S/O What is our obligation as parents regarding college $$$?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At your income level there is zero excuse not to pay for college and graduate school. I think it depends on the child of what school is best.

So to change this into an answer to my question: You feel an obligation to pay for the best both college and graduate school for your children, or would if your HHI was 450k?

NP here. My HHI is 150K and I absolutely feel an obligation to pay for my children’s college education. Honestly, my mind is kind of blown that someone who makes 450K wouldn’t. I’m not trying to Shane you, I just don’t get it. Are these your stepkids?

I said in my first post that I intended to fully fund the entire cost of undergrad at an in state school. These are my children whom I love more than anything. Won’t get into biology.

[Anonymous]

We will pay for undergraduate fully for our only child. If he wants to go to grad school we will evaluate based on finances.

[Anonymous]

It's curious that OP posted this and is being so defensive about her line in the sand over this. Maybe her children are pretty average and the minimum is 'good enough' for them? No shade there, and state schools can provide a decent education.

My youngest two are fairly average students and will get fully paid undergrad from me. I'm a widowed parent with less than 1/4 the annual income. All my kids have a pretty good work ethic, from highschool on. Sounds like OP's offspring will get some future help in the form of down payments or ski trips and good for them. My kids get their education and the ability to make their way in the world. My oldest got a full ride scholarship to a great private art college - due to her talent and our household situation. Had I been able to pay it out of pocket, I would have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren’t going to spend your money on your kids educations, what will you spend your money on that could possibly be more important?

NP. I’m not playing unless you answer this fundamental question about what two parents who have a $450,000 income think is a more important expenditure than any college education your kids are able to obtain. Assuming you have retirement savings well under way and are not drug addicts (?) what do you consider a better use of your money?

Why should someone substantially overpay for a similar outcome just because they make a lot of money? If my kid gets into Yale, that's one thing. If we're talking about paying $50K+ for somewhere like GW or AU when you could go to UMD in state, I don't think it's worth it. Save the money and give the $120K difference to your kid for a downpayment.

Not OP, by the way.

OP made it clear they are not paying for Yale, despite the $450,000 income. I agree 100% that it’s silly to pick a random private over UMD, which is an outstanding state flagship, especially for STEM. I’ll admit that I’m assuming OP has values I don’t respect, based on the comment re tithing 10% of income for religion. That’s a bit more defensible than paying that money for drugs, but I have no use for rich people who stint on their kids’ college education. DH and I were motivated to work hard and earn a lot primarily to help give our kids a future that we are extraordinarily lucky to have achieved, and I cannot imagine a similarly wealthy person viewing payment for a great college as something they are not willing to fund.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At your income level there is zero excuse not to pay for college and graduate school. I think it depends on the child of what school is best.

So to change this into an answer to my question: You feel an obligation to pay for the best both college and graduate school for your children, or would if your HHI was 450k?

Absolutely! I wanted to go private, my parents made me do UMD. I was so out of there after 1 year. I packed up my car, and said I am leaving!!!! Private was so much better. If you can afford it, you would be crazy not to pay it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's curious that OP posted this and is being so defensive about her line in the sand over this. Maybe her children are pretty average and the minimum is 'good enough' for them? No shade there, and state schools can provide a decent education.

My youngest two are fairly average students and will get fully paid undergrad from me. I'm a widowed parent with less than 1/4 the annual income. All my kids have a pretty good work ethic, from highschool on. Sounds like OP's offspring will get some future help in the form of down payments or ski trips and good for them. My kids get their education and the ability to make their way in the world. My oldest got a full ride scholarship to a great private art college - due to her talent and our household situation. Had I been able to pay it out of pocket, I would have.

So, to answer the question asked, are you saying that at 115k you do or do not feel an obligation to pay fully pay for the “best” undergrad your kids can get accepted to that is a good fit for them?

Op here: just so I understand, you are saying that I think my kids are “average” and started this post because I do not think they will get in to a “better” school than my in state option and wanted to pretend that was a financial choice to save face? Just want to understand your point..

[Anonymous]

OP, what are you looking for? Pay for college. Or, don't. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren’t going to spend your money on your kids educations, what will you spend your money on that could possibly be more important?

NP. I’m not playing unless you answer this fundamental question about what two parents who have a $450,000 income think is a more important expenditure than any college education your kids are able to obtain. Assuming you have retirement savings well under way and are not drug addicts (?) what do you consider a better use of your money?

Why should someone substantially overpay for a similar outcome just because they make a lot of money? If my kid gets into Yale, that's one thing. If we're talking about paying $50K+ for somewhere like GW or AU when you could go to UMD in state, I don't think it's worth it. Save the money and give the $120K difference to your kid for a downpayment.

Not OP, by the way.

OP made it clear they are not paying for Yale, despite the $450,000 income. I agree 100% that it’s silly to pick a random private over UMD, which is an outstanding state flagship, especially for STEM. I’ll admit that I’m assuming OP has values I don’t respect, based on the comment re tithing 10% of income for religion. That’s a bit more defensible than paying that money for drugs, but I have no use for rich people who stint on their kids’ college education. DH and I were motivated to work hard and earn a lot primarily to help give our kids a future that we are extraordinarily lucky to have achieved, and I cannot imagine a similarly wealthy person viewing payment for a great college as something they are not willing to fund.

I entered UMD in the honors computer science program, albeit in early 90s. There were math classes, maybe 100 people, professor not accessible, you had to wait until you see the teaching assistant or whatever they called it in odd weekly lab breakout. There were kids in there, probably profoundly gifted, who I'm not sure if they were even 12 years old. I had to have multiple tutors. A lot, if not most, kids got Cs and Ds on math grades I saw posted on the door. UMD seemed like sink or swim. I know it was many years ago, but just saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At your income level there is zero excuse not to pay for college and graduate school. I think it depends on the child of what school is best.

So to change this into an answer to my question: You feel an obligation to pay for the best both college and graduate school for your children, or would if your HHI was 450k?

Absolutely! I wanted to go private, my parents made me do UMD. I was so out of there after 1 year. I packed up my car, and said I am leaving!!!! Private was so much better. If you can afford it, you would be crazy not to pay it.

My parents forced me to a small private they choose and I hated it. I transferred to a large public university my Sophomore year and loved it. "Best" is best for the child. I would love to put my child in private now. We looked at some and child did not feel comfortable at any of them.

[Anonymous]

People draw the line in different places and we should not be calling people names or saying they are not doing enough. Everyone gets to draw the line where they think appropriate. And OP is right, outcomes are not guaranteed at better schools.

A lot depends on your family either doing what your parents did or doing the opposite.

And what you can pay has to figure in.

The key is doing something and avoiding student loans. That is the gift for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure I see a guaranteed difference in outcomes between say UMD and Vassar that would justify the experiences we would forfeit to get there...

What about the difference in your child's experiences between UMD and Vassar? For my kid it would be worth it.

OP what if your kid got into Princeton? I'm not sure I'd pay for Vassar but personally I'd probably pay for a super top school if my kid got in.

[Anonymous]

We and the grandparents are paying for college for our two children. We're also paying for DC1's med school and will pay for DC2's grad school, if he decides to go. .

[Anonymous]

You don’t have an obligation to pay for college or grad school. If you’re asking if you will be judged for not doing so, I think this board has already spoken that yes, some will judge you and some will not. If you’re asking if your kids will feel like you should have helped them pay for these things, I can’t speak with certainty, but my guess would be yes. I don’t know how you’ve raised your kids or under what environment, but if it’s an environment where most of their peers are having these things paid for and you can’t give them a good reason why you can’t, then yes, they may resent you for it. I will say if you’re only going to pay so much, tell them so and tell them early and coach them so they can make an informed decision on colleges. It’s a lot easier to set the expectation low and then change your mind to exceed it than the other way around.

I paid a substantial amount for my private undergrad. I had a great experience, but if I’d known I would have to pay for it in the end, I would have made a different choice. With the full knowledge that my grad school was on me, I made very different choices. Nonetheless, the amount I had to pay for undergrad and grad school were both calculated based on the assumption my parents were contributing to my education—so it was a double whammy. I have a good relationship with my parents but there’s still some nagging resentment that they didn’t help me as a teenager make an informed decision and some resentment at my grad school forcing me to include my parents income when they had ceased to support me financially years before I started (they told me it was an under 26 thing). It’s been a while and we’re doing okay financially but I forever feel like I’m playing catch up in a race where I started behind my peers.

[Anonymous]

I am a single parent and my HHI is half of yours, OP. I will pay out of state tuition for my two dc (we live in DC) to obtain their undergrad degrees. I would like to pay for grad school but I am really not in a position to do so. I figure it is far kinder to them in the long run that I save for retirement rather than pay for grad school so I am not financially dependent on them as an old woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At your income level there is zero excuse not to pay for college and graduate school. I think it depends on the child of what school is best.

So to change this into an answer to my question: You feel an obligation to pay for the best both college and graduate school for your children, or would if your HHI was 450k?

No question I would pay at $450K. We have much less income and we will still pay for college and graduate school. My parents paid and it made my life so much easier. My spouse had to do military and didn't get his degree till his late 30's. His life would have been so much easier/better had he had the opportunity to go to college. College and graduate school are our priority. Ours know we could afford a nicer house, things and vacations but they also know that their education is our priority and that instead we save for it and hope they will do the same for their kids. If they get merit or other aid, we will save the college fund for their kids or cash it out to help them in other ways. I don't understand how this is even a question.

The term best is subjective. I think best depends on the child. Some are better off at state schools, some private, some at smaller schools, some at larger and it also depends on the major. [b] I am thankful for a reasonable child and we have always held the expectation of they will go to college and graduate school and where will depend on what we can afford to pay in cash/no debt and we will do our best to get them to the college they want to go to. Thankfully right now they are talking about the state school but we'll apply to multiple schools and then decide. If a private was a good fit at $450, or even less as we might be able to swing it, we would do it no question.

Education is the key to their future. My role as a parent is to set them up for success. In our culture, its far easier to be successful with degrees and being debt free. Education is important to both parents and we see the benefits of paying for it and will.

But, I don't need a big fancy house, fancy cards or much else. I need happy successful children. I also want to set a good example for them about material things and priorities. Mine are my priority.

New poster. The section I put into bold above is the key for our family. This PP is right as far as DC, DH and I are concerned. "Best depends on the child" as PP says, and on the program in which the child will flourish.

This PP mentions the major, too. We always told our DC that it is more important to find the program of study/major/academic environment that is the right one, than it is to stick to a state school only, or (as some parents do) go to a private school only, or go to a large school or a small one.... But strangely, on DCUM, finding the right academic structure and major seldom comes up; what comes up much more is "we will only pay for state school" with no real consideration of whether there will be a state school with the right program for the student.

Our DC is in college right now, at a college (nope, not a state school) where the way they structure academics, majors and minors, courses of study, relationships between students and departments/professors, works very, very well for our particular kid. I'm not going to get into HHIs or dollar amounts, I'm just going to say that it's short-sighted to draw a line in the sand before a kid even has investigated schools much. If we'd done that, well, sure, DC would be fine in the end. But DC is more than fine at this college which has the right fit.