S/O Has demanding sex ever actually worked for anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

This post is glossing over the most important difference between men and women when it comes to sex -- most men would see sex as a reward, a way to treat themselves and relax, whereas women need to be relaxed in order to want to "give" sex. The husband doesn't want sex simply because he's had all day to relax so he wants to tend to his wife's sexual needs at the end of the day. Ha! That's laughable. Most men would choose sex over relaxation, because -- trigger warning -- sex is much more pleasurable for men. It's un-PC to say things like this, but men's orgasms are much stronger and the act is far more intensely physically pleasurable for men, whereas for women it's "nice." It can even be "amazing" when hormones are high in the early days, but when those hormones fade, she "gives" sex fir her husband's sake, not her own. Whereas few men are having sex for their wife's sake as opposed to their own.

WHAAAAATTT??? Oh my goodness, this is so completely wrong. No, sex is not per se pleasurable to men. I’m sad you think this. Yes, often it is, but that’s because men and women aren’t taught about female pleasure and we take what you said here as a given in our culture.

Now I have never been a man, but I believe, as does my husband, that my climax is probably better for me than his is for him. Of course he loves sex, it’s his favorite thing ever, and I have dang good skills. But..I don’t know, I think if I give details my comment will get deleted but let’s just say my reaction to an O suggests I experience at least as much pleasure as he does. At least. And I think it does make sense that it can be better for women. The clit is a huge organ, the sole purpose of which is pleasure, and the tip is so much smaller than the penis but has twice the nerve endings. I love pleasing my husband but fourteen years in (is this still the early days?) I am certainly doing it for my own pleasure as well.

Ugh sorry I meant to say sex is not per say *more* pleasurable to men. Sorry!

Yeah that was a lot of text for him to say 'I'm not good at giving women orgasms." Sometimes my whole body shakes when DH and I are in bed together.

Don't forget, my dude, that many women can have multiple.

+1. I can have different types of O, 15 in a row, I shake and twitch afterward, laugh uncontrollably, sometimes even before Oing sex is so pleasurable I have to stop for a couple minutes because it’s too intense. Afterward I can’t move for 20 minutes while my partner cheerfully gets up and cleans up everything.

Sorry, but if you think sex isn’t pleasurable for women, it’s because YOU aren’t good at pleasing women. Most men aren’t, which is why something like only 5% of women O when having sex with a man for the first time (vs 60% when with a woman).

Different poster but 90% of women are not good to horrible at sex. I find post like yours very entertaining. Guarantee you are clueless when it come to pleasing the male body. Bad sex is the number one reason men break up with women.

Could you elaborate on how 90% of women are not good to horrible at sex? I'm truly curious why you think this. Is it because they don't put on a porn star act? I assume the men are still having orgasms...not that orgasm is the only point of sex, but it's a fairly decent indicator of pleasure/enjoyment IMHO. Also it's really not that challenging to please the male body.

And to the poster who thinks that men have more pleasurable orgasms, I just don't even know what to say. The research shows the opposite, of course, as does experience for most of us. I would say I feel bad for that poster's wife, but he's probably an incel.

[Anonymous]

^ once I read that in a survey of college age men and women, good sex for a man meant lots of enthusiasm and for women good sex meant it didn’t hurt. That’s it. They didn’t even expect an orgasm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

This post is glossing over the most important difference between men and women when it comes to sex -- most men would see sex as a reward, a way to treat themselves and relax, whereas women need to be relaxed in order to want to "give" sex. The husband doesn't want sex simply because he's had all day to relax so he wants to tends to his wife's sexual needs at the end of the day. Ha! That's laughable. Most men would choose sex over relaxation, because -- trigger warning -- sex is much more pleasurable for men. It's un-PC to say things like this, but men's orgasms are much stronger and the act is far more intensely physically pleasurable for men, whereas for women it's "nice." It can even be "amazing" when hormones are high in the early days, but when those hormones fade, she "gives" sex fir her husband's sake, not her own. Whereas few men are having sex for their wife's sake as opposed to their own.

WHAAAAATTT??? Oh my goodness, this is so completely wrong. No, sex is not per se pleasurable to men. I’m sad you think this. Yes, often it is, but that’s because men and women aren’t taught about female pleasure and we take what you said here as a given in our culture.

Now I have never been a man, but I believe, as does my husband, that my climax is probably better for me than his is for him. Of course he loves sex, it’s his favorite thing ever, and I have dang good skills. But..I don’t know, I think if I give details my comment will get deleted but let’s just say my reaction to an O suggests I experience at least as much pleasure as he does. At least. And I think it does make sense that it can be better for women. The clit is a huge organ, the sole purpose of which is pleasure, and the tip is so much smaller than the penis but has twice the nerve endings. I love pleasing my husband but fourteen years in (is this still the early days?) I am certainly doing it for my own pleasure as well.

Ugh sorry I meant to say sex is not per say *more* pleasurable to men. Sorry!

Yeah that was a lot of text for him to say 'I'm not good at giving women orgasms." Sometimes my whole body shakes when DH and I are in bed together.

Don't forget, my dude, that many women can have multiple.

Once a heard a man say that an orgasm was like getting a hug from the universe and I was like “that’s it? Huh.”

[Anonymous]

You’re all conflating two different things here. There’s the wife not being particularly interested in sex at the moment — like, if her husband were out of town or had the flu or something she wouldn’t be like “dang I wanted to get some” — and there’s the wife being actively interested in not having sex. The former is when you do it for the sake of the relationship and your love for your husband, but trying to push yourself to have sex you actively want not to be having is a terrible idea. I sometimes end up in this place for hormonal reasons and when I try to power through and do it anyway, I end up crying and feeling violated — I guarantee you this is less fun for my husband than no sex at all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re all conflating two different things here. There’s the wife not being particularly interested in sex at the moment — like, if her husband were out of town or had the flu or something she wouldn’t be like “dang I wanted to get some” — and there’s the wife being actively interested in not having sex. The former is when you do it for the sake of the relationship and your love for your husband, but trying to push yourself to have sex you actively want not to be having is a terrible idea. I sometimes end up in this place for hormonal reasons and when I try to power through and do it anyway, I end up crying and feeling violated — I guarantee you this is less fun for my husband than no sex at all!

Some of us were trying to make that point, but you did a much better job.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it works. Get your butt over here... whilst I am naked!
Dh comes running.
But, neither DH nor I were ever so petty as to deny sex in some long run as some power play.
Why are you denying sex to your dh? Isn't is something that both of your should desire and like?

[Anonymous]

DH demands sex in that he won't let it go after I say "no," or turn away. He keeps touching me and kissing me and trying to take my clothes off. I have to really push him off of me or use our safe word and walk out of the room if I really didn't want to. But of course, if I am in pain, he stops, and we just talk or watch TV for a little while.

I can't really envision these conversations. I feel like it would be like saying that you were going to lose weight or save money or keep the house cleaner. Either do it or don't do it, but there doesn't seem to be a lot of benefit in talking about it in the abstract.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH demands sex in that he won't let it go after I say "no," or turn away. He keeps touching me and kissing me and trying to take my clothes off. I have to really push him off of me or use our safe word and walk out of the room if I really didn't want to. But of course, if I am in pain, he stops, and we just talk or watch TV for a little while.

I can't really envision these conversations. I feel like it would be like saying that you were going to lose weight or save money or keep the house cleaner. Either do it or don't do it, but there doesn't seem to be a lot of benefit in talking about it in the abstract.

That sounds like assault

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

Maybe, but I have a great marriage to an attractive husband and....I have no desire for sex. It's 20 years of the same old, not sexy. I am not alone.

Woman here, 42, married for 16 years and together for 19, 5 kids.

I don't get this. I see it on here all of the time, but I don't know anyone IRL who is in a great marriage, used to enjoy sex, and just doesn't really like it anymore. Even my mother and her friends (all in their mid 60's) still talk about it when they are drinking. One of them married a gay man in her 50's, and she talks about how she deeply misses sex.

I'm not trying to say that there is something wrong with you, but I just don't get what this is about. Do you like other kinds of physical intimacy? Or is it all behind you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it works. Get your butt over here... whilst I am naked!
Dh comes running.
But, neither DH nor I were ever so petty as to deny sex in some long run as some power play.
Why are you denying sex to your dh? Isn't is something that both of your should desire and like?

Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

Maybe, but I have a great marriage to an attractive husband and....I have no desire for sex. It's 20 years of the same old, not sexy. I am not alone.

Woman here, 42, married for 16 years and together for 19, 5 kids.

I don't get this. I see it on here all of the time, but I don't know anyone IRL who is in a great marriage, used to enjoy sex, and just doesn't really like it anymore. Even my mother and her friends (all in their mid 60's) still talk about it when they are drinking. One of them married a gay man in her 50's, and she talks about how she deeply misses sex.

I'm not trying to say that there is something wrong with you, but I just don't get what this is about. Do you like other kinds of physical intimacy? Or is it all behind you?

The sexuality of literally every human being on the planet is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

Maybe, but I have a great marriage to an attractive husband and....I have no desire for sex. It's 20 years of the same old, not sexy. I am not alone.

Woman here, 42, married for 16 years and together for 19, 5 kids.

I don't get this. I see it on here all of the time, but I don't know anyone IRL who is in a great marriage, used to enjoy sex, and just doesn't really like it anymore. Even my mother and her friends (all in their mid 60's) still talk about it when they are drinking. One of them married a gay man in her 50's, and she talks about how she deeply misses sex.

I'm not trying to say that there is something wrong with you, but I just don't get what this is about. Do you like other kinds of physical intimacy? Or is it all behind you?

The sexuality of literally every human being on the planet is different.

That's superficially true. But there are patterns that are consistent enough that you can discuss sex in general without worrying too much that there is a guy who finds paperclips very, very arousing. You'll be leaving that guy out if you tell someone not to bother trying to arouse their spouse with paperclips. Even so, it's still pretty solid advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH demands sex in that he won't let it go after I say "no," or turn away. He keeps touching me and kissing me and trying to take my clothes off. I have to really push him off of me or use our safe word and walk out of the room if I really didn't want to. But of course, if I am in pain, he stops, and we just talk or watch TV for a little while.

I can't really envision these conversations. I feel like it would be like saying that you were going to lose weight or save money or keep the house cleaner. Either do it or don't do it, but there doesn't seem to be a lot of benefit in talking about it in the abstract.

That sounds like assault

Yes it does. That's the sort of "seduction" advice I used to read on RedPill sites back when I was trying to figure out how to re-ignite my wife & I's sex life. The theory went that seeing that a woman would be aroused by seeing that a guy really, really desired her. Also that her saying "no" was a kind of a test to see whether he was a fit and dominant mate. (Or something like that.) Whatever her brain might say, her body would not be aroused by the kind of guy who would be so easily deterred. Her body wanted a confident man. That sort of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH demands sex in that he won't let it go after I say "no," or turn away. He keeps touching me and kissing me and trying to take my clothes off. I have to really push him off of me or use our safe word and walk out of the room if I really didn't want to. But of course, if I am in pain, he stops, and we just talk or watch TV for a little while.

I can't really envision these conversations. I feel like it would be like saying that you were going to lose weight or save money or keep the house cleaner. Either do it or don't do it, but there doesn't seem to be a lot of benefit in talking about it in the abstract.

That sounds like assault

Yes it does. That's the sort of "seduction" advice I used to read on RedPill sites back when I was trying to figure out how to re-ignite my wife & I's sex life. The theory went that seeing that a woman would be aroused by seeing that a guy really, really desired her. Also that her saying "no" was a kind of a test to see whether he was a fit and dominant mate. (Or something like that.) Whatever her brain might say, her body would not be aroused by the kind of guy who would be so easily deterred. Her body wanted a confident man. That sort of thing.

Messed that up: "The theory went that seeing that a woman would be aroused by seeing that a guy really, really desired her." = "The theory went that a woman would be aroused by seeing that a guy really, really desired her."

[Anonymous]

Other way around. I told DH that we weren't having enough sex. While he seemed content and with little interest, I was not very happy. I told him how displeased and unsatisfied I was. It did manage to turn things around and he's making more of an effort to initiate. We've both made adjustments.

So yes, it does work when one party communicates with the other party. If you're not happy, why would you keep it to yourself?