Making time for kids? Study says quality trumps quantity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question you all should focus on is:

If my career is my priority,
WHO will care for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whoever shows up."

Maybe the question you should focus on is:

If I don't work
WHO will provide food and shelter, health insurance and stability for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whatever cardboard box I can find and hope no one needs a doctor."

Single parenting is a whole different thing. It takes a village.

But that distinction shouldn't matter for purposes of this thread. The original article was about whether your kids will turn out better if you stay home or work. It's not about whether working is an economic necessity or not. So all the hostile comments aimed at WOHMs still count if the mom is single. It's disingenuous for the stay at home harpies who like to tell us our kids will be messed up to say, "Oh it's different if you're single or if you have to work." No, it's not. The point is whether or not your kids will be messed up by day care, regardless of the reason they are there.

Your kid doesn't need to be a genius to figure out:

1. I got a parade of sitters because there was no other option

OR

2. A got what I got because mommy and daddy had more interesting things to do at the office

You forgot:

3. I got what I got and my parents both had interesting, productive careers and I am modeling my family after the way I raised, which was actually great. They were both good role models as parents, citizens, and upwardly mobile business people. Every family makes choices and trade-offs and the ones they made were the right ones and benefitted me and my siblings enormously. As an adult, I am grateful.

How old are your kids now, and how many primary caregiver have they had so far?

Elementary and middle school. They have two parents who live with them who are their primary caregivers. They were each in a family day care until age 2, in preschool for age 3 and 4, and in public school since kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question you all should focus on is:

If my career is my priority,
WHO will care for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whoever shows up."

Maybe the question you should focus on is:

If I don't work
WHO will provide food and shelter, health insurance and stability for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whatever cardboard box I can find and hope no one needs a doctor."

Single parenting is a whole different thing. It takes a village.

But that distinction shouldn't matter for purposes of this thread. The original article was about whether your kids will turn out better if you stay home or work. It's not about whether working is an economic necessity or not. So all the hostile comments aimed at WOHMs still count if the mom is single. It's disingenuous for the stay at home harpies who like to tell us our kids will be messed up to say, "Oh it's different if you're single or if you have to work." No, it's not. The point is whether or not your kids will be messed up by day care, regardless of the reason they are there.

Your kid doesn't need to be a genius to figure out:

1. I got a parade of sitters because there was no other option

OR

2. A got what I got because mommy and daddy had more interesting things to do at the office

You forgot:

3. I got what I got and my parents both had interesting, productive careers and I am modeling my family after the way I raised, which was actually great. They were both good role models as parents, citizens, and upwardly mobile business people. Every family makes choices and trade-offs and the ones they made were the right ones and benefitted me and my siblings enormously. As an adult, I am grateful.

How old are your kids now, and how many primary caregiver have they had so far?

Elementary and middle school. They have two parents who live with them who are their primary caregivers. They were each in a family day care until age 2, in preschool for age 3 and 4, and in public school since kindergarten.

If they had only one primary caregiver for their first two years of life, count your blessings. Few children are so fortunate!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question you all should focus on is:

If my career is my priority,
WHO will care for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whoever shows up."

Maybe the question you should focus on is:

If I don't work
WHO will provide food and shelter, health insurance and stability for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whatever cardboard box I can find and hope no one needs a doctor."

Single parenting is a whole different thing. It takes a village.

But that distinction shouldn't matter for purposes of this thread. The original article was about whether your kids will turn out better if you stay home or work. It's not about whether working is an economic necessity or not. So all the hostile comments aimed at WOHMs still count if the mom is single. It's disingenuous for the stay at home harpies who like to tell us our kids will be messed up to say, "Oh it's different if you're single or if you have to work." No, it's not. The point is whether or not your kids will be messed up by day care, regardless of the reason they are there.

Your kid doesn't need to be a genius to figure out:

1. I got a parade of sitters because there was no other option

OR

2. A got what I got because mommy and daddy had more interesting things to do at the office

You forgot:

3. I got what I got and my parents both had interesting, productive careers and I am modeling my family after the way I raised, which was actually great. They were both good role models as parents, citizens, and upwardly mobile business people. Every family makes choices and trade-offs and the ones they made were the right ones and benefitted me and my siblings enormously. As an adult, I am grateful.

How old are your kids now, and how many primary caregiver have they had so far?

Elementary and middle school. They have two parents who live with them who are their primary caregivers. They were each in a family day care until age 2, in preschool for age 3 and 4, and in public school since kindergarten.

If they had only one primary caregiver for their first two years of life, count your blessings. Few children are so fortunate!

I guess. I myself have only the vaguest memories of being 3, and certainly no memories from when I was 2 or younger. For all I know, my parents had the dog watch me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question you all should focus on is:

If my career is my priority,
WHO will care for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whoever shows up."

Maybe the question you should focus on is:

If I don't work
WHO will provide food and shelter, health insurance and stability for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whatever cardboard box I can find and hope no one needs a doctor."

Single parenting is a whole different thing. It takes a village.

But that distinction shouldn't matter for purposes of this thread. The original article was about whether your kids will turn out better if you stay home or work. It's not about whether working is an economic necessity or not. So all the hostile comments aimed at WOHMs still count if the mom is single. It's disingenuous for the stay at home harpies who like to tell us our kids will be messed up to say, "Oh it's different if you're single or if you have to work." No, it's not. The point is whether or not your kids will be messed up by day care, regardless of the reason they are there.

Your kid doesn't need to be a genius to figure out:

1. I got a parade of sitters because there was no other option

OR

2. A got what I got because mommy and daddy had more interesting things to do at the office

You forgot:

3. I got what I got and my parents both had interesting, productive careers and I am modeling my family after the way I raised, which was actually great. They were both good role models as parents, citizens, and upwardly mobile business people. Every family makes choices and trade-offs and the ones they made were the right ones and benefitted me and my siblings enormously. As an adult, I am grateful.

How old are your kids now, and how many primary caregiver have they had so far?

Elementary and middle school. They have two parents who live with them who are their primary caregivers. They were each in a family day care until age 2, in preschool for age 3 and 4, and in public school since kindergarten.

If they had only one primary caregiver for their first two years of life, count your blessings. Few children are so fortunate!

I guess. I myself have only the vaguest memories of being 3, and certainly no memories from when I was 2 or younger. For all I know, my parents had the dog watch me.

It's funny because I always think of my mom being a SAHM up until I was in middle school, but she actually worked until I was 2.5 and stayed home once my sister was born. I was at a babysitter during the day for those first couple years, and although my mom says I liked it I don't recall that time at all, so who knows! But not sure anyone could look at my two siblings and I and pick out who had the SAHM during those foundation years and who didn't. We all became productive members of society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question you all should focus on is:

If my career is my priority,
WHO will care for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whoever shows up."

Maybe the question you should focus on is:

If I don't work
WHO will provide food and shelter, health insurance and stability for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whatever cardboard box I can find and hope no one needs a doctor."

Single parenting is a whole different thing. It takes a village.

But that distinction shouldn't matter for purposes of this thread. The original article was about whether your kids will turn out better if you stay home or work. It's not about whether working is an economic necessity or not. So all the hostile comments aimed at WOHMs still count if the mom is single. It's disingenuous for the stay at home harpies who like to tell us our kids will be messed up to say, "Oh it's different if you're single or if you have to work." No, it's not. The point is whether or not your kids will be messed up by day care, regardless of the reason they are there.

Your kid doesn't need to be a genius to figure out:

1. I got a parade of sitters because there was no other option

OR

2. A got what I got because mommy and daddy had more interesting things to do at the office

You forgot:

3. I got what I got and my parents both had interesting, productive careers and I am modeling my family after the way I raised, which was actually great. They were both good role models as parents, citizens, and upwardly mobile business people. Every family makes choices and trade-offs and the ones they made were the right ones and benefitted me and my siblings enormously. As an adult, I am grateful.

How old are your kids now, and how many primary caregiver have they had so far?

Elementary and middle school. They have two parents who live with them who are their primary caregivers. They were each in a family day care until age 2, in preschool for age 3 and 4, and in public school since kindergarten.

If they had only one primary caregiver for their first two years of life, count your blessings. Few children are so fortunate!

I guess. I myself have only the vaguest memories of being 3, and certainly no memories from when I was 2 or younger. For all I know, my parents had the dog watch me.

If you study early childhood development, you learn how enormously your early environment impacts your entire life, even though most of us don't consciously remember it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question you all should focus on is:

If my career is my priority,
WHO will care for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whoever shows up."

Maybe the question you should focus on is:

If I don't work
WHO will provide food and shelter, health insurance and stability for the child?

Not, "I'll settle for whatever cardboard box I can find and hope no one needs a doctor."

Single parenting is a whole different thing. It takes a village.

But that distinction shouldn't matter for purposes of this thread. The original article was about whether your kids will turn out better if you stay home or work. It's not about whether working is an economic necessity or not. So all the hostile comments aimed at WOHMs still count if the mom is single. It's disingenuous for the stay at home harpies who like to tell us our kids will be messed up to say, "Oh it's different if you're single or if you have to work." No, it's not. The point is whether or not your kids will be messed up by day care, regardless of the reason they are there.

Your kid doesn't need to be a genius to figure out:

1. I got a parade of sitters because there was no other option

OR

2. A got what I got because mommy and daddy had more interesting things to do at the office

So let me get this straight-- Despite all the evidence, both clinical and anecdotal, kids will automatically and universally resent their mothers if they work. Because you have declared it to be so. Got it.

Try to get this straight: Quality of care is what matters, not so much who's doing it.

Got it?

Maybe you should say it again for good measure. Not sure it sunk in the first 20 times.

Do you think that would help 12:49?

12:49 here and I'm not sure that my responder understood my point. The comment I responded to implied that smart children will figure out (and judge harshly) that their parents worked for some reason other than economic necessity. I resent that, and believe that plenty of evidence supports the fact that children will not automatically be screwed up or resent their parents for working, regardless of the economic imperative. I mentioned nothing about consistency of care and I don't dispute that that is ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What is this straw man you are setting up? Most of us who work full time spend a lot of time with our kids. I'm with my kid an average of 4-5 hours every day before & after daycare, and then all weekend. I'm almost totally certain that my kid gets more parental attention than I ever did as the child of a SAHM with many sibs.

When I'm working I'm around my kid maybe about 3 hours a day. And most of that time spent cooking and doing chores, so the quality is missing.

Our society provides no support for working moms and that's pathetic. We are always torn between all or nothing and there is no balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What is this straw man you are setting up? Most of us who work full time spend a lot of time with our kids. I'm with my kid an average of 4-5 hours every day before & after daycare, and then all weekend. I'm almost totally certain that my kid gets more parental attention than I ever did as the child of a SAHM with many sibs.

When I'm working I'm around my kid maybe about 3 hours a day. And most of that time spent cooking and doing chores, so the quality is missing.

Our society provides no support for working moms and that's pathetic. We are always torn between all or nothing and there is no balance.

I agree with this, it's hard. But if I didn't work, life would be hard for other reasons. It's a no-win situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What is this straw man you are setting up? Most of us who work full time spend a lot of time with our kids. I'm with my kid an average of 4-5 hours every day before & after daycare, and then all weekend. I'm almost totally certain that my kid gets more parental attention than I ever did as the child of a SAHM with many sibs.

When I'm working I'm around my kid maybe about 3 hours a day. And most of that time spent cooking and doing chores, so the quality is missing.

Our society provides no support for working moms and that's pathetic. We are always torn between all or nothing and there is no balance.

That's okay. Our society (and PPs on this thread!) tells SAHM they're stupid, pathetic, not producing anything tangible, and are therefore worthless.