Making time for kids? Study says quality trumps quantity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been both: WOHM and SAHM. I'm incredibly fortunate to have a Mom who insisted in keeping her grandchildren when I did work.

Leaving my infant with a stranger does not sit well with me. When you add in a day care center where they won't receive individual care and attention...it's not happening. And having a nanny just leaves too much unaccountability for behaving well towards my child. I'd rather go on welfare and/or move in with my parents than subject my child to that.

IMO, children should be with their parents and/or loving grandparents until preschool.

Good lord, you're a moron.

Justify it all you want. Seeing infants stuck in a crib, playpen or highchair all day is heartbreaking. Young children should NOT be warehoused in daycare centers.

Once again - DUH. I guarantee you no parent on this thread has a child in that situation.

Really? I'm sure their infants are in centers. And that's exactly what they do. It's a numbers thing. There just aren't enough workers to cater to your child.

So the video monitors lie, I guess. Just stop, asshole.

Of course not and that would be the only way I'd ever consider leaving my infant in a center.

But most centers don't have cameras.

Pregnant FTM here. Out of 6 centers I have visited so far, 4 of them have cameras with live video feed that parents can login to check online. Even doggie daycares have cameras nowadays. It's really not that uncommon.

And many of us can find centers in our work building or near our work (I work from home, so I'm planning on finding one down the street). This means we can go by for an hour at lunch time and nurse and then check-in on the camera throughout the day. Certain posters on here like to act as if all us working moms are just shoving our children into the arms of some complete stranger we have never met or done due diligence on.

FWIW, this thread has made me feel like absolute crap. I am planning on taking 6 months off, which is going to be as much time as my family can financially bear for me to be off work. I thought I was doing a pretty good job researching childcare and maintaining a job that provides great benefits and will allow me to help pay the bills. According to so many on this thread I clearly do not love my child and am a horrible failure as a mother. Thanks for the support ladies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been both: WOHM and SAHM. I'm incredibly fortunate to have a Mom who insisted in keeping her grandchildren when I did work.

Leaving my infant with a stranger does not sit well with me. When you add in a day care center where they won't receive individual care and attention...it's not happening. And having a nanny just leaves too much unaccountability for behaving well towards my child. I'd rather go on welfare and/or move in with my parents than subject my child to that.

IMO, children should be with their parents and/or loving grandparents until preschool.

Good lord, you're a moron.

Justify it all you want. Seeing infants stuck in a crib, playpen or highchair all day is heartbreaking. Young children should NOT be warehoused in daycare centers.

Once again - DUH. I guarantee you no parent on this thread has a child in that situation.

Really? I'm sure their infants are in centers. And that's exactly what they do. It's a numbers thing. There just aren't enough workers to cater to your child.

So the video monitors lie, I guess. Just stop, asshole.

Of course not and that would be the only way I'd ever consider leaving my infant in a center.

But most centers don't have cameras.

Pregnant FTM here. Out of 6 centers I have visited so far, 4 of them have cameras with live video feed that parents can login to check online. Even doggie daycares have cameras nowadays. It's really not that uncommon.

And many of us can find centers in our work building or near our work (I work from home, so I'm planning on finding one down the street). This means we can go by for an hour at lunch time and nurse and then check-in on the camera throughout the day. Certain posters on here like to act as if all us working moms are just shoving our children into the arms of some complete stranger we have never met or done due diligence on.

FWIW, this thread has made me feel like absolute crap. I am planning on taking 6 months off, which is going to be as much time as my family can financially bear for me to be off work. I thought I was doing a pretty good job researching childcare and maintaining a job that provides great benefits and will allow me to help pay the bills. According to so many on this thread I clearly do not love my child and am a horrible failure as a mother. Thanks for the support ladies.

Eh, the good thing about once you become a parent is that it helps you grow a thicker skin -- because no matter what seemingly unimportant decisions you make, people are going to judge (nevermind the important ones!). Don't worry. Six months is a lot more time on maternity leave than plenty of parents have. My DD went to daycare at 6 months. At 2 years, she's well-adjusted and developmentally and intellectually far ahead of children of our SAHM friends (I'm not saying there is a connection. What I am saying is there is NO connection. Your baby will be fine).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
FWIW, this thread has made me feel like absolute crap. I am planning on taking 6 months off, which is going to be as much time as my family can financially bear for me to be off work. I thought I was doing a pretty good job researching childcare and maintaining a job that provides great benefits and will allow me to help pay the bills. According to so many on this thread I clearly do not love my child and am a horrible failure as a mother. Thanks for the support ladies.

Don't worry, PP. You and your baby will be okay. You're unsure of yourself now but you'll see, it will all work out. My kids are a lot older now and I've done it a lot of different ways (SAHM with infants, part-time WAH, fulltime WOHM, daycare with infants). Nobody could pick out which one of my children had which infant childcare experience, and they're all kind and emotionally healthy. I've spent many hours with many different older children and teens and while I have never been able to guess what infant childcare arrangement their parents used, I have been able to guess at whose parents are kind, emotionally stable, and loving people as opposed to those unfortunate kids with parents who are unkind, or overly critical, or judgmental, or emotionally unstable, or have untreated mental illness. That's the sort of thing that leaves a mark, not childcare. Don't let DCUM crazies get to you. They and their poor kids need a lot more help than you or your family do.

[Anonymous]

Also just so you know, nobody acts like this in real life. I have friends who do all sorts of things at various times in their life and we're all friends no matter what.

The only times I've encountered nastiness in real life (and it's rare), it's been from women who are obviously emotionally disturbed or under great stress and you just kind of feel sorry for them and go about your day.

It will be okay.

[Anonymous]

The question you all should focus on is:

If my career is my priority,
WHO will care for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whoever shows up."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The question you all should focus on is:

If my career is my priority,
WHO will care for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whoever shows up."

*whomever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
FWIW, this thread has made me feel like absolute crap. I am planning on taking 6 months off, which is going to be as much time as my family can financially bear for me to be off work. I thought I was doing a pretty good job researching childcare and maintaining a job that provides great benefits and will allow me to help pay the bills. According to so many on this thread I clearly do not love my child and am a horrible failure as a mother. Thanks for the support ladies.

Don't worry, PP. You and your baby will be okay. You're unsure of yourself now but you'll see, it will all work out. My kids are a lot older now and I've done it a lot of different ways (SAHM with infants, part-time WAH, fulltime WOHM, daycare with infants). Nobody could pick out which one of my children had which infant childcare experience, and they're all kind and emotionally healthy. I've spent many hours with many different older children and teens and while I have never been able to guess what infant childcare arrangement their parents used, I have been able to guess at whose parents are kind, emotionally stable, and loving people as opposed to those unfortunate kids with parents who are unkind, or overly critical, or judgmental, or emotionally unstable, or have untreated mental illness. That's the sort of thing that leaves a mark, not childcare. Don't let DCUM crazies get to you. They and their poor kids need a lot more help than you or your family do.

At last - a voice of reason. This is absolutely true and I say this as someone who has also done SAHM, part time and now going back full time. The key variable for childhood development is maternal sensitivity i.e. how well do you respond to your kids needs. This thread is really frightening

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The question you all should focus on is:

If my career is my priority,
WHO will care for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whoever shows up."

Okay, crazy-haiku-daycare-hater, simmer down. I have never heard anyone (male or female) say they'll settle for whoever shows up. I have seen loving and concerned parents work hard to find and pay for high-quality childcare. Enough with the strawman arguments already.

The question you should focus on is:

WHY am I so desperate to believe that other people's children are damaged if their parents don't make the same decisions I do?

Also, WHY must I insert random line breaks into my sentences?

Think about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question you all should focus on is:

If my career is my priority,
WHO will care for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whoever shows up."

Okay, crazy-haiku-daycare-hater, simmer down. I have never heard anyone (male or female) say they'll settle for whoever shows up. I have seen loving and concerned parents work hard to find and pay for high-quality childcare. Enough with the strawman arguments already.

The question you should focus on is:

WHY am I so desperate to believe that other people's children are damaged if their parents don't make the same decisions I do?

Also, WHY must I insert random line breaks into my sentences?

Think about it.

Been thinking about it, probably longer than you've been living. More importantly than just thinking about it, I've been carefully observing it. How your early childhood impacts who you become. If you believe your first three years are irrelevant, so be it. My decades of observations tell me otherwise.

During my research, I spent days observing "high quality" infant care centers in the DC area. One was BH on K St. One of my colleagues burst out in tears when we left, as those poor babies received no love from those poorly compensated caregivers. And the place cost a fortune! Someone is making out, but it isn't the workers, and it certainly isn't the babies either. We saw for ourselves what you can't see during your quickie visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question you all should focus on is:

If my career is my priority,
WHO will care for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whoever shows up."

Okay, crazy-haiku-daycare-hater, simmer down. I have never heard anyone (male or female) say they'll settle for whoever shows up. I have seen loving and concerned parents work hard to find and pay for high-quality childcare. Enough with the strawman arguments already.

The question you should focus on is:

WHY am I so desperate to believe that other people's children are damaged if their parents don't make the same decisions I do?

Also, WHY must I insert random line breaks into my sentences?

Think about it.

Been thinking about it, probably longer than you've been living. More importantly than just thinking about it, I've been carefully observing it. How your early childhood impacts who you become. If you believe your first three years are irrelevant, so be it. My decades of observations tell me otherwise.

During my research, I spent days observing "high quality" infant care centers in the DC area. One was BH on K St. One of my colleagues burst out in tears when we left, as those poor babies received no love from those poorly compensated caregivers. And the place cost a fortune! Someone is making out, but it isn't the workers, and it certainly isn't the babies either. We saw for ourselves what you can't see during your quickie visits.

Okeydokey. You're right, you are clearly the only one with the ability to identify high-quality daycare. The rest of us just shove our kid into the nearest storage locker. So why aren't you out there trying to improve access to quality care? Or... Could it be that your interest is less in the welfare of children and more in validating your own choices?

You are ridiculous. Stop trying to terrorize FTMs. There is good quality care out there, and a person with wit and patience can find it.

I know more kids who have been damage by their smothering SAHMs or kin care than by daycare! Having said that, most kids with SAHMs do just fine, and most kids in daycare do just fine. Quit pretending your way is the only way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question you all should focus on is:

If my career is my priority,
WHO will care for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whoever shows up."

Okay, crazy-haiku-daycare-hater, simmer down. I have never heard anyone (male or female) say they'll settle for whoever shows up. I have seen loving and concerned parents work hard to find and pay for high-quality childcare. Enough with the strawman arguments already.

The question you should focus on is:

WHY am I so desperate to believe that other people's children are damaged if their parents don't make the same decisions I do?

Also, WHY must I insert random line breaks into my sentences?

Think about it.

Been thinking about it, probably longer than you've been living. More importantly than just thinking about it, I've been carefully observing it. How your early childhood impacts who you become. If you believe your first three years are irrelevant, so be it. My decades of observations tell me otherwise.

During my research, I spent days observing "high quality" infant care centers in the DC area. One was BH on K St. One of my colleagues burst out in tears when we left, as those poor babies received no love from those poorly compensated caregivers. And the place cost a fortune! Someone is making out, but it isn't the workers, and it certainly isn't the babies either. We saw for ourselves what you can't see during your quickie visits.

Okeydokey. You're right, you are clearly the only one with the ability to identify high-quality daycare. The rest of us just shove our kid into the nearest storage locker. So why aren't you out there trying to improve access to quality care? Or... Could it be that your interest is less in the welfare of children and more in validating your own choices?

You are ridiculous. Stop trying to terrorize FTMs. There is good quality care out there, and a person with wit and patience can find it.

I know more kids who have been damage by their smothering SAHMs or kin care than by daycare! Having said that, most kids with SAHMs do just fine, and most kids in daycare do just fine. Quit pretending your way is the only way.

"My way" is whichever way babies get competent, loving and stable care. I'm not so concerned with who that caregiver is, whether it be sitter, daycare, grandma, mom or dad. Agree with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question you all should focus on is:

If my career is my priority,
WHO will care for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whoever shows up."

Okay, crazy-haiku-daycare-hater, simmer down. I have never heard anyone (male or female) say they'll settle for whoever shows up. I have seen loving and concerned parents work hard to find and pay for high-quality childcare. Enough with the strawman arguments already.

The question you should focus on is:

WHY am I so desperate to believe that other people's children are damaged if their parents don't make the same decisions I do?

Also, WHY must I insert random line breaks into my sentences?

Think about it.

Been thinking about it, probably longer than you've been living. More importantly than just thinking about it, I've been carefully observing it. How your early childhood impacts who you become. If you believe your first three years are irrelevant, so be it. My decades of observations tell me otherwise.

During my research, I spent days observing "high quality" infant care centers in the DC area. One was BH on K St. One of my colleagues burst out in tears when we left, as those poor babies received no love from those poorly compensated caregivers. And the place cost a fortune! Someone is making out, but it isn't the workers, and it certainly isn't the babies either. We saw for ourselves what you can't see during your quickie visits.

Okeydokey. You're right, you are clearly the only one with the ability to identify high-quality daycare. The rest of us just shove our kid into the nearest storage locker. So why aren't you out there trying to improve access to quality care? Or... Could it be that your interest is less in the welfare of children and more in validating your own choices?

You are ridiculous. Stop trying to terrorize FTMs. There is good quality care out there, and a person with wit and patience can find it.

I know more kids who have been damage by their smothering SAHMs or kin care than by daycare! Having said that, most kids with SAHMs do just fine, and most kids in daycare do just fine. Quit pretending your way is the only way.

"My way" is whichever way babies get competent, loving and stable care. I'm not so concerned with who that caregiver is, whether it be sitter, daycare, grandma, mom or dad. Agree with that?

Agreement here is splendid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question you all should focus on is:

If my career is my priority,
WHO will care for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whoever shows up."

Okay, crazy-haiku-daycare-hater, simmer down. I have never heard anyone (male or female) say they'll settle for whoever shows up. I have seen loving and concerned parents work hard to find and pay for high-quality childcare. Enough with the strawman arguments already.

The question you should focus on is:

WHY am I so desperate to believe that other people's children are damaged if their parents don't make the same decisions I do?

Also, WHY must I insert random line breaks into my sentences?

Think about it.

Been thinking about it, probably longer than you've been living. More importantly than just thinking about it, I've been carefully observing it. How your early childhood impacts who you become. If you believe your first three years are irrelevant, so be it. My decades of observations tell me otherwise.

During my research, I spent days observing "high quality" infant care centers in the DC area. One was BH on K St. One of my colleagues burst out in tears when we left, as those poor babies received no love from those poorly compensated caregivers. And the place cost a fortune! Someone is making out, but it isn't the workers, and it certainly isn't the babies either. We saw for ourselves what you can't see during your quickie visits.

Okeydokey. You're right, you are clearly the only one with the ability to identify high-quality daycare. The rest of us just shove our kid into the nearest storage locker. So why aren't you out there trying to improve access to quality care? Or... Could it be that your interest is less in the welfare of children and more in validating your own choices?

You are ridiculous. Stop trying to terrorize FTMs. There is good quality care out there, and a person with wit and patience can find it.

I know more kids who have been damage by their smothering SAHMs or kin care than by daycare! Having said that, most kids with SAHMs do just fine, and most kids in daycare do just fine. Quit pretending your way is the only way.

"My way" is whichever way babies get competent, loving and stable care. I'm not so concerned with who that caregiver is, whether it be sitter, daycare, grandma, mom or dad. Agree with that?

Of course. Who wouldn't agree with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question you all should focus on is:

If my career is my priority,
WHO will care for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whoever shows up."

Okay, crazy-haiku-daycare-hater, simmer down. I have never heard anyone (male or female) say they'll settle for whoever shows up. I have seen loving and concerned parents work hard to find and pay for high-quality childcare. Enough with the strawman arguments already.

The question you should focus on is:

WHY am I so desperate to believe that other people's children are damaged if their parents don't make the same decisions I do?

Also, WHY must I insert random line breaks into my sentences?

Think about it.

Been thinking about it, probably longer than you've been living. More importantly than just thinking about it, I've been carefully observing it. How your early childhood impacts who you become. If you believe your first three years are irrelevant, so be it. My decades of observations tell me otherwise.

During my research, I spent days observing "high quality" infant care centers in the DC area. One was BH on K St. One of my colleagues burst out in tears when we left, as those poor babies received no love from those poorly compensated caregivers. And the place cost a fortune! Someone is making out, but it isn't the workers, and it certainly isn't the babies either. We saw for ourselves what you can't see during your quickie visits.

Just curious, what was this for? Graduate research, a job (pre-kids obviously) or self-enrichment? What are your opinions on the next step, i.e., how do we change/improve the system? Telling moms to stay home or move back to where family is isn't going to work for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being with your children for 18 years is the best time of your life. Try to figure out how to make it happen. You will never regret it.

This post is nonsensical. I'm pretty sure all parents (besides truly absentee ones) get to spend 18 years with their children. The difference is some use childcare in the early years and later on some work during the day while their kids are in school. The vast majority of families need at least one income and I doubt anyone would tell a working father he should try to "be with his children" for 18 years -- he already is with his children. He just also has a job.

Are you saying parents should be at their children's beck and call for 18 years without any outside hobbies, job, etc.? This post makes no sense to me.