I am currently being distant to wife

[Anonymous]

Sex has fallen to once a week or less - with me always the initiator. I'm resentful and have been giving the cold shoulder for the last few days. I know it's immature to introduce passive hostility, but why do women become so complacent. I work, stay in shape, cool and feed our kid. I miss the days of once a day sex. Once a week is probably fine for most people, but not me. Happy Friday. Venting anonymously is so strange.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you sit down and talk to her? Plan a date, get a sitter. Then ask her if everything is okay. Don't go all accusations on her, but ask her and be a good listener.

[Anonymous]

It's not just women that do this. My 45 yr old husband is overweight and has not gotten a haircut in months. He looks terrible and I have told him so but does nothing about it. We have had sex maybe one time in the last three months because he is not interested unless he happens to have Morningwood.

[Anonymous]

If you wait for her to initiate you're gonna wait a loooooong time. Stop being a passive bitch and do something positive to solve the problem.

[Anonymous]

What a great strategy. A cold nasty husband makes me feel all horny...yep.

[Anonymous]

Good plan.. be cold and ignore her and that will definitely get you sex... not.

[Anonymous]

What are you doing for her? Have you talked to her about how you feel? Does she work, too? Any kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a great strategy. A cold nasty husband makes me feel all horny...yep.

Well, in his case, not giving her a cold shoulder apparently didn't do anything for her either.

[Anonymous]

That approach will work! Not! How often do you show your wife affection when you are not initiating sex? How often do you tell her that you love her? How often do you go out of your way to make her feel special? I have been married a very long time (DW and I are in our 60's) and still have sex 1-2x per week. To keep the flame going random hugs and other things have become a habit. Here's an analogy for you to consider. Think of your wife as a hot water heater. If you don't keep the pilot light lit it will take a long time for you to get any hot water. So you need to keep the pilot light lit! Women don't hit shower temperature at the same speed as men....at least not usually! My wife is leaving town today for a week. Early yesterday I gave her a big hug and told her how much I was going to miss her. Last night at 9:30 she walked into my study and got me to quickly follow her into the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you doing for her? Have you talked to her about how you feel? Does she work, too? Any kids?

He said he works, stays in shape, cooks, and feeds the kids. And, he initiates sex. If my wife was doing all that for me, I'd be ecstatic.

[Anonymous]

Op,

Has your DW noticed you are giving her the cold shoulder? Maybe she is relieved!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That approach will work! Not! How often do you show your wife affection when you are not initiating sex? How often do you tell her that you love her? How often do you go out of your way to make her feel special? I have been married a very long time (DW and I are in our 60's) and still have sex 1-2x per week. To keep the flame going random hugs and other things have become a habit. Here's an analogy for you to consider. Think of your wife as a hot water heater. If you don't keep the pilot light lit it will take a long time for you to get any hot water. So you need to keep the pilot light lit! Women don't hit shower temperature at the same speed as men....at least not usually! My wife is leaving town today for a week. Early yesterday I gave her a big hug and told her how much I was going to miss her. Last night at 9:30 she walked into my study and got me to quickly follow her into the bedroom.

NP: That isn't bad advice, and I'm happy for you and your wife. But, you have to understand that there are lots of marriages where these small acts of nonsexual affection do not have any impact at all on the couples' sex life. The woman is simply uninterested in sex. I don't know how it is with OP and his wife, but I know it can be very frustrating to hear advice from couples like you -- where affection is reciprocated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you doing for her? Have you talked to her about how you feel? Does she work, too? Any kids?

He said he works, stays in shape, cooks, and feeds the kids. And, he initiates sex. If my wife was doing all that for me, I'd be ecstatic.

What is he doing for her? Working, cooking and feeding the kids are part of the family. That's not for her. Buying flowers and gifts. Taking her out and fully planning it, including child care is for her. Just sitting with her.

[Anonymous]

Yes, continue to act like a petulant child. That is a huge turn on.

[Anonymous]

Women are crock pots. Men are microwaves.

What are you doing to get her interested? Being cold and aloof is not going to make her want to have sex with you. Talk to her about how much you miss having daily sex and then do things you know she likes to help get her in the mood. It takes time and the most important sex organ is actually the one between the ears, not the legs. Help her feel loved and desired. Make sure she gets hers.