How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?

[Anonymous]

Well, if both you and your husband are on board I don't care. But I still think this is a bad idea with your doctor. A good doctor is way more difficult to find than a lover

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man's answer here. I think when you are fully clothed, alone with him and about to part company, tell him. Tell him, "Dr. X, this is your professional setting, but I would like to have a drink with you some time."

Or whatever your version is. The point is, be straight with him and don't put his hand someplace you shouldn't during a physical exam. Don't put him in a situation that compromises him. A straightforward invitation will not.

This is why no doctor EVER wants to be alone with a woman, even clothed. He says no; she flies into a rage and accuses him of harassment

; he now has unwanted career and legal trouble. And you know what, her advances in him at work ARE unwanted and ARE harassment.

PP you're responding to here. This is nuts. I said to be straightforward. A straightforward, sincere and respectful invitation to socialize is NOT harassment.

Women (and men) do not "fly into a rage" when they're turned down. Women may do so only after they've been banged by the guy turning them away. That's not the case here.

You need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read about limerence and work on yourself. You are responsible for hitting on married people. I'm divorced so this doesn't come from a place of defensiveness about marriage. You sound extremely immature and you need to do some real work to improve your own life. Male attention isn't the fulcrum of a well-lived life.

This is the only place where I've ever seen the word "limerence," and it seems to come up a lot. Doing some research, it looks like someone invented the word for a book in 1979. Near as I can figure, most of the English speaking world calls it a crush.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man's answer here. I think when you are fully clothed, alone with him and about to part company, tell him. Tell him, "Dr. X, this is your professional setting, but I would like to have a drink with you some time."

Or whatever your version is. The point is, be straight with him and don't put his hand someplace you shouldn't during a physical exam. Don't put him in a situation that compromises him. A straightforward invitation will not.

This is why no doctor EVER wants to be alone with a woman, even clothed. He says no; she flies into a rage and accuses him of harassment

; he now has unwanted career and legal trouble. And you know what, her advances in him at work ARE unwanted and ARE harassment.

PP you're responding to here. This is nuts. I said to be straightforward. A straightforward, sincere and respectful invitation to socialize is NOT harassment.

Women (and men) do not "fly into a rage" when they're turned down. Women may do so only after they've been banged by the guy turning them away. That's not the case here.

"A straightforward, sincere and respectful invitation to socialize is NOT harassment." -- Yes it is. ANY unwelcome advance, no matter how "sincere and respectful" is harassment. And the target gets to decide what's welcome, sincere, and respectful, not the person making it.

"Women do not "fly into a rage" when they're turned down." -- LOL you're obviously a woman. Every man knows a woman who was filled with anger and spite after she got rejected, even if nothing happened. Women handle rejection very poorly because they are not used to it.

[Anonymous]

"A straightforward, sincere and respectful invitation to socialize is NOT harassment." -- Yes it is. ANY unwelcome advance, no matter how "sincere and respectful" is harassment. And the target gets to decide what's welcome, sincere, and respectful, not the person making it.

Bullsh*t. We have social norms in this society and those norms include approaching others in courtship ritual. They only way for me to know if I'm welcome or not is to ask. And I am a man.

Please, get help.

[Anonymous]

DL here. I have read all of the comments. I am pretty sure he is testing me/flirting with me, but where I am nervous is I don't know what his intentions are. The worst would be if he puts out these signals but then feigns innocence or doesn't actually intend for it to go anywhere. However, because I am his patient I think any invitation would have to come from me.

Seriously though...there is a compliment about my appearance at EVERY visit. A touch that lingers just a little bit, or seems just slightly unnecessary. He's got to be attracted to me, right?! Otherwise, why would he comment?

My problem is that I tend to hang back. I don't say much and don't put my feelings out there. I tend to be subtle in my flirtation....too subtle to every get anything going!

[Anonymous]

Just go on Tinder like a normal sexually frustrated person. This entire chain is ridiculously immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just go on Tinder like a normal sexually frustrated person. This entire chain is ridiculously immature.

DL here. I do believe the title of this thread is "How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?"

[Anonymous]

How old are you? Highly inappropriate behavior from a DR. You aren’t special. Sounds like a player playing with FIRE. You aren’t the first. Run! Get a new DR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Highly inappropriate behavior from a DR. You aren’t special. Sounds like a player playing with FIRE. You aren’t the first. Run! Get a new DR.

DL here. I'm no spring chicken but I'm not old either. (Old enough to know better...?) The thing is, I REALLY like this guy and am madly attracted to him. Our chemistry is huge. I get tingly just thinking about him...

Yes, I have some concerns. Yes, he could be a jerk. But I feel amazing just sitting and looking at him, and his comments make me melt. He has a real aura around him. I mean, sometimes you just have chemistry. It is the weirdest thing, because sometimes it's there and you just can't really explain it. He has an energy that just draws me to him. I am silly and fun, funny and boisterous whereas he seems to have a serious, quiet, powerful, and highly sexual energy. I also like that he has complimented me as a person as well as my looks....I just would not like it if he took notice of anyone who walks into his office who is halfway attractive. I am hoping that he is actually drawn to ME and not just all the ladies.

Basically, it is his intensity that draws me to him.

And I beg to differ. I am not only special, I am a very special and amazing person, although only some people get to know my best qualities because I'm quiet until you get to know me.

[Anonymous]

Now I think you are a troll. Do grown-ups think and talk like this? It's a combination of immaturity, naivete, and crazy. You feel "amazing" - seriously? Tinder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now I think you are a troll. Do grown-ups think and talk like this? It's a combination of immaturity, naivete, and crazy. You feel "amazing" - seriously? Tinder.

I guess you have never fallen in love, then. I am not a troll, I am in a state of serious love/lust. It does happen!

[Anonymous]

I guess you're insulting mature people who have fallen in love and dealt with sexual desire, maturely. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because YOU are ok with an open marriage does not mean he and his wife are.

That is true. However, the flirtatious comments and behavior seemed to originate with him. I don't know his side and his wife's side. What if he's had 3 affairs? Does it really matter if I'm the fourth? I think I am responsible for being fair and honest in my marriage (I have been) and he is responsible for doing that in his.

Married people are off limits. Were you not taught morals or values in your home?

[Anonymous]

DL here...the rude and bullying posts in an attempt to silence me nonetheless...My posts have been on topic with regards to the title of this thread, which is "How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?"

I said what the issues are in my case, which is making my wishes clear without putting my feelings on the line and risking embarrassment. I only got a small number of responses containing advice and a larger number attempting to make light of my situation and put me down as a person.

To my detractors I say, my self esteem is not that low! I know I am a desirable, nice, attractive and yes, good person. I am a bona fide catch. Nothing that is said to indicate otherwise (nasty comments like I am "immature" and "need help") will make me feel differently so...flame away if that makes you feel better about your lives. You are still reading this thread and choosing to respond so hostilely so perhaps "immature" and "need help" are more applicable who those who are using these words to put me down.

I am still reading and am STILL seeking advice for anyone who wishes to stay on topic for this thread, and rather than attack a stranger they do not know, actually give thoughtful ADVICE for this very real and very human situation that I'm finding myself in.