I am currently being distant to wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once a week sex where the man initiates in the norm in marriage. Sure, some people do it more, some do it less. Your situation is normal.

You trade hot sex for love and security and family when you get married. Of course people know the sex cools off when the ring goes on. That's why men have a proverbial bachelor party.

Once a week isn't enough for some of is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once a week sex where the man initiates in the norm in marriage. Sure, some people do it more, some do it less. Your situation is normal.

You trade hot sex for love and security and family when you get married. Of course people know the sex cools off when the ring goes on. That's why men have a proverbial bachelor party.

Uh, OK, the woman gets that stuff in trade, but what does the man get?

Huge legal and financial obligations, and no sex. Yay! Who wouldn't sign up for that?

[Anonymous]

I guess you win the "most immature husband of the year" award.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess you win the "most immature husband of the year" award.

Do you consider sex to be frivolous?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess you win the "most immature husband of the year" award.

Do you consider sex to be frivolous?

No, but OP's "being distant to wife" and acting childish instead of talking about it, that is immature.

[Anonymous]

OP, most people understand sex is important and you have a right to be pissed. But being passive aggressive is counter-productive.

Do the 180, go live your life. After the kids are in bed, go to the gym, join a sports league, hang out with other people. Your wife is offering you no reason to hang around, so don't. And giving her some space may help the relationship breathe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess you win the "most immature husband of the year" award.

Do you consider sex to be frivolous?

No, but OP's "being distant to wife" and acting childish instead of talking about it, that is immature.

For many of us, myself included, we've talked about it for years, and our spouse's behavior remains unchanged and our sexual needs remain unmet, yet divorce or cheating is not an option. I find that distancing and withdrawing myself is a defense mechanism that helps limit the sense of disappointment I have in my spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess you win the "most immature husband of the year" award.

Do you consider sex to be frivolous?

No, but OP's "being distant to wife" and acting childish instead of talking about it, that is immature.

For many of us, myself included, we've talked about it for years, and our spouse's behavior remains unchanged and our sexual needs remain unmet, yet divorce or cheating is not an option. I find that distancing and withdrawing myself is a defense mechanism that helps limit the sense of disappointment I have in my spouse.

+1 Exactly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know her age and what her lifestyle is like (I.e., children/workload/etc.), but expecting daily sex is not actually doable for many people.

Just sayin'......

24 hours in the day

Sex takes 15 minutes or less

Just sayin'......

That's what I tell my DW and often it doesn't even take 15 minutes. Wish I could use rollover minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you'd like to google a bit, you'll find that emotional abuse websites usually include "giving the cold shoulder" under emotionally abusive behavior. It's manipulative and unkind.

Calling giving someone the cold shoulder "emotionally abusive behavior" is ridiculous. Yes, it's dumb and immature but abusive? Is "not listening" emotionally abusive? Is "not doing what you are told" emotionally abusive? We've become a society where dumb, stupid acts that have been around forever are now given the descriptor "emotionally abusive behavior". Emotionally abusive behavior is when you treat someone with contempt, debase all they do and make them feel like a lesser being. Cold shoulder? Please - we all get the cold shoulder at many points in our lives and part of growing up is dealing with it.

Of course we all get the cold shoulder and worse from people at times, and we deal with it. If you think it's healthy behavior in a relationship, though, you're screwed up. Don't dismiss abusive behaviors just because they're not the most extreme form. You don't have to beat someone to a pulp emotionally or physically for your behavior to be abusive. Emotionally abusive behavior involves acting in a way to hurt and manipulate someone. Giving someone you supposedly love the cold shoulder is designed to upset and scare and hurt them, right? It's not designed to do anything else.

If you read what I wrote I said it's dumb and immature - neither of which is healthy. No doubt the guys an idiot. But people need to have thicker skin to deal with challenges. Sadly, every kid gets a participation award for whatever they do so they don't feel bad. People need to learn to deal with conflict and failure because we all face it throughout our lives. If he's giving her the cold shoulder she should call him out on it and tell him to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Same boat. DH here and I am not trying to be distant with my wife but I find I just can't help it. I am not trying to penalize her or anything like that, I find I just don't really want to be around her that much. She is fine and we don't fight or anything, but the sense of her not caring about my feelings has put me over the edge (multiple months w/o sex). Before the critics chime in, I have talked with her about what she needs, what I can do, how I feel it is affecting our relationship and zero change. I think that what most of the people that criticize these posts don't really get is that it isn't about the sex, its about having a partner who doesn't want to engage as a spouse or care about your feelings. I don't need sex all the time, but when I come to you as a husband and you don't care its kind of hard not to eventually disengage; especially when I tell you that is what is happening.

Side note, I agree with all the previous posters about just doing your own stuff, working out, and generally just focusing on what you want. Be the best you that you can be and if she doesn't want that there is really nothing you can do but live in misery/affair/divorce. At this point there just isn't enough spark left for me to care about it........I think that even if she would come to me and want sex I would just be meh about it at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same boat. DH here and I am not trying to be distant with my wife but I find I just can't help it. I am not trying to penalize her or anything like that, I find I just don't really want to be around her that much. She is fine and we don't fight or anything, but the sense of her not caring about my feelings has put me over the edge (multiple months w/o sex). Before the critics chime in, I have talked with her about what she needs, what I can do, how I feel it is affecting our relationship and zero change. I think that what most of the people that criticize these posts don't really get is that it isn't about the sex, its about having a partner who doesn't want to engage as a spouse or care about your feelings. I don't need sex all the time, but when I come to you as a husband and you don't care its kind of hard not to eventually disengage; especially when I tell you that is what is happening.

Side note, I agree with all the previous posters about just doing your own stuff, working out, and generally just focusing on what you want. Be the best you that you can be and if she doesn't want that there is really nothing you can do but live in misery/affair/divorce. At this point there just isn't enough spark left for me to care about it........I think that even if she would come to me and want sex I would just be meh about it at best.

I am a wife and I follow the path you suggest. The sad thing is that my H hasn't objected to me doing my own thing. I guess he's just happy that I have stopped pestering him for affection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: It's not just women that do this. My 45 yr old husband is overweight and has not gotten a haircut in months. He looks terrible and I have told him so but does nothing about it. We have had sex maybe one time in the last three months because he is not interested unless he happens to have Morningwood.

You need to move on.

[Anonymous]

My wife slept with about 80 guys before she met me. Fifteen years and three kids later, at age 47, she thinks twice a month is more than enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once a week sex where the man initiates in the norm in marriage. Sure, some people do it more, some do it less. Your situation is normal.

You trade hot sex for love and security and family when you get married. Of course people know the sex cools off when the ring goes on. That's why men have a proverbial bachelor party.

Uh, OK, the woman gets that stuff in trade, but what does the man get?

Huge legal and financial obligations, and no sex. Yay! Who wouldn't sign up for that?

Men who are married are happier and live longer than single men. Married women get the shaft.