DW bad temper - don't know what to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She hates you and finds you useless and annoying. She is no longer attracted to you or has respect for you, and it makes her hate her life. Sorry, OP.

This.

What the hell? Really, pps? Maybe she's just stressed. Your wife will be a lot nicer if you can properly take care of her so she can stay home. She won't be complaining about staying up too late anymore.

[Anonymous]

What OP's wife did with the phone is not okay and I agree that sounds abusive.

She's right about one thing, though: her life sucks. She's in a car three hours per day, working, and nursing. That sucks in and of itself. But she's also got a husband who prides himself on being "laid back" compared to her, which is condescending at least and mean at worst. Nobody who is driving three hours plus nursing could be relaxed. The fact that you think anybody would be anything but miserable in her situation tells me that you'd be a really frustrating spouse to live with.

She needs counseling and probably meds but you need to get your head out of your butt. You also both need to move. The commute alone would make me want to punch ten people a day.

[Anonymous]

Please, OP, don't sit back and let her yell at and bully the kids. I got along with my dad but DAMN did I resent him for letting my mother rage at us all the fucking time. He should have stepped in and protected us, but he didn't most of the time -presumably because that just got the rage redirected at him, too!

[Anonymous]

Your wife has deep seated anger issues which need to be addressed in counseling.

But also, try sitting down with her and together figure out how the two of you can reduce as much stress in your lives as possible while the kids are so little. Her daily commute is brutal. Sell your house (or rent it out) and move closer to her job. Be willing to do whatever it takes to make your lives easier right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought alcohol or rx drugs, but it could just be that she's really stressed and doesn't know how to deal with it. Maybe suggest a break from working or go part-time and see how she feels. If you can't do that, hire a housekeeper- even once a week- huge difference! Find out what she's doing that you can hire someone else to do, cook, picking up the kids, cleaning/ laundry, walking the dog-- whatever. Also, the comment about you and the kids ruining her life makes me think she got some resentment and might need a kid free day or maybe just a few hours alone so she can miss you guys.

This is the most pathetic thing I have ever heard.

Let's take this same scenario - now make it a DW complaining that her DH wiped her kids mouth aggressively out of agitation, broke a mirror, threw a phone, and told her that she ruined his life.

Would you be telling the DW to let her DH start working part time, hire a hooker to relieve his stress, and have time away from his family so that he can get over his resentment???

I am willing to pay very good money to say NO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What OP's wife did with the phone is not okay and I agree that sounds abusive.

She's right about one thing, though: her life sucks. She's in a car three hours per day, working, and nursing. That sucks in and of itself. But she's also got a husband who prides himself on being "laid back" compared to her, which is condescending at least and mean at worst. Nobody who is driving three hours plus nursing could be relaxed. The fact that you think anybody would be anything but miserable in her situation tells me that you'd be a really frustrating spouse to live with.

She needs counseling and probably meds but you need to get your head out of your butt. You also both need to move. The commute alone would make me want to punch ten people a day.

You.are.an.idiot.

Way to justify abuse.

[Anonymous]

You need to get into individual counseling for perspective and to learn strategies for dealing with your abusive marriage, OP. You need to protect your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to get into individual counseling for perspective and to learn strategies for dealing with your abusive marriage, OP. You need to protect your children.

I agree... I wouldn't say it's normal behavior or appropriate behavior - but as a one off and has never happened before - throwing a phone or breaking a mirror I could get over. Everyone has a bad day and crap happens. I think we have all at some point taken our frustration out on an inanimate object.

However, she is taking her frustration on an object that is very much NOT inanimate - your child. If she is roughly wiping DC's mouth out of frustration - just like she never used to throw and break things - it could easily escalate in the future and you have to protect your children. Furthermore, even if it doesn't escalate, wiping DC's mouth roughly is abusive and your DC deserves better.

I have a DD - born this past November. And I look at her and I could never imagine doing ANYTHING rough to her. Her soft baby skin, little baby mouth - how could you be rough with that!!??

[Anonymous]

breaking things/raging is totally unacceptable.

she needs evaluation, anger management, something to help her cope and manage her anger in an appropriate and safe way. That being said, Your #1 job right now is to shield and protect kids, #2 protect yourself, #2, help wife with medication/therapy/whatever. if not, separation is better than raising kids in unstable environment.

fwiw, DH has had similar anger issues--although not breaking things, but raging and shouting. HEre's what helped: therapist for his ADHD plus medicaiton; some therapy and my basically saying that he was turning into his father--an abusive, critical reactive jerk--and that I would not allow that to happen to me or my kids.

He still has high anxiety and is too reactive, but its much, much better, and no rage episode in a couple years, probably helps that we are in a better place with jobs, kids sleeping, schedules, etc. Still, the stress is not an excuse, but it is a factor that can provoke extant anger and coping issues. Your situation--two small kids, hellish commute--is tough. You seem to cope well, your wife isn't coping well.

[Anonymous]

your wife needs counseling, AT LEAST. that is terrible behavior, even if she is legit stressed. if you still have an infant and she's at risk for PPD, or if she is sleep deprived, there may be a legit diagnosis like depression or anxiety, but a diagnosis is not an excuse for not getting treatment. lots of people get snappish with their spouse when they're tired and feeling overworked and underappreciated. not everyone throws and breaks shit. that is non-functional behavior. it is not okay. your wife is not coping right now. get her some professional help.

fwiw, my husband throws ridiculous temper tantrums from time to time and refuses to go to counseling. he's never broken anything or hurt anyone but he does stomp around pouting and cursing like a spoiled 6yearold, decides that the whole world is against him for awhile, and stops eating and sleeping well. it makes me nuts, and I've tried to get him in therapy, but it usually doesn't last that long. honestly, if he upped his temper tantrums to where it sounds like your wife is, I might get out of there or issue an ultimatum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but the other side of this is that the porr DH thought that coming home late with a stuff to make dinner (not was actual ready to eat meal) was a "gift" after this still nursing DW - home with 2 young children while DH out shopping after her full work day with a THREE HOUR commute. This sounds more like you are clueless and disengaged and are contributing to the stress in the house. If my spouse had this kind of workday - Valentine's Day would have been a weekend kind of celebration. Yes - she was off the wall but day to day - are you two looking at your life choices?? I wonder if your 'laid back' attitude is more a no confrontation/no engagement/obliviousness. If you two have made the decision that you are the primary parent - you both are parents but you actually do have a responsibility to set priorities that protect your kids - and adding stress (like a late dinner on a weeknight) made it seems without consulting each other (did she know where you were??) Yep - this is probably a total double standard and I's be pissed at DH if situation turned around but I have seen too many relationships where the laid-back no stress husband was actually just a passive placeholder adult and not really stepping up to full responsibility and DW pushed to limits

THIS.

Thread full of DHs who lie about how much weight they pull. SMH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but the other side of this is that the porr DH thought that coming home late with a stuff to make dinner (not was actual ready to eat meal) was a "gift" after this still nursing DW - home with 2 young children while DH out shopping after her full work day with a THREE HOUR commute. This sounds more like you are clueless and disengaged and are contributing to the stress in the house. If my spouse had this kind of workday - Valentine's Day would have been a weekend kind of celebration. Yes - she was off the wall but day to day - are you two looking at your life choices?? I wonder if your 'laid back' attitude is more a no confrontation/no engagement/obliviousness. If you two have made the decision that you are the primary parent - you both are parents but you actually do have a responsibility to set priorities that protect your kids - and adding stress (like a late dinner on a weeknight) made it seems without consulting each other (did she know where you were??) Yep - this is probably a total double standard and I's be pissed at DH if situation turned around but I have seen too many relationships where the laid-back no stress husband was actually just a passive placeholder adult and not really stepping up to full responsibility and DW pushed to limits

THIS.

Thread full of DHs who lie about how much weight they pull. SMH.

Who gives a shit.

There is still no excuse for abusiveness to a child or another adult.

SMH - just another idiot justifying a woman who abused her child and husband.

[Anonymous]

Look, you sad, sad man, she probably has PPD and needs mess. But if you think this rates as abuse in a real way you're nuts. So sorry that women having some say I their own lives has made you such a demented little stain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, you sad, sad man, she probably has PPD and needs mess. But if you think this rates as abuse in a real way you're nuts. So sorry that women having some say I their own lives has made you such a demented little stain.

Did you even read the thread or is reading comprehension not your strong suit?

In what world do you live in where throwing phones at people, breaking mirrors, and roughly wiping your childs mouth because you are frustrated with them is not abuse?

Go pound sand.

You are an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, you sad, sad man, she probably has PPD and needs mess. But if you think this rates as abuse in a real way you're nuts. So sorry that women having some say I their own lives has made you such a demented little stain.

Did you even read the thread or is reading comprehension not your strong suit?

In what world do you live in where throwing phones at people, breaking mirrors, and roughly wiping your childs mouth because you are frustrated with them is not abuse?

Go pound sand.

You are an idiot.

Don't forget, she was like this BEFORE her children. It just got worse afterwards.