Drama over space heater-want divorce

[Anonymous]

Dd's room has a problem with the window that causes her room to be 60 degrees or colder, even if the rest of the house is 70 degrees. This has been a problem since DD was born 18 months ago.

I've asked my husband dozens of times to please figure out a solution-do we need a new window? New caulking? I don't know.

His solution-a space heater.

I told him I'm not ok with this as a solution because of safety reasons. I sent him an article about a 2 year old girl who died a few years ago from overheating in her room. It's haunted me, and I don't want to use a space heater in there.

But sometimes we do because it's too cold in her room to sleep.

Last night we used it and it malfunctioned and at midnight she woke screaming and I went into her room and it was over 90 degrees in there.

I am so angry at DH. I know the obvious question is-why don't I just get the window fixed? I will now. I am not exaggerating-I truly handle EVERYTHING. And I work full time. I just wish I could count on DH, for once, to take one thing off my plate. I'm so overwhelmed and I can't count on him for anything.

[Anonymous]

Counseling. You need to get DH to take on more of the load; and you need to reduce your own anxiety. A space heater is not going to overheat and kill your toddler, I promise (although it may not be the right solution, especially when she gets out of her crib.)

[Anonymous]

This sucks, but you seem to be blaming it on your husband.
Is money an issue? Call a professional. Why is he more equipped to handle this than you are? It seems he doesn't know the answer - so pay someone to figure it out.

Alternatively, how many bedrooms do you have? Can you move your toddler into another room?

60 degrees for sleeping doesn't seem too bad. We just turned our heat on this morning and it was 60 upstairs for days. My DH and DC said they were fine - wear footed fleece PJs and it's a comfy sleeping temp for most people.

[Anonymous]

I'd move her to my room until the window is fixed
I'm sorry OP I would not be comfortable with a space either
Maybe tbe dyson fan? Is that safer? Not sure how much heat it provides

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Counseling. You need to get DH to take on more of the load; and you need to reduce your own anxiety. A space heater is not going to overheat and kill your toddler, I promise (although it may not be the right solution, especially when she gets out of her crib.)

Op here. We've tried counseling. He will never change. I think I just want a divorce but don't trust him to care for our child.

If I left him for awhile would he get the message? Kick him out? Move into the guest bedroom?

[Anonymous]

I understand your frustration. Get the window fixed yourself, and move her crib into your room until it's done. And maybe marriage counseling.

[Anonymous]

There is a LOT going on here.

#1. Totally normal that you're feeling like you handle everything. Look up emotional labor. You need to address this separate from the space heater issue.

#2. You asked him to fix it, he came up with a suggestion, you shot it down. It's very frustrating to be asked to handle something, and then be told you're doing it wrong. I'm not saying a space heater is a good solution, but something to keep in mind about how HE may be feeling. He might be feeling like he tries, you don't like his solutions, so why even bother? Leading back to #1, and it's a circular dynamic.

#3. Can you put a regular box fan in the hallway, blowing warm air into the bedroom?

[Anonymous]

guy here - i don't see what's wrong with your DH's space heater solution. what is your concern exactly?

[Anonymous]

Call a handyman. He can suggest solutions, their cost, and their effectiveness. Maybe a new window, maybe weather stripping, maybe some of that window film.

Why are you putting this on your husband?

[Anonymous]

Why not move the baby into the guest room, if that room is warm?

[Anonymous]

For things like that, I would just handle it myself. By the time you all fight about it something bad could have happened.

I would also not lift a finger for him going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Counseling. You need to get DH to take on more of the load; and you need to reduce your own anxiety. A space heater is not going to overheat and kill your toddler, I promise (although it may not be the right solution, especially when she gets out of her crib.)

Op here. We've tried counseling. He will never change. I think I just want a divorce but don't trust him to care for our child.

If I left him for awhile would he get the message? Kick him out? Move into the guest bedroom?

Oh good god. If you want a divorce for legitimate reasons other than the space heater hire a lawyer and get a divorce. Stop threatening to play games by moving out or giving him hints - put your big girl pants on and ask for what you want.

[Anonymous]

Why are you not capable to figuring out a solution to the window issue?

[Anonymous]

We've used space heaters with 2 kids for years, as needed. We use the type that is a fan with a thermostat, so it shuts off as soon as the designated temperature is reached. Never had an issue. They stay cool to touch and turn off if knocked over, so I don't think there is a big safety issue (unlike other types.)

And yeah as the default everything parent, I'd advise you not to make this one your hill to die on. Call a repair person. If the broader balance of responsibilities is not bearable or fixable, then address that separately. But don't leave your kid freezing at night because you're annoyed with a lazy husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:guy here - i don't see what's wrong with your DH's space heater solution. what is your concern exactly?

The risk of fire

https://www.today.com/home/space-heaters-can-cause-deadly-fires-what-you-need-know-t107848

http://www.fox13news.com/news/local-news/fatal-fire-blamed-on-space-heater

https://www.safeelectricity.org/information-center/library-of-articles/51-heating-safety/101-space-heaters