SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you’re trolling. Your SD was incredibly rude and step or not, I’d have let her know that. It’s fine that they had different ideas of the price and for your SD to decline the job, but laughing at your SIL was way out of line.

Is your SIL from your side of the family or your dh’s?

'Different ideas of the price?" LOL! SIL was rude, $2.50/hour per kid for FOUR kids is a complete insult and she tried to take advantage of a teenager, thinking she'd fold to keep peace in the family. Sorry, but no. She's mad because she's embarrassed, which she should be.

Totally agree, but I also remember that when I first started hiring babysitters, I was SHOCKED at how much teenagers charge. I never proposed $10/hour after someone told me their though!!
Is it possible that SIL has never hired a babysitter before?

With 4 kids? Very much doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the girl is your stepdaughter you do nothing. It is up to her father (assume he is your DH) to address the issue.

There is no reason for a stepparent to get involved in disciplinary issues with a teen.

Depends on the family. Evidently in his family they share those duties.
Mind the business that pays you lady, you do not get to dictate how her family interacts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the girl is your stepdaughter you do nothing. It is up to her father (assume he is your DH) to address the issue.

There is no reason for a stepparent to get involved in disciplinary issues with a teen.

Depends on the family. Evidently in his family they share those duties.
Mind the business that pays you lady, you do not get to dictate how her family interacts.

LOL. OK, Becky. And in this family, both parents are in agreement that SIL is an idiot and SD does not need to apologize. The adult SIL throwing a tantrum is irrelevant.

Problem solved!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t engage further. It was rude of her to suggest that price.

$10 is insulting

[Anonymous]

$14-15 an hour is reasonable. $25 for a teenager is absurd. Stepdaughter should have just declined and been done with it. She was rude, SIL is rude and you need to take care of your own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It makes me crazy when teenage girls, or even young women, don’t stand up for themselves or state clearly what they charge for things like babysitting.

Good for your daughter! Laughing in your sil’s face is rude but refusing to work for a really low amount of money is going to serve your daughter well in the long run.

Wtf, these are not the only options! Is she going to laugh and walk out of job interviews? She can stick to her price without being rude. It’s bad but it’s also stupid as a business move. She should never burn bridges with potential customers. Next week the aunt could have come back at $20/hr, or passed her name to someone who would.

People are going on about step-daughter being taken advantage of, I highly doubt she would have acted this way if it was a non-family member, if she does she's probably laughed her way out of jobs. I don't mean low-paying jobs, I mean jobs that she would probably love to have. People talk, and it is incredibly easy in the world of babysitting to gain a bad reputation without ever harming a kid.

Charm is everything in this world, and knowing how to use it, how to hold firm, and not sway from your standards without being nasty is a life skill.

umm i'm pretty sure that a non family member wouldn't have counteroffered slave wages- $10/per hour for 4 kids(!!!) after hearing quote of $25/hour, it would be reasonable if the adult was clueless and made an initial offer of 1990 rates but after hearing the going rate, she was trying to score free babysitting without having to be in anyone's debt by paying peanuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$14-15 an hour is reasonable. $25 for a teenager is absurd. Stepdaughter should have just declined and been done with it. She was rude, SIL is rude and you need to take care of your own kids.

$14-15 an hour for 4 kids? HAHAHA. Go back to 1991 where you belong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$14-15 an hour is reasonable. $25 for a teenager is absurd. Stepdaughter should have just declined and been done with it. She was rude, SIL is rude and you need to take care of your own kids.

$14-15 an hour for 4 kids? HAHAHA. Go back to 1991 where you belong.

no teenager was making $14/hr for ANY type of work in the 90s! I know, because I was there. I’ve been a nanny for 15 years and rates were in the $12-14 range when I started. Some Nannies were making less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You, your Stepdaughter, and your husband are in the wrong. Full stop. It has zero to do with standing up for herself.

There are 1001 and one ways to your rate and not be nasty.

I say this as someone who worked her way through school as a nanny and babysitting

SIL set the nasty tone by offering less than half of what the SD quoted her. How insulting and rude is that? And SIL is the grown-up!!!!

Sil offered a price. ALl SD had to do was decline, Laughing and being nasty were not required. Even if SIL was intentionally being insulting which I don't believe she was, you do as Michelle Obama tells us to go high, there's never a reason to lower yourself.

Hey! We are talking about a 17 yr old, remember? The SIL is the adult here.

17 is too old to use the immaturity excuse when it comes to basic manners.

17 is a few months to a year from being considered an adult, time to put those manners I assumed she was raised with to good use.

The 17 year old is supposedly mature enough to hace the lives of small children entrusted to her care for a few hours she should know how to handle her emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It makes me crazy when teenage girls, or even young women, don’t stand up for themselves or state clearly what they charge for things like babysitting.

Good for your daughter! Laughing in your sil’s face is rude but refusing to work for a really low amount of money is going to serve your daughter well in the long run.

Wtf, these are not the only options! Is she going to laugh and walk out of job interviews? She can stick to her price without being rude. It’s bad but it’s also stupid as a business move. She should never burn bridges with potential customers. Next week the aunt could have come back at $20/hr, or passed her name to someone who would.

People are going on about step-daughter being taken advantage of, I highly doubt she would have acted this way if it was a non-family member, if she does she's probably laughed her way out of jobs. I don't mean low-paying jobs, I mean jobs that she would probably love to have. People talk, and it is incredibly easy in the world of babysitting to gain a bad reputation without ever harming a kid.

Charm is everything in this world, and knowing how to use it, how to hold firm, and not sway from your standards without being nasty is a life skill.

umm i'm pretty sure that a non family member wouldn't have counteroffered slave wages- $10/per hour for 4 kids(!!!) after hearing quote of $25/hour, it would be reasonable if the adult was clueless and made an initial offer of 1990 rates but after hearing the going rate, she was trying to score free babysitting without having to be in anyone's debt by paying peanuts.

This didn't happen at. OP's, the daughter and husband were rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's incredibly rude and I'd be horrified if one of my daughters used that attitude with any prospective employer, family or not. I think it shows a true lack of maturity to not be able to say that if SIL is not comfortable with the rate then she'll have to look elsewhere. The snide comment about good luck finding someone else was also unnecessary. Perhaps if SIL doesn't hire sitters much then your SD could have said "I think you'll find the going rate around here is about twice what you've suggested."

Sticking up for oneself is simply not being coerced into accepting something she's already declined. It has nothing to do with being snotty and rude. SIL was wrong to make a case out of it, but that's a separate issue.

Not the OP - but are you a boomer who thinks that everyone younger than you exists to serve whatever employer that is willing to bestow the greatest grace of a job upon them? Come on. Get over yourself.

Not the pp, and I'm not a boomer, but I think OP and her daughter, and husband were rude. I also think you are ageist and rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$14-15 an hour is reasonable. $25 for a teenager is absurd. Stepdaughter should have just declined and been done with it. She was rude, SIL is rude and you need to take care of your own kids.

$14-15 an hour for 4 kids? HAHAHA. Go back to 1991 where you belong.

no teenager was making $14/hr for ANY type of work in the 90s! I know, because I was there. I’ve been a nanny for 15 years and rates were in the $12-14 range when I started. Some Nannies were making less.

Mmkay. Nobody is getting their 4 kids sat for $14 an hour in 2021, so good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Laughing in someone's face and then walking away while continuing to laugh is absolutely rude. Full stop.

The above is the rude part. It’s great that your stepdaughter stood up for herself, but she didn’t have to be a rude when doing so. All she had to do was say that her rate was $25 and that if your sister-in-law wasn’t willing to pay that then she was not able to babysit (stand her ground, but be diplomatic about it). Your sister-in-law is delusional thinking $10 an hour for four kids is a reasonable rate to pay for babysitting. It is absolutely not. It is, frankly, insulting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe just laughing once and then saying, "oh, you weren't joking?!"
I'm team daughter on this one, SIL is the adult here and should be acting like one
On the plus side, she'll never try to low-ball her again!

+1

[Anonymous]

I am between boomer and gen-ex (don't belong to either) and I am on the daughter's side. Maybe counsel her to try to not laugh at such a ridiculous proposal if it happens again, but this is not a discipline issue.