S/O What is our obligation as parents regarding college $$$?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to admit I am kind of appalled by this - really you wouldn’t feel obligated to fund a top private? I am Asian and it is basically written into my dna that if I can afford it (and even if I can’t I would try) that I will pay for my kids’ college tuition.I kid, but It was never a question for me growing up that as long as it was a “good” school my parents would pay. That comes with all the stereotypical strings you can imagine.

My parents paid for grad school as well. I had the option of a top 30 program full ride scholarship vs a top 15 program with no scholarship. I didn’t want to take out debt but was perfectly willing to go to the lower ranked school - my parents paid for the higher ranked school. I didn’t realize how much of a leg up that gave me back then but I surely appreciate that now. Having school fully paid for did not make me a bum, as I hear people cite as a reason they think having debt is good.

Our HHI is well over 550k and we’ll absolutely pay for undergrad and grad school, within reason. Why wouldn’t I? My kids are very little now but I can’t imagine telling them to go to their second choice school or take out a crap ton of crippling debt when I can perfectly well afford it. If I couldn’t afford, it would be a different story - no one should bankrupt their retirement to pay for college - but you clearly can. Maybe this is a theoretical thought exercise for you and you’ll change your mind when / if it is a reality

I am very curious what you are doing now that you wouldn't have done if you went to a top 30 school vs. top 15. I am actually quite appalled that you would have asked your parents to pay for grad school when you had a perfectly find option for free. Assuming your parents aren't multi-millionaires, forcing them to work harder and longer to go to a school that most likely will not make any significant difference in your future is incredibly selfish.

Think investment banking where higher rankings do actually make a difference in the types of firms that will call you back. And I didn’t ask, it was offered, because many asian parents take pride in funding education to “elite” schools. They don’t believe in funding things they consider frivolous i.e. did not contribute to or give a wedding gift, which we financed ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to push back on the ideas that someone with a HHI of $450K is unreasonable to take cost into account.

We have a HHI of about 400K. We have been saving for our children's college since they were quite young. Our income has gone up gradually over time, we are double feds.

We should be able to pay for private (and will at a minimum pay for OOS because we live in DC). But it is by no means no big deal to prepare to spend roughly 600K over 7-8 years (there may be a gap year in there) and we have had a good income for a long time.

We have prioritized living close to where we work in a good school district so our kids can go to public school and we can spend more time with them. Yes, our house was expensive but it is not a crazy mansion. We renovated it when we got through the daycare years, that turned into a higher mortgage, but the renovation was a huge improvement to our day to day living. We are feds but we both have fairly senior level, high stress jobs and we prioritize things that make our lives easier for our sanity and a calm home for our kids.

We prioritize experiences that we think are important for our family including our children. Things such as sleep away camp, travel sports, subscription ticket, etc. can add up very quickly. We think travel is an important life experience. We are saving for retirement.

That is to say we do not spend money on designer bags and a beach house. We make choices and we feel lucky to be in a position to do so. We will likely have about 200K saved for each child by the time they reach college and will be in a position to cashflow the rest if the college choice is worth it given a variety of factors (e.g., we would have paid for University of Chicago in the example given above if that were our child). We would not, however, been a position to pay for private college in full out of pocket if we were not in a position to be saving substantially for many years leading up to college.

You seem to not want to explicitly say that your value a good life for yourself now and are willing to sacrifice more choice for your children later.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with that - it’s your money, but your whole post is really defensive. How could you not live on $400K per year, which is about $260k after taxes, leaving $180K after paying $80k out of pocket? That’s $15K a month, which is a lot.

Op makes even more, which makes the decision really odd to me - if you don’t value more expensive colleges, that’s one thing, but you can absolutely afford to pay for them AND still live very nicely on that income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to push back on the ideas that someone with a HHI of $450K is unreasonable to take cost into account.

We have a HHI of about 400K. We have been saving for our children's college since they were quite young. Our income has gone up gradually over time, we are double feds.

We should be able to pay for private (and will at a minimum pay for OOS because we live in DC). But it is by no means no big deal to prepare to spend roughly 600K over 7-8 years (there may be a gap year in there) and we have had a good income for a long time.

We have prioritized living close to where we work in a good school district so our kids can go to public school and we can spend more time with them. Yes, our house was expensive but it is not a crazy mansion. We renovated it when we got through the daycare years, that turned into a higher mortgage, but the renovation was a huge improvement to our day to day living. We are feds but we both have fairly senior level, high stress jobs and we prioritize things that make our lives easier for our sanity and a calm home for our kids.

We prioritize experiences that we think are important for our family including our children. Things such as sleep away camp, travel sports, subscription ticket, etc. can add up very quickly. We think travel is an important life experience. We are saving for retirement.

That is to say we do not spend money on designer bags and a beach house. We make choices and we feel lucky to be in a position to do so. We will likely have about 200K saved for each child by the time they reach college and will be in a position to cashflow the rest if the college choice is worth it given a variety of factors (e.g., we would have paid for University of Chicago in the example given above if that were our child). We would not, however, been a position to pay for private college in full out of pocket if we were not in a position to be saving substantially for many years leading up to college.

You seem to not want to explicitly say that your value a good life for yourself now and are willing to sacrifice more choice for your children later.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with that - it’s your money, but your whole post is really defensive. How could you not live on $400K per year, which is about $260k after taxes, leaving $180K after paying $80k out of pocket? That’s $15K a month, which is a lot.

Op makes even more, which makes the decision really odd to me - if you don’t value more expensive colleges, that’s one thing, but you can absolutely afford to pay for them AND still live very nicely on that income.

+1, this logic is many people's but it makes no sense to me. A good school district means nothing. No one cares where kids go to K-12 except their parents. You can get a good education a "lesser" school. If you want to dump it all in an expensive house, go for it but then don't claim you cannot afford college or graduate school when you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College is not the answer for everyone. It's over priced and often not worth it.

While it is certainly not for everyone, I do think that if you are comfortably middle class and choose to have children, you should be saving money to help "launch" your kid. While for many, that would be college, I would have been happy to direct the funds I saved for my kid to go to a vocational training program. The goal is to not have them starting off their adult life with loans.

I have no issue with my kids going into trades but I'd like them to go to college for business so they learn how to run/own a business. If they want to go into the military, great, but I want them to get a degree to go in as an officer not enlisted (spouse was enlisted).

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP. With that income (?), you are not sure if you should help your kids?

[Anonymous]

I feel it’s parents’ responsibility to provide a child with a quality education to the extent of their abilities.

We are able to afford a private school for DC and I see no problem spending money on education. We are saving for a 4 year (probably state) school and may stretch it out for graduate school.

I’m not saving for a lavish wedding or other stuff.

[Anonymous]

My only condition that it has to be an education that leads to self sufficiency. I’m not paying for a basket weaving school or English major.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My only condition that it has to be an education that leads to self sufficiency. I’m not paying for a basket weaving school or English major.

Pretty much this. I'd like to be able to pay for education post-high school, but I will not be paying for nonsense. I also will not be shelling out a small fortune just to say my kids went to a private college. The college they attend should match what's best for the field they are going into, and depending on the field that's not always a private college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College is not the answer for everyone. It's over priced and often not worth it.

This is true this college degrees are in many way meaningless, and many of you will find you spent 6 figures for your kids to be making $50,000 if that post grad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are you looking for? Pay for college. Or, don't. Simple.

OP is looking for someone to tell him that despite making $450k/year and being a 1%er, that it's totally fine that he doesn't want to pay for anything more than a state school for his kids. I think OP is stingy, and would ask what he plans to spend his huge income on, if not for a better future for his

Ummmm. How about travel, 2nd or 3rd home, charity…etc..lots of other things to spend money on.

You really think those things should be a priority over education? Have you stopped to consider what example you are setting to your kids. Material things over people. Good plan.

NP here, but travel and charity are definitely about spending 6 figures at a private colleg e( or any college), and I mean real meaningful travel and charity l. It's funny you criticize pp for valuing things over people, but a degree from a college is just that a thing.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is a valid post. I think many PPs misunderstood your question.

We're at roughly the same income bracket with 3 kids. I plan to pay for 4 years undergrad for each at public schools only. We will not pay private unless they get some sort of miraculous scholarship. If there is savings left over from 529s, it will go towards grad school.

That said, I paid for my own grad school so I'm not opposed to telling my kids to do the same. It was an education in budgeting and debt. Ideally, I'd like them to have min to no loans but if we cannot swing it out of savings, we'll not pay out of pocket.

Private school tuition is overly priced IMO and not worth the price tag. I can give my kids so much more (e.g, year abroad, more spending, $ for grad school or earlyin careers) if they stay in public university.

Don't overspend on college. Elder care is expensive and you'll need that one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are you looking for? Pay for college. Or, don't. Simple.

OP is looking for someone to tell him that despite making $450k/year and being a 1%er, that it's totally fine that he doesn't want to pay for anything more than a state school for his kids. I think OP is stingy, and would ask what he plans to spend his huge income on, if not for a better future for his

Ummmm. How about travel, 2nd or 3rd home, charity…etc..lots of other things to spend money on.

You really think those things should be a priority over education? Have you stopped to consider what example you are setting to your kids. Material things over people. Good plan.

NP here, but travel and charity are definitely about spending 6 figures at a private colleg e( or any college), and I mean real meaningful travel and charity l. It's funny you criticize pp for valuing things over people, but a degree from a college is just that a thing.

Good point! Can’t see the forest for the trees.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I make about 150K a year so we're like LMC by DCUM standards. My plan is to save about 150K for each kid for college and figure out paying the difference if they want to go private or someplace very expensive.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Just wanted to come back and share my take-aways from this thread. It has been very interesting.

1. Throughout many posters somehow equated my decisions to pay the full cost of my instate flagship as somehow NOT paying for my child's college education. I'm not sure if that was people misreading, or people really believing that a four year degree from a good state school is not a quality education.

2. Lots of references to the best possible higher education for a child as being the absolute most important thing in "investing in your child's future" or the unquestionable most important thing to spend money on. There was a little discussion of that premise, but not much. Many posters seemed to take it as bedrock fact. I obviously don't see it quite that way, and would love a discussion of the goals we are trying to achieve for our kids, what we think success looks like for them as adults, and any real data on correlation between certain types of education and those outcomes, that leads to people making that conclusion. To be clear, not saying any point of view is objectively right or wrong, just that there can be legitimate differences of opinion based.

3. Lots of confusion about how college can be funded, some of it possibly my own.

I haven't changed my opinion on what I am committed to doing for my kids when it comes to funding higher education. But I am motivated to better understand more about college admissions and funding. I'm still more than four years away, but I learned fromt his thread that it is best to get a handle on it. I'll also spend today making sure that we are saving enough and in the best way to meet the obligation I feel I have.

Thanks all for the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Our HHI is about 200K and we have 2 in private colleges after 14 years each at Catholic elementary and high schools. Their educations are our priority. They work hard and have solid scholarships but we still pay a lot and sacrifice a ton to do that. But they are my kids and my job is to put them in the environments where they will not only succeed, but also grow as a person and be happy doing it. We could have told them only in-state public was their option, but they wanted to go away and experience life in a new way. I’m not going to crush that. They are honors students who give us no trouble. Sure I could save my money, but for me, my kids are worth sacrificing for.