Stepparent not invited - getting acrimonious
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Anonymous
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Ex-DH married a woman he had an affair with during our marriage. My kids do not like their stepmother, they call her "fake" and "pretentious." As a result, they've been told on and off to "either show her respect or not come in." So they chose not to interact with her and text their father whenever they want.
My Oldest DD has been very adamant she wants nothing to do with her stepmother. Ex-DH does try to "make her respect the new woman", but it's gotten bad. We had many conversations about this, she's at an age where she can make her own decisions. Long story short: DD made it clear she does not want the stepmother at her upcoming HS graduation. Ex-DH is upset and says he will show up with her anyways. DD said that she will ask security to escort her if she shows up. I know, I have a very strong-willed child. But it's her graduation and she is within her rights to invite or dis-invite whoever she wants. WWYD? |
Anonymous
| This is a woman who helped to break up your family. Of course she doesn't want her at her graduation. No big deal it's up to your daughter. Doubtful this woman will be invited to any of your kids events. You ex is a idiot and only has himself to blame. |
Anonymous
| Look, he's an ass and cheated on you. He didn't cheat on the kids. She can be bitter but if she wants Dad in her life, she's going to need to compromise, just a she needs to. She probably picks up on you not wanting her there and is acting to protect you. |
Anonymous
| Did they have counseling after the divorce? It just seems like wounds are not healed. I feel bad for this step mom actually and think she should be included even if not welcomed. |
Anonymous
OP - yes, there was plenty of counseling. His biggest complaints were over the amount of child support the court ordered him to pay. Well, when you have 3 underage children, you kinda do have to pay 
I made it clear to the kids that a relationship with their father is important to everyone involved. However, it is up to both parties to maintain that relationship. You can't tell kids "if you are not nice to Susie, that means you don't love ME." It doesn't work that way. So they gradually cut the ties and text him once in a blue moon. For the record, I've been in a relationship too for the past few years and all my kids get along just fine with BF. |
Anonymous
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Not much can be done if he brings her, but the family after parties need not include cheating dad, or bimbo wife.
When a spouse cheats they do it on the entire family. When the divorce happens ALL are affected. Your ex is going to have to take the consequences for his poor choices. She'll get married one day and won't want homewrecker at her wedding. It's all up to her at this point OP. |
Anonymous
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I would let my DD make her own decisions. She's basically an adult, and she has good reason to not want her there at her special day. Her father is not even entitled to attend, let alone a guest of his who is disliked by DD.
I'd tell her to understand that her father may turn around and leave the event if his wife is not invited. If DD is okay with that, then it's easy, and it's really not your business to get involved in. |
Anonymous
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OP - also, ex-DH tried to threaten that he won't pay for college if she "doesn't show more respect." I laughed and texted him "you do know that your child is joining the military,, right? She's been talking about it since she was 12! Maybe you should've paid more attention."
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Anonymous
In this situation, I would honestly counsel my daughter about choosing her battles. This feels very big to her right now, and it definitely sucks to realize that your dad truly doesn't care how you feel. But at the end of the day, what she has learned is that her father is not a person who will have her back. My advice would honestly be to tell her father that if he invites stepmother, she will not make a scene but that their relationship as he understands it is over. Because what is her end-game here? She calls security and has stepmom booted and expects to go back to texting her dad like normal the next day? |
Anonymous
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I had a situation like this when I was a kid. The Dad is being an ass. This isn't about him, it's about her and her big day.
She should do her best to be calm and as adult as possible and try to explain this to him. Even if it doesn't work, she has taken the high road and done the best she can. Whether she wants to create a scene on the day is really up to her. But I would simply ignore the woman and Dad if it had been me. |
Anonymous
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OP sounds like they are done with dad as well. He should stay home especially after threatening your daughter saying he will bring his wife.
Cheating ends up being a domino effect far into the future. I'm thinking he won't be seeing his grand-kids either. |
Anonymous
STOP GETTING IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS. LEt them battle it out. Seriously. |
Anonymous
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Sounds like your ill will towards the woman who broke up the family seeped into your kids feelings on her.
Were the kids young or older when the divorce happened? It's easier, IMO, to hide the truth of why the divorce is happening from younger kids, but there's longer for them to hear little negative snippets about the other parties to tarnish their view of them. It's harder to hide the reasons for the divorce from older kids and it's harder to make them change their feelings on losing their family, especially in a case when they know the demise was caused by an affair and the other party is till with the woman. |
Anonymous
LOL Wow what a total ass wipe!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OP I wouldn't text him and be done with him for good. Put this horrible man in the dust where he belongs. Obviously he keeps showing the kids his character over and over. They've decided. |
Anonymous
Oh I did. Until he reached out to me and said, "how dare she not invite Susie?" That's the first time I found out about this. |