SAHM - do you get "used" to it
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Anonymous
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Why Do you guys have kids if you are so opposed to caring for them?
Serious question. Are they just something to fill your time outside of work and as travel companions? I think you probably would have been better off as one of those couples who had dogs instead of kids. It’s really much easier to just crate those little buggers. |
Anonymous
Serious question: is this something you say to men who don’t want to be stay at home dads?! Yeah, didn’t think so. |
Anonymous
Kids are awesome (at least mine are). So glad I have them. But a lot of mothering is drudgery. I would happily give up the drudgery forever and just have the mothering relationship. That is the important part. Not who does the drudgery. |
Anonymous
| I love being a sahm. I love not going to work and I really don’t mind cleaning up throughout the day but I do have a cleaning crew come every few weeks. He’s 18 months old now and gives me some challenging days but overall we have so much fun. One thing that helps our days go smooth is having something to do outside of the house every day. We have music classes, mommy and me, days at my parents, the library, play dates with friends etc. I keep him and myself busy! Ive also found an amazing group of moms that I’ve gotten close to and we spend a lot of time with each other with and without kids. In my entire life I’ve never been so happy. |
Anonymous
Caring for kids means many different things at different times. In the very early years, it does mean meeting their every need, cleaning up after them, feeding them, napping them, etc. It also means putting a roof over their head and saving for college and having a backup plan if your spouse can't work or divorces, etc. It means researching and getting things that they might need, whether that be clothes and crayons or a trombone and a physical therapist. It means modeling how to be in the world in a healthy and happy way -- how to have boundaries, how to contribute to society, how to realize your own potential. Children thrive with not ONE sole caregiver but with a group of adults around them who can give them and teach them many things. I don't care if you're a SAHM who home schools -- no one can give a child a whole world by themselves. I think it's pretty clear that different people have different strengths. You can be a great SAHM in the early years who doesn't know how to handle adolescence. You can not like staying at home at first, but have other things to contribute to your kid's lives. There are many ways to be a family. I personally grew up with a SAHM who was very skillful and present as a homemaker and nurturer, but also felt resentful and did not discover her life's purpose. There were certain things she could not model for me that she might have been able to if she had worked and been fulfilled (I say worked, because she was brilliant and very much wanted a career). I have lots of friends who grew up with working moms and are extremely close. Those women were working and also held down the family, created a home environment, managed the rhythms, oversaw their children's education and so much else. I think defining the role of a mother/parent in too-narrow terms is problematic for the children. |
Anonymous
| Why did you have kids OP? You sound miserable. |
Anonymous
Of course she does. The point is that you don’t need to love every single aspect of being a parent to enjoy parenthood or to love your kids. |
Anonymous
Serious question: Do you home school your kids? I don’t understand parents who have children and then can’t be bothered teaching them. Why are you letting the government mold and teach your five year old? You should have had cats, PP. |
Anonymous
This poster is one of the reasons I hated being a SAHM. She was the kind of undereducated idiot I would get stuck talking to at the library or park. I loved being home with my baby but all the rest truly sucked big time. |
Anonymous
| Being a SAHM is hard. For me yes, I got used to it, sort of. In that I developed a routine. And my kids (who were in daycare up til age 1 and 3) got more used to being independent around the house rather than have me wait on them like I tended to when I was only with them two intense hours at the end of the day rather than the long boring stretches of time during the SAHM day. Moms groups did not work for me (I am an older mom and live where most moms in moms groups are 25) but it did get easier when I had them in preschool a couple of mornings + figured out the free things around town to drag them to (playgrounds, events at library, craft days at Michaels, Home Depot etc) It also helped to have 1 or 2 good mom friends, even if only saw them once a month or so. |
Anonymous
Oh and ps yes I have a cleaning service every other week to incentivize me to make sure that it is pre cleaned at least the day before they arrive, And so that they can make sure floors are mopped, stove cleaned etc which I never do on my own. I also go ahead and let laundry stay in laundry baskets semi permanently because it is just endless. |
Anonymous
| The drudgery is the worst yes and it can be lonely. I have found that creating structure is the best thing for me even if it is artificial. Agree with the poster who said you don't have to interact with them 100% of the time. That's not healthy for anyone. Kids need to learn to fill their own time sometimes. Make sure you look for the joy. I send my husband a photo of my kids doing something fun every day. Sometimes it is just what we are up to but sometimes it is a silly set up like the kids reading the paper and 'drinking coffee', paying the bills etc.. fills time for me to come up with something clever, the kids like it and retrospectively it is lovely memories. Remember that you won't get this time back and you will remember the joy. |
Anonymous
How do you define educated? Because by every common definition, my husband and I are very well educated and I have two degrees (one finite and from one of those schools all your kids want to get into) Do I have different opinions on child rearing than you do, yes. But those opinions were made by a very well educated mind. You DO only spend time with your kid on nights and weekends right? Am I wrong in that or do you just not like hearing it phrased that way? My well educated mind is and was the one raising my children. One of the reasons I chose to stay home is that most childcare providers ARE uneducated, most jobs don’t require any type of degree. I’m not sure what interactions you had at the park or library, but Most women I know who sag are very well educated especially in this area. They chose to stay home because they can and they think it’s best for their kids, not for lack of opportunity in the job market. |
Anonymous
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I don't think you will ever get used to it.
It's just not the kind of thing some people like. Some do because they have to. My mohter would have made for a miserable stay at home mom. She is not into all those nitty-gritty stuff. She likes teaching kids, helping them develope emotionally etc, but cleaning and picking up would drive her bonkers. She raised closed to 7 kids(biological plus family kids that she took in), and she just never really took to the chores. EVen with her grandkids, she is still not into the chores. However, she is their favorite grand parent because she is fun and loving and engaged, just as she was when she raised us. All this to say that if you can pile them up for as long as possible and get someone to come in and clean at the end of the day. Or if your husband does not mind doing that when he gets back if you can take something else off his plate to even out the responsibilities, you will still make an amazing SAH. You don't have to love doing the dishes or even do them to feel good about staying home with your baby. |
Anonymous
| WOHM here who agrees - drudgery is the worst! I work full time so always maximize the few hours in the day when DS is awake to spend time with him, so after his bedtime my remaining time is 100% chores (with audiobooks, thank goodness for those). Not everyone can afford paid help. I tell myself that it is only for a few more years, and eventually my son will stop throwing yogurt on the carpet! |