How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Just curious DL, how often do you see this doctor.? I rarely see any doctor more than twice in one year.

I see my doctor quite regularly to manage a health condition. Nothing that affects my looks, thankfully! It would be unfortunate if I had to switch doctors, though...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you willing to get a new doctor if you're wrong? Because you're probably wrong.

I am willing to go to another doctor if I'm wrong--or if I'm right--but it would be awkward because conceivably I could still run into him. Also, I wouldn't want him to document anything ("patient came on to me/was seductive; I had to terminate") because that would be sooo embarrassing and the practice manager would probably be involved, etc.

Why do you think I'm probably wrong? Do his comments sound harmless/not unusual?

[Anonymous]

DL here. So, does anyone else have advice for me? Do most of you agree that I should ask about why I don't bump into him outside the office? Another approach is I could tell him that he seems to be someone I have chemistry with or could connect with. I can tell him that I feel neglected in my marriage (since he asked how things were at home) and see if that sparks a response.

What do y'all think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DL here. So, does anyone else have advice for me? Do most of you agree that I should ask about why I don't bump into him outside the office? Another approach is I could tell him that he seems to be someone I have chemistry with or could connect with. I can tell him that I feel neglected in my marriage (since he asked how things were at home) and see if that sparks a response.

What do y'all think?

I think you're nuts. Either fix your marriage or file for divorce.....THEN DATE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, amateur!
Never did that...
I’m scared of the consequences in case of rejection I guess.
Not overweight - actually pretty fit !
... And almost 20 years younger than him

Yet unbalanced with very low self esteem. You have to have a pathetic life to go after married men while being married yourself.

Here's my advice. Fix yourself then decide what to do about your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Man's answer here. I think when you are fully clothed, alone with him and about to part company, tell him. Tell him, "Dr. X, this is your professional setting, but I would like to have a drink with you some time."

Or whatever your version is. The point is, be straight with him and don't put his hand someplace you shouldn't during a physical exam. Don't put him in a situation that compromises him. A straightforward invitation will not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DL here. Sorry, I can't edit my last post. I meant to type that my feelings about monogamy and open relationships have changed.

Ha. So funny. Suddenly now that you want a little side action it is OK.

[Anonymous]

Just because YOU are ok with an open marriage does not mean he and his wife are. Back off. I say this as a PP who has had intense feelings for a doctor before. They may have been reciprocated but I never found out because **he was married.** Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because YOU are ok with an open marriage does not mean he and his wife are. Back off. I say this as a PP who has had intense feelings for a doctor before. They may have been reciprocated but I never found out because **he was married.** Grow up.

She needs some professional help for sure.

[Anonymous]

DL/OP - if this is an orthopedist in NoVA I can tell you it's who he is and i'ts not about you. I've worked for him Is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because YOU are ok with an open marriage does not mean he and his wife are.

That is true. However, the flirtatious comments and behavior seemed to originate with him. I don't know his side and his wife's side. What if he's had 3 affairs? Does it really matter if I'm the fourth? I think I am responsible for being fair and honest in my marriage (I have been) and he is responsible for doing that in his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Just say to your doctor, it's too bad I only see you in the office, how come I never run into you in the city? If he's interested, he will take it from there.

DL here. This is really good advice, thank you It doesn't put me on the line too much and gives him the opportunity to say he cannot see patients outside the office.

I think about this man day and night. I live for his compliments. I hope I am not fooling myself, but I actually think he might have a bit of a crush on me. I felt this way from my first visit, when I started feeling a bit uncomfortable with the way he was looking at me. I am not trying to brag but I have been told I am a very attractive woman and even am given compliments by strangers at the mall, women, etc. I recently lost a few extra pounds and the attention factor has gone up a great deal. However, because of my health I don't actually get out of the house a great deal or meet a lot of people, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Read about limerence and work on yourself. You are responsible for hitting on married people. I'm divorced so this doesn't come from a place of defensiveness about marriage. You sound extremely immature and you need to do some real work to improve your own life. Male attention isn't the fulcrum of a well-lived life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man's answer here. I think when you are fully clothed, alone with him and about to part company, tell him. Tell him, "Dr. X, this is your professional setting, but I would like to have a drink with you some time."

Or whatever your version is. The point is, be straight with him and don't put his hand someplace you shouldn't during a physical exam. Don't put him in a situation that compromises him. A straightforward invitation will not.

This is why no doctor EVER wants to be alone with a woman, even clothed. He says no; she flies into a rage and accuses him of harassment; he now has unwanted career and legal trouble. And you know what, her advances in him at work ARE unwanted and ARE harassment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha. So funny. Suddenly now that you want a little side action it is OK.

DL here. Well, 3+ years without sex, and a long marriage with multiple dry spells can make one feel this way. I am still human, after all. Also, it is my own personal feeling that monogamy is not realistic and is an outdated notion. However, honesty is not. If you are honest about this and AGREE to it (my husband and I have) I don't see what the problem is.

OTHER folks have to decide for THEMSELVES. I am not responsible for a husband lying to his wife. It is his choice to be dishonest or not, and to keep it in his pants or not.

Look at French culture. They recognize that dalliances can be normal and do not necessarily have to ruin an otherwise healthy and supportive relationship.