S/O What is our obligation as parents regarding college $$$?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren’t going to spend your money on your kids educations, what will you spend your money on that could possibly be more important?

NP. I’m not playing unless you answer this fundamental question about what two parents who have a $450,000 income think is a more important expenditure than any college education your kids are able to obtain. Assuming you have retirement savings well under way and are not drug addicts (?) what do you consider a better use of your money?

Why should someone substantially overpay for a similar outcome just because they make a lot of money? If my kid gets into Yale, that's one thing. If we're talking about paying $50K+ for somewhere like GW or AU when you could go to UMD in state, I don't think it's worth it. Save the money and give the $120K difference to your kid for a downpayment.

Not OP, by the way.

[Anonymous]

Some parents do not feel obligated to pay for a secondary education

Maybe if they attend a better college they will know a "secondary education" is a high school education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are slightly below you in terms of HHI at ~350k. I feel that my obligation to my children is to pay for undergraduate tuition at the school of their choosing, plus basic room and board (i.e. residence and meal plan in first year, equivalent cost if they want to live with roommates after first year, cell phone, textbooks, flights home for holidays). I expect them to maintain overall decent to good grades, to work during the summer and budget that money for shopping, hobbies, travel, etc during the year, i.e. no fun/spending money from us. Other costs we'll take on a case-by-case basis and would expect DCs to contribute.

OP here. Thank you so much for this answer! This is exactly the type of response I was hoping to get.

We have a decent HHI, but have taken some really big hits due to having to private pay for significant amounts of mental health care, which could easily have funded more than one college education. But, I'm not sure any of that changes my answer.

I pretty much agree with PP except that I don't feel compelled to pay for the school of their choice and I don't care to pay for the "college experience", which may be colored by all of the mental health issues we've dealt with. We are fully funding our retirement so that we will not be a burden on any of our kids. We will fund undergraduate for any of our kids who are capable and will actually attend and do the required work. Fully funding undergraduate means a combination of community college and a four year school. It does not necessarily mean room and board, though that is possible depending on the circumstances. We will also fully fund trade school because not all of our kids are college material. I cant even think about grad school because only a fraction of kids actually go and I am just not one for that sort of contingency planning. So, we will have to see when the time comes.

We very much believe that it is important for our kids to contribute to their education in some fashion. And, we are fine with our kids taking what we will offer and supplementing with loans to go to the school of their dreams, but we will not cosign loans. Finally, we don't believe that we need to offer each kid the same thing because they have different needs. One got a full scholarship to trade school and lived at home, which was a personal choice, not a requirement. So, there is no need for us to do anything there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are slightly below you in terms of HHI at ~350k. I feel that my obligation to my children is to pay for undergraduate tuition at the school of their choosing, plus basic room and board (i.e. residence and meal plan in first year, equivalent cost if they want to live with roommates after first year, cell phone, textbooks, flights home for holidays). I expect them to maintain overall decent to good grades, to work during the summer and budget that money for shopping, hobbies, travel, etc during the year, i.e. no fun/spending money from us. Other costs we'll take on a case-by-case basis and would expect DCs to contribute.

OP here. Thank you so much for this answer! This is exactly the type of response I was hoping to get.

Our HHI is higher, but we are doing the same as the previous poster. The most important thing for DH and me is to ensure the colleges our children attend are the right fit. That might be UMD, MIT, Bates or anything in between. At this point they are in late elementary and middle school so it is too early to tell. I purposely picked a well paying career to ensure that we could pay for the school of their choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren’t going to spend your money on your kids educations, what will you spend your money on that could possibly be more important?

NP. I’m not playing unless you answer this fundamental question about what two parents who have a $450,000 income think is a more important expenditure than any college education your kids are able to obtain. Assuming you have retirement savings well under way and are not drug addicts (?) what do you consider a better use of your money?

By this reasoning, anyone should dedicate ALL of their money beyond baseline sustenance, to the absolute best education. I tried to make this point earlier- should we not then all pay for private schools and tutors and advisors, prioritizing that against all else? Once we agree that *a* college degree is important- why is one better than the other or more better than any?

And when you say “education” do you really mean the knowledge and skills obtained, or the doors to big money and social status opened?

[Anonymous]

We told all Four of them in first grade that we’d pay for half and to plan accordingly.
First one got his AA degree and then went into military. He was active for Four years and GI bill paid for the rest.
Daughters were D 1 athletes and had scholarships.
Last one went the CC route then to university.
All graduated debt free.
We do not owe them a secondary education. We owe them a leg up getting one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would someone with an income of 450k even start this conversation?

It sounds like this is fairly recent income, so that for one.
I have no idea what Ops financial situation is but we are similar. Started making a lot right before the kids went to college because husband was now earning as a surgeon. we had years of retirement savings and med school debt to catch up on. It goes much faster than you’d think.
To the poster who said just pay it out of pocket - haha. Take out your taxes, mortgage, and living expenses and most people couldn’t write a check for $80K which did what many privates cost, especially if you have more than one kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So let me ask this question that seems to be at a heart of a lot of this exchange:

Why do some people think that a state school is somehow inherently not as good as a more expensive school? What is the barometer that you are using?

I think some people think that more expensive is always better, or think that private is always more prestigious. I'd be totally fine with my kid attending a good state school, especially if it was because it was legit a better fit because of location, programs, etc.

I don't necessarily thin that state schools are somehow not as good as a private school, and don't know anyone that does, either. I will give you an example, however. My niece got into UChicago for Economics, and GMU for Economics, with a full, free ride. She chose UChicago - her parents paid something like 250K for 4 years? Out of school, she got a job paying 6 figures, and about 3 years later, she's making about what her parents spent on her entire education. So yeah, that was a good investment, and I don't think any reasonable person would think that she would be where she is, without that education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren’t going to spend your money on your kids educations, what will you spend your money on that could possibly be more important?

Retirement for example.

We bought a lake home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren’t going to spend your money on your kids educations, what will you spend your money on that could possibly be more important?

NP. I’m not playing unless you answer this fundamental question about what two parents who have a $450,000 income think is a more important expenditure than any college education your kids are able to obtain. Assuming you have retirement savings well under way and are not drug addicts (?) what do you consider a better use of your money?

By this reasoning, anyone should dedicate ALL of their money beyond baseline sustenance, to the absolute best education. I tried to make this point earlier- should we not then all pay for private schools and tutors and advisors, prioritizing that against all else? Once we agree that *a* college degree is important- why is one better than the other or more better than any?

And when you say “education” do you really mean the knowledge and skills obtained, or the doors to big money and social status opened?

If we had the income I would send my kid to private, no question but we cannot swing the $50-60K. Its not about social status but more about 1-1 attention and higher academic standards. But, the only reason for public is that they allow a more fast pace in math.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So let me ask this question that seems to be at a heart of a lot of this exchange:

Why do some people think that a state school is somehow inherently not as good as a more expensive school? What is the barometer that you are using?

I think some people think that more expensive is always better, or think that private is always more prestigious. I'd be totally fine with my kid attending a good state school, especially if it was because it was legit a better fit because of location, programs, etc.

I don't necessarily thin that state schools are somehow not as good as a private school, and don't know anyone that does, either. I will give you an example, however. My niece got into UChicago for Economics, and GMU for Economics, with a full, free ride. She chose UChicago - her parents paid something like 250K for 4 years? Out of school, she got a job paying 6 figures, and about 3 years later, she's making about what her parents spent on her entire education. So yeah, that was a good investment, and I don't think any reasonable person would think that she would be where she is, without that education.

A smart good kid will do anywhere and if her parents can afford it, I think that choice is reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At your income level there is zero excuse not to pay for college and graduate school. I think it depends on the child of what school is best.

So to change this into an answer to my question: You feel an obligation to pay for the best both college and graduate school for your children, or would if your HHI was 450k?

NP here. My HHI is 150K and I absolutely feel an obligation to pay for my children’s college education. Honestly, my mind is kind of blown that someone who makes 450K wouldn’t. I’m not trying to Shane you, I just don’t get it. Are these your stepkids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would someone with an income of 450k even start this conversation?

It sounds like this is fairly recent income, so that for one.
I have no idea what Ops financial situation is but we are similar. Started making a lot right before the kids went to college because husband was now earning as a surgeon. we had years of retirement savings and med school debt to catch up on. It goes much faster than you’d think.
To the poster who said just pay it out of pocket - haha. Take out your taxes, mortgage, and living expenses and most people couldn’t write a check for $80K which did what many privates cost, especially if you have more than one kid.

Even so, with that income now there is no excuse not to at least pay fora 4 year state school and 2 year graduate program. They are trying to justify their lifestyle choices and not pay for college. You talking a large mortgage vs. saving for college says a lot about where your priorities are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would someone with an income of 450k even start this conversation?

It sounds like this is fairly recent income, so that for one.
I have no idea what Ops financial situation is but we are similar. Started making a lot right before the kids went to college because husband was now earning as a surgeon. we had years of retirement savings and med school debt to catch up on. It goes much faster than you’d think.
To the poster who said just pay it out of pocket - haha. Take out your taxes, mortgage, and living expenses and most people couldn’t write a check for $80K which did what many privates cost, especially if you have more than one kid.

Life is about choices. Your husband being a doctor and you screaming poverty is sad. We make far less than OP and I just wrote a check for a $50K car paying cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So let me ask this question that seems to be at a heart of a lot of this exchange:

Why do some people think that a state school is somehow inherently not as good as a more expensive school? What is the barometer that you are using?

I think some people think that more expensive is always better, or think that private is always more prestigious. I'd be totally fine with my kid attending a good state school, especially if it was because it was legit a better fit because of location, programs, etc.

I don't necessarily thin that state schools are somehow not as good as a private school, and don't know anyone that does, either. I will give you an example, however. My niece got into UChicago for Economics, and GMU for Economics, with a full, free ride. She chose UChicago - her parents paid something like 250K for 4 years? Out of school, she got a job paying 6 figures, and about 3 years later, she's making about what her parents spent on her entire education. So yeah, that was a good investment, and I don't think any reasonable person would think that she would be where she is, without that education.

So here is the thing exactly. Had that child gone to the “lesser” school for half the cost to her parents, I think we can all agree she would be earning say 100k? So she makes more money, but either amount puts her WAY above the average income in this country.

When people on this thread talk about the “value of education” what they likely really mean, consciously or not, is the ability to make money. And not just “comfortable” money. Some people don’t value that as much.