Reply to DW bad temper - don't know what to do

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DW has a bad temper. It has gotten much worse since we had kids. I am the exact opposite. I am very patient with the kids and careful to rarely raise my voice at home and never say mean or hurtful things out of anger.

DW ruined Valentine's Day. I stopped at the store after picking up the kids to get some things to make a special dinner. When I got home I was greeted with "you're late, I'm hungry, and the kids are going to go to bed too late." I said it is only one night. At every dinner, DW gets frustrated with our toddler for making a mess. Usually this is not throwing food but just messy eating but it shouldn't matter. It starts with "you're getting food all over your clothes" or "you're getting food all over the floor" and escalates to wiping DC in what I think is an agitated way. Eventually DC becomes upsets and starts to cry. Tonight DW was especially upset and used the F word. Every morning, I eat breakfast with the kids after DW leaves for work. Sometimes DC makes a mess. I just accept that toddlers make a mess and clean it up. Sometimes DC helps me clean up. Everyone leaves breakfast happy.

While I cleaned up dinner and packed lunches DW put the kids to bed. Afterwards, she started complaining about not being able to find a shirt and about how I never put things away in the right place when I do laundry, that she told me a thousand times where her things go, that I never listen to her, etc., etc., etc. For once I decided to speak up and said in the gentlest voice that I thought she needed to be more patient and she went into rage. She threw a phone on the floor and smashed it to pieces with her feet and broke a mirror. She said the kids and I ruined her life. When she calmed down she acted like nothing had happened and said she was just stressed with work lately.

I feel like I don't know this person anymore. I'm worried about how this is affecting the kids. What should I do? [b]Go to counseling?[/b][/quote]

Yes. But not just couples, individual counseling for you too. Your number one priority needs to be protecting your children and yourself. Your wife comes third. Her abusive behavior, and her behavior and destruction of property is abusive, is unacceptable and needs to end today. Neither you nor your children deserve this. If your work has an EAP contact then tomorrow at work and discuss what next steps you need to take. They can help identify an in-person marriage counseling session. Once you've scheduled the appointment, explain to your wife that getting help and immediately changing her behavior will happen asap. She can schedule her own sessions and find a parenting class. If she doesn't take you seriously and immediately change her tune, you need to consult a lawyer.

And ignore the apologists asking if she's stressed over overwhelmed. It's a cop out because you are a man posting. An absuive husband would not be given a pass. You and your children deserve better.

Good luck.[/quote]

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