Manipulative sister who insists that we come to her DD's party and sacrifice time with grandparents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not about the Birthday! It's about Op never considering that her younger sister's events are -ever- as important as the same milestones were in her family.

I’m team OP you people are crazy!

For crying out loud the kid is just turning one! You all act as if the OP has skipped years of milestones. I know I need to know about the sister because she had a freaking baptism in the middle of a pandemic and expected everyone to come. Now she is surprised that she is getting a bunch of “no thank yous” for a first bday party which are always for the parents and not kids. She is self centered af.

Generally I'd be team sister but it is just a birthday in a pandemic. Sister obviously feels like her time and effort earlier have not been reciprocated and that her sister/OP got all of her celebrations and attention and she isn't. Depending on past dynamics this could be a longstanding issue. However, there is a pandemic still. I wouldn't go to a large party either, tbh. Particularly if their mother is going to be there and exposed and I had younger children that weren't vaxxed.

The bit about kids not being able to handle 8h in the car is weird and seems overly dramatic. Maintenance of OP's relationship between the grandparents-grandkids isn't the sister's problem, either. If OP really wants a week with the grandparents she can make the effort in August. No matter what they do there is going to be drama at this point.

[Anonymous]

Go in July.

You say your family is generally drama-free, your sister has always made an effort to come to things for your kids, etc. So it doesn't sound like your sister is normally particularly self-involved or unreasonable. If she was crying over a first birthday party, even as she said she understood, it sounds like she's having a really rough time right now. Go. Be there for her.

It's not "manipulative" of your sister to sincerely be going through a rough patch and need your support. You seem to resent her for asking for that support, and that's terribly unfair of you.

I'm the oldest of 3 girls. Got married first, bought a house first, had kids first, etc. Sometimes you need to make a conscious effort to "show up" for your younger siblings' milestones, even if you've moved past that stage. I get that, now that you've got older kids and everything that goes along with that, a first birthday party that the child won't remember doesn't seem like a big deal. But you probably didn't feel that way when it was your child's first birthday and your sister was there for you then. You need to be there for her now.

And you know what, this has been one hell of a lousy year. The first year as a parent is hard enough without adding a pandemic in. If ever there was a time to celebrate a first birthday, and parents getting through that year, this is it.

Go in July. And don't be resentful.

[Anonymous]

Are all of these extreme pro-OP answers from OP herself? I’m imagining her at her keyboard, veins getting bulgier, mouth getting frothier, shrieking as she types. Good sh!t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go in July.

You say your family is generally drama-free, your sister has always made an effort to come to things for your kids, etc. So it doesn't sound like your sister is normally particularly self-involved or unreasonable. If she was crying over a first birthday party, even as she said she understood, it sounds like she's having a really rough time right now. Go. Be there for her.

It's not "manipulative" of your sister to sincerely be going through a rough patch and need your support. You seem to resent her for asking for that support, and that's terribly unfair of you.

I'm the oldest of 3 girls. Got married first, bought a house first, had kids first, etc. Sometimes you need to make a conscious effort to "show up" for your younger siblings' milestones, even if you've moved past that stage. I get that, now that you've got older kids and everything that goes along with that, a first birthday party that the child won't remember doesn't seem like a big deal. But you probably didn't feel that way when it was your child's first birthday and your sister was there for you then. You need to be there for her now.

And you know what, this has been one hell of a lousy year. The first year as a parent is hard enough without adding a pandemic in. If ever there was a time to celebrate a first birthday, and parents getting through that year, this is it.

Go in July. And don't be resentful.

Agree 💯. I was the last to have kids, after years of going out of my way for my siblings as they celebrated milestones, and it really sucks when no one can rub together two sh*T’s to care for you. And I get it OP, now my kids are older and in hindsight the 1st bday parties we’re no big deal for the kids. But you truly come across as someone who the family has always revolved around, and you do what you want and they cater to it. And you sound like you resent the fact that now your sister has something going on and people (your parents) want to celebrate her. It must have really sucked to finally have your own kid, and then for the whole first year you are stuck isolating in your house and seeing no one. Now, things are opening up and she wants to celebrate the kids first birthday and making it that first year as a parent, and you basically don’t even care if you see her at all when you visit. You are cold. You don’t deserve your sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Are all of these extreme pro-OP answers from OP herself? I’m imagining her at her keyboard, veins getting bulgier, mouth getting frothier, shrieking as she types. Good sh!t.

The tone of the pro-OP posters is dramatic. .

[Anonymous]

How is your sister being manipulative?

OP you clearly don't like her. Maybe your reasons are valid. But it's her first child. You really can't see why the party is important?

[Anonymous]

OP, your post makes it so clear that you only care about seeing your parents, and not your sister AT ALL. I would be hurt if I were her, too. There are good alternatives to staying with your parents for a week that PPs have suggested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not a “drama” family because your sister has gone with the flow and done whatever worked for your family (husband and kids). That “manipulative” in the title says so much more about you and your disregard and her feelings than you seem to realize.

Ding ding ding +1

[Anonymous]

I have had open heart surgery and I don’t understand why you feel convinced your parents can’t handle a longer visit in July. This seems like a made-up conflict, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

I’m team sister.

You’re just used to everything revolving around you. I guarantee you she is sick of your selfish ass. Go to her damn kid’s birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is a made up conflict by the selfish older sister. Note the following:

Short story, parents picked Aug and Christmas. Long story, Mom picked July because she wanted the grands altogether at the party. OP manipulated parents into August.

Long story, OP told the sister in May that they were probably not coming to the party. Then OP manipulated parents into changing from July visit to August.

OP and family visited last August, but not for baby baptism in Dec because of COVID…I don’t know where these folks are, but COVID was raging in..AUGUST..in the USA. So why was August trip ok but not December.

I believe OP that you have some kind of resentment against little sister, as many PPs believe as well. Maybe you should examine why that is.

Based on your own words I think that you are the manipulative one. It’s a shame, sister seems nice.

[Anonymous]

OP. Your sister had her first pregnancy during the pandemic delivered near the height, has faced her own mother’s heart disease and helped in the recovery post surgery, and has also found a way to be there for the big events on your life.

And she wants you to attend a party. And instead of you trying to find a way to be there, you call her manipulative.

Get this right OP, or the bond she’s worked so hard to maintain will be lost. And if you don’t want that kind of Sisterhood, at least tell her that. Don’t blame her, minimize her contributions to the family, then add the “manipulation” buzz word as the cherry on top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Are all of these extreme pro-OP answers from OP herself? I’m imagining her at her keyboard, veins getting bulgier, mouth getting frothier, shrieking as she types. Good sh!t.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this is a made up conflict by the selfish older sister. Note the following:

Short story, parents picked Aug and Christmas. Long story, Mom picked July because she wanted the grands altogether at the party. OP manipulated parents into August.

Long story, OP told the sister in May that they were probably not coming to the party. Then OP manipulated parents into changing from July visit to August.

OP and family visited last August, but not for baby baptism in Dec because of COVID…I don’t know where these folks are, but COVID was raging in..AUGUST..in the USA. So why was August trip ok but not December.

I believe OP that you have some kind of resentment against little sister, as many PPs believe as well. Maybe you should examine why that is.

Based on your own words I think that you are the manipulative one. It’s a shame, sister seems nice.

I'm with the sister here, and agree with you, except COVID was way worse in December than August last year. We visited my parents in July but spent Christmas on our own because of it.