Stepparent not invited - getting acrimonious

[Anonymous]

I will say this, I've seen this kind of family drama twice at different graduations.

One time, they escorted ALL adults off campus. The second time, everyone was booted off campus, even the graduating person, but this was at a college graduation, so the person who was graduating was 21/22/23.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your ill will towards the woman who broke up the family seeped into your kids feelings on her.

Were the kids young or older when the divorce happened? It's easier, IMO, to hide the truth of why the divorce is happening from younger kids, but there's longer for them to hear little negative snippets about the other parties to tarnish their view of them. It's harder to hide the reasons for the divorce from older kids and it's harder to make them change their feelings on losing their family, especially in a case when they know the demise was caused by an affair and the other party is till with the woman.

No, they were not young children. They were 14, 12 and 10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will say this, I've seen this kind of family drama twice at different graduations.

One time, they escorted ALL adults off campus. The second time, everyone was booted off campus, even the graduating person, but this was at a college graduation, so the person who was graduating was 21/22/23.

I really don't want that kinda drama at her graduation. She is a good kid, she studied hard, she did good in school and she deserves that day. I hope he can be a bigger man and either let her stay home or just not come at all.

[Anonymous]

I think all 3 of you need to work on this. This tension and anger isn't good for anyone. Next thing you know, you'll be fighting while she's in labor at the hospital. Perhaps you could be friendly with the stepmom? I understand they cheated, but they're married now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say this, I've seen this kind of family drama twice at different graduations.

One time, they escorted ALL adults off campus. The second time, everyone was booted off campus, even the graduating person, but this was at a college graduation, so the person who was graduating was 21/22/23.

I really don't want that kinda drama at her graduation. She is a good kid, she studied hard, she did good in school and she deserves that day. I hope he can be a bigger man and either let her stay home or just not come at all.

Usually they are at big auditoriums so she can ignore them. You and daughter take the family pictures yourselves then leave for dinner or whatever you have planned. No need for drama, but if he brings her you can be assured next time your daughter won't invite your ex. Problem solved!!!

[Anonymous]

She could tell dad not to come either.

Or, she could enjoy the day and not interact. I don't see a relationship when she's an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - also, ex-DH tried to threaten that he won't pay for college if she "doesn't show more respect." I laughed and texted him "you do know that your child is joining the military,, right? She's been talking about it since she was 12! Maybe you should've paid more attention."

STOP GETTING IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS. LEt them battle it out. Seriously.

Oh I did. Until he reached out to me and said, "how dare she not invite Susie?" That's the first time I found out about this.

It affects your daughter it affects you. Susie can stay home and better get use to it. Susie isn't coming to any weddings, showers, or anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think all 3 of you need to work on this. This tension and anger isn't good for anyone. Next thing you know, you'll be fighting while she's in labor at the hospital. Perhaps you could be friendly with the stepmom? I understand they cheated, but they're married now.

O: I don't think I can be "friendly" to her. She did a lot of damage during divorce proceedings. I just can't be friendly to someone who disrespects my children the way she does. So for the past few years, I adopted a neutral stance. She exists, she is there, but I don't have to talk to her. If ex-DH has an issue or a question, he can reach out to me. We are the parents of these children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She could tell dad not to come either.

Or, she could enjoy the day and not interact. I don't see a relationship when she's an adult.

Yep reminds me of my SIL's family. Dirt bag husband left them for another woman. After 25 years of marriage, it was quite the shocker. Kids didn't allow dad to come to the weddings nor access to his grand-kids. Pretty ugly what he did, but they pretty much froze him out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She could tell dad not to come either.

Or, she could enjoy the day and not interact. I don't see a relationship when she's an adult.

Yep reminds me of my SIL's family. Dirt bag husband left them for another woman. After 25 years of marriage, it was quite the shocker. Kids didn't allow dad to come to the weddings nor access to his grand-kids. Pretty ugly what he did, but they pretty much froze him out.

How did he and the OW take it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think all 3 of you need to work on this. This tension and anger isn't good for anyone. Next thing you know, you'll be fighting while she's in labor at the hospital. Perhaps you could be friendly with the stepmom? I understand they cheated, but they're married now.

O: I don't think I can be "friendly" to her. She did a lot of damage during divorce proceedings. I just can't be friendly to someone who disrespects my children the way she does. So for the past few years, I adopted a neutral stance. She exists, she is there, but I don't have to talk to her. If ex-DH has an issue or a question, he can reach out to me. We are the parents of these children.

They're getting to the age you don't have to talk to your ex either. If there are school events you can sit far away from him. Same with sports. Many do and move on from the ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - also, ex-DH tried to threaten that he won't pay for college if she "doesn't show more respect." I laughed and texted him "you do know that your child is joining the military,, right? She's been talking about it since she was 12! Maybe you should've paid more attention."

STOP GETTING IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS. LEt them battle it out. Seriously.

Oh I did. Until he reached out to me and said, "how dare she not invite Susie?" That's the first time I found out about this.

Ugh.

Then that is a pretty funny retort!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say this, I've seen this kind of family drama twice at different graduations.

One time, they escorted ALL adults off campus. The second time, everyone was booted off campus, even the graduating person, but this was at a college graduation, so the person who was graduating was 21/22/23.

I really don't want that kinda drama at her graduation. She is a good kid, she studied hard, she did good in school and she deserves that day. I hope he can be a bigger man and either let her stay home or just not come at all.

Usually they are at big auditoriums so she can ignore them. You and daughter take the family pictures yourselves then leave for dinner or whatever you have planned. No need for drama, but if he brings her you can be assured next time your daughter won't invite your ex. Problem solved!!!

Pretty much this. Let the ex and sm do whatever they want. She can ignore their existence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She could tell dad not to come either.

Or, she could enjoy the day and not interact. I don't see a relationship when she's an adult.

Yep reminds me of my SIL's family. Dirt bag husband left them for another woman. After 25 years of marriage, it was quite the shocker. Kids didn't allow dad to come to the weddings nor access to his grand-kids. Pretty ugly what he did, but they pretty much froze him out.

How did he and the OW take it?

I'm sure he was mad. My SIL ceased all communication with him after the divorce. The SIL did well in the divorce which he didn't expect. She got the home which was paid off. He sent her coupons in the mail. I guess that was his way of saying she would be broke down the road. Didn't happen. The OW ended up dying about 6 years after that. He tried to get back with the family. They told him where to get off. Like I said a long story, but he threw a lot away.

[Anonymous]

I could have written this as a teen, OP. Very similar scenario. My dad is now on his 6th wife, and now has no relationship with any of his children or grandchildren. These were his choices as he was given lots of opportunities and kindness by myself and my siblings. He chose the outcome of his relationship with his children. This makes my mother incredibly sad and she constantly is encouraging us to mend hearts and minds. But we can only do so much from our end.

Don’t push your DD, don’t get involved at all in fact.