S/O Do women play "hard to get" anymore?

[Anonymous]

I'm in my late 40s and haven't dated in 20 years. But, I wonder if my view of the recent #MeToo type news is colored by outdated memories of gender dynamics. In my day, there was a certain assumption that women might act coy or play hard-to-get and you should push through a little bit to show her you were interested. Now, to be sure, if she said "no" (in a tone that didn't indicate she was kidding), you didn't go any further. But pursuing the woman was supposedly romantic. (Unless she didn't want to be pursued, in which case, hopefully you got the point before you made too much of an ass of yourself.)

So, some of these "assault" stories -- I'm thinking in particular but not exclusively about Aziz Ansari and the recent "Was I Assaulted" thread -- strike me as guys chasing women in a way that is maybe a little more aggressive than I was ever comfortable being but not really too far beyond the expected pursuing dynamic. But, now I wonder if my view is skewed by being outdated. Has the expectation of "pursuit" mostly gone away? Can a guy now reliably assume that "no" means "no" and not "try harder"?

[Anonymous]

Women no longer feel the need to protect themselves against accusations of being easy so when we say not tonight, slow down, we just started dating... we mean it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, if they are smart

[Anonymous]

the pursuit from the Azari story while not out of bounds was never the kind of pursuit women were thrilled about. What men pursuing women used to mean Iwas men working hard to get sex. By hard I mean calling texting and going to multiple dates with no sex involves; not pushing for BJ on a first date as soon as the door opens.

[Anonymous]

Ugh! No one was playing hard to get. No means no and it meant no then and it means no now. See also avoidant body language and other non verbal cues.

[Anonymous]

It's different now. They aren't playing hard to get in a coy cone-hither way. They're either insecure and desperate so they don't make moves or they think they're better than.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh! No one was playing hard to get. No means no and it meant no then and it means no now. See also avoidant body language and other non verbal cues.

That's some revisionist history right there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh! No one was playing hard to get. No means no and it meant no then and it means no now. See also avoidant body language and other non verbal cues.

That's some revisionist history right there.

Yeah, but that was written by two old skamks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, if they are smart

The secret isn’t playing hard to get. It’s having expectations about being serious and committed and dumping men who can’t live up to those expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's different now. They aren't playing hard to get in a coy cone-hither way. They're either insecure and desperate so they don't make moves or they think they're better than.

They... don’t make moves because they’re... desperate? Wow with insights like those you should start a dating advice YouTube channel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh! No one was playing hard to get. No means no and it meant no then and it means no now. See also avoidant body language and other non verbal cues.

That's some revisionist history right there.

Yeah, but that was written by two old skamks.

They were in their mid-30s when they wrote it, silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh! No one was playing hard to get. No means no and it meant no then and it means no now. See also avoidant body language and other non verbal cues.

That's some revisionist history right there.

this is a great book. timeless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's different now. They aren't playing hard to get in a coy cone-hither way. They're either insecure and desperate so they don't make moves or they think they're better than.

They... don’t make moves because they’re... desperate? Wow with insights like those you should start a dating advice YouTube channel

Okay so you're older and married. Why respond?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh! No one was playing hard to get. No means no and it meant no then and it means no now. See also avoidant body language and other non verbal cues.

That's some revisionist history right there.

this is a great book. timeless

Works works works!! Finally threw in the towel and followed it. Amazing courtship engagement and wedding!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh! No one was playing hard to get. No means no and it meant no then and it means no now. See also avoidant body language and other non verbal cues.

It doesn't seem to me that there were too many "No" responses when a woman exchanges flirtatious texts all week, goes to a man's apt before the date and drinks, has more drinks/flirting at dinner, goes up to his apt after dinner, and when he says I'm getting a condom she stays.

Maybe she thought they were going to make balloon animals?

Avoidant body language = put on your clothes + go home