Do money factor into you marrying your husband?
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Anonymous
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Did the financial status of your husband or lack thereof have anything to do with your decision to marry him?
I am engaged to a lovely, hard working honest decent man from a middle class background. His parents are broke and will need support. My parents are broke and I already support them. My fiancé earns 90k. I earn 50k. I am not sure how much more he will earn. He has no savings, I have about 20k in savings. I love him and we are a good team however, I know upon marriage I will never be financially comfortable. I look at girls I know who married money. They seem happy and comfortable. Its hard to be the only "poor" one out. |
Anonymous
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I would not have married a man that I considered to be a slacker or not living up to a basic level of potential.
$90K would CERTAINLY be well within my criteria. Especially if I made barely more than half of that. Don't be ridiculous. However, if you are REALLY worried about this, then you probably shouldn't marry him, because he will never live up to your expectations. But trust me, neither will the next guy you find. My advice to you: Work on gratefulness and your mindset around money and what you expect from your husband. Marry this guy, he sounds great. But seriously work on your expectations or you'll have a miserable marriage, and you'll think it's about money, but it's not. |
Anonymous
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I guess none of us would marry another person who is a slacker. It is always a consideration what kind of life you will be able to have together.
In your situation, I would expect that you complain if you earn $250k and your fiancé $90k. If you earn so little, do not expect to marry a wealthy guy. The rich also want to marry rich. |
Anonymous
My fiancé is not a slacker at all! He works a lot and takes his professional life very seriously. I am comparing my situation to my friends who were legal assistants and customer service reps before they married wealthy men and have gone the SAHM route. Now they talk to me about their houses and financial planners. I feel left out and sort of annoyed. |
Anonymous
Then you should probably dump him and go find yourself a wealthy man to keep up with the same status as your friends. That said, I earn the same as your fiancé and have no problem with his income. We will do great together especially since he is hard worker and I'm a hard worker too. |
Anonymous
Do you realize that men who are in that income category are relatively rare? |
Anonymous
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Such things were not a consideration when I was young and in love. My DH definitely did not come from money.
But, there were attractive qualities I saw in him that I didn't see in other people. He got a bank loan at 13 to finance a lawnmower. He mowed lawns to buy a car at 16. He was able to pay for college by himself. He was industrious and I found that very attractive, which as we grow older is probably more important than simply having wealth. I feel like he's just one of those "no matter what happens, we can make this work" kind of people, so I don't really worry about finances after 12 years of marriage. |
Anonymous
| Poverty can lead to divorce. |
Anonymous
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Yes, it was a factor that I considered--but considred in the sense that I thought about what was most important to me. I met DH when we were both established in our careers. Both of us lower paying professions but intellectually rewarding ones. He made 80k (in early 40s) and I made 65k (mid 30s). He does not come from money, but doesnt support his parents (helps out a bit); however he had a child already he supported. I come from a wealthier family but not supported by them--however there will enough to cover college for 2 kids, although you never know if it gets wiped out by one major illness or nursing home stuff.
Anyway, I decided that although he was not ever going to make a huge amount of money, he was the guy for me. He was there for me unlike my rich asshole bf earlier and he was stable unlike some of the guys I dated who were still trying to grow up. He has a very strong work ethic and even if he lost his job, he'd be out on the pavement the next day to find one. He also has a very strong family ethic and is a 50/50 parent (or more). He completely supports my career, and we work as a team. So in the end, what i factored in what not his salary, but his reliability, personality and loyalty. Plus, I made a decision a while ago when I went into my career that money was not going to be as much as a driver as other more intangible sources of satisfaction. The funny thing is that a decade later, through strategic job switching both of our salaries have nearly doubled and we left the DC area, so we live pretty well. |
Anonymous
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No.
But I earn my own money and don't feel the need to marry someone just so I can spend their money and impress my friends with my fancy Lexus. |
Anonymous
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Is this post for real?
If so-- if talking to your wealthy SAHM friends makes you feel like you are missing out on something important by marrying this guy, do him and yourself a favor and don't marry him. |
Anonymous
| You make 50k. He earns nearly twice as much as you. Why are you slacking? |
Anonymous
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hm, no. I mean, I suppose if I thought he was a lazy bum, that would factor in. we were both students at the time with more debt than income, but optimistic aspirations of an UMC income. so, I can't say I had any idea of what the future would hold.
that said, your fiancée is making 90k. you're not going to be in serious financial pain, especially if you keep working. if your wealthier friends annoy you with their money, the problem may be you, not your fiancé. if your lack of savings bothers you, have you sat down and talked to him about a path to better financial security? do you have the ability to cut expenses and scrounge for a few years before you have kids? is either of you interested in increasing your earning potential by going back to school (parttime or night school if necessary)? |
Anonymous
| I married someone for love who was broke. Never again! Why doesn't he have savings? |
Anonymous
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IMO, the only money factor that's worth considering is whether the man is in debt and why he was in debt (e.g., school loans versus gambling debt). You should never judge a person by their salary no matter how high it is because that money is just one catastrophic injury or sickness away from being zero.
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