I didn't want an abortion which he asked me to have. Abortion is not for me. I encourage you to think about aborting rather than tying yourself to this man for life. And condemning your kid to being raised by a single mother.

Or give it up for adoption.

Or move in with your mom for the first 5 years of the baby's life.

It is almost impossible to BOTH parent and work without a partner. I don't know how I did it. Sometimes it amazes me we are all still alive.

I sometimes regret ever having married and ever having children at all. And I love my kids. But I chose a rocky road for ALL of us. Kids deserve better.

But I still wouldn't have that abortion.

PP, you sound like a real piece of... work. You wouldn't have an abortion, but OP should consider it? "Condemning" her kid to be raised by a single mother, so she should put her child up for adoption instead? Are you writing from 1950? You know that the majority of births in this country are to unmarried women, right? We're not all miserable as single parents. Sounds like you were counting on your husband's money to pay for raising your kids. That's what happens when you have a man instead of a plan.

-PP who is a single mom, raised by a single mom, and doesn't feel "condemned" to anything, because I planned for this financially

Did you even read what she wrote? You cannot dismiss her feelings as they are just as valid as yours. You are lucky you can afford to be a single parent but she could not be. Many of us cannot be with lower salary jobs, especially in helping professions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just so you know, single mother’s by choice does not accept women who get pregnant by accident. It’s only for women who purposely become single mothers by choice. I looked into it way back when. What a disappointment!

Well apparently that is exactly how they feel about you too. Reread the name of the group. It is a "CHOICE." Not an accident.

Wow - you really are a piece of cake. Please don’t speak for us, okay?

PP, I’m sorry you found a bad group. Not every group is like that. While there are different challenges for thinkers and triers (like discussions of sperm banks, artificial insemination, etc) once you are pregnant, no one cares. You will have the same challenges. My advice is to offer him a one shot “in or out” and if he’s out, you don’t put him on the birth certificate, and you tell no one who he is. It’s not worth it for child support he will probably never pay. Make this kid yours, where you get to call the shots.

That's just not true. I am a single mom by choice, and the group I was in before I moved away from the DMV actually kicked out some women in OP's situation. It's not the same thing if your kid actually has a dad, but he sucks (because you can send kid to dad if you want to go on vacation alone or something. We can't do that, ever). And no one in our group wanted to listen to women complaining about their sh*tty ex who is a terrible father, because it's just not relevant to us. Likewise, you are going to have zero helpful advice for us on things like, should I meet my kids' donor siblings and their families? Should I pick an open donor, or completely anonymous? Which fertility clinic is best? It's not a good fit, OP.

This is so unkind. No wonder you had to become a mother by yourself!

Nope 100% fact. Pregnant by accident is not the same as being a single mother by choice.

If you get any kind of financial support you are not an SMC - my child has 1 parent financially supporting her.
If you have to deal w grandparents, aunties and uncles of the dads you are not an SMC.


And to the poster saying kids need two parents - piss off. Children need stable, consistent adults not volume of adults. My child is totally fine w just me. She gets lots of other adults in her life showing how the world can be.

[Anonymous]

Your kid needs one consistent, caring adult in their life. That's it. It doesn't even need to be a parent.

[Anonymous]

Single mom by choice and I agree w the above about what a SMC is

But omg my son does love a good dad joke. Apparently they do need this. My child is lucky to be around a lot of great dads so he gets lots of dad jokes.

This mom at the other hand is thrilled I don’t have to live with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid needs one consistent, caring adult in their life. That's it. It doesn't even need to be a parent.

What a sad perspective.

[Anonymous]

I am ok with single moms going the route of a sperm donor and having a kid. Especially if you have support and money.

But, kindly never have a baby with that POS. Because POS will always make things harder for you. He could ask for half custody and child support from you because he makes less money than you.

Don't bring complications in the life of your child, Terminate. Then use sperms of a donor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God OP. My husband left me with a 1 YO and a 5 YO. It was SO hard. And it still is. The daycare years are the worst. It's just not affordable.

He made it clear he wasn't interested in parenting #2 but I didn't want an abortion which he asked me to have. Abortion is not for me. I encourage you to think about aborting rather than tying yourself to this man for life. And condemning your kid to being raised by a single mother.

Or give it up for adoption.

Or move in with your mom for the first 5 years of the baby's life.

It is almost impossible to BOTH parent and work without a partner. I don't know how I did it. Sometimes it amazes me we are all still alive.

I sometimes regret ever having married and ever having children at all. And I love my kids. But I chose a rocky road for ALL of us. Kids deserve better.

But I still wouldn't have that abortion.

PP, you sound like a real piece of... work. You wouldn't have an abortion, but OP should consider it? "Condemning" her kid to be raised by a single mother, so she should put her child up for adoption instead? Are you writing from 1950? You know that the majority of births in this country are to unmarried women, right? We're not all miserable as single parents. Sounds like you were counting on your husband's money to pay for raising your kids. That's what happens when you have a man instead of a plan.

-PP who is a single mom, raised by a single mom, and doesn't feel "condemned" to anything, because I planned for this financially

Did you even read what she wrote? You cannot dismiss her feelings as they are just as valid as yours. You are lucky you can afford to be a single parent but she could not be. Many of us cannot be with lower salary jobs, especially in helping professions.

Obviously you can be
Salary has nothing to do with it. There is plenty of assistance.
Many people get by on small incomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God OP. My husband left me with a 1 YO and a 5 YO. It was SO hard. And it still is. The daycare years are the worst. It's just not affordable.

He made it clear he wasn't interested in parenting #2 but I didn't want an abortion which he asked me to have. Abortion is not for me. I encourage you to think about aborting rather than tying yourself to this man for life. And condemning your kid to being raised by a single mother.

Or give it up for adoption.

Or move in with your mom for the first 5 years of the baby's life.

It is almost impossible to BOTH parent and work without a partner. I don't know how I did it. Sometimes it amazes me we are all still alive.

I sometimes regret ever having married and ever having children at all. And I love my kids. But I chose a rocky road for ALL of us. Kids deserve better.

But I still wouldn't have that abortion.

PP, you sound like a real piece of... work. You wouldn't have an abortion, but OP should consider it? "Condemning" her kid to be raised by a single mother, so she should put her child up for adoption instead? Are you writing from 1950? You know that the majority of births in this country are to unmarried women, right? We're not all miserable as single parents. Sounds like you were counting on your husband's money to pay for raising your kids. That's what happens when you have a man instead of a plan.

-PP who is a single mom, raised by a single mom, and doesn't feel "condemned" to anything, because I planned for this financially

Did you even read what she wrote? You cannot dismiss her feelings as they are just as valid as yours. You are lucky you can afford to be a single parent but she could not be. Many of us cannot be with lower salary jobs, especially in helping professions.

Obviously you can be
Salary has nothing to do with it. There is plenty of assistance.
Many people get by on small incomes.

As someone who has worked in the assistance programs, you need a very low salary so often making over $50-60K with one child disqualifies you from assistance. If they don't have family help for child care its a huge struggle. You have a very high income and probably never been on assistance. And, if she got a raise, even .10 she could lose all her benefits and then be in a worse bind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God OP. My husband left me with a 1 YO and a 5 YO. It was SO hard. And it still is. The daycare years are the worst. It's just not affordable.

He made it clear he wasn't interested in parenting #2 but I didn't want an abortion which he asked me to have. Abortion is not for me. I encourage you to think about aborting rather than tying yourself to this man for life. And condemning your kid to being raised by a single mother.

Or give it up for adoption.

Or move in with your mom for the first 5 years of the baby's life.

It is almost impossible to BOTH parent and work without a partner. I don't know how I did it. Sometimes it amazes me we are all still alive.

I sometimes regret ever having married and ever having children at all. And I love my kids. But I chose a rocky road for ALL of us. Kids deserve better.

But I still wouldn't have that abortion.

PP, you sound like a real piece of... work. You wouldn't have an abortion, but OP should consider it? "Condemning" her kid to be raised by a single mother, so she should put her child up for adoption instead? Are you writing from 1950? You know that the majority of births in this country are to unmarried women, right? We're not all miserable as single parents. Sounds like you were counting on your husband's money to pay for raising your kids. That's what happens when you have a man instead of a plan.

-PP who is a single mom, raised by a single mom, and doesn't feel "condemned" to anything, because I planned for this financially

Did you even read what she wrote? You cannot dismiss her feelings as they are just as valid as yours. You are lucky you can afford to be a single parent but she could not be. Many of us cannot be with lower salary jobs, especially in helping professions.

Obviously you can be
Salary has nothing to do with it. There is plenty of assistance.
Many people get by on small incomes.

As someone who has worked in the assistance programs, you need a very low salary so often making over $50-60K with one child disqualifies you from assistance. If they don't have family help for child care its a huge struggle. You have a very high income and probably never been on assistance. And, if she got a raise, even .10 she could lose all her benefits and then be in a worse bind.

FFS so you are saying women have to make $30 k a year or $200k

You have no idea how people really live.

You don’t get your nails done (gasp), or get a new car (gasp) or buy the lates clothes (gasp). You buy generic food - it’s totally doable

Some people even move to the burbs

The snobs on this site who picked bad me (yea if your DH doesn’t do 50% of the physical and emotional labor) you aren’t very good at your life choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God OP. My husband left me with a 1 YO and a 5 YO. It was SO hard. And it still is. The daycare years are the worst. It's just not affordable.

He made it clear he wasn't interested in parenting #2 but I didn't want an abortion which he asked me to have. Abortion is not for me. I encourage you to think about aborting rather than tying yourself to this man for life. And condemning your kid to being raised by a single mother.

Or give it up for adoption.

Or move in with your mom for the first 5 years of the baby's life.

It is almost impossible to BOTH parent and work without a partner. I don't know how I did it. Sometimes it amazes me we are all still alive.

I sometimes regret ever having married and ever having children at all. And I love my kids. But I chose a rocky road for ALL of us. Kids deserve better.

But I still wouldn't have that abortion.

I earn my own money
I used bc. Sometimes it fails. Condom slipped off and morning after pill failed.

I was a married woman with a home, job, health care, and birth control. Do not lecture ME.

- raising the child he asked me to abort.
Better than an abortion, use contraception and have a planned baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you can do it! Ditch him, have him sign away his rights and be free of him. Raise your child in a loving environment.

It still messes a child up to have one parent who didn't want them. That is written in your bones and never, ever goes away.

Yes. I wonder if putting up for adoption is better vs. worse than growing up with an emotionally unavailable father or no father. I don't know. I'm so sorry OP you are faced with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God OP. My husband left me with a 1 YO and a 5 YO. It was SO hard. And it still is. The daycare years are the worst. It's just not affordable.

He made it clear he wasn't interested in parenting #2 but I didn't want an abortion which he asked me to have. Abortion is not for me. I encourage you to think about aborting rather than tying yourself to this man for life. And condemning your kid to being raised by a single mother.

Or give it up for adoption.

Or move in with your mom for the first 5 years of the baby's life.

It is almost impossible to BOTH parent and work without a partner. I don't know how I did it. Sometimes it amazes me we are all still alive.

I sometimes regret ever having married and ever having children at all. And I love my kids. But I chose a rocky road for ALL of us. Kids deserve better.

But I still wouldn't have that abortion.

PP, you sound like a real piece of... work. You wouldn't have an abortion, but OP should consider it? "Condemning" her kid to be raised by a single mother, so she should put her child up for adoption instead? Are you writing from 1950? You know that the majority of births in this country are to unmarried women, right? We're not all miserable as single parents. Sounds like you were counting on your husband's money to pay for raising your kids. That's what happens when you have a man instead of a plan.

-PP who is a single mom, raised by a single mom, and doesn't feel "condemned" to anything, because I planned for this financially

Did you even read what she wrote? You cannot dismiss her feelings as they are just as valid as yours. You are lucky you can afford to be a single parent but she could not be. Many of us cannot be with lower salary jobs, especially in helping professions.

Obviously you can be
Salary has nothing to do with it. There is plenty of assistance.
Many people get by on small incomes.

As someone who has worked in the assistance programs, you need a very low salary so often making over $50-60K with one child disqualifies you from assistance. If they don't have family help for child care its a huge struggle. You have a very high income and probably never been on assistance. And, if she got a raise, even .10 she could lose all her benefits and then be in a worse bind.

FFS so you are saying women have to make $30 k a year or $200k

You have no idea how people really live.

You don’t get your nails done (gasp), or get a new car (gasp) or buy the lates clothes (gasp). You buy generic food - it’s totally doable

Some people even move to the burbs

The snobs on this site who picked bad me (yea if your DH doesn’t do 50% of the physical and emotional labor) you aren’t very good at your life choices.

You are living in a dream world.