I am currently being distant to wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women are crock pots. Men are microwaves.

It summarizes it all. I heard someone say, if you want to have your wife wanting sex with you on Saturday, start on Wednesday. "Start" meaning, being sweet, touch her a lot in passing, offer to do dishes, etc....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you sit down and talk to her? Plan a date, get a sitter. Then ask her if everything is okay. Don't go all accusations on her, but ask her and be a good listener.

This, above.

Assuming that you married her for more than just guaranteed sex on the schedule you demand, and that you actually are interested in her as a human being, why wouldn't you simply talk to her and tell her your concerns for her (which is not the same as giving her some ultimatum of meeting your demands or else you'll walk/be colder/have an affair to "meet your needs")?

Maybe she's tired, or depressed, stressed about your kid, stressed about work, or sick and you haven't noticed, or simply very preoccupied. It may not be about you and it may not be about sex.

But it IS going to become about you and your profoundly passive-aggressive coldness if you keep your distance.

OP, I hope you can see that your post sounds as if you married a vagina and not a person. Talk to the whole person; don't act this passive-aggressive way just because you're not getting what you demand from her body. What you're doing will backfire eventually. Women really value men who treat them like total human beings. In fact, it is positively attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That approach will work! Not! How often do you show your wife affection when you are not initiating sex? How often do you tell her that you love her? How often do you go out of your way to make her feel special? I have been married a very long time (DW and I are in our 60's) and still have sex 1-2x per week. To keep the flame going random hugs and other things have become a habit. Here's an analogy for you to consider. Think of your wife as a hot water heater. If you don't keep the pilot light lit it will take a long time for you to get any hot water. So you need to keep the pilot light lit! Women don't hit shower temperature at the same speed as men....at least not usually! My wife is leaving town today for a week. Early yesterday I gave her a big hug and told her how much I was going to miss her. Last night at 9:30 she walked into my study and got me to quickly follow her into the bedroom.

NP: That isn't bad advice, and I'm happy for you and your wife. But, you have to understand that there are lots of marriages where these small acts of nonsexual affection do not have any impact at all on the couples' sex life. The woman is simply uninterested in sex. I don't know how it is with OP and his wife, but I know it can be very frustrating to hear advice from couples like you -- where affection is reciprocated.

PP here- I'm sure that is, sadly, very true but has OP tried that? Giving her the cold shoulder sure won't work.

[Anonymous]

You sound like an 18-year old.

[Anonymous]

The study that was posted this week says little less than once a week is normal for a married couple. 7 more times a year is normal for an unmarried couple. 1/2 that is normal for a single person.

So maybe this is normal and you are being abnormal.

[Anonymous]

How is that working to improving your relationship.

Google... Cutting off the nose to spite the face.

[Anonymous]

Well when all else fails, it's time for an AP. Take care of your needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex has fallen to once a week or less - with me always the initiator. I'm resentful and have been giving the cold shoulder for the last few days. I know it's immature to introduce passive hostility, but why do women become so complacent. I work, stay in shape, cool and feed our kid. I miss the days of once a day sex. Once a week is probably fine for most people, but not me. Happy Friday. Venting anonymously is so strange.

I guess it's not all about you. I imagine she has other priorities like work, maybe kids and other things going on. Yes you are very immature, now you've saved yourself from wasting money with a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like an 18-year old.

#1
I don't know why people like this get married. No matter what age if you're that immature you shouldn't be married. A relationship isn't about ALL YOUR needs.

[Anonymous]

OP, putting every other objection and comment aside, you seem to be sulking about something that may NOT EVEN BE A PROBLEM.

There are plenty of posts around here from folks with serious sex/relationship issues and problems of mismatched libido. It is unclear whether this is remotely the case for you. What if you initiate more frequently? What if you suggest a different place/position, etc.? What if you mention to your wife that you love when she initiates? What if you just ask her what is up?

Yours is the most oddly passive post on DCUM. You're doing what guys always fault women for doing (sometimes correctly)--pouting when someone hasn't read your mind about something that may not even be an issue.

[Anonymous]

And put down your iPhone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex has fallen to once a week or less - with me always the initiator. I'm resentful and have been giving the cold shoulder for the last few days. I know it's immature to introduce passive hostility, but why do women become so complacent. I work, stay in shape, cool and feed our kid. I miss the days of once a day sex. Once a week is probably fine for most people, but not me. Happy Friday. Venting anonymously is so strange.

Yes, it is. It is very immature, and not productive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That approach will work! Not! How often do you show your wife affection when you are not initiating sex? How often do you tell her that you love her? How often do you go out of your way to make her feel special? I have been married a very long time (DW and I are in our 60's) and still have sex 1-2x per week. To keep the flame going random hugs and other things have become a habit. Here's an analogy for you to consider. Think of your wife as a hot water heater. If you don't keep the pilot light lit it will take a long time for you to get any hot water. So you need to keep the pilot light lit! Women don't hit shower temperature at the same speed as men....at least not usually! My wife is leaving town today for a week. Early yesterday I gave her a big hug and told her how much I was going to miss her. Last night at 9:30 she walked into my study and got me to quickly follow her into the bedroom.

NP: That isn't bad advice, and I'm happy for you and your wife. But, you have to understand that there are lots of marriages where these small acts of nonsexual affection do not have any impact at all on the couples' sex life. The woman is simply uninterested in sex. I don't know how it is with OP and his wife, but I know it can be very frustrating to hear advice from couples like you -- where affection is reciprocated.

My marriage. Exactly.

Yes, we've talked about it. She has admitted that she knows sex is important to me and is willing, occasionally. But she is not interested in it. It is soul-sucking sad ...

[Anonymous]

OP is a whiny perv.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like an 18-year old.

That was my first thought, too. The OP sounds like he's talking about a defective toy. No mention of her needs, situation, anything. Just: I'm not getting what I want, so I'm throwing a tantrum.

Hey Bud? Once / week doesn't even come close to a sexless marriage. Your attitude will guarantee that once per week turns to once per month to once per year. And then, Holy Day, your justification for an affair will be complete! Best of all - it's ALL HER FAULT.