DW bad temper - don't know what to do

[Anonymous]

OP - I think your DW is on DCUM too

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/620597.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she is stressed and potentially depressed.

Does she work? Is something going on at her job with too much pressure? If she doesn't work is she frustrated about that? Being fully responsible for other people all the time is very exhausting.

I wasn't going to say it, but was surprised when others mentioned it, but my first thought was Adderall. Makes people super irritable and impatient.

It sounds kind of like you want her to be laid-back about things that you have no idea how much goes into it. You were late picking up things for Valentine's Day, that's nice. Maybe in her mind she assumed you were getting home at the usual time and the kids dinner, bath/bedtime, changing load of laundry, timed cookies in the oven for the kids to bring to bake sale, were all based around that. No it's easier to chill and relax instead of worrying about those things, but someone's gotta do it. Toddlers making a mess all over themselves and constantly cleaning it up 20 times a day is frustrating.

OP, you sound like a great dad and husband but also that you pride yourself on being the easy going one while she is the type A one. Even when we were all young, labels such as that really stick and cause pain. Perhaps as you said, your personalities do not mesh well but the pp above has touched on something important. Someone has to keep the trains running on time, especially with a household with young children and two working parents. It is a much tougher roll to be the one who feels they must be the schedule-follower while the other parent gets to be the easy-going one. Not saying that your wife's behavior is at all okay but you need to realize the dynamics that have formed in your family/marriage. You yourself have said that she says you do not listen to her. Are you really hearing what she is saying? It sounds like she is crying out for help and not the do-the-laundry kind.

I still can't get over the hypocrisy. NO ONE would be making ANY type of excuse if this were a DW complaining about a DH.

The DH says he does most of the household work. He is obviously also dropping off and picking up kids from daycare, getting them ready in the morning, etc. He does most of the cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. If this were a DW complaining about her DH, everyone would be saying that if he doesn't like how the laundry is done, then stop doing it, and make him do it. If he doesn't like the cooking, stop cooking and make him find his own food, etc. If he is stressed with long work hours, it doesn't matter, he still needs to be part of the family and part of the household, and still help out around the house... NO ONE would be saying that she needs to see what she can do to help him be less stressed... This is insane!

+1000 I'm the PP who initially noted the absurd hypocrisy in these responses. The women of DCUM are a damn joke with their constant double standards. They're all about equality and then turn around and dump on men for the exact same things that they're now creating a plethora of excuses for. I wonder if they even realize how ridiculous they sound.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she is stressed and potentially depressed.

Does she work? Is something going on at her job with too much pressure? If she doesn't work is she frustrated about that? Being fully responsible for other people all the time is very exhausting.

I wasn't going to say it, but was surprised when others mentioned it, but my first thought was Adderall. Makes people super irritable and impatient.

It sounds kind of like you want her to be laid-back about things that you have no idea how much goes into it. You were late picking up things for Valentine's Day, that's nice. Maybe in her mind she assumed you were getting home at the usual time and the kids dinner, bath/bedtime, changing load of laundry, timed cookies in the oven for the kids to bring to bake sale, were all based around that. No it's easier to chill and relax instead of worrying about those things, but someone's gotta do it. Toddlers making a mess all over themselves and constantly cleaning it up 20 times a day is frustrating.

OP, you sound like a great dad and husband but also that you pride yourself on being the easy going one while she is the type A one. Even when we were all young, labels such as that really stick and cause pain. Perhaps as you said, your personalities do not mesh well but the pp above has touched on something important. Someone has to keep the trains running on time, especially with a household with young children and two working parents. It is a much tougher roll to be the one who feels they must be the schedule-follower while the other parent gets to be the easy-going one. Not saying that your wife's behavior is at all okay but you need to realize the dynamics that have formed in your family/marriage. You yourself have said that she says you do not listen to her. Are you really hearing what she is saying? It sounds like she is crying out for help and not the do-the-laundry kind.

I still can't get over the hypocrisy. NO ONE would be making ANY type of excuse if this were a DW complaining about a DH.

The DH says he does most of the household work. He is obviously also dropping off and picking up kids from daycare, getting them ready in the morning, etc. He does most of the cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. If this were a DW complaining about her DH, everyone would be saying that if he doesn't like how the laundry is done, then stop doing it, and make him do it. If he doesn't like the cooking, stop cooking and make him find his own food, etc. If he is stressed with long work hours, it doesn't matter, he still needs to be part of the family and part of the household, and still help out around the house... NO ONE would be saying that she needs to see what she can do to help him be less stressed... This is insane!

Well when a man posts and tells us he birthed two kids within the past few years, works full time, commutes three hours a day, pumps at work, breastfeeds at home, and hasn't slept through the night for years due to young kids-then we'll see, maybe you are right.

[Anonymous]

Hi Honey,

It’s me. I just want to clarify a couple things. You say that you’re the exact opposite of me – very laid back and patient, even-keeled. What you forget to mention is that you are so laid back, you let things slide that need to get done and don’t care about (and eventually leave for me to clean up) a lot of things that matter to me.

You mention ALL you do around the house but not that your work schedule (plus commute) is a 1000 times better than mine and therefore we decided that you’re responsible for those things you mention you do. And yet, after telling you a hundred times what needs to get done and how, you still do the BARE minimum and “forget” or don’t bother to figure out how to hang my office clothes so they don’t wrinkle or to get certain foods on the shopping list or even that CLEANING THE KITCHEN DOES NOT JUST MEAN PUTTING DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER but also wiping counters, sweeping floors, etc.

You forgot to mention that when toddler is making a mess and I say “you’re getting food all over the floor” I’m saying it because you let the food stay on the floor for days and don’t sweep it up. You forgot to mention that when I say “you’re getting food on my clothes” it’s because I have to get to work and I could only find one clean shirt and if it gets dirty I’m shit out of luck. And you forgot to mention that when I’m saying all this, you just sit there, ignoring the situation while I’m running around trying to do a 100 things at the same time and act like there’s not a care in the world.

We have a division of labor and you’re not holding up your end of the bargain. You half-ass it and I am losing my temper because I’ve tried telling you, talking to you, showing you and NOTHING WORKS.

You know that if you slack off long enough I’ll just do it. You know what? I’m sick and tired of it and don’t know what else to do but throw my phone at you to get you to step it up.

Oh, and by the way, you aren’t just “telling me in the most gentle way” to have patience. You are full-on ignoring me until I throw the phone and then you tell me to calm down. Be real.

[Anonymous]

kick that f***ing bitch out of the house and don't let her back until she's gone to therapy and demonstrated she's a healed person again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi Honey,

It’s me. I just want to clarify a couple things. You say that you’re the exact opposite of me – very laid back and patient, even-keeled. What you forget to mention is that you are so laid back, you let things slide that need to get done and don’t care about (and eventually leave for me to clean up) a lot of things that matter to me.

You mention ALL you do around the house but not that your work schedule (plus commute) is a 1000 times better than mine and therefore we decided that you’re responsible for those things you mention you do. And yet, after telling you a hundred times what needs to get done and how, you still do the BARE minimum and “forget” or don’t bother to figure out how to hang my office clothes so they don’t wrinkle or to get certain foods on the shopping list or even that CLEANING THE KITCHEN DOES NOT JUST MEAN PUTTING DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER but also wiping counters, sweeping floors, etc.

You forgot to mention that when toddler is making a mess and I say “you’re getting food all over the floor” I’m saying it because you let the food stay on the floor for days and don’t sweep it up. You forgot to mention that when I say “you’re getting food on my clothes” it’s because I have to get to work and I could only find one clean shirt and if it gets dirty I’m shit out of luck. And you forgot to mention that when I’m saying all this, you just sit there, ignoring the situation while I’m running around trying to do a 100 things at the same time and act like there’s not a care in the world.

We have a division of labor and you’re not holding up your end of the bargain. You half-ass it and I am losing my temper because I’ve tried telling you, talking to you, showing you and NOTHING WORKS.

You know that if you slack off long enough I’ll just do it. You know what? I’m sick and tired of it and don’t know what else to do but throw my phone at you to get you to step it up.

Oh, and by the way, you aren’t just “telling me in the most gentle way” to have patience. You are full-on ignoring me until I throw the phone and then you tell me to calm down. Be real.

BULL F***ING SHIT to all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi Honey,

It’s me. I just want to clarify a couple things. You say that you’re the exact opposite of me – very laid back and patient, even-keeled. What you forget to mention is that you are so laid back, you let things slide that need to get done and don’t care about (and eventually leave for me to clean up) a lot of things that matter to me.

You mention ALL you do around the house but not that your work schedule (plus commute) is a 1000 times better than mine and therefore we decided that you’re responsible for those things you mention you do. And yet, after telling you a hundred times what needs to get done and how, you still do the BARE minimum and “forget” or don’t bother to figure out how to hang my office clothes so they don’t wrinkle or to get certain foods on the shopping list or even that CLEANING THE KITCHEN DOES NOT JUST MEAN PUTTING DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER but also wiping counters, sweeping floors, etc.

You forgot to mention that when toddler is making a mess and I say “you’re getting food all over the floor” I’m saying it because you let the food stay on the floor for days and don’t sweep it up. You forgot to mention that when I say “you’re getting food on my clothes” it’s because I have to get to work and I could only find one clean shirt and if it gets dirty I’m shit out of luck. And you forgot to mention that when I’m saying all this, you just sit there, ignoring the situation while I’m running around trying to do a 100 things at the same time and act like there’s not a care in the world.

We have a division of labor and you’re not holding up your end of the bargain. You half-ass it and I am losing my temper because I’ve tried telling you, talking to you, showing you and NOTHING WORKS.

You know that if you slack off long enough I’ll just do it. You know what? I’m sick and tired of it and don’t know what else to do but throw my phone at you to get you to step it up.

Oh, and by the way, you aren’t just “telling me in the most gentle way” to have patience. You are full-on ignoring me until I throw the phone and then you tell me to calm down. Be real.

Control freak. He does what needs to be done, but not the way you want him to do it? He works and cleans, but your main complaint is that he doesn't do it the way you want him to and that you should get a free pass to be a raging b*tch because his commute is shorter? You sound like a nightmare to live with.

[Anonymous]

Wait, is the PP above really the OP's spouse or someone speculating?

If the latter, bravo! And if the former, I'm on your side here.

I do think the OP exhibits a sort of cluelessness here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi Honey,

It’s me. I just want to clarify a couple things. You say that you’re the exact opposite of me – very laid back and patient, even-keeled. What you forget to mention is that you are so laid back, you let things slide that need to get done and don’t care about (and eventually leave for me to clean up) a lot of things that matter to me.

You mention ALL you do around the house but not that your work schedule (plus commute) is a 1000 times better than mine and therefore we decided that you’re responsible for those things you mention you do. And yet, after telling you a hundred times what needs to get done and how, you still do the BARE minimum and “forget” or don’t bother to figure out how to hang my office clothes so they don’t wrinkle or to get certain foods on the shopping list or even that CLEANING THE KITCHEN DOES NOT JUST MEAN PUTTING DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER but also wiping counters, sweeping floors, etc.

You forgot to mention that when toddler is making a mess and I say “you’re getting food all over the floor” I’m saying it because you let the food stay on the floor for days and don’t sweep it up. You forgot to mention that when I say “you’re getting food on my clothes” it’s because I have to get to work and I could only find one clean shirt and if it gets dirty I’m shit out of luck. And you forgot to mention that when I’m saying all this, you just sit there, ignoring the situation while I’m running around trying to do a 100 things at the same time and act like there’s not a care in the world.

We have a division of labor and you’re not holding up your end of the bargain. You half-ass it and I am losing my temper because I’ve tried telling you, talking to you, showing you and NOTHING WORKS.

You know that if you slack off long enough I’ll just do it. You know what? I’m sick and tired of it and don’t know what else to do but throw my phone at you to get you to step it up.

Oh, and by the way, you aren’t just “telling me in the most gentle way” to have patience. You are full-on ignoring me until I throw the phone and then you tell me to calm down. Be real.

OP, is this your wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi Honey,

It’s me. I just want to clarify a couple things. You say that you’re the exact opposite of me – very laid back and patient, even-keeled. What you forget to mention is that you are so laid back, you let things slide that need to get done and don’t care about (and eventually leave for me to clean up) a lot of things that matter to me.

You mention ALL you do around the house but not that your work schedule (plus commute) is a 1000 times better than mine and therefore we decided that you’re responsible for those things you mention you do. And yet, after telling you a hundred times what needs to get done and how, you still do the BARE minimum and “forget” or don’t bother to figure out how to hang my office clothes so they don’t wrinkle or to get certain foods on the shopping list or even that CLEANING THE KITCHEN DOES NOT JUST MEAN PUTTING DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER but also wiping counters, sweeping floors, etc.

You forgot to mention that when toddler is making a mess and I say “you’re getting food all over the floor” I’m saying it because you let the food stay on the floor for days and don’t sweep it up. You forgot to mention that when I say “you’re getting food on my clothes” it’s because I have to get to work and I could only find one clean shirt and if it gets dirty I’m shit out of luck. And you forgot to mention that when I’m saying all this, you just sit there, ignoring the situation while I’m running around trying to do a 100 things at the same time and act like there’s not a care in the world.

We have a division of labor and you’re not holding up your end of the bargain. You half-ass it and I am losing my temper because I’ve tried telling you, talking to you, showing you and NOTHING WORKS.

You know that if you slack off long enough I’ll just do it. You know what? I’m sick and tired of it and don’t know what else to do but throw my phone at you to get you to step it up.

Oh, and by the way, you aren’t just “telling me in the most gentle way” to have patience. You are full-on ignoring me until I throw the phone and then you tell me to calm down. Be real.

OP, is this your wife?

Good lord you people are stupid. It's some rando trying to spin why DW yelling and breaking shit is his fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi Honey,

It’s me. I just want to clarify a couple things. You say that you’re the exact opposite of me – very laid back and patient, even-keeled. What you forget to mention is that you are so laid back, you let things slide that need to get done and don’t care about (and eventually leave for me to clean up) a lot of things that matter to me.

You mention ALL you do around the house but not that your work schedule (plus commute) is a 1000 times better than mine and therefore we decided that you’re responsible for those things you mention you do. And yet, after telling you a hundred times what needs to get done and how, you still do the BARE minimum and “forget” or don’t bother to figure out how to hang my office clothes so they don’t wrinkle or to get certain foods on the shopping list or even that CLEANING THE KITCHEN DOES NOT JUST MEAN PUTTING DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER but also wiping counters, sweeping floors, etc.

You forgot to mention that when toddler is making a mess and I say “you’re getting food all over the floor” I’m saying it because you let the food stay on the floor for days and don’t sweep it up. You forgot to mention that when I say “you’re getting food on my clothes” it’s because I have to get to work and I could only find one clean shirt and if it gets dirty I’m shit out of luck. And you forgot to mention that when I’m saying all this, you just sit there, ignoring the situation while I’m running around trying to do a 100 things at the same time and act like there’s not a care in the world.

We have a division of labor and you’re not holding up your end of the bargain. You half-ass it and I am losing my temper because I’ve tried telling you, talking to you, showing you and NOTHING WORKS.

You know that if you slack off long enough I’ll just do it. You know what? I’m sick and tired of it and don’t know what else to do but throw my phone at you to get you to step it up.

Oh, and by the way, you aren’t just “telling me in the most gentle way” to have patience. You are full-on ignoring me until I throw the phone and then you tell me to calm down. Be real.

OP, is this your wife?

Good lord you people are stupid. It's some rando trying to spin why DW yelling and breaking shit is his fault.

-signed anonymous adult calling strangers on the internet names

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi Honey,

It’s me. I just want to clarify a couple things. You say that you’re the exact opposite of me – very laid back and patient, even-keeled. What you forget to mention is that you are so laid back, you let things slide that need to get done and don’t care about (and eventually leave for me to clean up) a lot of things that matter to me.

You mention ALL you do around the house but not that your work schedule (plus commute) is a 1000 times better than mine and therefore we decided that you’re responsible for those things you mention you do. And yet, after telling you a hundred times what needs to get done and how, you still do the BARE minimum and “forget” or don’t bother to figure out how to hang my office clothes so they don’t wrinkle or to get certain foods on the shopping list or even that CLEANING THE KITCHEN DOES NOT JUST MEAN PUTTING DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER but also wiping counters, sweeping floors, etc.

You forgot to mention that when toddler is making a mess and I say “you’re getting food all over the floor” I’m saying it because you let the food stay on the floor for days and don’t sweep it up. You forgot to mention that when I say “you’re getting food on my clothes” it’s because I have to get to work and I could only find one clean shirt and if it gets dirty I’m shit out of luck. And you forgot to mention that when I’m saying all this, you just sit there, ignoring the situation while I’m running around trying to do a 100 things at the same time and act like there’s not a care in the world.

We have a division of labor and you’re not holding up your end of the bargain. You half-ass it and I am losing my temper because I’ve tried telling you, talking to you, showing you and NOTHING WORKS.

You know that if you slack off long enough I’ll just do it. You know what? I’m sick and tired of it and don’t know what else to do but throw my phone at you to get you to step it up.

Oh, and by the way, you aren’t just “telling me in the most gentle way” to have patience. You are full-on ignoring me until I throw the phone and then you tell me to calm down. Be real.

YES - x1000 I bet that this would pretty much be DW perspective for her Man-Boy playing Saint.

[Anonymous]

She may be depressed. Has she has a recent physical, maybe time to make an appointment. Counseling as suggested by other PPs might be a good idea too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi Honey,

It’s me. I just want to clarify a couple things. You say that you’re the exact opposite of me – very laid back and patient, even-keeled. What you forget to mention is that you are so laid back, you let things slide that need to get done and don’t care about (and eventually leave for me to clean up) a lot of things that matter to me.

You mention ALL you do around the house but not that your work schedule (plus commute) is a 1000 times better than mine and therefore we decided that you’re responsible for those things you mention you do. And yet, after telling you a hundred times what needs to get done and how, you still do the BARE minimum and “forget” or don’t bother to figure out how to hang my office clothes so they don’t wrinkle or to get certain foods on the shopping list or even that CLEANING THE KITCHEN DOES NOT JUST MEAN PUTTING DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER but also wiping counters, sweeping floors, etc.

You forgot to mention that when toddler is making a mess and I say “you’re getting food all over the floor” I’m saying it because you let the food stay on the floor for days and don’t sweep it up. You forgot to mention that when I say “you’re getting food on my clothes” it’s because I have to get to work and I could only find one clean shirt and if it gets dirty I’m shit out of luck. And you forgot to mention that when I’m saying all this, you just sit there, ignoring the situation while I’m running around trying to do a 100 things at the same time and act like there’s not a care in the world.

We have a division of labor and you’re not holding up your end of the bargain. You half-ass it and I am losing my temper because I’ve tried telling you, talking to you, showing you and NOTHING WORKS.

You know that if you slack off long enough I’ll just do it. You know what? I’m sick and tired of it and don’t know what else to do but throw my phone at you to get you to step it up.

Oh, and by the way, you aren’t just “telling me in the most gentle way” to have patience. You are full-on ignoring me until I throw the phone and then you tell me to calm down. Be real.

Reported this post for gaslighting and legitimizing abuse. This forum has really gone downhill if this kind of nonsense is allowed and actively lauded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she is stressed and potentially depressed.

Does she work? Is something going on at her job with too much pressure? If she doesn't work is she frustrated about that? Being fully responsible for other people all the time is very exhausting.

I wasn't going to say it, but was surprised when others mentioned it, but my first thought was Adderall. Makes people super irritable and impatient.

It sounds kind of like you want her to be laid-back about things that you have no idea how much goes into it. You were late picking up things for Valentine's Day, that's nice. Maybe in her mind she assumed you were getting home at the usual time and the kids dinner, bath/bedtime, changing load of laundry, timed cookies in the oven for the kids to bring to bake sale, were all based around that. No it's easier to chill and relax instead of worrying about those things, but someone's gotta do it. Toddlers making a mess all over themselves and constantly cleaning it up 20 times a day is frustrating.

OP, you sound like a great dad and husband but also that you pride yourself on being the easy going one while she is the type A one. Even when we were all young, labels such as that really stick and cause pain. Perhaps as you said, your personalities do not mesh well but the pp above has touched on something important. Someone has to keep the trains running on time, especially with a household with young children and two working parents. It is a much tougher roll to be the one who feels they must be the schedule-follower while the other parent gets to be the easy-going one. Not saying that your wife's behavior is at all okay but you need to realize the dynamics that have formed in your family/marriage. You yourself have said that she says you do not listen to her. Are you really hearing what she is saying? It sounds like she is crying out for help and not the do-the-laundry kind.

I still can't get over the hypocrisy. NO ONE would be making ANY type of excuse if this were a DW complaining about a DH.

The DH says he does most of the household work. He is obviously also dropping off and picking up kids from daycare, getting them ready in the morning, etc. He does most of the cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. If this were a DW complaining about her DH, everyone would be saying that if he doesn't like how the laundry is done, then stop doing it, and make him do it. If he doesn't like the cooking, stop cooking and make him find his own food, etc. If he is stressed with long work hours, it doesn't matter, he still needs to be part of the family and part of the household, and still help out around the house... NO ONE would be saying that she needs to see what she can do to help him be less stressed... This is insane!

Well when a man posts and tells us he birthed two kids within the past few years, works full time, commutes three hours a day, pumps at work, breastfeeds at home, and hasn't slept through the night for years due to young kids-then we'll see, maybe you are right.

You are disgusting to sweepingly ignore the abusive behavior by this woman. Disgusting. And you're clearly refusing to ignore that she was bad tempered before having kids. What a horrible person you are.