This Is Us final season

[Anonymous]

I find both Kate and Toby (all iterations of him) fairly unlikable. I'm kind of disappointed that after watching this show for so long, I don't really care what happens with either of them.

Her character, to me, really hasn't developed that much and I don't think she's got THAT much musical talent that she's suddenly teaching children about music without any education or training. It's not like they're in some podunk town where there's not a ton of musically talented and trained people who could teach. It's all just silly.

[Anonymous]

The fact that Toby was unemployed is why it’s ridiculous for Kate to expect him to give up an amazing job that he loves, his coworkers love him and he gets paid a lot. Toby really struggled with feeling worthless because he was unemployed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that Toby was unemployed is why it’s ridiculous for Kate to expect him to give up an amazing job that he loves, his coworkers love him and he gets paid a lot. Toby really struggled with feeling worthless because he was unemployed.

All of this, with the exception of the pay, is exactly what he expects her to give up to move to support his career.

She likewise always struggled with feeling worthless because of being completely unfulfilled professionally.

[Anonymous]

17 year old Kate was accepted to Berklee School of Music, so Kate is definitely talented. That's a tough admit. She doesn't have a degree in music, but she can play the piano and sing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that Toby was unemployed is why it’s ridiculous for Kate to expect him to give up an amazing job that he loves, his coworkers love him and he gets paid a lot. Toby really struggled with feeling worthless because he was unemployed.

All of this, with the exception of the pay, is exactly what he expects her to give up to move to support his career.

She likewise always struggled with feeling worthless because of being completely unfulfilled professionally.

She is a teacher’s aide with no background or training. Since it’s a show, she will get the teacher job but she would never get that in real life with zero background or experience. Getting into a music college and not going is not a qualification.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to correct one PP. Toby did NOT become a SAHD because Kate wanted to be a low paid TA. Toby lost his job and they had no money, so Kate applied for the TA job, so they would have SOME money coming in and so Jack would not have to drop out of the part-time pre-school he was in at the school.

That's when Toby became a SAHD. It wasn't something he did to help Kate or the family; he did it because it was the only option if Kate was going to work. Somebody had to take care of Haley and it didn't make sense to hire a sitter given how little money Kate was making.

And Kate didn't initially apply for the job because she thought she'd enjoy it; she applied for the job because it was the only job she could get which would only be for the same hours Jack was in school.

Then Kate ended up liking the job and didn't want to quit.

Right. Toby didn't become a SAHD for Kate. He was unemployed! He spent the whole time looking for a job! He did not stay at home by choice.

I think you're responding to one of my earlier posts. I didn't mean to imply that Toby became a SAHD BECAUSE of Kate's job, so if that's what my post actually said, I misspoke. I was trying to point out - perhaps unclearly - that he was a SAHD after he got laid off and when Kate could only find a job that paid very little, he had to go find a much better paying job. They couldn't afford to live on Kate's salary even if Toby wanted to continue to be a SAHD (which he didn't because he hated it). Kate was unable to provide financially for the family and so he was the one who had to find a better paying job. He sacrificed time away from his family in order to provide for them. And Kate now resents all of his efforts.

Also, I beg to differ with the bolded in your post. Any parent staying at home IS helping their family. Full stop. He sucked it up and did it because it made financial sense for all the reasons you pointed out. I'm sure you wouldn't tell a SAHM that she isn't helping her DH or her family by staying at home, regardless of whether it was by choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:17 year old Kate was accepted to Berklee School of Music, so Kate is definitely talented. That's a tough admit. She doesn't have a degree in music, but she can play the piano and sing.

she doesn't even have a bachelors degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem was that Toby didn't consult Kate about anything. He didn't tell her he had been offered the job in LA before turning it down. When she finds out about it, he doesn't want to tell her what the salary was. Maybe it was for a lot less, but maybe it was for less, but not so much less than when you take cost of living in LA vs SF into account the choice was very clear cut.

He takes her to see a house and says she has to decide to buy it the day after tomorrow. It's the third time he's seen the house. He's already applied for a loan. He hasn't discussed any of this with her. Maybe Kate might want to check out other houses and neighborhoods to see what she likes. Has he figured out where the closest good school for the blind is, what transportation would be involved, good daycare and schools for Haley, parks and playgrounds, etc.? Even long distance, you'd think he'd at least he'd have discussed the possibility of moving to SF with Kate and she would have spent some time researching this sort of thing.

He calls a Lyft without asking Kate if she wants to walk.

He can't come meet her at the airport because he's on a call. He takes a call when they go for a walk. He has to take a call in the morning. But he gets mad at Kate for calling the kids when they go for a walk!

It's not just the healthy lifestyle--it's ditching Kate at the party to discuss a pick for a fantasy football team;telling her waht she should talk about with his co-workers at the cocktail party, making reservations at very pricey, trendy restaurants--again without consulting Kate; buying expensive champagne, etc.

Yes! All of this!

Toby is a walking red flag with his behavior. He has not put her first since he took this job. He couldn't even have a nice weekend with her - only wanted to do it on his terms. He also seems "manic" almost. Perhaps the green egg sends him in a spiral down. Ugh, will be tough to watch.

+1

Toby, for a while now, has been living as if part of his mind sees himself as single. No need to consult on anything. His defensive "You want NUMBERS?!" at Kate, rather than just telling her the salary he'd been offered, was something I wish Kate had called him out on more strongly -- it's so transparent that he hadn't gotten his story straight on what he'd tell her about this job offer. If it was really a poor offer as he said, why not just tell her salary? The list above where PP notes the many ways he was either ignoring her (calls, calls, calls; fantasy football; dictating conversational topics etc.) plus how he was making choices for both of them, was all way beyond the pale. Someone said here that she wants to be together but only on her terms and i don't see that -- I see Toby acting like he's basically single, not her partner. Giving her the "if we want to be a family that has to happen in SF" ultimatum? Wow. I'd leave him too.

He’s probably making at least two to three times more than Kate as a TA. This is pretty simple to me. If he goes to SF and it’s a good fit, then Kate needs to move to SF. And yes, it almost always comes down to money.

Did Toby find this thread?

How do you defend his not being willing to tell Kate the salary for the LA job he rejected, then, if it was a no-brainer for him to reject it? Why be so resistant to telling his wife about the offer in the first place, much less telling her the salary? And "kate needs to move to SF" sounds exactly like the ultimatum he gave her. I'm really surprised at people defending him when he is doing things most of us would find very problematic in real relationships, like starting the process to buy a specific house without telling her. He is not a partner any more, but she's supposed to do what he dictates she do, and move to SF, to be with someone who does not consult her on the most basic choices like jobs and houses?

No, I’m not Toby. And he did explain it wasn’t just about the money, it was how he felt with the job, fitting in. Kate never expressed that regarding her job. And I’m sure she could get a musical TA in SF. Did she think they were going to live apart forever?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's be real here. How could Toby afford that house?? I realize tech people make a lot of money, but come on. He's been at that job a few months. No way they are throwing that kind of cash at him. San Fran is the most expensive city in the US, and they have no support system there at all. I don't blame Kate for not wanting to move there. Yes, I'm sure Toby would make more money there, but it would be completely eaten up by the cost of living.

I also love that they make it seem like the house would be theirs if they put in an offer. No other bidders, I'm sure!

This is a really good hidden point. I would expect *if* he can somehow qualify for that house just on his salary, which is relatively new so somewhat suspect that he was pre approved without 2 years seasoning, but I digress with my financial background. They’d be incredibly house-poor. Then on top of that, it would force Kate to be a SAHM, which would be a huge step back for her (child care is incredibly expensive in SF it wouldn’t make financial sense for her to work a low-paying teaching job). And absolutely no family support means you have to pay for every minute of child care. With a preschooler with special needs.

I suspect the house surprise is a “big Toby” gesture, and she’s finally balking at those, with good reason. She has to be all in to make this move work. She’s clearly not. And she doesn’t need Toby for emotional support like she used to.

That said, I don’t think she’s at the point she’s going to break up her family. This is the groundwork. I guess the green egg will be the catalyst for that?

He mentioned it hadn’t been listed yet. Saw it when he did his running

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem was that Toby didn't consult Kate about anything. He didn't tell her he had been offered the job in LA before turning it down. When she finds out about it, he doesn't want to tell her what the salary was. Maybe it was for a lot less, but maybe it was for less, but not so much less than when you take cost of living in LA vs SF into account the choice was very clear cut.

He takes her to see a house and says she has to decide to buy it the day after tomorrow. It's the third time he's seen the house. He's already applied for a loan. He hasn't discussed any of this with her. Maybe Kate might want to check out other houses and neighborhoods to see what she likes. Has he figured out where the closest good school for the blind is, what transportation would be involved, good daycare and schools for Haley, parks and playgrounds, etc.? Even long distance, you'd think he'd at least he'd have discussed the possibility of moving to SF with Kate and she would have spent some time researching this sort of thing.

He calls a Lyft without asking Kate if she wants to walk.

He can't come meet her at the airport because he's on a call. He takes a call when they go for a walk. He has to take a call in the morning. But he gets mad at Kate for calling the kids when they go for a walk!

It's not just the healthy lifestyle--it's ditching Kate at the party to discuss a pick for a fantasy football team;telling her waht she should talk about with his co-workers at the cocktail party, making reservations at very pricey, trendy restaurants--again without consulting Kate; buying expensive champagne, etc.

Yes! All of this!

Toby is a walking red flag with his behavior. He has not put her first since he took this job. He couldn't even have a nice weekend with her - only wanted to do it on his terms. He also seems "manic" almost. Perhaps the green egg sends him in a spiral down. Ugh, will be tough to watch.

+1

Toby, for a while now, has been living as if part of his mind sees himself as single. No need to consult on anything. His defensive "You want NUMBERS?!" at Kate, rather than just telling her the salary he'd been offered, was something I wish Kate had called him out on more strongly -- it's so transparent that he hadn't gotten his story straight on what he'd tell her about this job offer. If it was really a poor offer as he said, why not just tell her salary? The list above where PP notes the many ways he was either ignoring her (calls, calls, calls; fantasy football; dictating conversational topics etc.) plus how he was making choices for both of them, was all way beyond the pale. Someone said here that she wants to be together but only on her terms and i don't see that -- I see Toby acting like he's basically single, not her partner. Giving her the "if we want to be a family that has to happen in SF" ultimatum? Wow. I'd leave him too.

He’s probably making at least two to three times more than Kate as a TA. This is pretty simple to me. If he goes to SF and it’s a good fit, then Kate needs to move to SF. And yes, it almost always comes down to money.

Not when you have a special needs child and dying mother.

Um, 2 to 3 times as much? She works PT in a low skilled job, probably makes 20K. He makes 10-20x what she does. Even if she does get Janice's job, with no degree etc. she'll be at the very low end of the pay scale so maybe 50-60k?

And she's told her mom she can't care for the kids solo anymore so who takes care of them when Kate moves to FT as a geographic single parent? Makes zero sense, so unrealistic. Even with decent child support, seems like the numbers don't work.

The numbers haven't ever worked for me for the Pearson parents, either.

I say that about all shows. Cops, firemen, nurses, etc all have exceptional apartments. Hollywood upscale!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd like to shift discussion to how annoying Jack and Rebecca are as parents. It's definitely mostly the writing, though the acting doesn't help. They are so overly expressive--SUCH GREAT PARENTS, we get it--nobody talks to their kids like this.

Where was Randall in all those pool scenes? Off reading a book or something? My mom radar was going off when I didn't see him with either parent.

DP. He was off swimming with no parental help. Which is what I found interesting - he didn't have his usual anxiety in the water.

I think the two- related episodes started with saying Randall completed the swim lessons and the other two didn’t. The theme of the two episodes was Randall has his act togethor first. We saw Kevin pull it together last week. And Kate walking up the hill was her taking charge of her life.

Toby and Kate need to get divorced. Yes Toby changed is some ways for the better, but he is also now a self-absorbed ass. You can love and be good at your job without constantly prioritizing it over your loved ones. Turning down a job and deciding the only choice is for the whole family to move is the complete opposite of what he would have done before. And omg- deciding on which house to buy before he even talked to Kate about moving? Asshole move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:17 year old Kate was accepted to Berklee School of Music, so Kate is definitely talented. That's a tough admit. She doesn't have a degree in music, but she can play the piano and sing.

I'm sure the admissions committee really went through the character's qualifications and talent thoroughly before deciding whether or not to admit her.

[Anonymous]

I’ve always found Kates storylines to be the most uninteresting of the big 3. Randall’s relationship with William was the gold standard, but I was surprisingly invested in Kevin’s substance abuse and daddy issues too.

Kate’s stories always felt thin (no pun intended) and my theory is that’s because the creators had intended a weight loss journey, and the backstory of her morbid obesity, to be much more front and center. If I recall, back on the beginning when this show was more popular, there was a lot of internet backlash that her storylines were “only” about her weight struggles. I think some of that criticism was valid, but I also think it’s a mistake to let the internet hive-mind make creative decisions in a well-loved show.

Kate’s not just overweight, she’s dangerously obese. She comes from a healthy weight family. That’s a fascinating story about how that happened that has never been explored on the show. And I’m not saying fascinating in a side show way… what is the emotional damage that causes someone to self-medicate with food to a point it severely impacts your mobility and puts your life in danger? We got the story with Kevin’s substance issues, and Randall’s anxiety and self-pressure. I hope the show still explores Kate’s timeline from the early 20s through where the show started.

[Anonymous]

Guilt and depression over her father’s death, aggravated by an abusive boyfriend. Compounded by shame when she started putting on weight.

[Anonymous]

The problem, if there is one, of exploring the pain and issues of a TV character’s weight gain and personal struggles of being that dangerously obese is that the actual actress is that overweight in real life. I know actors dig deep all the time, but it seems as if this would strike too close to home to the actress herself and that we, as the audience, would be wondering about her, instead of the character. It’s not one of those fairy tales stories where, at the end of the day, the character becomes thin and lived happily ever after. The actress decided, for whatever reason, NOT to lose the weight to make that story line happen (as if her right). So, I think it will always be an unsatisfactory storyline since there is no stereotypical happy ending or an in depth storyline to analyze what is going on.