SAHM’s - anyone successfully convince DH to support their staying home long term?

[Anonymous]

These threads are always so nuts to me. My kids are teens now and this seems to be driven by the insecurities of moms of young kids. I'm around a lot of teens and you can't tell who went to daycare, stayed home, had a nanny, stayed with grandma, did some combination, etc. You can tell sometimes figure out kids who have disinterested parents, or kids who had or have unstable home lives. But that's totally agnostic of WOHM or SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These threads are always so nuts to me. My kids are teens now and this seems to be driven by the insecurities of moms of young kids. I'm around a lot of teens and you can't tell who went to daycare, stayed home, had a nanny, stayed with grandma, did some combination, etc. You can tell sometimes figure out kids who have disinterested parents, or kids who had or have unstable home lives. But that's totally agnostic of WOHM or SAHM.

That seems like a motivated comment. I can typically tell the difference between kids raised by smart/educated SAHMs and kids raised at daycare or by inexpensive nannies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see child support being mandated but why would lifetime alimony be mandated by a judge in 2021????

My friend got lifetime because she was on a disability. For older women it's pretty standard if they don't work, or are underemployed.

Actually there are no alimony laws. Depends on your lawyer, his lawyer, and the judge.

[Anonymous]

My DH convinced me to stay at home long term. He is very grateful. What can I say? I am riding the gravy with dumplings train. Only hitch was when Pandemic happened and all of them were working from home....ughhhhh. Open already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see child support being mandated but why would lifetime alimony be mandated by a judge in 2021????

My friend got lifetime because she was on a disability. For older women it's pretty standard if they don't work, or are underemployed.

Actually there are no alimony laws. Depends on your lawyer, his lawyer, and the judge.

Yes, but it's pretty standard in a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These threads are always so nuts to me. My kids are teens now and this seems to be driven by the insecurities of moms of young kids. I'm around a lot of teens and you can't tell who went to daycare, stayed home, had a nanny, stayed with grandma, did some combination, etc. You can tell sometimes figure out kids who have disinterested parents, or kids who had or have unstable home lives. But that's totally agnostic of WOHM or SAHM.

That seems like a motivated comment. I can typically tell the difference between kids raised by smart/educated SAHMs and kids raised at daycare or by inexpensive nannies.

Or that is what you tell yourself.

To justify your own choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH convinced me to stay at home long term. He is very grateful. What can I say? I am riding the gravy with dumplings train. Only hitch was when Pandemic happened and all of them were working from home....ughhhhh. Open already.

But do you worry about what this says to your daughters, about a women's worth or potential?

Just seems SO outdated to me.

I can help my child apply to grad school now, because I have a PhD. I guess you would pay some consultant to do that.

It's just a different type of farming out. I will try not to look down on yours, if you don't strut around thinking you have won some gravy train.

[Anonymous]

A single person with a paid off house, several million in the bank from a division of assets, and grown up children or teens with full 529s should be able to live just fine on 100k a year.

I don’t know what that PP is complaining about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A single person with a paid off house, several million in the bank from a division of assets, and grown up children or teens with full 529s should be able to live just fine on 100k a year.

I don’t know what that PP is complaining about.

But wasn’t that only for 1 year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These threads are always so nuts to me. My kids are teens now and this seems to be driven by the insecurities of moms of young kids. I'm around a lot of teens and you can't tell who went to daycare, stayed home, had a nanny, stayed with grandma, did some combination, etc. You can tell sometimes figure out kids who have disinterested parents, or kids who had or have unstable home lives. But that's totally agnostic of WOHM or SAHM.

That seems like a motivated comment. I can typically tell the difference between kids raised by smart/educated SAHMs and kids raised at daycare or by inexpensive nannies.

Or that is what you tell yourself.

To justify your own choices.

+1 Seriously. I don't see a difference in the outcome based on SAHM or WOHM but I do see the difference between engaged and not engaged parents. BTW, we did send my daughter to a private school where there were more SAHM's and even there, I didn't see a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH convinced me to stay at home long term. He is very grateful. What can I say? I am riding the gravy with dumplings train. Only hitch was when Pandemic happened and all of them were working from home....ughhhhh. Open already.

Np. So I don't think you are riding the gravy train. I could't stay at home and it wouldn't work for me. My gravy train would be to be able to work but have a team of people taking care of everything at home and a flexible job where you can take care of important kid related activities for example. So it's good that you think you are fortunate but not sure this is a kind of situation that I think is an ideal. To each his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These threads are always so nuts to me. My kids are teens now and this seems to be driven by the insecurities of moms of young kids. I'm around a lot of teens and you can't tell who went to daycare, stayed home, had a nanny, stayed with grandma, did some combination, etc. You can tell sometimes figure out kids who have disinterested parents, or kids who had or have unstable home lives. But that's totally agnostic of WOHM or SAHM.

That seems like a motivated comment. I can typically tell the difference between kids raised by smart/educated SAHMs and kids raised at daycare or by inexpensive nannies.

PP here. I was a SAHM for years and I am now a WOHM. I have no need to be "motivated," whatever that means; I've done it all at different times with my kids: SAHM, part time WOHM, full time WOHM, student mom. In any event, it is glaringly obvious you do not spend any significant time with teenagers and young adults. I do, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These threads are always so nuts to me. My kids are teens now and this seems to be driven by the insecurities of moms of young kids. I'm around a lot of teens and you can't tell who went to daycare, stayed home, had a nanny, stayed with grandma, did some combination, etc. You can tell sometimes figure out kids who have disinterested parents, or kids who had or have unstable home lives. But that's totally agnostic of WOHM or SAHM.

That seems like a motivated comment. I can typically tell the difference between kids raised by smart/educated SAHMs and kids raised at daycare or by inexpensive nannies.

PP here. I was a SAHM for years and I am now a WOHM. I have no need to be "motivated," whatever that means; I've done it all at different times with my kids: SAHM, part time WOHM, full time WOHM, student mom. In any event, it is glaringly obvious you do not spend any significant time with teenagers and young adults. I do, though.

ok

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give him a taste of the chaos that is 2 working parents and he’ll probably support you quitting in no time. That’s what I did.

Except he'll probably still expect her to do the heavy lifting with kids and home

[Anonymous]

The other question that no one has thought of is…what happens to alimony if the ex dies? Who is the disgruntled and unemployed ex-wife going to turn to for alimony?