Harmless crush while married

[Anonymous]

I have not seen my work crush today, am sad. He's so pretty!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me, actually hanging out and getting to know my crushes (in group situations) makes them fade...because if you keep a distance, you keep fantasizing that he's some perfect guy, but when you get to know them you realize that they're just as flawed as your spouse

Not always true. Sometimes you do just meet someone who is as or more compatible with you than your spouse. and I guess part of being a grown up in a marriage is accepting that.

[Anonymous]

Let me tell you, if I were not married...and this person was available...fireworks.

[Anonymous]

I would love to have a crush or even just borderline eye candy! No cute men in my office. Count your blessings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me tell you, if I were not married...and this person was available...fireworks.

Let me tell you if he were not married....his wife is a lucky lady

[Anonymous]

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Having a crush is not active, it's passive. You could have a crush and no one would ever know, not even the object of your crush. I think it happens to most people.

Flirting? That's different, and unless you're very sure that it won't get back to any co-workers, friends or spouse, it has the potential of turning people against you, sometimes permanently. There are few circumstances when you could flirt without anyone you know witnessing that, unless you're a traveling salesperson or similar.

Being just friends: that's a grey area. Lots of people have work wives or work husbands, ie, someone of the opposite sex at work with whom they get along well. You could have a crush on them too, but not flirt, just... spend time with them in a friendly way.

That part. Work spouses are for the immature and will likely bring more drama than needed.

Nonsense. People who can't handle their spouse having a non-sexual relationship with a member of the opposite sex are immature.

A friendship sure. A relationship or a work spouse np? If you want this kind of things marriage isn't for you.

Sounds like you have a very weak marriage if you think these harmless work relationships pose such a threat.

I'll echo pp and say the concept of a work spouse is immature, and go a step further and call it disrespectful. DH and I both have friends that are opposite sex at work and outside of work we'd never even playful refer to them as our spouses. And I question your need to refer to a friend as a spouse even playfully.

Eh. My wife and I are happy in our marriage and aren’t threatened by each other’s platonic, opposite -sex relationships. Because we are mature adults.

Your wife is cool with calling your female friends your spouse? Well isn't she super cool!

She is indeed super cool! And she is a mature, grown up adult, who trusts me and is not a jealous shrew.

And don't tink I didn't notice you failed to answer my actual question.

To answer your question PPL My wife is the one who first described her as my work spouse, so yes, she is obviously cool with it.

I don't know why you are getting so angry and envious just because other people have slightly different boundaries in their relationship than you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of my crushes are celebrities / people I’ll never meet so that’s harmless. In fact, it helps fuel fantasy and that helps my marriage. I find one of my husband’s friends cute, and think it’s mutual, but it never goes past things like “oh, your new haircut is great” or something like that.

Celebrity crushes are normal. Crushes on your spouse's friends crossed a boundary imo as does flirting with them, but that's just my stance other people conduct their relationships differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s the difference between a crush and falling for someone?

NP here — my “harmless crush” on a friend has lasted 1.5 years now and definitely feels more like having fallen for the person.

[Anonymous]

Crushes even when married are totally normal. I don't know how easy it is to hide them though as our bodies are pretty hardwired to show when we're attracted to someone. It is also pretty easy to pick up when someone is attracted to someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of my crushes are celebrities / people I’ll never meet so that’s harmless. In fact, it helps fuel fantasy and that helps my marriage. I find one of my husband’s friends cute, and think it’s mutual, but it never goes past things like “oh, your new haircut is great” or something like that.

Celebrity crushes are normal. Crushes on your spouse's friends crossed a boundary imo as does flirting with them, but that's just my stance other people conduct their relationships differently.

I’m the pp who wrote the post. I don’t say anything “flirty” over text, and never see the friend without my husband, so I think that helps keep boundaries. Now he’s on the other side of the country. We did have a multi-hour chat the other day: mostly on topics like our parents’ health, racism etc so nothing flirty there! A lot of how my crush manifests is I’m constantly trying to think of someone to set him up with - or was before he moved. My friends are mostly married moms though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of my crushes are celebrities / people I’ll never meet so that’s harmless. In fact, it helps fuel fantasy and that helps my marriage. I find one of my husband’s friends cute, and think it’s mutual, but it never goes past things like “oh, your new haircut is great” or something like that.

Celebrity crushes are normal. Crushes on your spouse's friends crossed a boundary imo as does flirting with them, but that's just my stance other people conduct their relationships differently.

I’m the pp who wrote the post. I don’t say anything “flirty” over text, and never see the friend without my husband, so I think that helps keep boundaries. Now he’s on the other side of the country. We did have a multi-hour chat the other day: mostly on topics like our parents’ health, racism etc so nothing flirty there! A lot of how my crush manifests is I’m constantly trying to think of someone to set him up with - or was before he moved. My friends are mostly married moms though.

Boundaries are good. Why are you ordering over getting him married off though?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have not seen my work crush today, am sad. He's so pretty!

Saw him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me tell you, if I were not married...and this person was available...fireworks.

When you know, you know. Problem is what to do about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me tell you, if I were not married...and this person was available...fireworks.

When you know, you know. Problem is what to do about that.

If y respect the person you do nothing until you figure out what the hell you are doing with your marriage. Preferably end it. This is especially true if you're a man talking about a woman because no matter what she'll catch more heat than you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the difference between a crush and falling for someone?

NP here — my “harmless crush” on a friend has lasted 1.5 years now and definitely feels more like having fallen for the person.

same