My Unorthodox Life on Netflix

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an ultra orthodox woman. I was debating responding but I'll give it a shot
The issue most of my friends have isn't that Julia is making up things that never happen. There are plenty of sources for the hell boiling water (not acid) modesty punishment and yes, well, wait til you find out what fundamentalist Muslims and Christians believe.

The problem is we know her. We grew up with her. She did not come from a community like the one she describes. It's like the Nigerian prime minister coming to Harvard and speaking about his difficult life in inner city Chicago.

Is it true that you are not allowed to take BCP? She said she had to hide her birth control. She also said that, as the oldest, she was expected to raise her other 7 brothers and sisters. Is this also true?

Yes and Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an ultra orthodox woman. I was debating responding but I'll give it a shot
The issue most of my friends have isn't that Julia is making up things that never happen. There are plenty of sources for the hell boiling water (not acid) modesty punishment and yes, well, wait til you find out what fundamentalist Muslims and Christians believe.

The problem is we know her. We grew up with her. She did not come from a community like the one she describes. It's like the Nigerian prime minister coming to Harvard and speaking about his difficult life in inner city Chicago.

I disagree. I know this community very well. While some girls are educated most are not. Most married off at 18 to men they barely know. She is correct the "programming" is loud and clear.

My cousin is part of this community. Her first husband (matchmaker marriage) beat the crap out of her over and over again. Getting her GET was extremely difficult. She finally got one and remarried within the community. Do you understand how awful that was? The community was more concerned about him than her. Forgive me for thinking she's still in a cult.

The modesty thing they are literally slut-shaming her on FB today over and over again. For people who claim to be so "religious," their behavior today has been horrific.

Jew here, that community is a cult. Period, end stop.

Oj1
You are lumping several communities together. Most girls in Julia's high school went to seminary and got degrees and married between 19-25. 18 would be a lot more Haredi then she grew up.

As for matchmaker, every Haredi subtype has its own systems for matchmaking. I'm sorry your relative had a bad experience. I hope she finds peace.

I dated my husband around 10 x and then we got engaged, which is pretty typical. We are a happy couple.

No I am not mixing communities.

I know exactly what community Julia is from. Those women as "pious" as they claim to be seem to have odd way of showing that given they are all over social media today. Definitely protesting and not in a good way. Their behavior is abhorrent at best. Which says to me cult.

[Anonymous]

Why does the COO act like her exec assistant? He did say in that meeting he was the COO, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll answer here to the best of my ability. Pp who actually grew up with no movies or secular books and is annoyed and slightly amused by Julia (we knew her as Talia Leibov)

I am curious how someone who claims to know this woman happened to be on DCUM and land in this thread.

Different Orthodox poster. This show is the is the subject of many threads in Jewish groups and forums, including Orthodox ones.

PP. I'll call myself OJ2. My husband and I are Modern Orthodox, but my children attend a school that I would describe as open-minded ultra-Orthodox. I have no connection to Monsey or Julia.

Welcome OJ2. I've always wondering how you would view people like Julia's daughter, who is not following all the rules but considers herself somewhat religious. Apologies for not fully understanding but I grew up in a very religious Christian household and in my community, people who were not "Christian" in the same way were looked down on and not seen as "truly" Christian. Would it be the same for Julia's daughter since she isn't full immersed in the culture anymore?

In terms of her religious status, she would still be viewed as a Jew by the entire spectrum of Orthodoxy, no matter how she lives. Once someone has become a Jew, either by birth or valid conversion, they can never become a non-Jew. The validity of a conversion may be challenged later on, but only on the basis of events that occurred prior to or during the conversion.

As to whether she would be considered an Orthodox or "frum" Jew would vary over the Orthodox spectrum. Modern Orthodoxy (MO) as a movement believes in modest dress, but as a practical matter, the Modern Orthodox community does not typically eject people socially or mark them as non-Orthodox because they ignore the rules of modest dress in part or in full. Some people don't keep the mainstream dress standards because they just don't feel like it, others do so deliberately because they interpret the laws in a more liberal manner, relying on minority opinions or creative reasoning. There are a number of families in my Modern Orthodox community, including mine, who do not keep the mainstream halachic MO standards of modesty, but I still consider us Orthodox.

I didn't get a clear picture from the show on where Batsheva stands in regards to keeping kosher and Shabbat, but if she flouts those rules publicly, then I would not eat home-cooked food from her home. But we could still be friends and hang out otherwise. I wouldn't see her as Orthodox, but I would appreciate that she is observing Judaism in her own ways, which I see as much better than abandoning it entirely. My husband and I have many non-Orthodox Jewish and non-Jewish friends and family members.

[Anonymous]

17:27 post is OJ2.

[Anonymous]

I liked Shtisel a lot more TBH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does the COO act like her exec assistant? He did say in that meeting he was the COO, right?

Um yeah…got no COO vibes whatsoever…

[Anonymous]

I am curious more about Ben also. He seems to support Batsheva but lagging slightly…curious about his family and if they dismiss him because he has supported Batsheva.

[Anonymous]

Finally figured out who Julia reminds me of- Demi Moore. Something about her mouth and the way she talks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started watching this last night and wow, it's fascinating. Does anyone know the community that they came from? Were they in Brooklyn? Prior to moving to NYC in my early 20s, I had never encounter Hasidic Jews and was just so curious about their culture/customs. The scenes of the community look like Williamsburg or somewhere in Brooklyn. Needless to say, I've watched every film/documentary focused on the Jewish Orthodox communities. In a weird way, this seems almost too surreal to be true to go from someone whose has been told her whole life that her whole purpose in life is to have children and please her husband and to go on to become this dynamic, vivacious leader and businessperson. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for Julia and her children that now they really are living their best lives, but I have so many questions.

Julia said she left the community in her early 40s. She was born in 1971 so she is only 50 now. How did Julia from "secret" insurance sales person to CEO of Elite in less than 10 years as a 40 something mom of four without much of a formal education who was also dealing with the trauma of leaving this kind of community? How did she accumulate so much wealth so fast? No doubt, her husband is also very successful, but still. How did her daughter, who also didn't have much of a formal education, get into Stanford? No doubt she's smart and very techie, but lots of very smart, techie kids with excellent credentials don't get into Stanford. This kind of success is just so rare and there are many people who hustle, have the right credentials, have all the "right" connections and it still doesn't happen for them like this. It's endless fascinating and I want to know all of her secrets.

It's also interesting to watch Batsheva, too because she is the most connected to their former way of life. It's the juxtaposition between being so independent/career focused and still needing to have a discussion with husband about him being okay with her wearing pants.

I am not sure whether this community started in Brooklyn, however, they have been in Rockland County for many years. And at odds with the community as well. It has been a very bumpy ride.

The community is out in force today on FB spewing garbage about Julia. Slut-shaming to the max. As a Jew, I am completely annoyed at their response. They are a cult period. No different than a conservative evangelical or ultra Mormon or the Duggars, Bates families on TV.

She is 100% correct that the community does not educate women. While they are claiming online that part isn't true, my cousin is part of this cult. She is very vocal. She did not educate her daughters she married them off at age 18 barely to men through matchmakers. None of her daughters are educated enough to even balance a checkbook. One of her sons who rebelled against the "laws" was sent to Miami to be reprogramed. UGH In my cousin's case she ran away from horrible home life. Parts of being in a community like this made her feel safe. That I understand, however, if one tries to leave they do come for you and try to make your life miserable, that is a cult.

Stanford, homeschoolers get into Stanford. She got in because she is very bright.


You are correct this kind of success does not come easily. Julia spent years preparing to leave. She did not just wake up one morning and decide to leave. She made a plan and executed it.

I haven’t watched the show yet, but grew up modern orthodox in NY adjacent to communities like hers. She wasn’t Hasidic, was what we call “frum,” from monsey in rockland county. It’s very religious but not quite chasidic. Boys and girls are sent to separate schools, girls wear skirts down to their ankles and shirt sleeves to their elbows. The schools like the one she attended, bais yaakov, are not exactly known for stellar “general/secular” studies (what the community calls things like English, science, social studies, etc.) Both boys and girls are sent to Israel for a year after high school, and girls start being set up for arranged marriages at 19. Yes, some will go on to excellent colleges, but most go to Jewish colleges or local colleges that enable them to live at home so as not to expose them to secular society (which is still an improvement from chasidic people who don’t let their kids into the secular world at all.) For women, it is very much a goal to be married by your early twenties, in fact, it’s called a crisis within the community to have unmarried women in their mid twenties and old (because the men at those ages will still marry the 19 year olds.) there is no sexual experience before marriage. It is a cult like existence that ensnares children during impressionable years, and then traps young women and men in marriages and religious lifestyles by their early twenties. The main difference between “frum” communities like hers, and chasidic ones, is that some of the adults, particularly men, are not just learning in yeshiva all day- they have normal professions that often require advanced degrees. For the most part, women are not lawyers and doctors- they are encouraged to be homemakers, teachers, speech pathologists, occupational therapists etc- careers that are more “flexible” for raising a large family. These are like check list requirements for dating for arranged marriages.

There are beautiful parts of a very religious life, but it is remarkable that she had the self determination to build a lucrative career and get out.

The orthodox community I come from is trashing her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started watching this last night and wow, it's fascinating. Does anyone know the community that they came from? Were they in Brooklyn? Prior to moving to NYC in my early 20s, I had never encounter Hasidic Jews and was just so curious about their culture/customs. The scenes of the community look like Williamsburg or somewhere in Brooklyn. Needless to say, I've watched every film/documentary focused on the Jewish Orthodox communities. In a weird way, this seems almost too surreal to be true to go from someone whose has been told her whole life that her whole purpose in life is to have children and please her husband and to go on to become this dynamic, vivacious leader and businessperson. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for Julia and her children that now they really are living their best lives, but I have so many questions.

Julia said she left the community in her early 40s. She was born in 1971 so she is only 50 now. How did Julia from "secret" insurance sales person to CEO of Elite in less than 10 years as a 40 something mom of four without much of a formal education who was also dealing with the trauma of leaving this kind of community? How did she accumulate so much wealth so fast? No doubt, her husband is also very successful, but still. How did her daughter, who also didn't have much of a formal education, get into Stanford? No doubt she's smart and very techie, but lots of very smart, techie kids with excellent credentials don't get into Stanford. This kind of success is just so rare and there are many people who hustle, have the right credentials, have all the "right" connections and it still doesn't happen for them like this. It's endless fascinating and I want to know all of her secrets.

It's also interesting to watch Batsheva, too because she is the most connected to their former way of life. It's the juxtaposition between being so independent/career focused and still needing to have a discussion with husband about him being okay with her wearing pants.

I am not sure whether this community started in Brooklyn, however, they have been in Rockland County for many years. And at odds with the community as well. It has been a very bumpy ride.

The community is out in force today on FB spewing garbage about Julia. Slut-shaming to the max. As a Jew, I am completely annoyed at their response. They are a cult period. No different than a conservative evangelical or ultra Mormon or the Duggars, Bates families on TV.

She is 100% correct that the community does not educate women. While they are claiming online that part isn't true, my cousin is part of this cult. She is very vocal. She did not educate her daughters she married them off at age 18 barely to men through matchmakers. None of her daughters are educated enough to even balance a checkbook. One of her sons who rebelled against the "laws" was sent to Miami to be reprogramed. UGH In my cousin's case she ran away from horrible home life. Parts of being in a community like this made her feel safe. That I understand, however, if one tries to leave they do come for you and try to make your life miserable, that is a cult.

Stanford, homeschoolers get into Stanford. She got in because she is very bright.


You are correct this kind of success does not come easily. Julia spent years preparing to leave. She did not just wake up one morning and decide to leave. She made a plan and executed it.

I haven’t watched the show yet, but grew up modern orthodox in NY adjacent to communities like hers. She wasn’t Hasidic, was what we call “frum,” from monsey in rockland county. It’s very religious but not quite chasidic. Boys and girls are sent to separate schools, girls wear skirts down to their ankles and shirt sleeves to their elbows. The schools like the one she attended, bais yaakov, are not exactly known for stellar “general/secular” studies (what the community calls things like English, science, social studies, etc.) Both boys and girls are sent to Israel for a year after high school, and girls start being set up for arranged marriages at 19. Yes, some will go on to excellent colleges, but most go to Jewish colleges or local colleges that enable them to live at home so as not to expose them to secular society (which is still an improvement from chasidic people who don’t let their kids into the secular world at all.) For women, it is very much a goal to be married by your early twenties, in fact, it’s called a crisis within the community to have unmarried women in their mid twenties and old (because the men at those ages will still marry the 19 year olds.) there is no sexual experience before marriage. It is a cult like existence that ensnares children during impressionable years, and then traps young women and men in marriages and religious lifestyles by their early twenties. The main difference between “frum” communities like hers, and chasidic ones, is that some of the adults, particularly men, are not just learning in yeshiva all day- they have normal professions that often require advanced degrees. For the most part, women are not lawyers and doctors- they are encouraged to be homemakers, teachers, speech pathologists, occupational therapists etc- careers that are more “flexible” for raising a large family. These are like check list requirements for dating for arranged marriages.

There are beautiful parts of a very religious life, but it is remarkable that she had the self determination to build a lucrative career and get out.

The orthodox community I come from is trashing her.

Why are they trashing her without even seeing it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started watching this last night and wow, it's fascinating. Does anyone know the community that they came from? Were they in Brooklyn? Prior to moving to NYC in my early 20s, I had never encounter Hasidic Jews and was just so curious about their culture/customs. The scenes of the community look like Williamsburg or somewhere in Brooklyn. Needless to say, I've watched every film/documentary focused on the Jewish Orthodox communities. In a weird way, this seems almost too surreal to be true to go from someone whose has been told her whole life that her whole purpose in life is to have children and please her husband and to go on to become this dynamic, vivacious leader and businessperson. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for Julia and her children that now they really are living their best lives, but I have so many questions.

Julia said she left the community in her early 40s. She was born in 1971 so she is only 50 now. How did Julia from "secret" insurance sales person to CEO of Elite in less than 10 years as a 40 something mom of four without much of a formal education who was also dealing with the trauma of leaving this kind of community? How did she accumulate so much wealth so fast? No doubt, her husband is also very successful, but still. How did her daughter, who also didn't have much of a formal education, get into Stanford? No doubt she's smart and very techie, but lots of very smart, techie kids with excellent credentials don't get into Stanford. This kind of success is just so rare and there are many people who hustle, have the right credentials, have all the "right" connections and it still doesn't happen for them like this. It's endless fascinating and I want to know all of her secrets.

It's also interesting to watch Batsheva, too because she is the most connected to their former way of life. It's the juxtaposition between being so independent/career focused and still needing to have a discussion with husband about him being okay with her wearing pants.

I am not sure whether this community started in Brooklyn, however, they have been in Rockland County for many years. And at odds with the community as well. It has been a very bumpy ride.

The community is out in force today on FB spewing garbage about Julia. Slut-shaming to the max. As a Jew, I am completely annoyed at their response. They are a cult period. No different than a conservative evangelical or ultra Mormon or the Duggars, Bates families on TV.

She is 100% correct that the community does not educate women. While they are claiming online that part isn't true, my cousin is part of this cult. She is very vocal. She did not educate her daughters she married them off at age 18 barely to men through matchmakers. None of her daughters are educated enough to even balance a checkbook. One of her sons who rebelled against the "laws" was sent to Miami to be reprogramed. UGH In my cousin's case she ran away from horrible home life. Parts of being in a community like this made her feel safe. That I understand, however, if one tries to leave they do come for you and try to make your life miserable, that is a cult.

Stanford, homeschoolers get into Stanford. She got in because she is very bright.


You are correct this kind of success does not come easily. Julia spent years preparing to leave. She did not just wake up one morning and decide to leave. She made a plan and executed it.

I haven’t watched the show yet, but grew up modern orthodox in NY adjacent to communities like hers. She wasn’t Hasidic, was what we call “frum,” from monsey in rockland county. It’s very religious but not quite chasidic. Boys and girls are sent to separate schools, girls wear skirts down to their ankles and shirt sleeves to their elbows. The schools like the one she attended, bais yaakov, are not exactly known for stellar “general/secular” studies (what the community calls things like English, science, social studies, etc.) Both boys and girls are sent to Israel for a year after high school, and girls start being set up for arranged marriages at 19. Yes, some will go on to excellent colleges, but most go to Jewish colleges or local colleges that enable them to live at home so as not to expose them to secular society (which is still an improvement from chasidic people who don’t let their kids into the secular world at all.) For women, it is very much a goal to be married by your early twenties, in fact, it’s called a crisis within the community to have unmarried women in their mid twenties and old (because the men at those ages will still marry the 19 year olds.) there is no sexual experience before marriage. It is a cult like existence that ensnares children during impressionable years, and then traps young women and men in marriages and religious lifestyles by their early twenties. The main difference between “frum” communities like hers, and chasidic ones, is that some of the adults, particularly men, are not just learning in yeshiva all day- they have normal professions that often require advanced degrees. For the most part, women are not lawyers and doctors- they are encouraged to be homemakers, teachers, speech pathologists, occupational therapists etc- careers that are more “flexible” for raising a large family. These are like check list requirements for dating for arranged marriages.

There are beautiful parts of a very religious life, but it is remarkable that she had the self determination to build a lucrative career and get out.

The orthodox community I come from is trashing her.

Why are they trashing her without even seeing it?

I presume some have seen it, but I personally have not had a chance to watch it yet. They are trashing her for it being traitorous or non authentic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel that shows like this are harmful to your community and can feed into antisemitism?

Yes. She omits a lot of good parts. She took a lot from her community and proceeded to back stab them and badmouth them in public. Any goodwill she had from years ago is gone.

No one would ever do such a show about a woman from a strict Muslim background.[/quote]

Oh, come on. Of course they would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started watching this last night and wow, it's fascinating. Does anyone know the community that they came from? Were they in Brooklyn? Prior to moving to NYC in my early 20s, I had never encounter Hasidic Jews and was just so curious about their culture/customs. The scenes of the community look like Williamsburg or somewhere in Brooklyn. Needless to say, I've watched every film/documentary focused on the Jewish Orthodox communities. In a weird way, this seems almost too surreal to be true to go from someone whose has been told her whole life that her whole purpose in life is to have children and please her husband and to go on to become this dynamic, vivacious leader and businessperson. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for Julia and her children that now they really are living their best lives, but I have so many questions.

Julia said she left the community in her early 40s. She was born in 1971 so she is only 50 now. How did Julia from "secret" insurance sales person to CEO of Elite in less than 10 years as a 40 something mom of four without much of a formal education who was also dealing with the trauma of leaving this kind of community? How did she accumulate so much wealth so fast? No doubt, her husband is also very successful, but still. How did her daughter, who also didn't have much of a formal education, get into Stanford? No doubt she's smart and very techie, but lots of very smart, techie kids with excellent credentials don't get into Stanford. This kind of success is just so rare and there are many people who hustle, have the right credentials, have all the "right" connections and it still doesn't happen for them like this. It's endless fascinating and I want to know all of her secrets.

It's also interesting to watch Batsheva, too because she is the most connected to their former way of life. It's the juxtaposition between being so independent/career focused and still needing to have a discussion with husband about him being okay with her wearing pants.

I am not sure whether this community started in Brooklyn, however, they have been in Rockland County for many years. And at odds with the community as well. It has been a very bumpy ride.

The community is out in force today on FB spewing garbage about Julia. Slut-shaming to the max. As a Jew, I am completely annoyed at their response. They are a cult period. No different than a conservative evangelical or ultra Mormon or the Duggars, Bates families on TV.

She is 100% correct that the community does not educate women. While they are claiming online that part isn't true, my cousin is part of this cult. She is very vocal. She did not educate her daughters she married them off at age 18 barely to men through matchmakers. None of her daughters are educated enough to even balance a checkbook. One of her sons who rebelled against the "laws" was sent to Miami to be reprogramed. UGH In my cousin's case she ran away from horrible home life. Parts of being in a community like this made her feel safe. That I understand, however, if one tries to leave they do come for you and try to make your life miserable, that is a cult.

Stanford, homeschoolers get into Stanford. She got in because she is very bright.


You are correct this kind of success does not come easily. Julia spent years preparing to leave. She did not just wake up one morning and decide to leave. She made a plan and executed it.

I haven’t watched the show yet, but grew up modern orthodox in NY adjacent to communities like hers. She wasn’t Hasidic, was what we call “frum,” from monsey in rockland county. It’s very religious but not quite chasidic. Boys and girls are sent to separate schools, girls wear skirts down to their ankles and shirt sleeves to their elbows. The schools like the one she attended, bais yaakov, are not exactly known for stellar “general/secular” studies (what the community calls things like English, science, social studies, etc.) Both boys and girls are sent to Israel for a year after high school, and girls start being set up for arranged marriages at 19. Yes, some will go on to excellent colleges, but most go to Jewish colleges or local colleges that enable them to live at home so as not to expose them to secular society (which is still an improvement from chasidic people who don’t let their kids into the secular world at all.) For women, it is very much a goal to be married by your early twenties, in fact, it’s called a crisis within the community to have unmarried women in their mid twenties and old (because the men at those ages will still marry the 19 year olds.) there is no sexual experience before marriage. It is a cult like existence that ensnares children during impressionable years, and then traps young women and men in marriages and religious lifestyles by their early twenties. The main difference between “frum” communities like hers, and chasidic ones, is that some of the adults, particularly men, are not just learning in yeshiva all day- they have normal professions that often require advanced degrees. For the most part, women are not lawyers and doctors- they are encouraged to be homemakers, teachers, speech pathologists, occupational therapists etc- careers that are more “flexible” for raising a large family. These are like check list requirements for dating for arranged marriages.

There are beautiful parts of a very religious life, but it is remarkable that she had the self determination to build a lucrative career and get out.

The orthodox community I come from is trashing her.

Why are they trashing her without even seeing it?

I presume some have seen it, but I personally have not had a chance to watch it yet. They are trashing her for it being traitorous or non authentic.

Sounds like jealousy

[Anonymous]

How do the orthodox communities in this area compare? I live near Kemp Mill and the Yeshiva of Greater Washington. Are most of these communities modern, ultra, Hasidic, Chabad, or a mix?