SAHM - do you get "used" to it

[Anonymous]

I was laid off at work and am currently looking for another job (if it matters I'm typically an executive with a desk job). I have a 15mo DS and am pregnant with my second. My husband is able to support our family comfortably but I like working and generally planned to do it.

With my current time off I was kind of hoping I'd love being home and decide I just want to stay home until the new baby is 1 or so. This would relieve the stress of trying to find a job before I look too pregnant as well as the toughness of going back to a job that I don't have a long track record at right after maternity leave with all the exhaustion and pumping that entails.

Day to day I kind of hate being home though - not the time with DS (though I struggle with how to feel our time after we have gone on an outing or two already that day) but the relentless of cleaning up after him. I hate washing his high chair tray and the floor etc 3 times a day. I hate all the dishes (when I work we have a nanny that takes care of it) and picking up toys, and general all the manual labor staying home entails.

I'm sure no one loves this part of it, but do you get more used to it? Do you always hate it? Did you never feel this way? The relentlessness of cleaning up the same thing for the nth time that day is making me very eager to get back to work but maybe it just takes awhile to adjust to any major change like this?

I also find it very lonely but I'm assuming I'd make more sahm friends over time and that part would be solved for.

This is in no way a knock on SAHMs - its tough and exhausting! Working is tough and exhausting! Everyone with kids is doing a ton of work and both options can be great for parents and their families.

[Anonymous]

I have a housekeeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a housekeeper.

A full time one that cleans up after meals etc?

[Anonymous]

I think you either like it or you dont and it doesn't adjust with time either way. I've always liked it. It just clicks with me. I like tinkering around the house, I like organizing, cleaning, decorating etc etc. I never felt bored, never felt trapped, or lonely. It just works with my personality. I also like working and went back part time eventually after my third. Still love my off days though. Its not uncommon for me to spend a day around the house just doing random odds and ends. I just like it.

[Anonymous]

I distinctly recall putting away Tupperware in the pantry while on maternity leave and thinking that I would scream if I thought this was something I'd have to do every day. Everyone is different, and I have SAHM friends and WOHM friends. Generally speaking, the biggest reason any of us did one over the other was our personalities. I like my job and I love working and I also love the freedom that being able to outsource the things I don't like (cleaning, putting dishes away, etc.) provides. I have worked my way into a flexible job that still pays well and I love that when I hang out with my kids it's basically just "fun" time (other than cleaning up after dinner, which my husband and/or I do most nights plus making food on the weekends). Maybe if you viewed it as short-term it would help? But I'm with you - I felt the same way and was glad I was going to be able to go back to work after four months.

[Anonymous]

I don't love cleaning up all the time but the older they get the more they can help and they're somewhat more neat eaters the older they are and won't always need the high chair. I also think that the more you do it it just becomes part of the routine and it's not quite as irritating. I will say that unless it's really messy I only sweep after dinner and spray the table down after dinner. I don't completely make it perfect after each meal. I do put dishes in the dishwasher after each meal of course. We eat mostly cold food for breakfast and lunch so there's not many dishes.

[Anonymous]

Why did you even have kids op? You sound awful.

[Anonymous]

Surprise! Being a sahm isn't a cakewalk.

[Anonymous]

It gets better as they get older. You're kind of in the worst of it. Soon the messes will be toys instead of food or poop.

[Anonymous]

Op, do you have any friends with kids the same age who are home during the day? It makes a big difference!

Also- try to get a babysitter one morning/week so you can do things alone. It will save your sanity!

FWIW, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t go back to work yet either, at least not until the baby is 6 months old. It’s probably harder for you bc you didn’t actually choose to SAH. It will be ok though.

[Anonymous]

You sound miserable. Being a SAHM isn't for everyone. You either enjoy it and are great at it and multitasking, or not. I don't think there is a "getting used to it." Find a job, and hire a nanny.

[Anonymous]

I play music or talk on the phone while I clean the same mess over and over. It helps!

[Anonymous]

I *hated* SAH. It is not for me. I always admired the women who were so organized and on top of their households, but it made me seriously depressed. Like a PP said, I think it either suits you or it doesn't. It doesn't sound like it suits you.

Can you get a mothers helper to come play with the toddler a few afternoons a week? Or just book a PT babysitter a few afternoons so you can get some quiet time alone? Those options might help.

[Anonymous]

It took me 2 years to adjust and actually enjoy staying home. And no, there’s never been anything fun about, cleaning and doing laundry. However, I do get to spend a lot of time with my kids and I thank my lucky stars that I SAH when everyone gets sick or needs to go to the dentist. I hated “discussing” with DH which one of us was busier at work in those cases....I don’t miss that at all.

[Anonymous]

Every job has the parts you don't like, that was true when I was in the workforce and when I am home with the kids. The mess/clean up is definitely the worst part of being a SAHM in my opinion, but the balance of the "job" to me makes it worth it.