S/O What is our obligation as parents regarding college $$$?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At your income level there is zero excuse not to pay for college and graduate school. I think it depends on the child of what school is best.

So to change this into an answer to my question: You feel an obligation to pay for the best both college and graduate school for your children, or would if your HHI was 450k?

Yes, I would. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 450K, you will be expected to be full pay no matter where your child attends. You don’t determine your obligation. A combination of the federal government and college financial aid offices do. You can pay with cash, savings, or private loans, but you will be expected to pay. No emotions accepted.

Um, I absolutely get to determine how to spend my money. Sorry if the word "obligation" threw you off. We all place value on different things and to different degrees. Some parents do not feel obligated to pay for a secondary education...and they don't. Some parents feel like their greatest obligation as a parent is to provide the "best" education their child can get up to and including graduate school. And presumably many degrees in between (community college, in state, not room and board, not a liberal arts school, etc. etc.) I'm asking what this board thinks about that.

You misunderstood my post. Your child will not receive federal aid or loans. You will be expected to pay unless you financially emancipate her. As in no more claiming her as a dependent on your taxes.

Not my opinion- those are the rules.

I’m a financial aid officer. We talk to parents like you regularly. It’s always the same story. Some accept their parental responsibility and some choose to emancipate legally. We work with students in both situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 450K, you will be expected to be full pay no matter where your child attends. You don’t determine your obligation. A combination of the federal government and college financial aid offices do. You can pay with cash, savings, or private loans, but you will be expected to pay. No emotions accepted.

Um, I absolutely get to determine how to spend my money. Sorry if the word "obligation" threw you off. We all place value on different things and to different degrees. Some parents do not feel obligated to pay for a secondary education...and they don't. Some parents feel like their greatest obligation as a parent is to provide the "best" education their child can get up to and including graduate school. And presumably many degrees in between (community college, in state, not room and board, not a liberal arts school, etc. etc.) I'm asking what this board thinks about that.

You misunderstood my post. Your child will not receive federal aid or loans. You will be expected to pay unless you financially emancipate her. As in no more claiming her as a dependent on your taxes.

Not my opinion- those are the rules.

I get that. I really do. What I am saying is that I get to choose how much I will pay toward a college education. That could mean certain schools are off the table for my children. It could mean a lot of loans my children have to carry. But it is still a choice. I'm trying to get at how people view that choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With your income you are being stingy. You could absolutely afford private. Or the delta of private minus some merit. We are full pay for undergrad and happy to do it as we do indeed see it as our obligation.

It was not my intention, but this post has become about how people judge my own personal sense of obligation. I was hoping to get others to tell me their thoughts and offered my own to "get it going."

To that end, do I understand that you intend to pay full cost of *any* undergrad? How about grad school? Does it make any difference what your income is and has been?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At your income level there is zero excuse not to pay for college and graduate school. I think it depends on the child of what school is best.

So to change this into an answer to my question: You feel an obligation to pay for the best both college and graduate school for your children, or would if your HHI was 450k?

No question I would pay at $450K. We have much less income and we will still pay for college and graduate school. My parents paid and it made my life so much easier. My spouse had to do military and didn't get his degree till his late 30's. His life would have been so much easier/better had he had the opportunity to go to college. College and graduate school are our priority. Ours know we could afford a nicer house, things and vacations but they also know that their education is our priority and that instead we save for it and hope they will do the same for their kids. If they get merit or other aid, we will save the college fund for their kids or cash it out to help them in other ways. I don't understand how this is even a question.

The term best is subjective. I think best depends on the child. Some are better off at state schools, some private, some at smaller schools, some at larger and it also depends on the major. I am thankful for a reasonable child and we have always held the expectation of they will go to college and graduate school and where will depend on what we can afford to pay in cash/no debt and we will do our best to get them to the college they want to go to. Thankfully right now they are talking about the state school but we'll apply to multiple schools and then decide. If a private was a good fit at $450, or even less as we might be able to swing it, we would do it no question.

Education is the key to their future. My role as a parent is to set them up for success. In our culture, its far easier to be successful with degrees and being debt free. Education is important to both parents and we see the benefits of paying for it and will.

But, I don't need a big fancy house, fancy cards or much else. I need happy successful children. I also want to set a good example for them about material things and priorities. Mine are my priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 450K, you will be expected to be full pay no matter where your child attends. You don’t determine your obligation. A combination of the federal government and college financial aid offices do. You can pay with cash, savings, or private loans, but you will be expected to pay. No emotions accepted.

Um, I absolutely get to determine how to spend my money. Sorry if the word "obligation" threw you off. We all place value on different things and to different degrees. Some parents do not feel obligated to pay for a secondary education...and they don't. Some parents feel like their greatest obligation as a parent is to provide the "best" education their child can get up to and including graduate school. And presumably many degrees in between (community college, in state, not room and board, not a liberal arts school, etc. etc.) I'm asking what this board thinks about that.

You misunderstood my post. Your child will not receive federal aid or loans. You will be expected to pay unless you financially emancipate her. As in no more claiming her as a dependent on your taxes.

Not my opinion- those are the rules.

I get that. I really do. What I am saying is that I get to choose how much I will pay toward a college education. That could mean certain schools are off the table for my children. It could mean a lot of loans my children have to carry. But it is still a choice. I'm trying to get at how people view that choice.

I think it's effed up that YOU choose for your child to take great schools off the table on behalf of your child because YOU choose not to pay. Your kid has no agency here because they can't even choose debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With your income you are being stingy. You could absolutely afford private. Or the delta of private minus some merit. We are full pay for undergrad and happy to do it as we do indeed see it as our obligation.

It was not my intention, but this post has become about how people judge my own personal sense of obligation. I was hoping to get others to tell me their thoughts and offered my own to "get it going."

To that end, do I understand that you intend to pay full cost of *any* undergrad? How about grad school? Does it make any difference what your income is and has been?

At $450K income, there is zero question I would pay for most colleges and graduate schools. At our income which is less than half, more than likely we would too as our goal is to get our house paid off before kids go to high school and then save (we have state college and graduate school saved). I just don't get it. If you can afford it, why wouldn't you? How do you think it looks to your kids to be living very comfortably and then only paying for the absolute minimum for school. What values are you teaching them? Things over education? Things over people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With your income you are being stingy. You could absolutely afford private. Or the delta of private minus some merit. We are full pay for undergrad and happy to do it as we do indeed see it as our obligation.

It was not my intention, but this post has become about how people judge my own personal sense of obligation. I was hoping to get others to tell me their thoughts and offered my own to "get it going."

To that end, do I understand that you intend to pay full cost of *any* undergrad? How about grad school? Does it make any difference what your income is and has been?

1) grad school, kid can get loans no matter how much you make. 2) of course it makes a difference what your income is. It's a parent's high income that makes aid unavailable.

[Anonymous]

I would forfeit a kitchen renovation or a second new car in favor of a better college fit for our two children. But that doesn't mean paying *whatever*. It means paying for an out of state public or carefully chosen private- w/merit aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 450K, you will be expected to be full pay no matter where your child attends. You don’t determine your obligation. A combination of the federal government and college financial aid offices do. You can pay with cash, savings, or private loans, but you will be expected to pay. No emotions accepted.

Um, I absolutely get to determine how to spend my money. Sorry if the word "obligation" threw you off. We all place value on different things and to different degrees. Some parents do not feel obligated to pay for a secondary education...and they don't. Some parents feel like their greatest obligation as a parent is to provide the "best" education their child can get up to and including graduate school. And presumably many degrees in between (community college, in state, not room and board, not a liberal arts school, etc. etc.) I'm asking what this board thinks about that.

You misunderstood my post. Your child will not receive federal aid or loans. You will be expected to pay unless you financially emancipate her. As in no more claiming her as a dependent on your taxes.

Not my opinion- those are the rules.

I get that. I really do. What I am saying is that I get to choose how much I will pay toward a college education. That could mean certain schools are off the table for my children. It could mean a lot of loans my children have to carry. But it is still a choice. I'm trying to get at how people view that choice.

So, what is your point? You are really selfish not to "choose" to pay for college and I would question you as a parent with that income forcing you kids to take loans or not go to college if they cannot get loans. Why would you want that for your kids? Why wouldn't you set them up with a good education debt free and teach them good values and model how to be good parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would forfeit a kitchen renovation or a second new car in favor of a better college fit for our two children. But that doesn't mean paying *whatever*. It means paying for an out of state public or carefully chosen private- w/merit aid.

+1000 we stay in our tiny crappy house too its not even an issue.

[Anonymous]

If you aren’t going to spend your money on your kids educations, what will you spend your money on that could possibly be more important?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With your income you are being stingy. You could absolutely afford private. Or the delta of private minus some merit. We are full pay for undergrad and happy to do it as we do indeed see it as our obligation.

It was not my intention, but this post has become about how people judge my own personal sense of obligation. I was hoping to get others to tell me their thoughts and offered my own to "get it going."

To that end, do I understand that you intend to pay full cost of *any* undergrad? How about grad school? Does it make any difference what your income is and has been?

1) grad school, kid can get loans no matter how much you make. 2) of course it makes a difference what your income is. It's a parent's high income that makes aid unavailable.

We have far less income. I cannot even imagine that income, which is more than twice ours. They can comfortably afford it and choose not to. That is their choice but its sad for their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With your income you are being stingy. You could absolutely afford private. Or the delta of private minus some merit. We are full pay for undergrad and happy to do it as we do indeed see it as our obligation.

It was not my intention, but this post has become about how people judge my own personal sense of obligation. I was hoping to get others to tell me their thoughts and offered my own to "get it going."

To that end, do I understand that you intend to pay full cost of *any* undergrad? How about grad school? Does it make any difference what your income is and has been?

At $450K income, there is zero question I would pay for most colleges and graduate schools. At our income which is less than half, more than likely we would too as our goal is to get our house paid off before kids go to high school and then save (we have state college and graduate school saved). I just don't get it. If you can afford it, why wouldn't you? How do you think it looks to your kids to be living very comfortably and then only paying for the absolute minimum for school. What values are you teaching them? Things over education? Things over people?

Interesting stuff here.

Do you view graduating debt free from UMD to be "the absolute minimum"?

And with the approach of "if you can afford it, why wouldn't you"- where does that reasoning end? I could also afford to send my children to an elite boarding school like Choate, pay for private tutors, spend thousands on "college admissions advisors", and make huge donations to certain universities if I were to forego almost everything else about our quality of life. Am I wrong not to do that?

"things over people"- How do you know how I spend my money? People assume I live in a fancy house and drive fancy cars and take fancy vacations. I do in fact live in a very nice house (average by DCUM standards) that we just bought. We own one seven year old mini-van. We absolutely take fancy vacations. We tithe 10% of what we earn. And we prioritize experiences with family and friends and funding every interest in sports and extra curriculars that our kids express. We also hope to live a long and healthy life in which we can share our fortune with our kids and grandkids.

We both also graduated from UMD with debt and neither of us attended graduate school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 450K, you will be expected to be full pay no matter where your child attends. You don’t determine your obligation. A combination of the federal government and college financial aid offices do. You can pay with cash, savings, or private loans, but you will be expected to pay. No emotions accepted.

Um, I absolutely get to determine how to spend my money. Sorry if the word "obligation" threw you off. We all place value on different things and to different degrees. Some parents do not feel obligated to pay for a secondary education...and they don't. Some parents feel like their greatest obligation as a parent is to provide the "best" education their child can get up to and including graduate school. And presumably many degrees in between (community college, in state, not room and board, not a liberal arts school, etc. etc.) I'm asking what this board thinks about that.

You misunderstood my post. Your child will not receive federal aid or loans. You will be expected to pay unless you financially emancipate her. As in no more claiming her as a dependent on your taxes.

Not my opinion- those are the rules.

I get that. I really do. What I am saying is that I get to choose how much I will pay toward a college education. That could mean certain schools are off the table for my children. It could mean a lot of loans my children have to carry. But it is still a choice. I'm trying to get at how people view that choice.

So, what is your point? You are really selfish not to "choose" to pay for college and I would question you as a parent with that income forcing you kids to take loans or not go to college if they cannot get loans. Why would you want that for your kids? Why wouldn't you set them up with a good education debt free and teach them good values and model how to be good parents?

FWIW I said I intend to fully fund four years of in state school for both my children. What I was trying to be clear about is that it is a choice, when the post I was responding to seemed to imply it was not. And as to the bolded, I think we can all agree there are differences of opinions as to what that means.