Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I changed my name because I wanted us to be a family and not someone who's git the foot out of the door. Yes, my husband wouldn't have changed his, but we're not the same and we show love in different ways. Women who keep their nane because "men do too" simply don't get that.

Sounds like your husband isnt as committed to your family if he wasnt willing to give up something as dumb as a name. Guess he must already have one foot out the door. Poor you.

He is, but as I said, men and women show commitment differently. He provides for the family which is a big responsibility.

Ugh what an awful life for him, just a cog in that capitalist machine. Too bad you literally couldn't survive without him doing so. Why are you such a hypocrite?

This is the dumbest statement I’ve read in awhile. You clearly don’t know what the words “literally” or “survive” mean.

Yes dear, the very survival of this woman (and I suppose the entire human race) is literally dependent upon middle managers and powerpoint presentations. LOL

Funny that you mention this. I know someone who was married to a middle manager. He made around 90 to 110k and she was a SAHM. She had a degree, but stopped using it as soon as the child was born. She lived with him in an apartment he purchased before marriage and he fed her and their children for 9 years or so. Then they had a nasty divorce and he managed to hide many of his assets. She got very little after divorce and her degree was useless after so many years. She relies on meagre government help and whatever her family, who doesn't have much more money either, can provide. She also spent more than a year couch surfing and using family shelters. "Literally" and "survive" fit pretty well given the context.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rather than asking why women change their names I decided to ask myself why should I change mine. I didn't find a reason that would justify going though all that annoying paperwork.

I changed it because I didn't want to have a last name different from my children. It was worth it even if the paperwork was a PITA.

My mom didn't change hers and I have both surnames. I'll keep my name f I marry and give the children his last name and one of mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rather than asking why women change their names I decided to ask myself why should I change mine. I didn't find a reason that would justify going though all that annoying paperwork.

I changed it because I didn't want to have a last name different from my children. It was worth it even if the paperwork was a PITA.

Why didn’t you give them yours?

It's easier giving them the father's. I don't think my husband would've been to happy with it and hyphenated names are a pain when it comes to paperwork.

[Anonymous]

There are many understandable reasons for a woman to keep her maiden name after marriage. However, I’m not sure it’s “fighting the patriarchy” to choose your dad’s surname over your husband’s surname. They are both men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rather than asking why women change their names I decided to ask myself why should I change mine. I didn't find a reason that would justify going though all that annoying paperwork.

I changed it because I didn't want to have a last name different from my children. It was worth it even if the paperwork was a PITA.

Why didn’t you give them yours?

It's easier giving them the father's. I don't think my husband would've been to happy with it and hyphenated names are a pain when it comes to paperwork.

NP. Just stick with the status quo. You don’t have the intellectual wherewithal to do anything other than that🙏

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are many understandable reasons for a woman to keep her maiden name after marriage. However, I’m not sure it’s “fighting the patriarchy” to choose your dad’s surname over your husband’s surname. They are both men.

Aw, honey. You tried!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are many understandable reasons for a woman to keep her maiden name after marriage. However, I’m not sure it’s “fighting the patriarchy” to choose your dad’s surname over your husband’s surname. They are both men.

No, you're choosing your father's name over your father's in law. If I was already given my father's, why should I go a step further and take yet another man's? This isn't a perfect way to fight the patriarchy but it's in a better direction than taking your father in law's surname.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

The horror. Women should be required to present a list of their professional accomplishments before they're allowed to keep their name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

The horror. Women should be required to present a list of their professional accomplishments before they're allowed to keep their name.

I’m guessing there are a great number of things that PP “can’t imagine” 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I changed my name because I wanted us to be a family and not someone who's git the foot out of the door. Yes, my husband wouldn't have changed his, but we're not the same and we show love in different ways. Women who keep their nane because "men do too" simply don't get that.

Sounds like your husband isnt as committed to your family if he wasnt willing to give up something as dumb as a name. Guess he must already have one foot out the door. Poor you.

He is, but as I said, men and women show commitment differently. He provides for the family which is a big responsibility.

Ugh what an awful life for him, just a cog in that capitalist machine. Too bad you literally couldn't survive without him doing so. Why are you such a hypocrite?

This is the dumbest statement I’ve read in awhile. You clearly don’t know what the words “literally” or “survive” mean.

Yes dear, the very survival of this woman (and I suppose the entire human race) is literally dependent upon middle managers and powerpoint presentations. LOL

LOLOLOLOL where the f do you think the pay check comes from? How does he keep the lights on and food on the table? Oh right, those f-ing powerpoint presentations. GMAFB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rather than asking why women change their names I decided to ask myself why should I change mine. I didn't find a reason that would justify going though all that annoying paperwork.

I changed it because I didn't want to have a last name different from my children. It was worth it even if the paperwork was a PITA.

Why didn’t you give them yours?

It's easier giving them the father's. I don't think my husband would've been to happy with it and hyphenated names are a pain when it comes to paperwork.

So you kowtow to him because he's a man? Oh heaven forbid fred doesnt get met with a martini and his dinner right at 6!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I changed my name because I wanted us to be a family and not someone who's git the foot out of the door. Yes, my husband wouldn't have changed his, but we're not the same and we show love in different ways. Women who keep their nane because "men do too" simply don't get that.

Sounds like your husband isnt as committed to your family if he wasnt willing to give up something as dumb as a name. Guess he must already have one foot out the door. Poor you.

He is, but as I said, men and women show commitment differently. He provides for the family which is a big responsibility.

Ugh what an awful life for him, just a cog in that capitalist machine. Too bad you literally couldn't survive without him doing so. Why are you such a hypocrite?

This is the dumbest statement I’ve read in awhile. You clearly don’t know what the words “literally” or “survive” mean.

Yes dear, the very survival of this woman (and I suppose the entire human race) is literally dependent upon middle managers and powerpoint presentations. LOL

LOLOLOLOL where the f do you think the pay check comes from? How does he keep the lights on and food on the table? Oh right, those f-ing powerpoint presentations. GMAFB.

I get the impression that this is the same poster that keeps saying "you don't understand" and nitpicking the meanings of words used by other posters while never explaining their opinion. I think it's a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rather than asking why women change their names I decided to ask myself why should I change mine. I didn't find a reason that would justify going though all that annoying paperwork.

I changed it because I didn't want to have a last name different from my children. It was worth it even if the paperwork was a PITA.

Why didn’t you give them yours?

It's easier giving them the father's. I don't think my husband would've been to happy with it and hyphenated names are a pain when it comes to paperwork.

So you kowtow to him because he's a man? Oh heaven forbid fred doesnt get met with a martini and his dinner right at 6!!

I'm not subservient just because I changed my name. I don't meet him with a martini. We both work and take turns cooking. Many men just find important that their children carry their surnames the same way women find it important to get a ring or their dates paid. It's just a traditional practice that has no bearing in how partners treat each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking your husband's name in marriage offers a harmonious blend of tradition, practicality, and symbolism, outweighing the potential drawbacks for many couples. This choice, as exemplified by influential women like Hillary Clinton and Melinda Gates, demonstrates that adopting your husband's surname doesn't hinder professional growth or personal identity; rather, it can complement and enrich them.

One of the standout advantages is the ease it brings to international travel, particularly in customs and immigration processes. Families sharing the same surname often experience smoother and quicker procedures, a significant benefit in today's globalized world. This commonality in the family name simplifies the identification process, especially useful when traveling with children.

In daily life, having the same surname as your spouse and children can streamline administrative tasks related to schooling, medical care, and legal matters. It removes the need for additional documentation to prove family relationships, making these often routine yet crucial tasks more straightforward.

Beyond practicalities, adopting your husband's surname symbolizes the unity and commitment within a marriage. It fosters a strong sense of family identity and belonging, reinforcing the familial bonds. This symbolic gesture is a powerful expression of the new life and journey you embark on together as a family.

In essence, the benefits of taking your husband's name — from smoother travel experiences and simplified daily logistics to the symbolic representation of family unity — significantly outweigh the cons. It's a choice that seamlessly blends tradition with modernity, allowing women to maintain their professional and personal identities while celebrating their marital bond and family unity.

Whoa. If you think all of these things are benefits, why not have your husband take your last name? Same benefits, but why is it almost always the wife who has to give up her family name? Do you not see how one-sided it is?

[Anonymous]

I think most women who view themselves as an equal partner and who remain independent within the relationship (have their own income, share the financial responsibilities) are more likely to keep their own name.

Women who are looking to be taken care of by a man and who will be his dependent and who don't feel they have any personal responsibility for housing, food, child expenses, vacations, clothes etc as that is all a man's job are going to take his name. Some even continue to live off the man if they divorce.