DW bad temper - don't know what to do

[Anonymous]

DW has a bad temper. It has gotten much worse since we had kids. I am the exact opposite. I am very patient with the kids and careful to rarely raise my voice at home and never say mean or hurtful things out of anger.

DW ruined Valentine's Day. I stopped at the store after picking up the kids to get some things to make a special dinner. When I got home I was greeted with "you're late, I'm hungry, and the kids are going to go to bed too late." I said it is only one night. At every dinner, DW gets frustrated with our toddler for making a mess. Usually this is not throwing food but just messy eating but it shouldn't matter. It starts with "you're getting food all over your clothes" or "you're getting food all over the floor" and escalates to wiping DC in what I think is an agitated way. Eventually DC becomes upsets and starts to cry. Tonight DW was especially upset and used the F word. Every morning, I eat breakfast with the kids after DW leaves for work. Sometimes DC makes a mess. I just accept that toddlers make a mess and clean it up. Sometimes DC helps me clean up. Everyone leaves breakfast happy.

While I cleaned up dinner and packed lunches DW put the kids to bed. Afterwards, she started complaining about not being able to find a shirt and about how I never put things away in the right place when I do laundry, that she told me a thousand times where her things go, that I never listen to her, etc., etc., etc. For once I decided to speak up and said in the gentlest voice that I thought she needed to be more patient and she went into rage. She threw a phone on the floor and smashed it to pieces with her feet and broke a mirror. She said the kids and I ruined her life. When she calmed down she acted like nothing had happened and said she was just stressed with work lately.

I feel like I don't know this person anymore. I'm worried about how this is affecting the kids. What should I do? Go to counseling?

[Anonymous]

OP I'm sorry to read this. IS your wife drinking alcohol by any chance? Is she sleep deprived and drinking too much caffeine?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry to read this. IS your wife drinking alcohol by any chance? Is she sleep deprived and drinking too much caffeine?

Caffeine?

[Anonymous]

Yes, counseling and a good parenting class, with DW. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799- SAFE (7233) or go to thehotline.org for advice and referrals. The hotline is staffed 24/7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry to read this. IS your wife drinking alcohol by any chance? Is she sleep deprived and drinking too much caffeine?

Caffeine?

yes, it can make you very bad tempered and long term it can interfere with your heart - which can show up in early signs of BAD TEMPER.

okay?

Happy now? Go back to class you 7th grader...

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry to hear that, OP. Either your wife has psychological issues or she's using meds/alcohol. I can tell you I took adderall after before having my children for ADHD and tried to go back on it after having kids. It caused me to snap and have a temper, as well as driving me to drink at night to come down from it. I chose to stop using it and now implememt homeopathic methods to deal with my ADHD (not quite as effective, but I feel sane and patient). Only telling You this because DH didn't know that I went back on the meds (and it caused a strain in our marriage, as well as my relationship with our children).

It's also possible (and logical) that your wife is stressed and taking it out on the family. You need to have a discussion and figure out how to make her less snappy with the kids. Having children is hard, but she needs to learn coping/relaxation techniques so things don't escalate and scar your children or marriage.

[Anonymous]

I misread the title and thought this was about a DH. Reading more closely, I see it's about a DW. Fortunately, it doesn't matter--your DSpouse needs counseling, stat. If she refuses, get a lawyer. She might need some legally-enforced time away from her family to see the light.

[Anonymous]

What kind of job does she have? Maybe she needs to cut back hours at work/change jobs? Is there something else stressful going on, like caring for parents? She sounds overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

prozac.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW has a bad temper. It has gotten much worse since we had kids. I am the exact opposite. I am very patient with the kids and careful to rarely raise my voice at home and never say mean or hurtful things out of anger.

DW ruined Valentine's Day. I stopped at the store after picking up the kids to get some things to make a special dinner. When I got home I was greeted with "you're late, I'm hungry, and the kids are going to go to bed too late." I said it is only one night. At every dinner, DW gets frustrated with our toddler for making a mess. Usually this is not throwing food but just messy eating but it shouldn't matter. It starts with "you're getting food all over your clothes" or "you're getting food all over the floor" and escalates to wiping DC in what I think is an agitated way. Eventually DC becomes upsets and starts to cry. Tonight DW was especially upset and used the F word. Every morning, I eat breakfast with the kids after DW leaves for work. Sometimes DC makes a mess. I just accept that toddlers make a mess and clean it up. Sometimes DC helps me clean up. Everyone leaves breakfast happy.

While I cleaned up dinner and packed lunches DW put the kids to bed. Afterwards, she started complaining about not being able to find a shirt and about how I never put things away in the right place when I do laundry, that she told me a thousand times where her things go, that I never listen to her, etc., etc., etc. For once I decided to speak up and said in the gentlest voice that I thought she needed to be more patient and she went into rage. She threw a phone on the floor and smashed it to pieces with her feet and broke a mirror. She said the kids and I ruined her life. When she calmed down she acted like nothing had happened and said she was just stressed with work lately.

I feel like I don't know this person anymore. I'm worried about how this is affecting the kids. What should I do? Go to counseling?

Yes. But not just couples, individual counseling for you too. Your number one priority needs to be protecting your children and yourself. Your wife comes third. Her abusive behavior, and her behavior and destruction of property is abusive, is unacceptable and needs to end today. Neither you nor your children deserve this. If your work has an EAP contact then tomorrow at work and discuss what next steps you need to take. They can help identify an in-person marriage counseling session. Once you've scheduled the appointment, explain to your wife that getting help and immediately changing her behavior will happen asap. She can schedule her own sessions and find a parenting class. If she doesn't take you seriously and immediately change her tune, you need to consult a lawyer.

And ignore the apologists asking if she's stressed over overwhelmed. It's a cop out because you are a man posting. An absuive husband would not be given a pass. You and your children deserve better.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I CANNOT BELIEVE THE HYPOCRISY ON DCUM. Stress? Caffeine? ADHD meds? If this was a DW complaining about a DH you all would be squawking about emotional abuse and divorce. Unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I CANNOT BELIEVE THE HYPOCRISY ON DCUM. Stress? Caffeine? ADHD meds? If this was a DW complaining about a DH you all would be squawking about emotional abuse and divorce. Unbelievable.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I CANNOT BELIEVE THE HYPOCRISY ON DCUM. Stress? Caffeine? ADHD meds? If this was a DW complaining about a DH you all would be squawking about emotional abuse and divorce. Unbelievable.

+1

Yup. Not just hypocrisy; outright misandry. The women who are excusing this abuse (IOKIYAW) are the ones who don't understand why they have such poor marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry to read this. IS your wife drinking alcohol by any chance? Is she sleep deprived and drinking too much caffeine?

Caffeine?

yes, it can make you very bad tempered and long term it can interfere with your heart - which can show up in early signs of BAD TEMPER.

okay?

Happy now? Go back to class you 7th grader...

LOL you hypocrite. Something tells me you wouldn't be turning to coffee to excuse this abusive behavior if it were a DW posting about her DH swearing and roughing up the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of job does she have? Maybe she needs to cut back hours at work/change jobs? Is there something else stressful going on, like caring for parents? She sounds overwhelmed.

She sounds abusive, you hypocrite.